The List #15

Uncanny X-Men #517
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
This issue is yet again full of the same issues a lot of the X-Books have been having post-Utopia. The first problem is that "Utopia" is visually uninteresting. This issue itself was rendered visually boring by only having a character on a panel with just either sky or sea behind them. And the island itself is usually just...brown. Comic books rely on writing and art coming together, so when one fucks up, the entire product is screwed. Yet another fun problem courtesy of Fraction.
Land isn't much better, look at the cover. Wtf is he doing with Psylocke just randomly on Namor. With no legs. This cover is total fail.

This issue pretty much revolves around fighting the Predators and considering my thoughts on Matt Fraction's battle scenes, you can imagine how entertained I was. And honestly, considering how powered up the X-Men are now, I do not buy the Predators being that difficult.

We also had another showing "surfer summers" this month:

Freakin' Magneto!? Dude, I mean, BRAW! What the fuck, braw, what the fuck?!
By the way, "surfer summers" is now a tag so we can all track the random transformation of Cyclops from tightass WASP (as in the acronym, not the insect) to bro.

Um, does having psychic abilities arouse the psychics?
Seriously, remember last post's rant on the Cuckoos portrayal? This shit is why. The Cuckoos are at least still high school age and these poses are definitely sexualized. Dis-gust.

Anyway, the issue itself was mildly interesting. It was so sad to see the Cyclops had to present Magneto using his powers on the metal-skinned Predators as a stroke of genius. It should've been the fucking default idea and considering the man used to threaten to shift the magnetism of the entire planet, he should've had no trouble, old and repowered in a funky way or not.

I have way too much love for the Daz panel. Seriously, Diva's one panel appearance is just powerful woman love. Also, I kind of like the gay icon is next to the campy image of Wolverine which is done by Land and is recycled so often it's ridiculous. Oh and I should mention in case anyone is wondering about what happened to my following the cameo queens, especially in those four posts following their appearances. After Utopia, there were way too many appearances of the cameo queens as background filler and I have nowhere near the time to follow all of that nowadays. So cameo queens posts won't be updated anymore, but they'll still get attention as they appear in the comics I read.

Storm came into the fight late and was addressing the Predator when she entered. It sort of reminded me of her animated appearance with her weather haikus. We had creative use of Rogue time, which was admittedly cool, but felt forced as if Fraction is desperately looking for someone to think he's badass.

In the end, the Phoenix left the Cuckoos which led to Cyclops telling Emma she needs the Void thing taken care of. I'm thrilled because that dumbass diamond move has affected her appearances everywhere, so it's still not her anywhere but Astonishing. Seriously, this has been since the beginning of Utopia. WTF. Anyway, I'm glad the Phoenix left the Cuckoos since that was a big damage of Phoenix Warsong. Hope they don't get portrayed as normal now that they don't have their "diamond hearts". Good news though is that Phoenix activity means one thing which I dread Fraction's hand being on the project of: Jean's coming back! But I remember what she once said:

I invite it to come burn away what doesn't work then.

Gotham City Sirens #6
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Guillem March
I adore the cover of this issue. Because I adore Ivy, of course. Sadly, this issue disappointed more than the last. It's depressing that a series the promotes three villainess' antics ends up rotating around men who have barely anything to do with the title. Seriously, it's the most sexist shit I've ever seen. When this book gets cancelled, which I'm sorry to say but it probably will, I would just like everyone to know why. I buy the book for Ivy and Harley. I expect their character's to be delved into. Not this 2-dimensional treatment their getting now. Don't argue that they aren't dynamic characters--I've got a massive folder of scans to prove otherwise. In the end, this is simply depressing. I was so thrilled to hear about this book when it was introduced too.

New Mutants #7
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves
I have to say I regret missing and promoting the action of New Mutants #6. Turns out I missed Amara getting stabbed/shot/wounded. And Warlock being beheaded. This issue's pretty interesting as it delves into Cypher's problems with being controlled and his trying to fight it. It's intense except for that fucking stupid question he asks when he's trying to figure himself out: "What language am I?!?!" Fucking cheesy. But Wells is definitely taking this Necrosha, dead mutant deal seriously as we see Jetstream get cut in half this issue. Yay for upping the action of this series. Anyway, I don't have much else to say on this issue but buy it and that I love this line that Magik and Colossus share:

The List #14

X-Force #21
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artist: Clayton Crain

X-Force returns to us this month with the better of the two rotating artists, Clayton Crain, covering Necrosha. Which I love considering his goth-y style. Choi's pretty pencils are better suited on a book less involved with frequently eviscerating people.

Looking at the Preview (Clickety) you see Vanisher returning to be almost cut by Tarot's Death card. Um. Yeah is it me or does Death look and move like one of the Reaper thingies from Devil May Cry 3? Yes/Yes?

Also in the previews we have probably the first time Crain really draws any real amount of the X-Men. And I have to say they all look mighty epic! And the colorful factor is really dazzling especially since that's never seen with X-Force's grey and black fashion preference. Oh and another epic moment made more epic with Crain is:

Beautiful.

Yar, so Banshee is among the resurrected specifically picked out to disturb the almighty fuck out of Emma. Funny that, she's trapped in, y'know, emotionless diamond form. Whatever, a writer remembering Emma's time in Generation X is a gift anyway. Yeah and Sean and some others show resistance towards their programming. Which makes me wonder if that means they'd actually keep the resurrected mutants alive considering how resurrection-happy things have been already. It'd be sort of tragic since it'd just continue to show how little death means in the Marvel universe.

Now wouldn't that be exciting? I'd love the return of the Cuckoos best sisters. And a Jean appearance would of course be absolutely delicious. Imagine having God at your control. It's what Selene would have if she got Jean.

In the end of this issue we discover Selene is resurrecting all the dead mutants of Genosha, which is pretty much the inverse of Morrison's New X-Men and I have to say a really cool idea. Especially since I thought this crossover was going to be really simple and mildly boring. Now i'm sort of looking forward to it.

Dark Avengers #11
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr.

I usually love this series, but this issue there was only ONE thing interesting about it: We find out Victoria Hand is a lesbian! That's it.

X-Men Legacy #229
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Daniel Acuna

Most of this issue is Rogue running around trying to save Bling! and that's endlessly interesting in al the ways that aren't. I like Rogue, but she's only so interesting in these sort of "Search and Rescue" and "Run away!" situations because there's very limited opportunities for personality to come through. Good news though: Gambit finds out about Rogue going on the mission and throws a little bitch fit.

This is the second time Scott been all surfer-like. Seriously, no tightass like Cyclops goes around say "What's wrong, man?" Like why doesn't he just start going "Aw bro, that sucks balls, dude!"

Oh and it turns out Gambit is still Death sometimes....like Archangel. The originality is staggering. At least he reflects on his transformation:

We see his abs.
We love his abs.
Shirtless Gambit is a good day.

Ok, people, you may want to start pressing the follow button on this blog. I think it's possible my voice is being heard by Mike Carey himself. For he heard my cries!! FOR MOREEEE........

Ariel!!!
Oh my good gravy Jesus she's more fabulous than condensed Gay Pride.

Ok, so to review: According to me and this blog, this character is a tranny, meaning transsexual, meaning delicious potential for character development. Anyway, I made a promise to Carey to sing his praise whenever he bothers to include Ariel in his series. Carey, if you are listening out there, I will keep continuing this promise and I want to up my offering: if you make Ariel a regular character on X-Men Legacy then I'll get a year's subscription. If you go with making her trans then I'll be two years. Not kidding, I'll scan the board that comes with comic book subcriptions to prove it. (I don't actually think he has any idea this blog exists or my love for Ariel, but on the off chance he finds this place, he needs to know my dedication to making Ariel get more attention.)

So she shows up and does the fabulous thing naturally. And I just have to say that I love that she watches daytime TV. I'd bet dollars to donuts she watches The View.

Belt it, Diva!

Ok, now I have to bitch. I know I said I'd sing Carey's praise. And I do, he's an amazing writer. I love him unconditionally for his time on X-Men before Legacy and for introducing Ariel into my life. But like your mother, I'll always love you, but you'll also never be completely good enough. My problem is this: Why do writers love Dr. Nemesis? They write him like such a cheap immitation of House it's sad. Like boys boys boys, stop using your House fan fiction to write him. And kill him off actually. But suppose that's too much to ask.

But love to Acuna for drawing the Cuckoos in an age-appropriate, non-slutty way. Now, I still don't like the schoolgirl gimmick, but it's hard to tell if that's what is being done here. The thing is: They're 16. Schoolgirl thing is often a sexualized deal and this is comic books where women are often sexualized. So I'm just saying the artists should take into consideration that half the students are Sophomore age and watch how they portray them since shit like Land's sexualized Pixie is one of the most creepy things I've ever seen. Seriously, that's unacceptable. Anyway, summary, good on Acuna for that one.

Conclusion, buy this issue because Ariel is in it. Check how I said that. I didn't say if you like Ariel, buy it. I said buy the issue with the reasoning of because Ariel is in it. Get on it and Carey, X-pect a question from me about Ariel in your next X-Position.

Spider-Woman #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

I know I seem lazy by doing this again, but A. I've had a frackin' exhausting week B. I want you to fucking watch the motion comics of this. K, so same as last time, this series is fucking epicly amazing. Watch it online and buy every issue that releases.

The List #10

Uncanny X-Men #515
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land

Everyone please welcome back Greg Land! If this were a serious title, I'd be fuming pissed to see Greg Land's name on it, but as has been repeated over and over lately, these are "Fracticious times." Wonderful narcissism, Fraction, truly genius. Anyway, not a lot to love this issue or with this week's servings. Especially with this issue. First 8 pages are intro-ing pointless villains we know don't stand a chance against the X-Men, capturing a clone of Scalphunter that was featured in Divided We Stand. Or Manifest Destiny? No one really cares. Which is a theme for this issue actually. A lot of it is about Cyclops and his role as leader now which yet again, no one cares about since he's just an annoying manchild. That and Dr. Old Man Scientist of the X-Club's death which, again, no one really cares about. But here's a couple places of interest:

Heartbreak!

Also, wasn't it fucking weird how Cyclops was all "Aw, man," when everyone was around the body. Lame response, douchebag. Also, does anyone believe Danger will be able to rehab Shaw and Pierce? Seriously? Does anyone ever think that either of these men would be trusted outside of bars? Most fucking ridiculous idea this issue and there were a lot of them. Lastly onto Miss Frost:

I'd welcome back the real Miss Frost except apparently this is only how she acts when she's stuck in diamond form. Since it makes her "emotionless". Yeah.

Ok, so first offense is writing the old Emma as the emotionless Emma since now we're supposed to buy that Emma is Momma Mutation. Second is Storm and Cyclops both freaking out on Emma for her callousness. In the above statement, her thoughts aren't altogether wrong, but more importantly are the team members not brief on each other's powers and their effects? I can't imagine Scott and Ororo don't know about Emma's emotionless factor in her diamond form. Seriously. Lastly, I noticed that the Void slice in Emma's head moves. So basically is looks like a black tadpole floating around in Emma's head then? Kinda Lolzy.

Conclusion: Not worth the effort to go get.

Dark Reign The List: X-Men
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Alan Davis

This story is basically about Osborn transforming Namor's ex-wife, Marrina, into killer fish that can only digest Atlanteans. And the X-Men/Namor killing her. That's it. But I do have a couple comments, first off:

The return of Betsy's butterfly!!
I love it!

That and I have to say I do not enjoy Namor's costume at the moment. This is because he lacks the usually naked factor that I've come to know and love. And as for Alan Davis, I have to wonder what the frack is with all the smiles on the X-Men as their trying to defeat shark Marrina? Seriously Davis, you're worse than Land. Also, the colorist on this issue was kinda shit. You could get away with not reading this issue your entire life, or to put it simply: leave this one on the shelves.

Dark X-Men: The Confession
Writers: Craig Kyle and Chris Yost
Artist: Bing Cansino

This is the conclusion of the pointless, overhyped Emma/Scott "secrets" debate where they spill the secrets and predictably realize they still love each other. Don't buy this unless you're a fucking idiot, and that's all I'm going to say on this issue because it's such a piece of shit it doesn't deserve any more of my attention.

Spider-Woman #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

There are mainly two times when I have trouble commenting on something: when something is mediocre and boring or when something is so well-written my thoughts are unnecessary. Spider-Woman #1 is the latter. BMB turns out an excellent story and probably the only good one this week actually. Alex Maleev, who I did not love at all in Secret Invasion: Dark Reign, shaped up his work where it gives an excellent dark tone to the story. I've also seen this work as a motion comic and it is phenomenal, potentially better than the comic itself, I highly reccomend digging into your piggy banks if your low on comic book funds because Spider-Woman is that good. And also, possibly going to take Ms. Marvel's place in solo female title considering what's going on there...

Ms. Marvel #45
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Phillip Briones

This serving of Ms. Marvel is almost as bad as the MODOK story. Yet again the Ms. Marvel readers need to ask Reed, "Why the f#@% do we care about Catherine Donovan?" Even the sort-of explanation of her happening we got this issue does not cut it. Catherine Donovan is just another piece of crap idea coming out of this mostly mediocre Dark Reign deal. And poor Moonstone is now possessed by Catherine because Norman killed her body. Oh well, not like Reed was using Moonstone correctly anyway. I'm seriously thinking of dropping this series post-Moonstone. Also, absolutely dreadful art this issue:

Plain and simple: Don't buy it.