The List #28 Part 1

Batgirl #10
Writer: Bryan Q. Miller
Artist: Lee Garbett & Pere Perez
A series that I've been getting into pretty recently is Batgirl. Especially because I'm tired of wishing Marvel would use their females better. I find female-as-sides-not-stars extremely depressing because what brought me to comic books are the amazing female characters. So obviously, I'm out on the search for more currently.

Anyway, the force behind Batgirl is the duo made up of Stephanie Brown (Batgirl, formerly Spoiler and Robin) and Barbara Gordon (Oracle, formerly the first Batgirl). Oracle's appeal to me is that she's a lot like an older Gert Yorkes (who was my favorite Runaway), so she's got a lot of the same sort of calm sarcasm and irritability that sometimes comes with being intelligent. Stephanie's appeal is probably both her strongest and weakest quality: She's Buffy Summers. I'm sorry for those of you who have read her for years and vehemently disagree. But after one issue, I could not shake the idea that this klutzy, blonde underdog is almost exactly like Buffy. It's not necessarily a bad thing, Buffy was a massively popular character, but it's just at times it seems Stephanie's awkward factor seems too forced. Anyway, onto the issue.

This arc's villain is Calculator, who's after Oracle for taking his daughter away from him. So he's planning on a little revenge. In a lair. Chillin' as villain's do. With his son. His son who's a corpse. Yeah, so he comes with standard villain insanity. And apparently his plan to get back at Oracle involves a pulse of some sort.

Meanwhile Oracle and Batgirl are discussing Calculator over their Bat-headsets or whatever while Batgirl is saving some hoes from some guys on bikes. Or at least they're dressed up like hoes. As Batgirl's leaving she tells them to, "Stay in school,".....'cause it's the best. (Too much Peaches on my playlist)

Next scene is Detective Gage coming to Oracle's assistant professor office, looking for her because apparently she's his only friend in town. Which is kind of sweet and makes him more appealing. Anyway, Stephanie shows up and awkwardly tries to feel out whether or not Gage is aware she's Batgirl. He's not and he finds her "oddly personal". I found her very Buffy-ish.

Meanwhile, Wendy, Calculator's daughter, is lured into Oracle's base of operations and locked in there for her own protection. Also, can we all take a moment to appreciate the amazingness of Oracle's icon? Seriously, it's so creepy, yet also appealing.

So Calculator releases his pulse and apparently what it does is turns anyone who's near technology and sees Oracle in anything, real life or a picture, into a zombie that goes after her. Oh no! Not zombies again! What comic books needs right now is the Scarlet Witch to return and utter the words, "No more Zombies...or Vampires....and fuck off, if you're thinking about turning to Werewolves."

While this occurs, Oracle is teaching a class where her students just so happen to be.... texting behind her back! Not shocking, but what's shocking is what they're texting back and forth about her. It's not to say she can't be hot so much as I've never taken Barbara Gordon to be one of the "sexy" DC superheroes, before or after The Killing Joke. Possibly I'm wrong? Whatever, her costume didn't come with a boob window, so I figure they weren't trying to sex symbolize her.

So anyway, her class and many people surrounding turn into a tide of Zomb which Barbara has to fight off. Which is always fun to see her kick some ass since it seems she's often just sitting at a computer desk. Batgirl comes to help out, but they end up getting caught in hte river of zomb. Oracle is caught by the zombies, that include her father Commissioner Gordon, and they all vomit some sort of casing on her. And in the last few pages, it turns out more than just random people. Apparently Catwoman, Huntress, and Man-Bat were affected by the pulse. And that leaves me excited for next month's fight scene! Conclusion, this issue was sort of awkward considering the rest of the run so far, but not entirely unbuyable.

Dark Avengers #16
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
Unfortunately friends, we've now come to the last issue of the series. And it's sad to see the series go, but in all honesty it seems the series lost steam after issue #6. Everything else has sort of felt like a little directionless, especially recently, with this one being no different. But there is a reason to rejoice: The Sentry's dead!! About damned time, even though he took Rogue down a notch when he fell [Here]. Was that really necessary? As if we weren't already still trying to dig Rogue out of yet another hole after MC.

Anyway, Post-Siege Osborn and his bunch is taken prisoner by the Avengers. Moonstone and Bullseye attempt to break out, even taking care of Ms. Marvel and Bucky's attempts to stop them. But then Iron Man and Luke Cage smack both of them down. And that's it for those two, until the next Thunderbolts (which you can expect to see discussed here). Well, actually I have no idea what's happening to Bullseye or Venom, but here's hoping they replace some of Luke Cage's losers (not a fan of Juggernaut).

Daken manages to evade capture and is hiding out from some army guys who are telling all the Hammer guys what's about to go down. And one of their lines was just too Pokemon for me to handle, so I edited it to what he probably really wanted to say. Seriously, even just "Surrender now, or" would probably make anyone who lived in the late 90's think of that line. Anyway, Daken escapes by chucking some grenades and driving away from an explosion into a title I will never read. Good riddance, I'm so tired of "I don't care, I'm just so badass," characters.

Concerning Ares' death, Thor presents Phobos with Ares' axe and helmet, offering to take him up to Mount Olympus to meet his people. He turns down the offer, and meh, it's all kind of sad because I loved Ares. He's one of the few male characters that I actually like and would read a title for.

Meanwhile, Victoria Hand is having a serious sit-down with Captain America. She explains that she was taken in by Osborn's charisma and goals and tried her best to steer him away from a meltdown but failed. Captain America takes this in, and then tells her she's getting a promotion rather than jailing it. How about that, I thought she was for sure dead by the end of Siege.

Lastly is Osborn, who's now imprisoned in a hxc way. We find him having a conversation with someone off-panel about how he was right, that someday just one thing is going to go wrong with the superheroes and the entire world is going to be screwed by it. Which is a very realistic possibility, and this speech takes the reader in very easily and reminds us of what a persuasive guy Osborn is, so much so that you probably find yourself rooting for him. The issue ends with the off-panel person being the Green Goblin persona saying Norman's stuck with him. And that's the end of the Dark Avengers. Conclusion: If you've been buying all the others, be sure to get this one.

The List #25 Part 1

Dark Avengers #15
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
This issue is about Bullseye killing Lindy, the Sentry's wife. That's about it. Oh and Deodato's art is a smoother this issue which I find is an iffy change.

Anyway, this is a shame because next issue is also the last issue. And that bites because I love this series even though it pretty much hit mediocre as soon as I got on board. To fill the void left in my heart (which I promise will not be the mundane subject of a dozen stories like The Sentry's has) I will be returning to reading Thunderbolts which will include my beloved Moonstone. And that means you can expect commentary on it here.

Conclusion, don't pick up this issue, it was just predictable and mediocre.



Spider-Woman #7
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
Jessica begins this issue looking for her skrull, tracking down his idiot human girlfriend and figuring out that she needs to get to this bar. She goes there and calls him out. He shows himself, having been in the disguise of an old man, and proceeds to kick her ass in a mighty way considering he's in good shape as opposed to the tortured skrull Jessica took on a few issues ago. He proceeds to explain to Jessica why she was chosen to be replaced by the Skrull Queen, which totally plays into the constant angst of this series.

The Avengers interrupt, begging to differ, and proceed to ask Jessica what the hell her deal is. And Jessica thinks they're skrulls; which is understandable considering the fake Spider-man at the beginning of the series. The skrull manages to hide away in the crowd, and Jessica ends up using her skrull-identifier to find him. Wolverine comes at him from the back and claws him, but the skrull is still too strong so Jessica zaps him and ends the almighty skrull hunt. In the end, Wolverine pep talks Jessica by explaining that he's still the most screwed up of them all because it would ruin his entire image and he'd lose his macho card if he were, say, third place. Anddd it ends with another double page thingy, which is explained on the last page of the issue.

Apparently, Maleev busted his ass off to make the motion comic and also produce the comic book, so he's very tired of seeing Jessica Drew. He actually assaulted a woman on the street for looking like her on last month, so they decided to leave the Spider-Woman series alone for now. Well, actually that's half true, the latter being the truth. Too bad though because I love me a good crazy story.
Yes, tragically Spider-Woman ends with this issue which I had suspected for awhile, but now it's all done and confirmed. It's too bad considering I think a Spider-Woman ongoing would have been fantastic even though my commentary is less than useful with books like this. Still would've been a good read. Conclusion, I'd say get the trade when it comes out, all seven issues are worth having, and it's cheaper that way.

Joe the Barbarian #3
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Sean Murphy
I have to say that this series has a very Wizard of Oz, Pagemaster, Digimon World, kid-pulled-into-a-fantasy-world feel. Which is what the story is, and it's all good because those used to be my favorite sort of stories. What this story does different is it has a more mature feel, it's a Vertigo title after all.

This issue, Jack and Joe are being attacked by Deathcoats and dwarf pirate-y people in submarines. So they join the lesser of two evils, the pirates, and try to escape the Deathcoats. They do, though one sub doesn't make it, and return to the pirate peeps home which looks gorgeous and very familiar. Like I'd say that town where you acquire Shiva in FF7 mixed with Nibleheim. Thoughts, anyone?

The revelation is that Joe's the prophecized 'Dying Boy' which snaps him back to reality for a second, and he begins to wonder if he's dying in real life. For the better part of the issue he's aware that he's hallucinating, or at least he thinks he is, and is attempting to get down to the kitchen to get a soda to get his blood sugar situation fixed. The kitchen apparently is also some forest kingdom thing, and I cannot wait to see how Murphy presents it. But that's next issue because as before the group (now with one of the largest of the dwarf people) heads downward, they're all hit with sleeping pollen. Which is very Wizard of Oz-esque, and it turns out that Joe himself passed out.

I do have to reiterate that Murphy is the star of this series. Without his pencils, this series would come to dangerously cliched and just somewhat uninteresting. I find his strength to be in the landscapes he creates because they are just the focus of a page. His characters are, of course, strong, but flipping through you can see the attention to detail and creativity in each and every new place being visited. Conclusion: Buy this series. Oh and here's the FF7 Nibleheim-y place that I adored:

The List #23 part 1

Before I begin, I have to apologize for being a full week late with all these reviews, but I've been ill since last Tuesday and still am a little.

Dark Avengers #14
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
Those of you who hate the Sentry with all your heart will probably be disappointed by this issue because yet again it is dominated by He-who-won't-die. Luckily there are some other developments this issue that are absolutely Bendis Awesome (which is a top-tier level of awesome). And Deodato continues to be top-f#@%ing-notch.

This issue opens with Victoria Hand confronting Osborn, demanding he get psychiatric help or she will leave. She also alerts him to Moonstone and Bullseye f@%$ing in the conference room. In front of H.A.M.M.E.R. agents.






Here's an awesome Bendis moment because anyone can claim a villain is crazy. People have claimed Emma Frost was crazy, but her 'crazy' was tame enough, she was still civilized and mostly obeying social norms when she wasn't being villainous. Moonstone and Bullseye are screwing in public. Thank you Bendis for showing rather than saying.

Also, Hand notes that Moonstone is working her way through the team. Do know that this isn't a new development, in Ellis' Thunderbolts Moonstone's ultimate plan was to run the Thunderbolts (and again, in there she had been Osborn's right hand). And I can only imagine what her plan will be in Luke Cage's Thunderbolts considering she's the only female team member and will likely be submitted to sexist crap.

Anyway, Hand decides to go break up the party. And when Moonstone gets in her face she pulls out a gun and zaps her. Pretty hxc of Hand.

But then everything is cut short by The Sentry. Who's tantruming, destroying New York as villains do. At least it's done by the Void this time, who is loads more entertaining and just a more likable character. And he's also aware of Osborn's manipulations. Apparently the Void wants to create a world where Robert Reynolds and Lindy can't live in, but can't actually kill Lindy himself. Osborn and him finally come to an agreement which later is specified to be Osborn ordering Bullseye to kill Lindy. Which is wonderful because I feel like Bullseye has lost a lot of his 'cool' factor that he had in Ellis' Thunderbolts. Conclusion: I'd seriously consider buying this issue unless you absolutely cannot stand The Sentry.

Spider-Woman #6
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
This issue starts and ends with two awkward double spread pages. The first is awkward because a large part of the double spread is Spider-Woman's ass. Basically this issue is about Spider-Woman fighting off Osborn's new Thunderbolts. So yes, it's basically an extended fight scene, but it's not like a Fraction fight scene (with a beginning, a conclusion but no meat). It's actually probably one of the better issues of this series.

I have to say I found Maleev a little off this issue, especially when it came to when Jessica sent a venom blast that exploded near the Thunderbolts. It was just very static seeming and Black Widow in particular, who's in the center, looked more like she was just taking a lazy jump rather than trying to jump out of the way of an explosion. The rest of them generally just look similarly unphased by the explosion, static, or paralyzed.

Jessica ends up beating up half of them with her cleverness. And at one point she hides in a dumpster. Which I found to be the perfect opportunity to make what is hopefully the world's first LOLSpider-Woman.

In the end of the issue, Jessica just blows up the Thunderbolts' ship and calls it a day. And here's where the awkward ending double-spread comes in. It's just Jessica flying in the air with her fists out. No real transition to this. No panels on the page. Just her. Her fists. And a city background. Conclusion: Despite the awkward sandwich, I'd definitely recommend buying this issue.

Psylocke #4
Writer: Chris Yost
Artist: Harvey Tolibao
Welcome to the last issue review for Yost's angst-ridden Psylocke mini-series. Unfortunately we're ending off this series with Wolverine overexposure in the form of an 'epic' fight scene spanning most of the issue.

The issue begins with Wolverine and Psylocke exchanging the traditional "You don't have to do this, back away now!" and many other cliched comic book phrases. But Psylocke predictably does not back down, and her hair and sashes find themselves in agreement on this as they all take the poised form of the letter s!

Anyway, they fight and it's predictably not that dangerous because both of them are popular characters so no damage is going to stick to either of them. Psylocke ends up jamming the totality of her telekinesis/telepathy/Phoenix Force powers into Wolverine's noggin and causes him to release THE INNER BEAST!! OH NOES!!! Luckily, Rage Man (I honestly can't even remember his real name now) interrupts by throwing Logan out of the way. And he does this...naked. Don't remember why he's naked either:

Oh and he forgives Betsy now apparently and they cool. Which...I never saw coming! Yes! This is completely new to me! In order to end the fighting, Betsy pulls the ultimate angsty move of this series and decides to end the fight by offering to Logan to kill her. He refuses, but says they're going to talk about her death wish. Which makes her sounds a lot like Jessica Drew. Again, Psylocke is the X-Man's version of Spider-Woman.

In the end, Psylocke mercy kills Matsu'o. Then comes the best scene of this entire series:

I cannot believe she just told one of the students she killed someone. Seriously, Xavier's School for Child Abuse! Starts off with Colossus beating up half the student body, followed by a chunk of the team constantly covered in blood, and ending with even the sane-ish mentor figures going around being like, "I killed a man today, do your fucking homework or you'll be the next!" I'm just waiting for the day that Emma comes out of the bathroom, just glances down at Trance and is like, "I just did three lines of blow in the bathroom. Know where I can score some hallucinogenic Pixie dust?"

Conclusion: This issue is mostly mediocre and honestly, most of the series isn't all that amazing. But I would recommend buying issue one to all Psylocke fans.

The List #21

First off, I have got to announce a very important change to my blog:
Some of you may have noticed that my images are kinda crap quality on this blog and tend to look sorta scraggly. Apparently my using .jpg for my image type is to blame, so I've switched to .png and it should look worlds better. I'm also going to go back in time and replace some of my old images with clearer ones. I'm not sure how far back I will go, but just something to look forward to.

Uncanny X-Men #520
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
To begin, I had no idea that Land was the artist until I got this issue, and I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. Mainly because Dodson is boring, cheesy, and produces that anime-ish idiotically upbeat tone. At least Land is ridiculous in a way that creates bitchy humor rather than just bitching.

The story begins with a team of Wolverine, Colossus, and Psylocke (all ex-Aussie years members!) being sent to hunt down the last Predator. For all of you Psylocke fans, it's a good month to like her considering her mini-series issue last week, her two appearances this week, and next week her appearance in X-Men Legacy.

They search the sewers and find Fantomex and EVA have done the job already as well as taken care of the nanite issue. Also, an interesting point that has been brought up a few times, but it's good to note that Betsy's glow that we see apparently is also visible to the X-Men as opposed to most other psychics generally getting glow just for show to the readers.

Anyway, Wolverine tries to get Fantomex to help and Fantomex is all, "Bro, I'm not cool if I look like a joiner!" At least EVA is characterized interestingly enough especially since we get to see her in spider mode.

Back at Utopia, Namor and Magneto are bromantic. Magneto goes to Cyclops and reveals he fixed the sinking problem behind everyone's back and also brought all the Atlantaens back in that process. Cyclops takes him outside and scolds him, but not before he takes a second to tell Emma that her logical decision of jumping off the sinking ship that is Utopia is stupid. Why? Because Utopia represents Cyclops' ego! It's fragile and poorly put together and requires more attention than its worth! If we abandon it, then we hurt Cyclops' feelings and that's worse than everyone drowning, starving, or sleeping in their own crap! And concerning the almighty verbal bitchslap Cyclops gives to Magneto? Magneto takes it. Yeah. Magneto is so fucking poorly characterized it's obscene how bad it is. His dialogue reads like a bros. And he's tail-between-his-legs at the first hint of irritation from Cyclops. Honestly, Namor, Magneto, and Cyclops' voices sound damned similar in diction and just general personality. Huh. All Fraction's favorite characters. I sure hope all the people applauding his 'excellent characterization' are beginning to regret their words right about now.

Oh and in reaction to Cyclops' disapproval, Magneto runs off to go meditate after having an unimportant conversation with Professor X. Oh and concerning the hunting team, they meet up with the stoppable, unremarkable villains that are only there to say we have villain conflict this arc. That's all. Oh and Wolverine does his best impression of Underworld/Batman/Gargoyles:

Conclusion: This issue wasn't the total piece of shit Uncanny has been as of late. Land is surprisingly bearable, if not welcome, addition this issue. Buy it if you're desperate for a new issue of something.

Dark Avengers #13
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
This issue of DA is all about everyone's favorite annoying, childish, multiple personalitied (why have two when they both suck I ask?), unoriginally god-like bastard. Who gets defeated in battle like it's no one's business, even Exodus' disrespect in the Messiah Complex can't beat that.

Basically the story is concerning The Sentry and his death a few issues ago (which one, right?). Anyway, so his wife thinks him dead for real, to which I say, Silly bint he will live until his plot value is fulfilled! Or when Bendis finally understands that The Sentry's fans are few and far too unimportant to matter. Well, anyway, the wife, who reveals herself to be an interesting character or at least for this issue, reveals that The Sentry's original origin story is total crap. Apparently he's a total fucking junkie.

It's pretty amazing, and it continues with a retelling of his origins as a junkie and as not really ever coming off as a superhero. It's a pretty decent story though not one I care to do a play-by-play on. The Sentry eventually comes back to life while the wife admits she should have killed him on their wedding night. It's the Void that's come back and it attempts to kill her, but The Sentry stops it and flies out into a star. He finds out he can't die and apparently he may be giving himself over to The Void. Fin. Conclusion: if you're up for a story that's between ok and good, shell out the cash.

Wolverine: Weapon X #9
Writer: Jason Aaron
Artist: Yanick Paquette
I'm not a Wolverine fan. I think the attention he gets is absurd and he just serves to fulfill a vicarious need for fanboys to feel like they could be badass too. I read this issue for the Psylocke appearance because she is my very special second place in my X-Heart. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this issue at all.

But it was pretty damned neat. Here's the series summary so far for those of you who need to be caught up (Clickety). I do have to say that I find this is the only series of Wolverine I find necessary (and I've sampled the other ones).

Wonderfully enough, this issue's art is done by Yanick Paquette, who I am a fan of (besides his time on Young X-Men) and happen to adore his way of depicting Betsy. Especially because he makes her look convincingly Asian rather than a white woman with sharp features and stereotypically 'Asian' clothes.

The story begins with Garner calling on the X-Men to go find Logan, Psylocke and Nightcrawler being the ones to show. Betsy begins her job by getting out all the pertinent and necessary information:

Yet again her backside is relied on for the heavy-hitting. Hmmm.

Kurt and Betsy go to Dr. Rot's lab or however and find that he's made a psychic bomb. These psychic bombs basically looking like a bunch of crowded Martha Johanssons. Psylocke decides to try go about deactivating them with her psychic knife since apparently that's the most delicate way to deal with psychic bombs.

All the while this is going on, the sanitarium is failing at any trace of sanity as the patients are attacking some mob guys. Also, it'd be a good time to mention that this series does not hold back on gore whatsoever, but I'd say it's still within the entertaining category rather than just excessive. Actually, it's sort of creative in the way that it 'goes there'. Patients cannibalizing it up like zombies and all.

Logan comes out of his insanity long enough to go after the series' villain so far, Dr. Rot. Right off the bat, Logan cuts out the Dr.'s guts but the Dr. seems less than deterred. Especially considering her reacts with a very special gift for Wolverine:

Yeah, I cringed at this too.

Dr. Rot takes off to go find a patient that he can use while Logan is distracted with the needles in his eyes. Funny enough, Dr. Rot is carrying around a giant nutcracker. It's purpose becomes clear a panel later:

With this patients brain, Dr. Rot makes a makeshift psychic bomb that causes everyone, including Kurt and Betsy, to go crazy for 30 seconds.

When they come out of it, Kurt finds he has purple hair is his mouth. Psylocke's of course. Luckily, they're both in two pieces and Dr. Rot gets away to be sewed up. Wolverine goes back to Garner to get coital, and Dr. Rot calls. And the issue ends with us learning the Wolverine has an active trigger now, just like X-23! Yay, reasons for them to bond!

Conclusion: This series is pretty cool, I recommend this issue and I definitely recommend trying the rest of it out which is what I may do.

Spider-Woman #5
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
Last issue, Jessica was falling to her death after jumping off the Hydra base. This issue she survives, of course, but at least she's banged up and passes out after surviving (I like my comics to be at least somewhat realistic). Jessica ends up with the police and her dealing with them ends up being the center of this issue.

She's as angsty as ever as she deals with the cops giving her a hard time. At least it's more reasonable than the Psylocke series which has more angst than Livejournal.

Anyway, Spider-Woman ends up getting questioned by one cop, she ends up finding out some of the cops are crooked and probably led Hydra to her. In response she scares the cop with her pheromones and tries to get him to tell her who's coming for her. He won't tell her, so she ends up taking her costume back and hitting the road. Which she meets the new Thunderbolts on.

Conclusion: buy this issue if you have already been collecting the series. But not to fear, next issue with the Thunderbolts vs. Spider-Woman is going to be worth reading by all.

The List #18 part 1

Astonishing X-Men #33
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez
This month we continue on with Astonishing still having a very similar zombie theme to X-Necrosha. It's honestly kind of sad because would this have happened some other time it would've been awesome, but now it just looks like a ripoff. Like don't get me wrong, I love zombie things, just watched Dawn of the Dead and last week played lots of Left 4 Dead 2, but still, there's no real reason why the X-Universe is having two separate zombie stories especially when one is a big crossover.

This issue is pretty much the same on energy level as the last two, it's good, but there's nothing that really sticks out. The first 8 pages are spent discussing what's going on. Except we had a couple pages dedicated to that last issue, so I just want to fucking move on sometime this year and 8 pages is definitely much for a setup of the plot. Especially when part of it is dumbass Hisako asking Brand questions. Seriously? I kept on wondering why the fuck no one was stopping her and telling her her only purpose on the team was to be backup muscle and make cutesy remarks that everyone ignores. Honestly, why the hell is she still on the team? Would she have retained the maturity and intelligence of Whedon's characterization of her, I could mayyyybe see it. But this is just messed up, the book is too serious to have use for some dumb-in-a-cheerleader-way high school girl. Seriously, look at the panel at the right (which is said to Logan when she's told to do something before him) and tell me that she doesn't make you wish she'd die in the next crossover.

Anyway, Brand questioned, fabulous panel of pissed off Emma, and then some Krakoa-like beast attacks and Cyclops does something amazing with his eye beam by splitting the thing in half (Click here for the scene, it's pretty awesome). And then we get two panels of pure faggotry that make me tingle with delight:

I love it when writers remember that Emma and Beast are all cultured and Emma especially has an interest in art. That and the continued adventures of shirtless Cyclops and Wolverine. Who are shirtless together again.

Not a whole lot else happened besides the team going to the ship chilling in the sky nearby and finding out some mutant from the past's corpse is doing it. Emma's dialogue was mostly good, she was a bit of a Chatty Cathy this issue and it ended up quantity over quality since some of her dialogue was really weak. But she was mostly irreverent so at least there's someone who has an idea of how to write Emma Frost these days. Egh, if you bought the last few issues, buy this one and if you didn't, do not.

Dark Avengers #12
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr. (mostly)
This issue is a disappointment. This time around we get Victoria Hand being objectified as she is a lesbian now or at least bisexual, so she obviously is a dirty creature and likes to be humiliated by being stripped (seriously, I don't find her being stripped around the time that her sexuality is revealed a coincidence, though it's probably more along the idiot mentality of "Lesbians are really sexy if they're, like, really hot").

Anyway, that and Molecule Man is being a villain of insanity that no one cares about since we've already got insane villains, on a team actually. You may heard of them, they're called the Dark Avengers? He's mundane.

And we get nude Osborn a lot which I keep finding weird since this happens too often. And he's older. And I really weird to see the face of an at least 50 year old man drawn with the body of much younger man. Seriously, even older men who get ripped still show signs of aging in their bodies. And why Osborn? The Sentry might actually have a fan if you showed him naked!

Which brings me to the next thing. This issue also focused on the Sentry doing amazing things that would be cool, given anyone cared about him. But they don't so every time Dark Reign has even shown the spotlight on the Sentry for a second has been a second wasted since no one likes an annoying god-like figure who's just always dying and coming back worse than Jean Grey.

My prediction is that Victoria Hand and The Sentry probs will die once Dark Reign finishes. Or at least that's what I'm praying to The Divas That Be for. One amazing thing did happen this issue though:

Moonstone definitely went back to being Norman's right hand, and it's beautiful because she got into character immediately to help manipulate the Sentry while everyone else was confused and didn't know how to act. Moonstone is manipulative, and it should be emphasized how quick on her feet she can be about acting.

Overall, boring issue, do not waste your cash. This is pretty unfortunate considering I like this title overall, but this past arc has been iffy.

Dark Wolverine #81
Writer: Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu
Artist: Giuseppe Camuncolli
Checking in on Wolverine for a Moonstone appearance and I have to say I'm not sad to have ignored the title for the past few months. Nothing has changed, it's still a crap title with horrible art. I say just give the back book to that damned Logan and hopefully it will make one of his other title go away.

This issue basically poorly characterizes Moonstone and tries to make people think Daken is 'badass'. Anddd he's just a tired imitation, as I've said before. Anyway, Moonstone is poorly done in these ways:

a. Her inner monologue which lasts about 5 pages is absurdly general. She talks about people and secrets the entire time or masks or something similar. And none of it is anything most people have not heard before. It's so plain, it's really sad that there are two writers working on this piece of shit. One thing that's fun is that when she lands there's a panel dedicated to her boots which is wonderfully divalicious.

b. Moonstone was the shit stirrer of the Thunderbolts during Ellis' run. She had her nose in everyone's business, she had no real alliances and she was just in it for herself. The same idea stands now, or at least it does if a writer has any idea how to write her character. So I call poor writing on her 'shock' as the 'revelation' that Daken is out to screw everyone over. Aren't all the Dark Avengers??

c. And to add a vicious insult to injury, they made her admiration of Daken go from interest of his mind based on her being a shrink to Twilight-like infatuation. An interest in Daken's mind is understandable, I'd feel similarly though he would not be the first Dark Avenger who's mind I'd want to probe. But this bullshit of her seeming like she's in Bella Swan-like admiration of him is so very out-of-character.

To close, do not buy this issue and do not spend a single cent on the Dark Wolverine deal.

To conclude on the post, I know it has been a lot of ranting about the fail of this week's comics, but I've still got part two to do with X-Factor, X-Force, and X-Men Legacy and the reviews for those are going to be more positive.

The List #14

X-Force #21
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artist: Clayton Crain

X-Force returns to us this month with the better of the two rotating artists, Clayton Crain, covering Necrosha. Which I love considering his goth-y style. Choi's pretty pencils are better suited on a book less involved with frequently eviscerating people.

Looking at the Preview (Clickety) you see Vanisher returning to be almost cut by Tarot's Death card. Um. Yeah is it me or does Death look and move like one of the Reaper thingies from Devil May Cry 3? Yes/Yes?

Also in the previews we have probably the first time Crain really draws any real amount of the X-Men. And I have to say they all look mighty epic! And the colorful factor is really dazzling especially since that's never seen with X-Force's grey and black fashion preference. Oh and another epic moment made more epic with Crain is:

Beautiful.

Yar, so Banshee is among the resurrected specifically picked out to disturb the almighty fuck out of Emma. Funny that, she's trapped in, y'know, emotionless diamond form. Whatever, a writer remembering Emma's time in Generation X is a gift anyway. Yeah and Sean and some others show resistance towards their programming. Which makes me wonder if that means they'd actually keep the resurrected mutants alive considering how resurrection-happy things have been already. It'd be sort of tragic since it'd just continue to show how little death means in the Marvel universe.

Now wouldn't that be exciting? I'd love the return of the Cuckoos best sisters. And a Jean appearance would of course be absolutely delicious. Imagine having God at your control. It's what Selene would have if she got Jean.

In the end of this issue we discover Selene is resurrecting all the dead mutants of Genosha, which is pretty much the inverse of Morrison's New X-Men and I have to say a really cool idea. Especially since I thought this crossover was going to be really simple and mildly boring. Now i'm sort of looking forward to it.

Dark Avengers #11
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr.

I usually love this series, but this issue there was only ONE thing interesting about it: We find out Victoria Hand is a lesbian! That's it.

X-Men Legacy #229
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Daniel Acuna

Most of this issue is Rogue running around trying to save Bling! and that's endlessly interesting in al the ways that aren't. I like Rogue, but she's only so interesting in these sort of "Search and Rescue" and "Run away!" situations because there's very limited opportunities for personality to come through. Good news though: Gambit finds out about Rogue going on the mission and throws a little bitch fit.

This is the second time Scott been all surfer-like. Seriously, no tightass like Cyclops goes around say "What's wrong, man?" Like why doesn't he just start going "Aw bro, that sucks balls, dude!"

Oh and it turns out Gambit is still Death sometimes....like Archangel. The originality is staggering. At least he reflects on his transformation:

We see his abs.
We love his abs.
Shirtless Gambit is a good day.

Ok, people, you may want to start pressing the follow button on this blog. I think it's possible my voice is being heard by Mike Carey himself. For he heard my cries!! FOR MOREEEE........

Ariel!!!
Oh my good gravy Jesus she's more fabulous than condensed Gay Pride.

Ok, so to review: According to me and this blog, this character is a tranny, meaning transsexual, meaning delicious potential for character development. Anyway, I made a promise to Carey to sing his praise whenever he bothers to include Ariel in his series. Carey, if you are listening out there, I will keep continuing this promise and I want to up my offering: if you make Ariel a regular character on X-Men Legacy then I'll get a year's subscription. If you go with making her trans then I'll be two years. Not kidding, I'll scan the board that comes with comic book subcriptions to prove it. (I don't actually think he has any idea this blog exists or my love for Ariel, but on the off chance he finds this place, he needs to know my dedication to making Ariel get more attention.)

So she shows up and does the fabulous thing naturally. And I just have to say that I love that she watches daytime TV. I'd bet dollars to donuts she watches The View.

Belt it, Diva!

Ok, now I have to bitch. I know I said I'd sing Carey's praise. And I do, he's an amazing writer. I love him unconditionally for his time on X-Men before Legacy and for introducing Ariel into my life. But like your mother, I'll always love you, but you'll also never be completely good enough. My problem is this: Why do writers love Dr. Nemesis? They write him like such a cheap immitation of House it's sad. Like boys boys boys, stop using your House fan fiction to write him. And kill him off actually. But suppose that's too much to ask.

But love to Acuna for drawing the Cuckoos in an age-appropriate, non-slutty way. Now, I still don't like the schoolgirl gimmick, but it's hard to tell if that's what is being done here. The thing is: They're 16. Schoolgirl thing is often a sexualized deal and this is comic books where women are often sexualized. So I'm just saying the artists should take into consideration that half the students are Sophomore age and watch how they portray them since shit like Land's sexualized Pixie is one of the most creepy things I've ever seen. Seriously, that's unacceptable. Anyway, summary, good on Acuna for that one.

Conclusion, buy this issue because Ariel is in it. Check how I said that. I didn't say if you like Ariel, buy it. I said buy the issue with the reasoning of because Ariel is in it. Get on it and Carey, X-pect a question from me about Ariel in your next X-Position.

Spider-Woman #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

I know I seem lazy by doing this again, but A. I've had a frackin' exhausting week B. I want you to fucking watch the motion comics of this. K, so same as last time, this series is fucking epicly amazing. Watch it online and buy every issue that releases.