The List #50 Part 2

Astonishing X-Men #5
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Finally we've arrived at the end of Ellis' run of Astonishing and I just have to say that it saddens me to see him go. I mean this issue alone delivers two of the best Emma moments I've seen in years (for more of my thoughts on them, [here] and [here]). Hopefully this week's coming Astonishing, featuring a new creative team, can continue the excellent characterization of Emma that I've come to expect from this series.

I've only a few notes besides uninhibited excitement at how prominently featured and correctly characterized Emma is here, and they are: A. I enjoyed Beast's moment of badassery; B. I actually enjoy the ending with the fate of Jaspers being resolved, it was wonderfully tense; C. I know I've already talked about Emma, but I also need to pay special respect to the fact that she saved the motherf#%^ing day in this mini-series! Emma Frost resolved the problem. Emma. My girl, who saved that day with all the sadistic thrill I've come to expect from her. You have no idea how much this thrills me.

Conclusion: If you haven't already, go out and buy this entire mini-series. Also, do enjoy the magic of a well-written Emma Frost.

Fables #101 + #102
Writer: Bill Willingham
Artist: Eric Shanowner and Mark Buckingham
Beginning with Fables #101, let me just open with this statement: I don't like Bufkin. I get it, the fans love him, hence his getting the spotlight treatment lately, but honestly, I don't find him entertaining in the least. So you can imagine this issue was less than exciting for me.

However, while I'm not Bufkin fan, I do have to express my enjoyment of the Magic Mirror, and especially the explanation and questioning of his abilities this issue. And of course, I enjoyed the ridiculous faces he made throughout the issues and his explanation of his rhyming rule because this causes me to think of him as a bitchy queen. And I love my bitchy queens.

So with the events of this issue being Bufkin climbing up the tree in the business office and ending up back in Oz to join a rebellion, I have to wonder how Miss Ozma, Princess of Oz (oh believe me, we'll get to her in a minute), will play into this sub-story. Anyway, that's the extent of my thoughts on that issue.

Onto #102, in regards to Miss Ozma, all I have to say is: Yes. Despite my missing of Frau Totenkinder, I have to say that her replacement is doing fantastically as a fill-in for my need to have an amoral, strange female character to root for. What's fantastic about Ozma, in contrast to Frau, is her willingness to take control and basically forcefully run everyone around to her will. This issue she decided to use the superhero genre in planning a new way to confront the Dark Man, and she is in no way slacking on her responsibilities. And let's not forget how unapologetically nasty she can be, especially with Pinocchio when he called her "babe". She's definitely made an impression with me, and I'm excited to see more of her.

Another point that made an impression this issue was the reveal of Mr. Dark constantly being on the outskirts of Haven trying to get in. Which is absolutely creepy, I certainly could never sleep soundly if I knew I knew that the man trying to kill me is always at my door. Also, that Flycatcher has to exert all his concentration of keeping him out and that Haven will have to be the place of the Fables' last stand with Mr. Dark.

Conclusion: While #101 was mediocre at best, #102 is a great issue thanks to the combination of Ozma's controlling nature and Mr. Dark's creepy stalking.

Uncanny X-Force #4 + #5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena and Esad Ribic
To open, I just need to say that Uncanny X-Force #4 proved to me that my lingering doubts about Uncanny X-Force were completely unnecessary: This book is golden.

Like I can't even tell you how surprised I was by [this page]. Seriously, after my first time reading that, I had to look around in shock for a second and was like, "Oh my Frost, did they really just do that?"

And the surprises didn't stop there; the next one being the illusion the Horsemen get put under and what they do followed by the reveal of the fact that they're really stuck on an alien planet with hostile inhabitants. Also, bitchy points to EVA for her way of explaining said situation to the Horsemen.

Then was have the final showdown with all of X-Force turning on each other in opposition over what to do about Kid Apocalypse. This scene definitely worked for me as it felt real and absolutely human rather than what could've just been a decisive scene which would've cheaply 'gritty and heartless' and unsatisfying. Also, it wouldn't be me if I didn't mention that weird panel where Psylocke's body all of a sudden turns into that of a 40 yr. old man. Kinda strange.

Lastly for this issue had to be the end. I mean, if you've read the issue (which you need to), then you know exactly what I mean. It was powerful and surprisingly heartbreaking and I just had to set this one down and think after I finished it.

Moving onto issue #5, I have to say I was surprised that an issue centering around Fantomex, a character I've cared little for even under Morrison's hand, could keep me engaged and wanting more. I found the reveal about the fate of The World having been miniaturized for safe protection to be a great one and the re-introduction of Fantomex's mother to be a charming surprise. Especially since I thought she was an illusion in Morrison's New X-Men...right? Or was it just supposed to be ambigious whether or not she had been real?

Also, the surprise attack of techno clone robot things was definitely a heartbreaking one as Mumma Fantomex gets horrifically killed during said attack. Really Remender? Our hearts are going to be ripped out every issue?

Speaking of previous moments of heartrip, can anyone tell me if Deadpool's scene this issue with his expressing having problems over Kid Apocalypse's death was legit? I don't read Deadpool, so what I want to know is does he actually have moments where he's straightforward and honest? Or could this be him secretly mocking the situation?

Moving on, something I'd like to mock is Logan's look of surprise when it Archangel reveals that Deadpool's never cashed any of his checks. It's just a face that's worthy of laughter and playful mockery.

Oh and a side note, I can't express how much I'm loving EVA in this series despite her moments being few. And that goes double for Fantomex and her bitching back and forth this issue, seriously, it was pure gold.

Conclusion: This series is a must-read and if you haven't already, then you need to jump on board. Issue #4 surprised me in so many ways that I'm still processing it a bit and Issue #5...actually made me care about Fantomex. No joke. I actually gave a damn about a character who I haven't liked since the first time I read him during my introduction to comic books. So yeah, props to Remender for amazing writing.

The List #48

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #4
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
This issue is basically about clarifying what the situation is and exactly how serious. What's the situation? This:

So the X-Men have found themselves in a pickle as to a plan of action, which is especially bad as the situation is dire. The Furies basically beat up Wolverine into an eviscerated swiss cheese, and they didn 't even feel it when Storm used a lethal level lightning bolt on them. Wolverine just barely kills one by ripping out its spine. And what's worse is if they manage to win, there will just be an even larger army of Furies sent in to come take care of the mysterious man (who's basically a living 'Ghost Box' so he can cross over to alternate dimensions).

And just to illustrate how bad this is, here's the image Emma found when she read the man's mind: A superhero mass grave!

.....They're actually just shipping them off to go be extras in the next Marvel Zombies installment.

And that's pretty much all that happened this issue, sorry about the briefness, but the issue is fairly action-y so it leaves not a lot to be said.

Conclusion: As I've said before: Despite it's horrible schedule, Astonishing is still one of the better X-Books around, especially this mini-series. This issue sees the arc go take a much more serious turn, and departing from the humor of the previous issue while still maintaining the same electric energy.

Chaos War: X-Men #1
Writers: Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson
Artist: Doug Braithwaite
When this 2-issue side story was announced, I was kind of excited. The idea of the interesting Cuckoos working together with other long deceased (besides Necrosha) X-Characters seemed like a great idea......and then I found out Claremont was on board. The thing with Claremont is I feel like his creativity is gone, it wasn't Y2K compatible and it died, so now we've got the worst of Claremont's gimmicks running around and ruining anything they touch. With that news, I was seriously considering skipping out on this limited series.

In the end, for whatever reason, I didn't and I can definitely say I'm glad for that. While this issue certainly carries some [classic Claremont-isms], they don't get in the way of the story which I actually found to be pretty exciting. This could just be a product of him co-writing with Louise Simonson, or random spark of talent resurrecting itself, but in the end it all still feels fresh and fun.

Basically the story is of a random team of deceased X-Men (Thunderbird, Banshee, Moira MacTaggert, Sophie and Esme Cuckoo, and three Multiple Man dupes who are each from a different era) being resurrected at the place of their graves (the ruins of the X-Mansion), and trying to figure out the source of their resurrection while trying to escape the terror of the Carrion Crow who's hunting them. While a team of extremely minor characters may seem to be a formula for boredom and apathy, it's instead an exciting chance to get away from the A-List character for a team of refreshingly unique characters.

On a side note, for some reason the fact that Esme is the rebellious Cuckoo translated to make her speak Chris Claremont Colloquial (meaning Jubilee). Which is weird because, despite Esme’s rebellious side, she still for most part sounded just as formal as her sisters while she was defecting from the X-Men. [See it here]

Conclusion: This issue is a surprisingly fun story with a much-needed escape from the parading of A-List characters, so do consider picking this one up.

New Mutants #20
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artists: Leonard Kirk w/Andrew Currie
Before I begin, I just need to express how pleasantly surprised I am by how much this arc has improved. It began as yet another pointless Limbo arc that made me begin to lose faith in NM, and it somehow became this intense, addicting arc that is probably one of the best so far.

Within Limbo, there's a lot of unrest among the demons as they come to the military base looking for the bloodstones/amulet/things. In response, one of the Infernos is given the bloodstones and begins fighting the hordes of demons.

Some manage to get by her and break into the building, Dani's room of torture to be specific, where Dani is waiting for them with a broken arm. And....she kicks their f@#%ing asses. Yeah, she's pretty badass, and it doesn't stop there. You remember the woman who got a kick out of her being tortured? She also comes in to check on the situation, and in the most badass, satisfying moment this issue, Dani kills that bitch. In short, one of the purposes of this issue is to remind you that Danielle Moonstar is a badass and don't you ever forget it.

Meanwhile, the X-Men rally together to go rescue the New Mutants, with Illyana and Xi'an going off to the side to discuss what's really going on. Illyana reveals that this isn't actually a rescue mission, and stabs Karma with her soul sword. From there, she brings the X-Men to the portal the military had used to enter Limbo, much to their confusion, and just as they get there the portal bursts open with demons.

While this is going on, Karma enters Legion's mind with the soul sword (because some things can't just simply be given), and in the second most satisfying moment, we find out her mission as she performs it: To break out the real Legion personality. This is a beautiful thing for a number of reasons, but the most important reason being this: Considering how lately reformed personalties have also been watered down to have none of their previous flair and now being bland ghosts of their previous selves, it's nice to see that some people are still truly villainous assholes. It's refreshing really.

Conclusion: This arc just keeps getting better and better as it nears the conclusion of Wells' run on NM.

Now onto the poll results:
I have to say I found it interesting that Domino and Magik dominated this poll, and by how much considering I've never really known them to be popular characters (which could just be a thing of who I talk to). I also found it surprsing how nearly equally chosen the other options were, with each of them either getting 4 or 5 votes.

Also surprising to me is that Magneto didn't rate higher, considering how he'd be a fitting addition to a bunch of sometimes-evil, somewhat-crazy characters. Obviously he was my pick in this thing, and yeah, I have to say the poll results this time around were hard to predict.

The List #40

Before we begin, apologies again for the my delayed and brief posts for this past month, I've probably already mentioned that it's due to my college workload at the moment and yeah, it's still going strong right now. Also, maybe it's just me, but this month's releases were overall bland and I found myself without much to say on half of my regular titles. Anyway, all of this will probably be resolved very soon, so please just bear with me.

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #3
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Despite the good omen of this issue's fabulous cover, this issue had little of the joy, laughter, and fun of previous issues to offer this time around. Basically the events of the issue were this: Captain Crocodile who popped in at the end of the last issue attempted to explain his motivation for wanting to kill the babies as they sometimes blow up. Then there was a hunt for a guy on the run named James Jasper clone or something who has to do with the Warpies business (Not sure the significance and I refuse to read Excalibur to find out). He was killed and then this leads to an opening of a Ghost Box with tons of soldiers from another dimension coming though.

Overall, it was underwhelming as Captain Crocodile and the silent hunt for James Jasper ate up a lot of page time. There was a moment of pure joy where Emma was given her due respect though [which can be viewed here], and of course this thrilled me to no end as it's always a good day when my Queen is treated like the Queen she is. Speaking of her being an absolute queen, unfortunately there was only one moment this issue where she was funny and it was really just commentary on her odd way of patching into other people's brains last issue. Still, Emma goodness is Emma goodness:

Conclusion: I'm sad to say this issue was a disappointment as it was an issue I had heavy anticipation for and also, Astonishing is one of the few titles where I can see Emma written correctly (as you will see emphasized when we get to Uncanny).

Gotham City Sirens #16
Writer: Peter Calloway
Artist: Andres Guinaldo
This arc begins fresh without the absolute bore that is Tony Bedard's writing. It's difficult to judge whether or not this writer will work this series as the results of this issue were mixed: The cast's personalities are still being flatly written with everyone's dialogue sounding mediocre and like the discount store version of how they usually speak. However, a big plus of this issue was the special guest appearances of other Gotham City Sirens such as Zatanna, Talia Al Ghul, and Oracle which is a big plus considering this is supposed to be a female-centered series.

On the other hand, the big conflict of this arc has to do with Selina's connection with Bruce Wayne and villains discovering his secret identity. Definitely a minus to have an arc rotating around a man attached to one of these characters, even though it's been the focus of most of the arcs so far, because it just seems to present this idea that these female characters have no stories of their own without the men in their lives.

The artist, who's been with us since at least last arc but I've yet to really comment on, is also a subject of mixed results as he's absolutely terrible, but he also seems to produce hilarious results as can be seen here with Selina:

Either Selina's been secretly working to be a body builder or this guy has difficulty drawing outside of male physiques.

Also did Dick Grayson get thrown in some sort of aging machine in order to be an adequate replacement for Batman? Because this guy's take on Dick is absolutely scary. Like I think he's using former Batman Adam West as a reference. And I mean the Adam West of now.

Conclusion: While I'm thrilled for GCS to finally have a new writer, I can't say he's doing anything that different from the last one. However, there are a couple spots that I found to be encouraging so there may be hope for this series yet.

Uncanny X-Men #528
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
Fraction needs to stop writing Emma Frost. For some reason he thinks he can, so he spent half the issue focusing on her and her new plan to kill Sebastian Shaw so no one ever finds out she's keeping him prisoner and all this just sounds like fucking grasping for storylines. More importantly, it's further ruining her character because obviously he's still writing her with the most fucked-up dialogue I've ever read.

Also, I'm so done with these new kids' storylines. It's the same thing every issue: There's conflict with the new power, X-Men arrive to help but they can't do much, and in the end it's only Hope who helps them and for some idiotic reason they agree to go with the X-Strangers. In the end, here's Storm's breasts to sum up how I feel about this issue.

I'll grow up someday.

X-Men Legacy #240
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Despite this being one of the best X-men series as well as a currently serving up a great arc with the much-anticipated return of the Children of the Vault, I find myself having little to actually say about it. It's through no fault of this book that I find myself in this position, hopefully if you read you can see why, but I just couldn't find any point in particular this issue that I found noteworthy on its own.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book as one of the strongest X-Books of the past year and also this specific arc as its got the charming work of Clay Mann with Carey providing a great story and using a unique cast of X-Men that really works for this arc.




X-Men Vs. Vampires #1
Writers + Artists: [Find Out Here]
X-Vignette mini-series tend to be a hit or miss with me with the miss being the general leaning. This one so far seems to be fine despite it being part of the horrible vampire-polooza bullshit. Here's a quick rundown of what was went down in this one:

Husk shows her loyalty to her BFF Jubes and goes out hunting for information about where she is. When she encounters vampires we get a show of how badass she is as she shakes off a vampire bites by just husking, turns into a wooden form with tons of stakes, isn't phased by being set on fire, and barely reacts to getting chopped in half with an axe. Why isn't she on a team again?

The next story is a Dazzler story where we get the whole "We're people too!" vampire story. Which would be fine if that was even close to the main focus of this vampire event. Instead, it's a story in a vignette series which means a whimper in the terrible roar of this event. Not only do I not care, but True Blood's already got this covered and does it so much better.

Following that is what seems to be a Rogue story where she meets a vampire who believes she's the reincarnated form of his past lover due to her spirit seeming the same. Instead it turns out to be none other than No-Girl possessing Rogue. At first she's torn about this as he promises her love and a body, but in the end she just kills him. Also, Ernst appears and is fabulous in appearance, but fails to sound like her creepy self (is it really that had to write a creepy voice? Seriously?). Basically a mediocre story involving two great characters.

And the last story is a Magneto one which I didn't even bother to read. I'm sorry, I don't care if this turns out to be the greatest vignette story ever, I'm so fucking sick of Magneto right now I just want Logan to decapitate him this frigging instant. And now for the news:

• This double-panel from Namor: The First Douchebag #2 served to tick me off. I'd take it less seriously had Emma reacted as if this was sarcasm or denial, but it seems she thinks him serious. To this I say: Really, Namor? You're the pathetic stalker here, bud. Remember [this]?
• Apologies for my lack of inclusion of Avengers Academy #4, but it was fucking dull due to spotlighting Mettle as well as having to no suspense considering A. Osborn wouldn't bite it in a junior book B. We already saw the end result of this issue in Thunderbolts.
  
• The results of our last poll reveal Wolverine and Rahne's Hellspawn in a tie for most likely to be declared Omega-level which is exactly as it should be. Narcissistic asshat Cypher followed in second and Fantomex came in a far behind third. Qwerty and Sage tied for fourth which is too bad because I was rooting for Claremont's super-pet. Oh and Longshot didn't get a single vote, so how's that for lucky? Thanks everyone for voting and don't forget to vote on the new multiple choice question where you choose who gets kicked out of X-Factor. And by multiple choice I mean you can pick as many members as you want. Hell, kick out the whole team if you want.
  

The List #38 Part 1

Astonishing X-Men #35
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez and Andy Lanning
Picking up where we left off last issue with the X-Men in the zombie workshop, Cyclops decides to torch the place and escape through a tight exit. Beast voices his doubts about this and Cyclops replies along with a reference to Emma in the bedroom [Here]. Like a proper lady, she acts like she has no idea what he's talking about....mainly because it's her job to embarrass him with references to their sex life.

As the X-Men are trying to escape the inferno they caused their also met with the approaching guards of the place, so Cyke decides to cut a hole in the jet since it was probably doomed anyway. This leads to one of my great loves of Astonishing: Group shot time!!

You'll notice Emma's NOT in diamond form for a battle scene for once. This is probably because Ellis does not mention her as an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH, so he doesn't have to deal with the problem of having a severely overpowered character in a fight scene. Speaking of which, according to [this article] Psylocke is now also an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH which I'm sure delights Psylocke fans, but with every addition to this category comes the diminishing of its specialness or meaning like how people use 'love' all the time instead of 'like'. How so? Because Jean Grey, Quentin Quire, Emma Frost, Professor Xavier, Psylocke, the Stepford Cuckoos, and very possibly No-Girl are all Omega-Level Telepaths. What's the problem? Who of the X-Community is a telepath and not Omega Level? All I can think of is Monet and in the end I'm sure it's a shorter list than the one above. As I mentioned before, [Omega level is just an entrance to pure suck] and I just hope that this trend dies off quickly (Psylocke fans, I'm not hating on Betsy, just the Omega Level classification).

Moving on, Ellis reveals that Emma still takes a special interest in her students:

From there Emma discovers the problem is two levels up which Cyclops immediately blasts with Wolverine leading the charge there. The reveal of this arc's villain is most....unexpected (and leads to one of the best group shots I've seen in a long time!):

Can I get that as a poster? Seriously.

Also, holy crap I forgot Abby Brand was still in this arc. Isn't she with the Secret Avengers now? Well, anyway, I feel like she's never been far away with her cousin Vicky Hand around (complete speculation/just-for-lols, but would you be surprised?).

Back to the story, the villain of. this arc. is............Yoanna! *Cue Free For All!* Actually no, but that would've been an improvement compared to what was finally revealed: A mutant. But angry message boarders hold those vile comments, it's not a mutant to further mangle the 198 rule, apparently it's a man whose mother survived Hiroshima so he's a technical mutant (as in one who could exist in real life). As if he's the ghost of Morrison's forgotten ugly mutants' past, he proceeds to criticise the X-Men for not being true freaks even Beast being generally likable to the eyes (this guy's frail, and gross-looking, also so weak he has to use a motorized wheelchair).

Note that Emma's almost looking to the 4th wall with a face that's totally, 'Yeah, so?'

It's basically Ellis commenting on how ridiculous it is that the X-Men are outcasts when they're all attractive and would probably be accepted as celebrities in the real world. Anyway, it turns out this guy's sole motivation for zombie-fest with the desecrating of Paradigm and Wallflower's bodies is just because these mutants are pretty so he feels he has no community with them so

he lashes out. Think it's anti-climatic and ridiculous? So does Emma as Ellis has her lampshade this moment by having her tell him he could've just written a nasty letter. 'Mutant' guy stands by his decision to try and kill them, so Cyclops goes and is about to kill him much to the horror of Storm and Beast who just told him off for this behavior. Instead Cyclops decides to let Abby Brand have him as her prisoner, and also instead of giving this guy his death wish, the X-Men are going to see to it that he's kept alive. From there the guy almost puts the building on self-destruct, but Hisako thwarts him. In the end, Wolverine smacks him in the face just in case he tries anything. Also much to the horror of his teammates. Here's his defense and a moment that makes me glad Wolverine's on the team (which is a rare feeling for me):

Oh honey, don't worry, you're as kind as a plague, and as mature as a fart joke, and for these reasons I love you!

This issue ends with Cyclops asking Brand if the bomb can still be detonated, she replies yes, and he says good because he was thinking about having Wolverine over it when it detonated. Which is a funny way to end it, but......that's it? That's really how this arc ends? As much as I appreciate Ellis saying everyone's too pretty to be believed because it's true, this felt anti-climatic and lazy.

Conclusion: As part of an arc, this issue is mediocre, but as an issue on its own, and being judged by how entertaining the characters were, it was great fun and I recommend you buy it ASAP. As I've said before, I still think Astonishing is one of the best, if not the best, X-Book, and I recommend it to anyone who wants the real X-Men. Also, a message to Warren Ellis, I'd like you to know that for writing Emma Frost 100% true to her Morrison/Whedon characterization despite other's horrible attempts and also your earlier fumbles, I offer you free sexual favors of gratitude which you can collect any time (you know, in the spirit of the diamond queen herself). But seriously, Ellis has Emma dead-on these days without missing a single beat, and I LOVE him for it. And I've critcized nearly every writers attempts at characterizing Emma, so for me to have no complaints is Haley's Comet rare.

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants- Storm + Gambit #1
Writer: Chuck Kim
Artist: Chris Bachalo
This book follows up the decision made in X-Men #2 to resurrect Dracula with the X-Men sending Storm and Gambit to be the ones to retrieve it as the vampires have put up shields to block from teleporting into their island base.

Rather than explain the plot, I'll just say the necessary: They're successful in the end. Also, this one-shot focuses more on Storm and her development with Gambit functioning as sidekick. I'd take more issue with this, but the lack of focus also means Gambit gets to just be the fun, charismatic thief that people love as opposed to the irksome attempts at developing his character further with his endless struggle with the uninteresting 'Death' persona.

Kim's Storm is a smart balance between a current regal Queen and a former warrior/thief returning to her old talents. Kim also takes an opportunity to have Storm wrestle with her feelings on killing that she's had to recently examine with the reveal of X-Force with the discovery that the shield blocking teleporting that needs to be taken down is powered by people being drained. A great conflict is brought in as time is of the essence with the vampires discovering Storm and Gambit's presence, but the only way she knows how to take care of the shield quickly is to bring it down with her powers and kill the human hosts (who are begging for her help). In the end she does bring down the shield, but is clearly wracked with severe guilt over what she's just done. It's the perfect move to put the task of killing (even if it's pretty much mercy killing) in the face of the Number 1 person opposed to the X-Men's recent kill-or-be-killed stance.

Kim's skillful handling of character even extended to ones who only played a minor role in this issue including Emma who sounded pitch-perfect when she was complaining about how ineffective Dazzler was in battle. It also continues a pre-existing rivalry between the Queen and the Cameo Queens, so good on Kim even though I believe Northstar and Emma could be divalicious as friends.

Bachalo's return to an X-Men-related comic is probably one of the most eagerly anticipated aspects of this one-shot, and he really was a welcome return, there's really nothing quite like his style. There was some fumbling with the fight scenes as things tended to get crowded and confusing to follow, which isn't an unheard of complaint on Bachalo's work, but for the most part everything was well-done.

Conclusion: This one-shot will probably be the best part of this event that piggybacks onto the current vampire trend, and it's simply a well-done story on its own. Bachalo and Kim were definitely welcome talents to the X-Men universe, and I for one would enjoy them gracing us with their presence again sometime soon.

Astonishing X-Men #34 Review + News

Astonishing X-Men #34
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez
Before I begin I just have to say that it's a weird feeling to throw a bookmark in Xenogenesis to return to Exogenetic, an arc I've mostly forgotten about at this point. It's also difficult to state both arcs' names without fucking it up; like seriously Ellis your next arc's title should stay away from the word "Gene" and anything that uses "x", "e", and "o".

This issue opens with Cyclops getting pissy with Beast over keeping notes on what experiments he's tried to restore mutantkind to its former glory because the enemy's managed to get a hold of them. It's pretty weak considering anyone who's just taken Bio in high school knows that scientists fucking LOVE their notes. It's difficult to believe that Cyclops would expect anything other than meticulous note-taking when it comes to Beast's experiments. You'll notice while this is going on that the divide between the team members is shown with Moral McCoy having other currently moral characters behind him and Cyclops having the amoral ones behind him [see it here]. Anyway, from here the fight evolves to Beast fucking giving it to Scott about his current attitude:

And that's the first time I've liked Beast in years. Beast's little rant reminds me of [this post] I made on X-Factor: Nation X about how it seemed like David was just using his characters as his mouthpieces to vent his criticisms on Utopia. Well, it seems like this is another example with Ellis using Beast to criticize how Cyclops is way too much of an asshole these days. Which I support because Cyclops really has been a mega-douche as of late.

Anyway, after this Cyclops and Beast share a smile and what seems like an understanding with Beast proceeding to tell him that he's not a killer and the way he's been acting just isn't him. Which is much better executed than Fraction's Beast who is just constantly drama queening out at Cyclops without ever seeming to try for a real sit-down discussion about what's going on.

Following this there's another monster-from-the-past attack as a genetic mix between Sauron and Brood attacks the team minus Beast and Cyclops who are continuing their heart-to-heart elsewhere. While this is going on Emma asks about Sauron and his abilities with Hisako and Storm letting her know that it's him and that he transforms. From there Emma does the telepath thing that I love so much:

And brings the Sauron/Brood hybrid back to human-ish mode. From there Cyclops and Beast catch up to the team and Cyclops instructs everyone to get off the ship they're currently in to the X-Plane and that him and Emma will be there in a second. That second being used to quickly share a kiss with Emma and then blast out the head of the mutant being used for whatever evil purposes that we saw last issue (he apologizes to it first at least).

Next we have the X-Men in the X-Jet trying to figure out where they are, and it's Storm who tells them they're in a remote part of Japan. She knows this because her being attuned to weather systems makes it so that she recognizes individual differences (and she's been to Japan before so she'd know what it feels like). Definitely an interesting aspect of her powers that I'd never heard before, but it makes sense.

The X-Men then wait in their ship as they watch the enemy's ship go into a mountain headquarters which they follow it into. Inside is a massive zombie workshop and watching the X-Plane enter on a screen is a bald-headed guy in a wheelchair. Yeah, so probably look forward to Xavier clone fight scene next issue?

Conclusion: Despite being a severely late issue to an arc that's almost been forgotten, it was still a great issue of Astonishing joy that beats out the lame crap being served out in most of the other areas of the X-Verse. The art is enjoyable as ever because Jimenez on art for anything is a genius move. Also, Ellis seems to have a great handle on the characters these days, particularly Emma who he spotlighted quite a bit this issue, and I just wish more people would tune into his take on the X-Men because it's way more believable than what's going on in Fraction's universe these days. And now for the news:

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants Saga #1
This isn't technically a review since saga's are just a compilation of previews, info, and interviews. Basically, it's all news. Except for my first comments which is concerning the cover [click here for a bigger version] and Namor on it. Um. If that neckline dropped any further we'd be seeing his sperm whale. Which is not a complaint, it's more like a suggestion. Namor's only asset to the X-Men is his constant state of skimpy dress, and I'm here to say I demand more of it for the rest of '10.

This saga starts with interviews and previews showing us who the major players of this arc are. Remember those "We are the X-Men" promos? Apparently those character are the major players. They're sort of a random, mismatched bunch; the worst being this guy--->

Apparently this marks X-Man joining the X-Men. Yeah, his "meh" face about it pretty much reflects mine. I really don't see his appeal, and now with his robe-like coat and his white streak and his older-looking face I just get a gross Hugh Hefner vibe.

The end of this saga is pages of major players in the X-Universe with biographies written by creators like Carey, David, and Yost. The players covered are Cyclops, Rogue, Gambit, Magneto, Multiple Man, Wolverine, Daken, Emma Frost, and...Karma. Yeah, her inclusion in this confuses me.

I have to say that Emma's page frustrated the fuck out of me [Here!] Done by the writer who did that awful Origins one-shot on Emma and art done by Brooks who I consider on Dodson's level of being too cartoon-y and cutesy to be taken seriously. What's worse is on the other side is Madrox done by Peter David with Pablo Raimondi's art which is as goddamned gorgeous as ever. The worst part is this attempt at redeeming Emma's days teaching the Hellions:

Yeah, she was a real softie when it came to the Hellions:

For heaven's sake, it's ok for her to have been an evil bitch.

It's ok if she's one now. Trying to redeem her further won't make the boards like her or make them stop bitching about her being a homewrecking whore. Just let her be herself, stop trying to make her Jean.

• In other Emma-related news, she's been definitely cast now in X-Men First Class with Alice Eve taking the role. A Google search on her has shown that I definitely could believe her playing a nasty ice queen with drag queen flair. [Source]
• Concerning the absence of this month's Gotham City Sirens, um, really? They made a last minute change from an Ivy arc with Dini to a Catwoman arc with Bedard for a reason that I'm not aware of, and this arc is completely bland. Bedard's stuff is generally bland really, and I'm just excited to see this arc wrap up as soon as possible.
• Remember when I was an ass about the week delay we're having for the next Second Coming chapter? Apparently the delay is due to Mike Choi's grandmother passing, so my bad, apologies to those who were offended by my bitching, I didn't realize.
  
• Be sure to check in next week, there's three books of massive importance coming: X-Force #27, the before last chapter of Second Coming; X-Men #1, the start of vampirepolooza; and most importantly the return of the Young Avengers with Childrens' Crusade.
  

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #2 (of 5) Review

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #2 (of 5)
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
This month's issue opens with a full page shot of Cyclops saying this:

Who exactly is speaking here, Cyclops or Ellis? Because as we can see here in the [preview] what follows is an uncessary two-page look at the enemy, then we have a two-page spread of the team going into the fight, and lastly, a full page of the actual fight. Add this to the first full-page shot of Cyclops and in that makes for 6 pages that were more or less wasted. Seriously, Ellis? You can't just get creative with the fight scene?

It seems this issue, possibly this mini-series, is about Emma Frost and restoring her to her former glory of snarky, morally grey, and just doing her own thing. It seems Ellis finally has a solid grasp on what kind of character she is, and this series is him taking it out for a test drive. Example: During the fight scene where Storm was badass filling the page with lightning and going, "Idiot boys," Emma did nothing. Here's her response when Cyclops asks her about it:

That's the Emma Frost I idolize.

Even though she didn't participate in the fight scene don't take that as Ellis underestimating her and considering her only value to be her character. Following this more soldiers show up to stop the team, and Emma reacts by telepathically commanding them to pull down their pants and hop off with her waving and smiling mischievously as they leave. Again, I love her response to Cyclops questioning her about it. Plus this scene reminds me of the time she pushed a crowd of people's "Bliss buttons," and Jean got pissed over it. It's wonderful to see the return of Emma's true nature.

Oh, side note, something to note in the panel on the right here is the height difference between Emma and Scott. It's completely off: Emma's height is 5'10" and she's wearing 4" platforms while Scott's height is 6'3". She should pretty much be staring him in the face rather than in the chest.

The team shows up at the place functioning as a hospital since the other one's blown up, and it turns out there's a problem with communication as the doctors do not speak the local languages and it's all just ending up like a game of telephone. Beast decides to take over the situation considering it's pretty extreme. These "mutant" babies are far from your average, still-attractive-with-a-concealable-power mutant. No, they're more like this:

I feel sorry for the nurse who has to try to figure out where the diaper goes.

Emma's ordered to download all the necessary languages into all of the medical workers so at least all the knowledge known can be pooled together. She does this in a weird way considering she pulls the medical people in as if to kiss them when she's doing the downloading. She also shocks Cyclops when she shows up in one of the scenes holding one of the babies. Never before have we seen Emma so absolutely maternal, she's practically the Virgin Mary:

That is if your version of the Virgin Mary comes with a perpetual sneer of disgust.

Meanwhile, Cyclops and Storm have a mild tiff over Cyclops' treating the situation like just another mission while he's explaining that things just need to get done. With Beast, he's testing out some theories as he does not believe the babies to be mutants considering they're "mutations" are present at birth as opposed to waiting until they hit puberty. Beast's first theory ends up being that the Ghost Boxes are involved considering the babies have radiation that's on a similar level. And my response was, "Fuck no, we just clawed ourselves out of that crap!"

This is all resolved with the appearance of a man with half a face and his team holding up the medical people. He states that the babies are not mutants, but warpies and he orders them to be killed. And after looking them up, it seems that the Warpies were things from the Excalibur days which just spells trouble to me considering it's Excalibur.

Conclusion: Despite its flaws, this Xenogenesis mini-series is one of the most fun X-Books to happen in awhile.