The List #45 Part 1

Uncanny X-Men #530
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
Before we begin, can I ask what is up with all the good/important X-Titles being released this week? Who at Marvel thought this was a good idea? I'm thinking a constant feed of X-Men works much better than just having one week a month where everything comes out.

This issue marks the welcome return of Greg Land to Uncanny which is a big improvement to Portacio awkward rape faces and characters who seem to have perpetually fried hair. Some of you may not be glad to see the return of Land, but let's think of it in the context of Uncanny: So long as Fraction is writing it in any form, it will always be shit and Land, while a horribly controversial artist, produces images that are worth lots of laughs. So if I'm going to be suffering this shit in attempting to keep in the know of what's going on, I at least welcome some unintentional humor along the way. Also, his issues tend to be more colorful.

The opening of this issue starts with Emma going over how important Shaw is for the hundredth time and then telling Fantomex and Shadowcat how she explained their departure to Cyclops. Basically, she used a flimsy shopping excuse that he didn't buy. She'd have had better luck just not telling him. Oh and, because this is Land, she's naked during this conversation with Cyclops. Yeah, Emma Frost, master manipulator and professional liar, really has trouble coming up with convincing explanations for three people's absence. Good heavens it appalls me how little respect Fraction has for female characters, but more on that later.

The big plot of this issue is the big release of HX-N1 disease that's infecting a decent amount of Utopia including, OMG WAIT FOR IT......WOLVERINE!!! OMG WHAT?! I thought his power levels were over 9000?! Yeah, we're doing a deadly mutant virus....again! Which is also a total ripoff of the swine flu hype! I understand there are only so many X-Stories to be told, but do we really have to put up with such obviously recycled crap? Speaking of recycled:

I know we've all seen this basic image before considering it's Copy and Paste Land, but is this really considered a desirable body? Big shoulders with a tiny waist? Is this what macho men want? To look like big pizza slices?

So yeah, there's also something uninteresting deal with the Collective Man as well as the guy whose working with Sublime or whatever and is now making his own faux Original Five X-Men. Nobody really cares and also, how many times do we have to have a group based around being like the Original Five? Again: It's played out now, let's at least move on to emulating the All-New All-Different group. Also, a little panel that popped up during the Faux Five introduction:

Does this panel makes you guys uncomfortable? It certainly makes me uncomfortable, like holy fellatio, how did this get past the censors?

Moving back to the virus issue, Cyclops tries to contain the situation by holding Utopia under quarantine and also calling a press conference, conducted by Archangel and I'm guessing Val Cooper, that basically just scares everyone and makes faint prejudices come out. Did the press really need to be informed? That island's fairly isolated, especially under quarantine, they actually could get away with not telling anyone until it becomes a big deal. Meanwhile, Dazzler and Northstar get the news, Daz being fabulously dressed up like the biggest fag hag this side of the Marvel Universe, and Daz is actually excited to be one of the remaining outside X-Men despite the fact that it means people are ridiculously ill. K, this is where we return to Fraction having no respect for women and I'd include gay men considering Northstar's also involved in this. Here we have Ali acting completely insensitive and stupid and that's pretty much how he's portrayed her and Northstar since he's introduced them: Stupid, superfluous, and shallow, basically as total jokes. What's worse is I feel like he's not aware of this and just thinks he's doing them a favor giving them some page time.

Conclusion: While this issue is definitely drama-filled and sort of fun, there's nothing really new to be found here. Same plotlines and same problems with the creative teams, but definitely a more fun issue than we've seen lately.

X-Men Legacy #242
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue marks the beginning of the brief Post-Second Coming rebuild arc which is oddly placed considering Second Coming's more or less already forgotten by now. Also, considering the last arc was pretty self-contained and could have easilly just have been moved to be after this one instead of before. That and Utopia and San Fransisco are already being drawn to be fully recovered by all the other artists, so we don't even get the visual need for this rebuild anymore.

The story this time around is basically three things: The rebuilding of Utopia, Omega Sentinel losing control over her systems, and Hellion's angst over losing his hands. Except Hellion's pretty justified in his angst, well, minus the fact that he keeps getting pissed anyone trying to help him. Rogue remedies this by deciding if he's not going to respond to sympathy then he's going to be put to work instead, and really, good on her for choosing that route considering how pissy he is to just everyone. However, he does bring up one good point that's pretty much on everyone's minds:

Um really. Considering the science team operates like magic, just conjuring something up every time there's a need, how hard is it to make convincing looking hands considering it's just really about throwing on some latex or wtfever to those robot claws?

Meanwhile, a team is gathered to rebuild San Fransisco which includes Random, Psylocke, Hope, Colossus, Omega Sentinel, Rogue, and Danger. You may notice that there's a lot of former villains on this list, and if you read the issue, it looks even worse considering how ominous Magneto looks throughout the entire issue with being just white coming out of the shadow of his helmet. Seriously, Mags, way to help people feel comfortable with you.

Another thing of note includes how the Hope baton is passed from Uncanny to Legacy as Carey gets his chance to deal with the mutant messiah. Hellion gets in a tiff with her over her not using her powers to help speed up the reconstruction. Magneto makes a biblical reference when commenting on Hellion's disbelief concerning Hope, speaking about Thomas the Apostle wanting to see Jesus' crucifixion marks to prove he was the messiah. And really, I'm right there with Hellion because since her introduction I haven't bought Hope as some sort of astonishing messiah, and I just don't see myself buying it any time soon. She's just Jean-lite, and really, half the time Jean herself was Jean-lite.

Speaking of characters who act like previously established characters, I'm surprised Carey put Psylocke and Omega Sentinel together considering how similar both their functions are on a team and just generally how they act. I mean, the similarity's not so strong that it's embarrassing, that'd only occur if Carey added Sage to the mix, but it's still an interesting choice. Also, I have to wonder why there wasn't a scene with Psylocke tried to talk to Hellion, maybe it's just me, but I'd be interested to have two TKs address their similarity and all that.

In the end, this issue is hardly spectacular, but it is certainly a good one. While the main plot is hardly worth discussing at length, and as you can see I didn't because I really couldn't, it's still a Carey-quality issue. Also, the art done by Davidson is sort of standard which is sort of disappointing because I really enjoyed his dark work on New Mutants. Conclusion: This is one you should only purchase with your spare change.

The List #31 Part 2

Forgetless #5
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artists: Scott Forbes, Marley Zarcone, and Jorge Coelho
I hate that I only found this series right before the last issue came out because its entire run would have been a great addition to this blog. Still, at least I do get to talk about it because this mini-series is so kickass.

Instead of reviewing this last issue and spoiling everything before any of you have a chance to pick it up, I'll just speak on the series in general. Now, if you're going to understand this review you'll probably need to go to this first preview to get the basic idea of the series and what I'm talking about.

Ok, so the idea of models hired to kill a guy at a club on its last night is not the most interesting idea out there. Here's the thing that first stopped me: The art. You'll notice the artist covering the models' side of the story, Scott Forbes, basically has the style of a poor man's Josh Middleton. Which is A-OK with me, I love Middleton enough to accept watered down version as my artist. Plus the other two artists are equally adept at drawing you in against your will and making you love their work. And the color scheme of the club (and a lot of the moments from the side story) remind me of this episode of MTV's Downtown.

The next part that catches your attention about this series is that it's genuinely hip. Unlike Immomen's run on Runaways that felt awkwardly out-of-touch and Diablo Cody and her constant attempts at hipster speak that just beg for your approval so they can be slapped onto a Hot Topic T-shirt, this series just simply reflects on what is now, like inclusion of the characters' Twitter feeds and the up-to-date fashion like Sara wearing Lady Gaga gloves, without overwhelming us in how socially savvy it is.

Probably the most attractive aspect of this series is it goes there. This series is not afraid to have a guy who dresses up in a koala outfit and goes out responding to the most disgusting Craigslist Personal ads. The humor is my favorite brand: snarky, and it's top notch enough to make me consistently laugh out loud. But I must warn you that this comic could offend the shit out of you. Then again, if you read this blog and all the nasty snark I spew then you're likely all set for this mini-series.

That's not a pie that he's tasting. Definitely not a pie.

A lot of the plot goes on about New York and the horrible things people do to get status there, and from there it goes on about how New York corrupts you. Why is it always New York? Is that the only place in U.S. that impregnates people with the chestbursters of greed, dishonesty, and lust? Whatever, I'm sure that New York's corruption is unique and all, but it's annoying to hear songs, stories, and people saying, "It's only there that people sell their soul for fame!" It makes me determined to go sell my soul in Nebraska and follow it up with a book about the evils of those Nebraskans and their whatever-they're-noted-for's just to spite the over-dramatic corruption of New York. That irritation aside, this book is almost perfect and the best part of it is the side story.

Or back story. Whatever, it's a separate story about trio of teenagers from an uneventful part of Jersey who are fighting to get their ways to the last night of Forgetless. A lot of their motivation is that they already feel that they should be a part of the NYC scene and that where they live fails them as its trashy and unexciting. I. Can. So. Relate. And unless you were lucky enough to be born in a happening area, you probably can too. The character of Darla is genius because most people have had her as a friend before: that impossibly clever and fearless friend of yours that doesn't have a brain cell to her name if it has to do with something legal. And then there's David, the bucket of nerves gay best friend which everyone has except me because I totally am him. Anyway, to close this side story is the best part of Forgetless and is just an amazingly good time.

Conclusion for Forgetless: Buy it. Love it. But pray you don't live it.

New Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendies
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is about Luke Cage being given his own Avengers along with the newly rennovated Avengers Mansion to do with as he pleases. As he's going to go move in, he's greeted by Victoria Hand pointing a Cable-sized gun at him and his family. Her motivation? Because even though Steve Rogers gave her a second chance to clean up her act, she's paranoid about the other Avengers beating her ass so she feels the need to have a gun on her. Smart, Vicky. In response, Luke Cage claps his hands and it throws her and her gun on steroids back into a wall.

Later on Hand is confronted by Wolverine and Cage who ask her about why she was working with Osborn and if she understood he was nuts. She responds with all the crap she said in the last Dark Avengers and they all tentatively accept her. All except Miss Jessica Jones who has a problem with people pointing a gun at her toddler...

Don't get me wrong, it's great that she cares whether or not her baby's alive. But I swear to fuck, I do not want her only character moments be about her role as a mother. You'd think as a Poison Ivy fan that I'd be desensitized to hearing, "My baby!" every five minutes, but no, it still irritates the piss out of me. I understand her role as a mother will be a part of her character for ever and ever from now on, but Bendis really needs to bring back some of her Alias-era personality.

Now onto the team roster which is given by a double-page spread of the character around the dinner table. Unfortunately, the diva formerly known as Captain America's only limits on team members was that he couldn't have Thor or Iron Man. Which I'm sure he's kicking himself for now because here's the team roster: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Mockingbird, Hawkeye, Iron Fist, Jessica Jones, The Thing, Wolverine, and Ms. Marvel. Ok. Half of the New Avengers are also on the adjectiveless Avengers team (Wolverine, Hawkeye, Spider-Man), and starring in 30 other books. Do they really need to be on another team? Like seriously Bendis, would it kill you to pull She-Hulk from pseudo-Limbo?

The worse is part is The Thing, the member of the Fucking Annoying Four that I hate the most. He's catchphrases and cliched statements that just make him as character dated without the people surrounding him seeming to know that he's over. Oh my God. He's Bret Michaels. Anyway, I just wish the Fantastic Four would sacrifice themselves again like they did during Onslaught, but have it stick this time. Other than that Ms. Marvel's fine, I love Jessica Jones, and Mockingbird I barely know but she does have a cool costume.

Moving back to the issue's going-ons, the villain situation is Dark Reign caused a thinning of the barrier between our realm and others. This is causing things from the other side to get in by possession! Seriously, every month there's at least one of my books having something to do with possession. I used to watch Charmed, I've had my fill of possession plots. Anyway, Dr. Strange and Damian Hellstrom,who is shirtless in leather pants the entire time and makes this issue's villain story more bearable, are possessed and go to fight Dr. Voodoo. Allegedly killing him, the Eye of Agamotto, the thing they're after, is tranferred to Luke Cage, so they show up and attack the Avengers. End issue.

Conclusion, this issue was pretty decent. Despite half the roster sucking, the other half is a good lost, so I'm at least in for the first arc.