The List #50 Part 2

Astonishing X-Men #5
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Finally we've arrived at the end of Ellis' run of Astonishing and I just have to say that it saddens me to see him go. I mean this issue alone delivers two of the best Emma moments I've seen in years (for more of my thoughts on them, [here] and [here]). Hopefully this week's coming Astonishing, featuring a new creative team, can continue the excellent characterization of Emma that I've come to expect from this series.

I've only a few notes besides uninhibited excitement at how prominently featured and correctly characterized Emma is here, and they are: A. I enjoyed Beast's moment of badassery; B. I actually enjoy the ending with the fate of Jaspers being resolved, it was wonderfully tense; C. I know I've already talked about Emma, but I also need to pay special respect to the fact that she saved the motherf#%^ing day in this mini-series! Emma Frost resolved the problem. Emma. My girl, who saved that day with all the sadistic thrill I've come to expect from her. You have no idea how much this thrills me.

Conclusion: If you haven't already, go out and buy this entire mini-series. Also, do enjoy the magic of a well-written Emma Frost.

Fables #101 + #102
Writer: Bill Willingham
Artist: Eric Shanowner and Mark Buckingham
Beginning with Fables #101, let me just open with this statement: I don't like Bufkin. I get it, the fans love him, hence his getting the spotlight treatment lately, but honestly, I don't find him entertaining in the least. So you can imagine this issue was less than exciting for me.

However, while I'm not Bufkin fan, I do have to express my enjoyment of the Magic Mirror, and especially the explanation and questioning of his abilities this issue. And of course, I enjoyed the ridiculous faces he made throughout the issues and his explanation of his rhyming rule because this causes me to think of him as a bitchy queen. And I love my bitchy queens.

So with the events of this issue being Bufkin climbing up the tree in the business office and ending up back in Oz to join a rebellion, I have to wonder how Miss Ozma, Princess of Oz (oh believe me, we'll get to her in a minute), will play into this sub-story. Anyway, that's the extent of my thoughts on that issue.

Onto #102, in regards to Miss Ozma, all I have to say is: Yes. Despite my missing of Frau Totenkinder, I have to say that her replacement is doing fantastically as a fill-in for my need to have an amoral, strange female character to root for. What's fantastic about Ozma, in contrast to Frau, is her willingness to take control and basically forcefully run everyone around to her will. This issue she decided to use the superhero genre in planning a new way to confront the Dark Man, and she is in no way slacking on her responsibilities. And let's not forget how unapologetically nasty she can be, especially with Pinocchio when he called her "babe". She's definitely made an impression with me, and I'm excited to see more of her.

Another point that made an impression this issue was the reveal of Mr. Dark constantly being on the outskirts of Haven trying to get in. Which is absolutely creepy, I certainly could never sleep soundly if I knew I knew that the man trying to kill me is always at my door. Also, that Flycatcher has to exert all his concentration of keeping him out and that Haven will have to be the place of the Fables' last stand with Mr. Dark.

Conclusion: While #101 was mediocre at best, #102 is a great issue thanks to the combination of Ozma's controlling nature and Mr. Dark's creepy stalking.

Uncanny X-Force #4 + #5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena and Esad Ribic
To open, I just need to say that Uncanny X-Force #4 proved to me that my lingering doubts about Uncanny X-Force were completely unnecessary: This book is golden.

Like I can't even tell you how surprised I was by [this page]. Seriously, after my first time reading that, I had to look around in shock for a second and was like, "Oh my Frost, did they really just do that?"

And the surprises didn't stop there; the next one being the illusion the Horsemen get put under and what they do followed by the reveal of the fact that they're really stuck on an alien planet with hostile inhabitants. Also, bitchy points to EVA for her way of explaining said situation to the Horsemen.

Then was have the final showdown with all of X-Force turning on each other in opposition over what to do about Kid Apocalypse. This scene definitely worked for me as it felt real and absolutely human rather than what could've just been a decisive scene which would've cheaply 'gritty and heartless' and unsatisfying. Also, it wouldn't be me if I didn't mention that weird panel where Psylocke's body all of a sudden turns into that of a 40 yr. old man. Kinda strange.

Lastly for this issue had to be the end. I mean, if you've read the issue (which you need to), then you know exactly what I mean. It was powerful and surprisingly heartbreaking and I just had to set this one down and think after I finished it.

Moving onto issue #5, I have to say I was surprised that an issue centering around Fantomex, a character I've cared little for even under Morrison's hand, could keep me engaged and wanting more. I found the reveal about the fate of The World having been miniaturized for safe protection to be a great one and the re-introduction of Fantomex's mother to be a charming surprise. Especially since I thought she was an illusion in Morrison's New X-Men...right? Or was it just supposed to be ambigious whether or not she had been real?

Also, the surprise attack of techno clone robot things was definitely a heartbreaking one as Mumma Fantomex gets horrifically killed during said attack. Really Remender? Our hearts are going to be ripped out every issue?

Speaking of previous moments of heartrip, can anyone tell me if Deadpool's scene this issue with his expressing having problems over Kid Apocalypse's death was legit? I don't read Deadpool, so what I want to know is does he actually have moments where he's straightforward and honest? Or could this be him secretly mocking the situation?

Moving on, something I'd like to mock is Logan's look of surprise when it Archangel reveals that Deadpool's never cashed any of his checks. It's just a face that's worthy of laughter and playful mockery.

Oh and a side note, I can't express how much I'm loving EVA in this series despite her moments being few. And that goes double for Fantomex and her bitching back and forth this issue, seriously, it was pure gold.

Conclusion: This series is a must-read and if you haven't already, then you need to jump on board. Issue #4 surprised me in so many ways that I'm still processing it a bit and Issue #5...actually made me care about Fantomex. No joke. I actually gave a damn about a character who I haven't liked since the first time I read him during my introduction to comic books. So yeah, props to Remender for amazing writing.

The List #45 Part 1

Uncanny X-Men #530
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
Before we begin, can I ask what is up with all the good/important X-Titles being released this week? Who at Marvel thought this was a good idea? I'm thinking a constant feed of X-Men works much better than just having one week a month where everything comes out.

This issue marks the welcome return of Greg Land to Uncanny which is a big improvement to Portacio awkward rape faces and characters who seem to have perpetually fried hair. Some of you may not be glad to see the return of Land, but let's think of it in the context of Uncanny: So long as Fraction is writing it in any form, it will always be shit and Land, while a horribly controversial artist, produces images that are worth lots of laughs. So if I'm going to be suffering this shit in attempting to keep in the know of what's going on, I at least welcome some unintentional humor along the way. Also, his issues tend to be more colorful.

The opening of this issue starts with Emma going over how important Shaw is for the hundredth time and then telling Fantomex and Shadowcat how she explained their departure to Cyclops. Basically, she used a flimsy shopping excuse that he didn't buy. She'd have had better luck just not telling him. Oh and, because this is Land, she's naked during this conversation with Cyclops. Yeah, Emma Frost, master manipulator and professional liar, really has trouble coming up with convincing explanations for three people's absence. Good heavens it appalls me how little respect Fraction has for female characters, but more on that later.

The big plot of this issue is the big release of HX-N1 disease that's infecting a decent amount of Utopia including, OMG WAIT FOR IT......WOLVERINE!!! OMG WHAT?! I thought his power levels were over 9000?! Yeah, we're doing a deadly mutant virus....again! Which is also a total ripoff of the swine flu hype! I understand there are only so many X-Stories to be told, but do we really have to put up with such obviously recycled crap? Speaking of recycled:

I know we've all seen this basic image before considering it's Copy and Paste Land, but is this really considered a desirable body? Big shoulders with a tiny waist? Is this what macho men want? To look like big pizza slices?

So yeah, there's also something uninteresting deal with the Collective Man as well as the guy whose working with Sublime or whatever and is now making his own faux Original Five X-Men. Nobody really cares and also, how many times do we have to have a group based around being like the Original Five? Again: It's played out now, let's at least move on to emulating the All-New All-Different group. Also, a little panel that popped up during the Faux Five introduction:

Does this panel makes you guys uncomfortable? It certainly makes me uncomfortable, like holy fellatio, how did this get past the censors?

Moving back to the virus issue, Cyclops tries to contain the situation by holding Utopia under quarantine and also calling a press conference, conducted by Archangel and I'm guessing Val Cooper, that basically just scares everyone and makes faint prejudices come out. Did the press really need to be informed? That island's fairly isolated, especially under quarantine, they actually could get away with not telling anyone until it becomes a big deal. Meanwhile, Dazzler and Northstar get the news, Daz being fabulously dressed up like the biggest fag hag this side of the Marvel Universe, and Daz is actually excited to be one of the remaining outside X-Men despite the fact that it means people are ridiculously ill. K, this is where we return to Fraction having no respect for women and I'd include gay men considering Northstar's also involved in this. Here we have Ali acting completely insensitive and stupid and that's pretty much how he's portrayed her and Northstar since he's introduced them: Stupid, superfluous, and shallow, basically as total jokes. What's worse is I feel like he's not aware of this and just thinks he's doing them a favor giving them some page time.

Conclusion: While this issue is definitely drama-filled and sort of fun, there's nothing really new to be found here. Same plotlines and same problems with the creative teams, but definitely a more fun issue than we've seen lately.

X-Men Legacy #242
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue marks the beginning of the brief Post-Second Coming rebuild arc which is oddly placed considering Second Coming's more or less already forgotten by now. Also, considering the last arc was pretty self-contained and could have easilly just have been moved to be after this one instead of before. That and Utopia and San Fransisco are already being drawn to be fully recovered by all the other artists, so we don't even get the visual need for this rebuild anymore.

The story this time around is basically three things: The rebuilding of Utopia, Omega Sentinel losing control over her systems, and Hellion's angst over losing his hands. Except Hellion's pretty justified in his angst, well, minus the fact that he keeps getting pissed anyone trying to help him. Rogue remedies this by deciding if he's not going to respond to sympathy then he's going to be put to work instead, and really, good on her for choosing that route considering how pissy he is to just everyone. However, he does bring up one good point that's pretty much on everyone's minds:

Um really. Considering the science team operates like magic, just conjuring something up every time there's a need, how hard is it to make convincing looking hands considering it's just really about throwing on some latex or wtfever to those robot claws?

Meanwhile, a team is gathered to rebuild San Fransisco which includes Random, Psylocke, Hope, Colossus, Omega Sentinel, Rogue, and Danger. You may notice that there's a lot of former villains on this list, and if you read the issue, it looks even worse considering how ominous Magneto looks throughout the entire issue with being just white coming out of the shadow of his helmet. Seriously, Mags, way to help people feel comfortable with you.

Another thing of note includes how the Hope baton is passed from Uncanny to Legacy as Carey gets his chance to deal with the mutant messiah. Hellion gets in a tiff with her over her not using her powers to help speed up the reconstruction. Magneto makes a biblical reference when commenting on Hellion's disbelief concerning Hope, speaking about Thomas the Apostle wanting to see Jesus' crucifixion marks to prove he was the messiah. And really, I'm right there with Hellion because since her introduction I haven't bought Hope as some sort of astonishing messiah, and I just don't see myself buying it any time soon. She's just Jean-lite, and really, half the time Jean herself was Jean-lite.

Speaking of characters who act like previously established characters, I'm surprised Carey put Psylocke and Omega Sentinel together considering how similar both their functions are on a team and just generally how they act. I mean, the similarity's not so strong that it's embarrassing, that'd only occur if Carey added Sage to the mix, but it's still an interesting choice. Also, I have to wonder why there wasn't a scene with Psylocke tried to talk to Hellion, maybe it's just me, but I'd be interested to have two TKs address their similarity and all that.

In the end, this issue is hardly spectacular, but it is certainly a good one. While the main plot is hardly worth discussing at length, and as you can see I didn't because I really couldn't, it's still a Carey-quality issue. Also, the art done by Davidson is sort of standard which is sort of disappointing because I really enjoyed his dark work on New Mutants. Conclusion: This is one you should only purchase with your spare change.

The List #44 Part 1

Hey everyone, I'm back from my extended absence that was due to my busy schedule of life-having. So yeah, I'm going to recap what I missed briefly (well, relatively considering my original commentary) in the next two posts because it would kill me not to say a couple things on what's gone by. Let's get started, shall we?

Action Comics #894
Writer: Paul Cornell
Artist: Pete Woods
The much-anticipated return of the extremely popular Death of the Endless turned out to be a bit overhyped. While her appearance lasted the entire issue and contained much dialogue, in the end there was a loss of that special flair that comes with Death's appearance. Remember how Death's appearance was always a treat because every line she had was pure gold? This not so much. I think this can be partially blamed on the visually uninteresting presentation from the artist which just made the entire event feel very common and unremarkable. Then there's the bland dialogue she's fed that ultimately leaves maybe one memorable moment. It's all very general and with this issue basically rotating around just their discussion it would lead you to think said dialogue would be a bit more entertaining.

In this appearance, Death is essentially supporting Lex's story, whose appeal is beyond me and failed to capture me here, so instead of stealing the spotlight like her return should be she's simply formed around Lex's story. Conclusion: Possibly a problem with who she was placed with, but this appearance of the typically peppy Death turned out to be flat. Hopefully we'll see her again in a better light soon though.

Uncanny X-Men #529
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio with Harvey Tolibao
This issue contains just more of Fraction's poor attempts at writing Emma. Oh and Danger and Box finally become the pioneering couple that inspire confidence to those sex robot enthusiasts who've come into the spotlight of public humiliation as of late. Also, can we talk about how creepy it was when Fantomex walked in on Box who had a projection of Danger and her systems up on his screen? It just had this horrible vibe of a creeper who got a hold of someone's nudes. Whatever, at least they finally went out on a date.

The 'Lights' are dealt with at some points, but I won't really get into it. Nor will I get into Generation Hope #1. Why? Because these new mutants have bland, one-note personalities with unoriginal powers. And I mean one-note as each character seems to be defined by one trait that is constantly played up on. The metal-skin girl? Her academic drive, that's all she sees the world through. African girl with fire and ice powers? All religious/spiritual focused thoughts. And of course, the feral guy's always mate and sometimes fight/flight which is ridiculous especially because you KNOW they would have never written a female feral mutant to have mate on her mind all the time. I could go on and on about how much I dislike this feral mutant's likely gendered presentation, but I'll do it some other time. Which by the way, all of these powers? It's not just that we've seen them before; it's that we've seen them so many times that it's aggravating to see the same old powers used for the new generation. One would think that the writers would jump at the opportunity to think up some nifty new powers and complex new characters, but no it would seem. I've heard part of the reason to be sort of like the original five X-Men, butttt don't we go down that route every couple of years with some mini series or origins issue?

The main plot of this issue is yet again dramatizing for no reason. Fantomex all of a sudden becomes involved in the abduct Shaw mission where he only does two things: Hypnotizes Box into going out with Danger and places an EVA in place of Shaw in the prison. Even though Emma's fully capable of convincing Box into peacing out for awhile. Whatever, another opportunity for Fraction to air out his fratboy brand badassery. Oh and also, Kitty's involved. But is she moving around you may ask!? The science club made her a special suit. Yup, yet another example of science being the new magic in this series. And in terms of Emma, she was yet again interpreted through the eyes of a 13 year old as her dialogue was everywhere and just horrid. This being the worst example:

Did Fraction really just attempt to claim that Nightcrawler was Emma's favorite?
Even though they've had maybe two lukewarm scenes together?

Seriously, why does Fraction insist on attempting to qualify crap that has little-to-no previous evidence. Even worse this issue was the presentation of Danger's pondering on whether or not Emma was good or evil. You would think some things would have been made clear by, that she's essentially gray and simply working in a lighter shade these days, but it seems basic ideas elude this series. Conclusion: Standard Fraction crap. Next.

X-Men: To Serve and Protect #1
Writer: James Asmus
Artist: Jon Buran

For this issue I'll only be covering the Emma story considering the others are about Fantomex, Cypher, and Rockslide who are obviously not my favs. Also, I'm going to touch on her Young Allies appearance.

So the story is that a massage parlor gets attacked by Mandrill while Emma's getting a massage there. He uses his pheromone powers to control the women there and make them fall in love with him, but Emma remains immune in her diamond form. Emma and Mandrill discuss why he thinks he deserves these women and why he believes it's ok to manipulate them with this questionable line:

While I adore this calling out of men's absurd expectations, there's a few things wrong here with Emma being the one to say this. Considering she's someone who's gotten plastic surgery to conform to the ideal image of women and has hooked up with some of the worst womanizers, I think she's hardly in a great position to speak on this especially because she's still with an immature manchild. Some of you may say 'Who better than her,' and I can see that, but I would at least have liked her to address that she's previously conformed to these ridiculous notions. I'm all for Emma Frost having some sort of feminist angle, but one that at least makes sense to her character.

Concerning Young Allies #6, her appearance was basically what's common of her recent spotlight. She steps in with difficult to belive altruistic motives (in this case wanting to bring Firestar to Utopia), but the writers try to cover it up by having her be pointlessly bitchy in ways that make no sense to her character and really just serve to insult her intelligence (the whole ordering coffee then acting insulted by it when someone tries to serve her it). And the resolution of this coming to Utopia issue ended with a very fanfic-y "I don't want to live by any labels" speech from Firestar which left Emma 'touched'. Do I even need to explain how I feel about that? Also, this inability to correctly execute Emma's voice by most writers makes it sadly hilarious that Kelly Thompson of She Has No Head! said today, "A lot of writers really seem to “get” Emma’s voice as Grant Morrison, Joss Whedon, Warren Ellis, Scott Lobdell, Kathryn Immonen and several other significant writers have all nailed her voice in recent years..." [Source]. While, yes, all of these writers have besides Immonen have, but still, all the rest generally disappoint in a big way and miss her voice and characterization by quite a bit. Anyway, onwards to the most recent poll:

Telekinesis and Telepathy tied for #1! And then Flight, Shape-shifting, and Super Strength all came in 3rd, 4th, and 5th way behind the first two. Thanks for voting and be sure to vote one the next one! Also, be sure to look out for the next post which hopefully will be in a couple days where I review the lastest Avengers Academy, Avengers the Childrens Crusade, and Chew.

The List #40

Before we begin, apologies again for the my delayed and brief posts for this past month, I've probably already mentioned that it's due to my college workload at the moment and yeah, it's still going strong right now. Also, maybe it's just me, but this month's releases were overall bland and I found myself without much to say on half of my regular titles. Anyway, all of this will probably be resolved very soon, so please just bear with me.

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #3
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Despite the good omen of this issue's fabulous cover, this issue had little of the joy, laughter, and fun of previous issues to offer this time around. Basically the events of the issue were this: Captain Crocodile who popped in at the end of the last issue attempted to explain his motivation for wanting to kill the babies as they sometimes blow up. Then there was a hunt for a guy on the run named James Jasper clone or something who has to do with the Warpies business (Not sure the significance and I refuse to read Excalibur to find out). He was killed and then this leads to an opening of a Ghost Box with tons of soldiers from another dimension coming though.

Overall, it was underwhelming as Captain Crocodile and the silent hunt for James Jasper ate up a lot of page time. There was a moment of pure joy where Emma was given her due respect though [which can be viewed here], and of course this thrilled me to no end as it's always a good day when my Queen is treated like the Queen she is. Speaking of her being an absolute queen, unfortunately there was only one moment this issue where she was funny and it was really just commentary on her odd way of patching into other people's brains last issue. Still, Emma goodness is Emma goodness:

Conclusion: I'm sad to say this issue was a disappointment as it was an issue I had heavy anticipation for and also, Astonishing is one of the few titles where I can see Emma written correctly (as you will see emphasized when we get to Uncanny).

Gotham City Sirens #16
Writer: Peter Calloway
Artist: Andres Guinaldo
This arc begins fresh without the absolute bore that is Tony Bedard's writing. It's difficult to judge whether or not this writer will work this series as the results of this issue were mixed: The cast's personalities are still being flatly written with everyone's dialogue sounding mediocre and like the discount store version of how they usually speak. However, a big plus of this issue was the special guest appearances of other Gotham City Sirens such as Zatanna, Talia Al Ghul, and Oracle which is a big plus considering this is supposed to be a female-centered series.

On the other hand, the big conflict of this arc has to do with Selina's connection with Bruce Wayne and villains discovering his secret identity. Definitely a minus to have an arc rotating around a man attached to one of these characters, even though it's been the focus of most of the arcs so far, because it just seems to present this idea that these female characters have no stories of their own without the men in their lives.

The artist, who's been with us since at least last arc but I've yet to really comment on, is also a subject of mixed results as he's absolutely terrible, but he also seems to produce hilarious results as can be seen here with Selina:

Either Selina's been secretly working to be a body builder or this guy has difficulty drawing outside of male physiques.

Also did Dick Grayson get thrown in some sort of aging machine in order to be an adequate replacement for Batman? Because this guy's take on Dick is absolutely scary. Like I think he's using former Batman Adam West as a reference. And I mean the Adam West of now.

Conclusion: While I'm thrilled for GCS to finally have a new writer, I can't say he's doing anything that different from the last one. However, there are a couple spots that I found to be encouraging so there may be hope for this series yet.

Uncanny X-Men #528
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
Fraction needs to stop writing Emma Frost. For some reason he thinks he can, so he spent half the issue focusing on her and her new plan to kill Sebastian Shaw so no one ever finds out she's keeping him prisoner and all this just sounds like fucking grasping for storylines. More importantly, it's further ruining her character because obviously he's still writing her with the most fucked-up dialogue I've ever read.

Also, I'm so done with these new kids' storylines. It's the same thing every issue: There's conflict with the new power, X-Men arrive to help but they can't do much, and in the end it's only Hope who helps them and for some idiotic reason they agree to go with the X-Strangers. In the end, here's Storm's breasts to sum up how I feel about this issue.

I'll grow up someday.

X-Men Legacy #240
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Despite this being one of the best X-men series as well as a currently serving up a great arc with the much-anticipated return of the Children of the Vault, I find myself having little to actually say about it. It's through no fault of this book that I find myself in this position, hopefully if you read you can see why, but I just couldn't find any point in particular this issue that I found noteworthy on its own.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book as one of the strongest X-Books of the past year and also this specific arc as its got the charming work of Clay Mann with Carey providing a great story and using a unique cast of X-Men that really works for this arc.




X-Men Vs. Vampires #1
Writers + Artists: [Find Out Here]
X-Vignette mini-series tend to be a hit or miss with me with the miss being the general leaning. This one so far seems to be fine despite it being part of the horrible vampire-polooza bullshit. Here's a quick rundown of what was went down in this one:

Husk shows her loyalty to her BFF Jubes and goes out hunting for information about where she is. When she encounters vampires we get a show of how badass she is as she shakes off a vampire bites by just husking, turns into a wooden form with tons of stakes, isn't phased by being set on fire, and barely reacts to getting chopped in half with an axe. Why isn't she on a team again?

The next story is a Dazzler story where we get the whole "We're people too!" vampire story. Which would be fine if that was even close to the main focus of this vampire event. Instead, it's a story in a vignette series which means a whimper in the terrible roar of this event. Not only do I not care, but True Blood's already got this covered and does it so much better.

Following that is what seems to be a Rogue story where she meets a vampire who believes she's the reincarnated form of his past lover due to her spirit seeming the same. Instead it turns out to be none other than No-Girl possessing Rogue. At first she's torn about this as he promises her love and a body, but in the end she just kills him. Also, Ernst appears and is fabulous in appearance, but fails to sound like her creepy self (is it really that had to write a creepy voice? Seriously?). Basically a mediocre story involving two great characters.

And the last story is a Magneto one which I didn't even bother to read. I'm sorry, I don't care if this turns out to be the greatest vignette story ever, I'm so fucking sick of Magneto right now I just want Logan to decapitate him this frigging instant. And now for the news:

• This double-panel from Namor: The First Douchebag #2 served to tick me off. I'd take it less seriously had Emma reacted as if this was sarcasm or denial, but it seems she thinks him serious. To this I say: Really, Namor? You're the pathetic stalker here, bud. Remember [this]?
• Apologies for my lack of inclusion of Avengers Academy #4, but it was fucking dull due to spotlighting Mettle as well as having to no suspense considering A. Osborn wouldn't bite it in a junior book B. We already saw the end result of this issue in Thunderbolts.
  
• The results of our last poll reveal Wolverine and Rahne's Hellspawn in a tie for most likely to be declared Omega-level which is exactly as it should be. Narcissistic asshat Cypher followed in second and Fantomex came in a far behind third. Qwerty and Sage tied for fourth which is too bad because I was rooting for Claremont's super-pet. Oh and Longshot didn't get a single vote, so how's that for lucky? Thanks everyone for voting and don't forget to vote on the new multiple choice question where you choose who gets kicked out of X-Factor. And by multiple choice I mean you can pick as many members as you want. Hell, kick out the whole team if you want.
  

The List #38 Part 1

Astonishing X-Men #35
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez and Andy Lanning
Picking up where we left off last issue with the X-Men in the zombie workshop, Cyclops decides to torch the place and escape through a tight exit. Beast voices his doubts about this and Cyclops replies along with a reference to Emma in the bedroom [Here]. Like a proper lady, she acts like she has no idea what he's talking about....mainly because it's her job to embarrass him with references to their sex life.

As the X-Men are trying to escape the inferno they caused their also met with the approaching guards of the place, so Cyke decides to cut a hole in the jet since it was probably doomed anyway. This leads to one of my great loves of Astonishing: Group shot time!!

You'll notice Emma's NOT in diamond form for a battle scene for once. This is probably because Ellis does not mention her as an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH, so he doesn't have to deal with the problem of having a severely overpowered character in a fight scene. Speaking of which, according to [this article] Psylocke is now also an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH which I'm sure delights Psylocke fans, but with every addition to this category comes the diminishing of its specialness or meaning like how people use 'love' all the time instead of 'like'. How so? Because Jean Grey, Quentin Quire, Emma Frost, Professor Xavier, Psylocke, the Stepford Cuckoos, and very possibly No-Girl are all Omega-Level Telepaths. What's the problem? Who of the X-Community is a telepath and not Omega Level? All I can think of is Monet and in the end I'm sure it's a shorter list than the one above. As I mentioned before, [Omega level is just an entrance to pure suck] and I just hope that this trend dies off quickly (Psylocke fans, I'm not hating on Betsy, just the Omega Level classification).

Moving on, Ellis reveals that Emma still takes a special interest in her students:

From there Emma discovers the problem is two levels up which Cyclops immediately blasts with Wolverine leading the charge there. The reveal of this arc's villain is most....unexpected (and leads to one of the best group shots I've seen in a long time!):

Can I get that as a poster? Seriously.

Also, holy crap I forgot Abby Brand was still in this arc. Isn't she with the Secret Avengers now? Well, anyway, I feel like she's never been far away with her cousin Vicky Hand around (complete speculation/just-for-lols, but would you be surprised?).

Back to the story, the villain of. this arc. is............Yoanna! *Cue Free For All!* Actually no, but that would've been an improvement compared to what was finally revealed: A mutant. But angry message boarders hold those vile comments, it's not a mutant to further mangle the 198 rule, apparently it's a man whose mother survived Hiroshima so he's a technical mutant (as in one who could exist in real life). As if he's the ghost of Morrison's forgotten ugly mutants' past, he proceeds to criticise the X-Men for not being true freaks even Beast being generally likable to the eyes (this guy's frail, and gross-looking, also so weak he has to use a motorized wheelchair).

Note that Emma's almost looking to the 4th wall with a face that's totally, 'Yeah, so?'

It's basically Ellis commenting on how ridiculous it is that the X-Men are outcasts when they're all attractive and would probably be accepted as celebrities in the real world. Anyway, it turns out this guy's sole motivation for zombie-fest with the desecrating of Paradigm and Wallflower's bodies is just because these mutants are pretty so he feels he has no community with them so

he lashes out. Think it's anti-climatic and ridiculous? So does Emma as Ellis has her lampshade this moment by having her tell him he could've just written a nasty letter. 'Mutant' guy stands by his decision to try and kill them, so Cyclops goes and is about to kill him much to the horror of Storm and Beast who just told him off for this behavior. Instead Cyclops decides to let Abby Brand have him as her prisoner, and also instead of giving this guy his death wish, the X-Men are going to see to it that he's kept alive. From there the guy almost puts the building on self-destruct, but Hisako thwarts him. In the end, Wolverine smacks him in the face just in case he tries anything. Also much to the horror of his teammates. Here's his defense and a moment that makes me glad Wolverine's on the team (which is a rare feeling for me):

Oh honey, don't worry, you're as kind as a plague, and as mature as a fart joke, and for these reasons I love you!

This issue ends with Cyclops asking Brand if the bomb can still be detonated, she replies yes, and he says good because he was thinking about having Wolverine over it when it detonated. Which is a funny way to end it, but......that's it? That's really how this arc ends? As much as I appreciate Ellis saying everyone's too pretty to be believed because it's true, this felt anti-climatic and lazy.

Conclusion: As part of an arc, this issue is mediocre, but as an issue on its own, and being judged by how entertaining the characters were, it was great fun and I recommend you buy it ASAP. As I've said before, I still think Astonishing is one of the best, if not the best, X-Book, and I recommend it to anyone who wants the real X-Men. Also, a message to Warren Ellis, I'd like you to know that for writing Emma Frost 100% true to her Morrison/Whedon characterization despite other's horrible attempts and also your earlier fumbles, I offer you free sexual favors of gratitude which you can collect any time (you know, in the spirit of the diamond queen herself). But seriously, Ellis has Emma dead-on these days without missing a single beat, and I LOVE him for it. And I've critcized nearly every writers attempts at characterizing Emma, so for me to have no complaints is Haley's Comet rare.

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants- Storm + Gambit #1
Writer: Chuck Kim
Artist: Chris Bachalo
This book follows up the decision made in X-Men #2 to resurrect Dracula with the X-Men sending Storm and Gambit to be the ones to retrieve it as the vampires have put up shields to block from teleporting into their island base.

Rather than explain the plot, I'll just say the necessary: They're successful in the end. Also, this one-shot focuses more on Storm and her development with Gambit functioning as sidekick. I'd take more issue with this, but the lack of focus also means Gambit gets to just be the fun, charismatic thief that people love as opposed to the irksome attempts at developing his character further with his endless struggle with the uninteresting 'Death' persona.

Kim's Storm is a smart balance between a current regal Queen and a former warrior/thief returning to her old talents. Kim also takes an opportunity to have Storm wrestle with her feelings on killing that she's had to recently examine with the reveal of X-Force with the discovery that the shield blocking teleporting that needs to be taken down is powered by people being drained. A great conflict is brought in as time is of the essence with the vampires discovering Storm and Gambit's presence, but the only way she knows how to take care of the shield quickly is to bring it down with her powers and kill the human hosts (who are begging for her help). In the end she does bring down the shield, but is clearly wracked with severe guilt over what she's just done. It's the perfect move to put the task of killing (even if it's pretty much mercy killing) in the face of the Number 1 person opposed to the X-Men's recent kill-or-be-killed stance.

Kim's skillful handling of character even extended to ones who only played a minor role in this issue including Emma who sounded pitch-perfect when she was complaining about how ineffective Dazzler was in battle. It also continues a pre-existing rivalry between the Queen and the Cameo Queens, so good on Kim even though I believe Northstar and Emma could be divalicious as friends.

Bachalo's return to an X-Men-related comic is probably one of the most eagerly anticipated aspects of this one-shot, and he really was a welcome return, there's really nothing quite like his style. There was some fumbling with the fight scenes as things tended to get crowded and confusing to follow, which isn't an unheard of complaint on Bachalo's work, but for the most part everything was well-done.

Conclusion: This one-shot will probably be the best part of this event that piggybacks onto the current vampire trend, and it's simply a well-done story on its own. Bachalo and Kim were definitely welcome talents to the X-Men universe, and I for one would enjoy them gracing us with their presence again sometime soon.

Uncanny X-Men #527 Review

Uncanny X-Men #527
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
This cover is such a source of irritation for me it's ridiculous. It's absurd that Emma is all, "Oh mah lands, he's about to kiss me!" plus the use of 'soft' colors for this cover. Instead this cover should be her reacting to Namor's advances with a playfully mischievous smile as if she were thinking it over (and in control as opposed to this cover). Yet again why I resent Dodson on anything besides a teen series.

On the actual contents of this issue, this issue is mainly about Emma going through the gallery of her notable former fucks, and I am just itchy thinking about it. I'm not saying Emma has crabs. I'm saying noted womanizers Sebastian Shaw, Namor, and Iron Man probably do. While I love Miss Frost, her choice in bed partners is disgusting especially since it's almost completely populated by manchildren. She needs to discover the joys of sexy, charismatic men like Gambit....I'd ship that. During Emma's first station of the cross, her meeting with Tony Stark, something caught my eye:

Emma totally looks like Lord Fanny here.
Emma's definitely had other moments where she resembled my favorite Invisible, and she definitely spoke exactly like her during Morrison's New X-Men, but I'll elaborate on that another time (probs in a comparison post).

Anyway, Emma basically meets up with Tony Stark to just establish that they're cool now considering their last meeting. Fraction takes this opportunity to try and mimic Morrison's take on how Emma speaks to verbose results (link). This issue you'll notice that word has made it to Fraction that we're tired of defanged Emma, so he attempts to write this by having her bitch at everyone. It's like watching a 16-year old blow a melodramatic hissy fit; it's painfully embarrassing to witness.

Emma next visits Sebastian Shaw and Danger gets in her face about her being worried that someone will find about her keeping him prisoner. Which after X-Force's big reveal it's not that big of a deal especially considering it's Emma Frost. Instead Emma explodes into a hissy fit and Box shows up to inform her that Colossus is looking for her. When she leaves, the real romance of this issue sets in:

*Insert robot love joke here*

Meanwhile Scott and Logan are in Japan going over how much longer they can keep their secret love for each other under wraps....what? It's right there in the subtext. Wolverine doubts Cyclops' ability to lead without the presence of a war, I doubt his ability to lead period, and then there's this little gem:

That really is the most f#@%ing ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And if all this tension in the relationship leads up to an engagement ring, then I'm boycotting Uncanny (which I probably should've done a long time ago). Meanwhile, Emma begrudgingly arrives to help Kitty and Peter. Here's her entrance:

This A. Makes me miss Fanny B. Makes me miss the day when Emma's development had little to do with a serious relationship with a man.

Kitty and Peter are asking for Emma because no one else can get into Kitty's mind right now and they simply want to communicate. Emma pitches another appalling fit at this, but I mean it's almost understandable considering this is the face Peter approaches Emma with (he's actually begging her for help in this panel).

That's a face only a mother could love.
Luckily she's dead so she's saved the futile effort of trying.

Emma finally reads Kitty's mind and it's 'revealed' that Kitty loves Pete. Really? That's what they were harping on Emma for? Kitty can't just make that dreadful heart hand symbol?

Let's take a pause on this to talk about the new mutant. He's the vibrating one in the teasers and apparently this one also is all about the tests and grades. Here's how the team coming to help him enters-->

Seriously Cece? First off, his family's freaking out enough concerning his being a vibrate-y mutant, is that really the only greeting you can think of? What's even more appalling is that the family accepts them rather than is like, "Uh, fuckoff strangers, go steal kids somewhere else,"

Everything is resolved once Hope arrives since now she's all of a sudden the perfect person to help ease new mutants into their new lives. I know I know, she's the 'messiah,' but if you're reading Uncanny then tell exactly what she's doing special that more experienced members can't? As evidenced by Emma, telepaths can take care of controlling the power levels of mutants, so why not send Xavier with Hope at least? Help restore his reputation? Anyway, everything turns out all right and the guy can live to test another day.

Back in the Atlantean column of Utopia, Emma has sushi with Namor has he tries to seduce her unsuccessfully. He asks the million dollar question during this scene:

Really Emma, when are you going to knock this shit off?

Anyway, it's all role-reversal this scene as we recreate someone trying to break up a Cyclops relationship, but with Emma this time being on the side of the tempted. Except Namor sucks at seduction and is just a prick the entire time. Back in the old days, Emma at least tried to act like she cared what Cyclops thought when she was seducing him (up until he went onto how he was possessed), and the entirety of her conversations with him weren't about badmouthing Jean (just partially).

This issue ends with Emma walking down to see the seemingly unconscious Shaw and telling him to 'sleep tight, you bastard' to which he smiles when her back turns. Conclusion: Someone needs to alert Fraction that he's not allowed to write Emma anymore. Also, someone needs to tell him the only romance we need to see more of is the blossoming romance of Danger and Box.

Apologies for being so late on this one, my Saturday was devoted to discovering Warren Ellis' free webcomic Freakangels. I completely recommend it to anyone who likes comics period.