The Dos and Don't of Resurrecting Jean Grey

As you may have noticed with last week's finale to Second Coming we've been teased yet again with Hope displaying the Phoenix symbol which may mean Mrs. Grey-Summers is not far behind. Or is it just Miss Grey now? I know 'til death do us part, but does that mean if her and Cyclops were still together she'd have to get remarried every time she came back? Anyway, last week's "revelation" got me thinking about how I'd like to see Jean return, and here's my list of thoughts on how I think resurrecting the X-Jesus should be done:

Do use the best and brightest talent.
This is the much-anticipated resurrection of the first X-Woman, and it should be a massive celebration. The level of talent should reflect how big of a deal this return is. For this past crossover, standard to mediocre talent was used (exceptions: Mike Choi and Mike Carey). That was fine; the villains were all recycled and nearly identical, the main people featured have usually been dull as hell, and not a whole lot changed. And while Jean Grey coming back would only be one thing, it could definitely affect a lot of things, but more on that later. Anyway, it'd be a slap in the face to use Dodson who's meant to be on a Teen book or Land who's meant to be running a sleezy superhero porn site. And Fraction the terrible needs to keep his paws away from the X-Goddess. The type of talent that should be used are people like Mike Deodato (he did the Jean on the left) and Mike Carey who could definitely handle bringing Jean back with grace and dignity.

Don't keep her powers at Omega level.
Most of you have read by now that I resent the hell out of the Omega level classification. Basically, it's meant to say this character's power levels are over 9000 or something. Fraction has decided to do this with Emma and Xavier even though it's all right if they're simply skilled and powerful telepaths. The Omega classification has been explained to me as almost godlike levels of power, and it just sounds ridiculous because it overpowers the character and makes them 'perfect'. Which can easily make them dull. Plus, Omega means either they win every battle or a really lame excuse is made up as to why they didn't (Remember The Sentry?). I think Jean should just have the same power levels as she did in the first arc of Morrison's New X-Men before the Phoenix issue got involved. Or even just keeping her powers that same without mentioning the O-word because it just leads to horrible explanations of why a character didn't win this or that.

Do make her changed because of her experiences in the White Hot Room.
Remember that awful No-Girl vs. Quentin Quire story in Nation X #2 where Quentin says he's over being a higher being and just spends that story seeming more juvenile than he ever did in "Riot at Xavier's"? I do. Most of my review of that issue was spent bitching about how much he did not make sense that issue [It's here]. Anyway, I refuse to believe that someone could enter the biz of running reality as we know it and not come back with a different perspective on life. Jean's already a mature character, but what I'm suggesting is that she come back more sage than we previously knew her to be. Even if she doesn't remember exactly what happened she should be somewhat disoriented with things similar to BtVS when Buffy came back the second time (but less dramatic in this case).

Don't start off with a Dark Phoenix story.
Last time we saw Jean for any real amount of time was with X-Men: Phoenix- Endsong. Which was a fun story, but in the end, all she did was be Dark Phoenix all over again up until the last couple pages. Before that was Morrison's Here Comes Tomorrow where she was also crazy Phoenix again, and before that his arcs generally touched towards her being Dark Phoenix again. To summarize, we just saw Dark Phoenix and I for one am fine with waiting a good long while before we see her again. But that's also because I think that a lot of writers are excited to use the cool, powerful characters, but not all of them are careful enough to write these characters well.

Do install her into a position of power.
<--Said by Xavier during Morrison's "Planet X" arc, and I seriously believe that title should transfer to Jean as soon as she's back and ready for it. I've found Jean's shining moments have been when she's been in charge like in "Germ-Free Generation" or "Eve of Destruction". I also find her so much more level-headed than Cyclops will ever be considering he's constantly off on some angst parade. Also, considering how leadership has gone from X-Men as teams to a school to the entire mutant population it'd be interesting to see her as the voice of the people. She's done it before with amazing results and I think now she'd shine so much more as the official voice of mutantkind rather than subbing in for Xavier.

Don't make her a cameo queen.
Cameo queens can be fun, but at the end of the day they're really just false advertising. They're used to have the fanbases of a character purchase titles they appear in just to find out these character have only had all of one line over the course of an entire issue. Now you may doubt that they'd sideline Jean to cameo queen after her return, but look at Kitty right now. They brought her back to sideline her right off the bat even though it would have been all right to simply push her return back to when it could be dealt with in more depth. Odds are Kitty will be a cameo queen for some time too considering she can't talk as she's stuck as a ghost right now. Anyway, it'd be a real shitty thing of the X-Creative team to bring Jean back only to have her just be on the sidelines saying, "Okayyy......I'm here.....what do I do?"

Do have Jean and Scott in conflict.
Remember how we had like 3 years where the storylines rotated around what a "bad guy" Xavier had been, and how shitty he was? Remember how he was practically banished from the X-Men; the X-Men which he created? I'm thinking Cyclops has Xavier beat by now for shitty leader award, and who better to A. Defend Xavier's honor B. Tell Cyclops off than the star pupil/ex-wife? And now with X-Force being exposed to the rest of the X-Men and the senior members finding themselves somewhat divided on the subject with Storm going on about what Jean would do wouldn't it be interesting to actually see that? And combine this with Jean taking over as headmistress, it could lead to an X-House divided with X-Men having to choose to side with Cyclops or Jean. Those siding with Cyclops choosing a more militaristic, morally ambiguous philosophy while those siding with Jean would be standing for traditional X-Men values. And the cherry on top would be that Jean would likely have a bunch of senior members on her side who haven't been in the thick of it in awhile while Scott would have a gang of ex-villains.

Don't have Jean fighting with Emma.
First off, you'll recall at the conclusion of "Here Comes Tomorrow" that it was Jean who pushed Cyclops to accept Emma's offer to reopen the school as well as begin a relationship with her. Which is partially why I call theirs a false love. That and two people desperate for individual attention do not make a perfect relationship like some would think. These people tend to need someone who's fine without all the attention being on them and perfectly happy to give it to someone else. Anyway, by now Jean would have worked out her feelings over the Emma/Scott situation, and even if she hasn't, she's not a character who's prone to cattyness. Besides during the discovery of the affair and minor remarks here and there, Jean is above fighting with Emma and I just think she's above fighting with Emma. However, I don't believe Emma's above picking a fight. Hell no. Emma's so bitchy she'd pick a fight with God even if he threatened to smite her. Anyway, in the end it'd make Jean look bad to participate in fights with Emma.

Do have Jean and Logan get together.
Jean and Logan's sexual tension has been something that's been going on for quite awhile now, and I am surprised it hasn't been explored in a more in-depth way yet. Seems to me the reason given was that there was a mutual understanding that they both wouldn't work out because he's a killer and she's an angel. Except she's also a genocidal goddess sometimes and her kill count will always be higher than his.....but anyway, I think they deserve to have a go now that Scott's off with yet another woman who is selling herself short considering she's with him. It's just an issue of making the interactions tasteful, and it would need someone like Allan Heinberg who's great at being sensitive to what works in a scene with a lot of emotional undertones. Also, I have to say it: The sex would be phenomenal. You know it's true: the combined forces of fiery passion incarnate and animalistic lust. Plus he's got a hundred plus years of experience and she's been a goddess with access to all sorts of knowledge. Whew, the only thing that would be generating more heat than the two of them is the sun which Jean will probably decide to go eat during the afterglow. Anyway, moving on, Jean and Logan would total make an awesome couple with the two of them trying to work against their darker sides. Also, if my idea of the X-Men dividing were to happen with Jean representing the traditional views, can you imagine what a mighty monkey wrench her having a relationship (probs a secret one too) with the almighty X-Killer would be? The possibilities are endlessly delicious, and I would definitely bring my appetite for something like that.

Don't saddle her with Hope.
I understand that to some degree Hope and Jean have to have some sort of connection. Seems to me one of the writers mentioned that Hope signifies the beginning of Jean coming back, and we've seen hints of that give evidence to that. It's all understandable, but what I'm saying is after Hope's served her part just put her back in her plot-progressor box and have that be the extent of her interaction with Jean. Why? Rachel Summers. When you think of her what do you think of? The very first thing that comes to my mind is an angst-ridden word balloon exclaiming "Mom!" There's a reason why I'm only concerned about Polaris returning from space, and that's because Rachel annoys me to no end with her whining about Jean. I really don't want to see that again with Hope, and in any case, Jean as any sort of maternal figure ages her more than she needs to be.

Top 10 X-Men Characters Who Have Been Fucked Over

Writers wield much power when it comes to control over the direction of characters. As with anything, some things turn out fine and some things turn to total shit. Now, this list may seem similar to the last one I made, but in this case it's not an issue of attention so much as something that's happened to the character that makes it so that creators seem weary of using them or it simply puts the character in a bad light.

10. Storm
What happened? She got married.
Now some of you may disagree with this. Some of you may think the Black Panther and her are perfect for each other. The problem with the marriage is: We never see Storm anymore. Sure, she's on the Astonishing team, but it's not exactly a regular book. And yes, she does guest star every so often in Uncanny or a mini-series here or there, but what does she do besides throw a few lightning bolts and summon raging winds? And in terms of Black Panther, does that book even run anymore?
The worst part of this marriage seems to be that Storm, who formerly was the X-Leader who was more prone to violence (Marrow and Callisto, anyone?), is now all of sudden the most anti-death penalty of the X-Men. The roles have now been reversed between Cyclops and Storm in a way that displeases me at the very least. And I blame her getting married because at Marvel it seems women lose their unique pizass when they get married. Here's hoping someone throws a wrench in the marriage soon, remember how great Jean got while her marriage was falling apart?

9. Forge

What happened? He went crazy, tried to kill the X-Men, and maybe died doing it.
As some of you may recall, Ellis' first arc on Astonishing, "Ghost Box," featured a Forge gone crazy after the events of Messiah Complex where he got shot and suffered head trauma. From here, Forge tried to send the X-Men through the Ghost Box to a hostile universe, failed, and then ended up staying in his complex when it got blasted by a fricking laser.
Now, normally going insane and death are the two easy things to reverse in the X-Men universe. But let's look at the picture to the right--->
Forge isn't exactly a beloved character, he's definitely not a stylish character (last time we saw him he was wearing a metal thong), and I'm not even sure that he has fans. If Forge is going to recover from this hit to his character then it's probably going to take awhile or it's going to be in a ridiculous Easy-Fix Marvel Style that pisses off a lot of fans.

8. Jean Grey
What happened? She died, came back for five minutes, then died again and her resurrection has been teased ever since.
At this point in time, Jean fans may very well start holding Marvel writers at gun point until they write the return of Jean Grey. Her fans have been teased with Jean's return every few months for the past couple of years in the hopes that at least they'll buy these generally lame arcs. And now with Hope being connected to Jean and Second Coming being about Hope, it seems Jean's return is coming soon. Why is this a bad thing?
Because with all the teasing, fans are expecting a lot. Jean is also White Phoenix of the Crown now, so that just adds on to how much we expect out of her return. Now let's look at what we have: Odds are Fraction will be doing this book because Uncanny is the flagship book and he's got to have every X-Men character worth having on his book. And by now, you know how I feel about Fraction. Worse is Hope herself because these days she's everything about being a teenager we cringe about even though most of us probably acted like too. Still cringe-inducing. Right now Jean's return seems to be on hold because it seems writers know it needs to be such a production.

7. Dust

What happened? Young X-Men.
Dust was by far the most messed with character in Young X-Men. Within the first arc, Magma turns her to glass and afterwards she gets shattered. From there she gets put back together, but as we find out later, it's not holding up very well. In Young X-Men's final arc, Dust dies, but is saved by the deus ex machina of the series, Ink, with his Phoenix tattoo. This then results in her coming back "wrong" as demonstrated by the flash forwards over the course of the arc showing Dust killing the remaining mutants. How was this resolved? It wasn't. Young X-Men finished with issue #12 having done nothing to derail Dust's future homicidal tendencies.

And now the New X-Men find themselves in a place where they're getting chosen individually, so you can imagine how much panel time Dust's gotten since that mess screwed with her future. To what degree her character has been messed with has yet to be determined, she could very well bounce back with no one ever speaking of that arc ever again, but for now creators don't seem as willing to work with her as they had before.

6. Cassandra Nova
What happened? Astonishing X-Men's "Torn"
During Morrison's New X-Men, this villain was defeated by trapping her in the shapeshifting body of an alien referred to as Stuff. Later on a curious character named Ernst appeared and during the "Here Comes Tomorrow" arc we learn that Ernst was Cassandra Nova. Yet it seems all other writers missed that moment.
Austen the Awful attempted to use her for a future arc of his, but then he departed. Then Whedon actually did use her, and ended up contradicting the Ernst situation by presenting Cassie still stuck in Stuff's original form in the basement of the X-Mansion. And after that arc concluded we were left with no answers as to what happened with her.
Whedon basically fucked Cassandra over because any writer who wants to work with her now is going to have to sort through that mess. Which is too bad because A. Cassie's my favorite X-villain B. I loved the Ernst/Cassandra connection.

5. Xorn

What happened? Every shitty retcon known to man.
During Morrison's New X-Men, the refreshing new character Xorn was revealed to be Magneto. Then he was killed except it turns out thanks to shit retcons that it was Xorn pretending to be Magneto pretending to be Xorn on drugs. Then it turns out he's got a twin brother who's exactly like him except he disappears five minutes after his introduction. Then it's suggested that the Scarlet Witch actually was part of these shenanigans. Then Xorn's somehow involved in this bullshit Collective crap to make things worse. [Read it here]
The problem is people liked Xorn. He was something strange and exciting to the stale, normal X-Men who had previously been boring the masses. And the retcons for him were the most half-assed ideas I've heard in awhile. Here's what should have happened: They should have let Magneto appear alive and well in Excalibur like he did, and then slowly reveal what happened with an explanation that actually appears to be thought out. The one presented in HoM sounds the best, and really, it's better to have Xorn have been a facade than to have him be a fun character ruined by a lack of creativity on the part of writers who had to "fix" this "mess".

4. Sage
What happened? She was absorbed by the Crystal Palace.
As far as I'm concerned, this character will forever be Psylocke 2.0. As one of Claremont's pets, she's generally been given an extremely similar personality to Psylocke and tends to be used whenever Betsy's not available.
Unfortunately for her, this makes her pretty replaceable and ultimately, disposable. While Psylocke got out of the Exiles biz in time, Sage was with the rest of the team when they were absorbed by the Crystal Palace. Now she's stuck within a building with no real oppurtunity for an exit as Exiles was cancelled almost a year ago.
A factor in how I ranked this list included how likely the characters are going to bounce back from these situations. In most cases, putting a character in a limbo that also includes some problem barring them from returning is a tricky situation. With Sage it's almost impossible. She's essentially a Claremont pet; I don't know of anyone else who's ever used her. Only time will tell whether or not she can escape the terrors of Exiles limbo.

3. Bishop

What happened? Messiah Complex.

I fucking hate time travel stories. Time travellers, clones (besides X-23 and a few others), space operas, and resurrections rank high on my dislike list. So you can imagine that I never really liked Bishop. The thing is though that I'd never have wished this on him. On Cable? Totally, I've always hated that fucker. But Bishop was always the more likable of the two 90's time travellers.
And what happened? Well, during Messiah Complex his characterization did a 180 as Bishop all of a sudden became a psychotic nut claiming that Hope was the cause of his horrible future. From there, he chased Cable through time to kill Hope, and he went to measures so drastic that I still don't believe that it's Bishop that did that. In the end he was stranded alone in some burnt out version of the future he helped burn out.
He's so fucked I don't even know where to begin. As I said before, insanity and death are quick fixes and that goes double for being stuck in time. But not when they last as long as this, and with fans getting fatigued of this new version of Bishop before MC was even over. If Bishop is ever to be redeemed, it'll be awhile before we see him escaping the shadow of this dark time for his characterzation.

2. Chamber
What happened? Being transformed into looking like a younger Apocalypse.
The 3 dead members of Generation X have more of a chance of simultaneously being ressurected than Chamber does of having this crap reversed.
Chamber's first problem is that he appeared in New Excalibur. Betsy's only just recovering from the damages she sustained thanks to that crap series. Sage may never. Dazzler's trying to act like it didn't happen. Rachel's still stuck out in space. Simply put, an appearance in New Excalibur means that sometime soon you're going to get fucked over.
In Chamber's case, it was revealed that he's a descendant of Apocalypse and now he gets to look like him. Then he got shipped off to New Warriors which had a readership of about 30. And now he's Diva knows where. It'll probably be awhile before Jono's returns back to the angsty mouth flamer he used to be.

1. The Stepford Cuckoos

What happened? Phoenix Warsong.
True, these girls probably have and will continue to get more page time than the entirety of this list combined, but when do you think the next time their backstories will be explored?
The Cuckoos started off as creepy quintuplets with hive mind powers who spoke in unison (not finishing each other's lines like everyone insists on doing these days). Then Warsong came, revealed that they were actually clones of Emma who were only 2 years old but aged to 15, who were created by Sublime who runs Weapon Plus, and that they have a thousand other sisters. Literally. Then the Phoenix landed itself in them, and in order to keep it in control, the girls decided to seal the Phoenix in their hearts, rending them emotionless. Um, can anyone please show me exactly where emotions are produced in the heart? What's worse is other writers respected this story, well, besides Fraction and Land who made them look like whores or just idiot valley girls. While the diamond hearts situation has been resolved, the fact is their entire pasts are fucked. Clone stories suck, Weapon Plus sucks, and Sublime was the worst of Morrison's villains. I just find it hard to believe so much damage could be done to such amazing characters over the course of one mini-series.

The List #19 part 1

Gotham City Sirens #7
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: David Lopez
I generally don't like holiday-related specials these days. True, Harley and Ivy's 'Holiday Knights' is one of my favorite Harley and Ivy appearances. But usually the conflict is half-hearted, it's tacky, and somewhere in there all the conflicts are resolved (like Sage magically curing Gambit's blindness in that X-Men holiday issue?). This issue on the other hand restored my faith in this series. It's the second best issue out of the series, with #1 being the best. Anyway, this issue used the holidays as background with diving in the character's motivations being the main objective.

We start off with Selina, she kicks a couple bad guys' ass for the new Batman and meh, it doesn't matter because I only care about the Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman. Moving on we find Ivy spending her holidays in Central America, at peace with nature and all that. Her spotlight sort of answers a question that's been on my mind ever since I read Batman: Poison Ivy and that is: Why didn't she just go back to a land where she'd be worshipped and at home? And I think the following answer is one that I find believable and something that would make sense:

It makes sense to want to be in a place where there's an actual challenge as opposed to living in a place you already have dominance. Anyway, she goes over this and saves some tourists from being killed by drug dealers.

Back in the U.S., Harley goes to visit her family, something I forgot she probably had especially since I don't recall ever hearing about it being explored. Dini uses her family to explain a lot of her behavior, which is cool and all, but he almost overdid it, as if her entire being is defined by how her family is. Anyway, this starts with Harley coming home and her mom, to put it lightly, grudgingly letting her stay. Turns out Harley's the overachiever of her family, as her dad is a con, her mentally unbalanced mom just seems to be the one who lets all the bullshit slide, and her brother's a bum with kids.

Anyway, we find out what Harley actually gave some of her money to her brother for his kids and himself. The unfortunate part is he's a man and as Mrs. McClusky from Desperate Housewives would say, "Men are genetically incapable of realizing their dreams are stupid." Not that this applies to all, but if you're past 35, your band isn't going to fucking make it. Did anyone else see that episode of Intervention with the guy and his dumb "band" dreams and how they were worse than his meth problem?? Ugh, when I was 17 and I had two friends in a band that actually practiced and they were surrounded by adoring fellow musicians and all I ever heard was their ideas that they'd get discovered in Bangor or some shit. Bangor?! Seriously!? I love having friends in bands, but I hate listening to their illogical plans to hit it big.

Back to Harley, her mother puts up with all her family's B.S. and is just content that Harley's brother isn't a criminal like Harley and her dad so she lets him sit around as much as he wants. It's very obvious the stress of having criminals in the family has gotten to her, and she ends up exploding at one point. Harley also goes to visit her father and during then she explains her motivation for going into Psych:

I find it goes too far in explaining her, but whatever. He fakes having turned over a new leaf, she buys it and explains she's also kept some of her fortune for him and her mom. Then it turns out he's still just as much a con as ever which is the last straw for her putting up with her family. She leaves the house to go back to the hideout and we get a tour of the remodeled version.

Overall, a massive improvement to the previous issues. Like almost all of them. Which is good since I've tried to root for this series since I heard about it, but it's hard to root for good characters being used incorrectly and ignored in their own series. Also, I have to say the spotlight, when not focusing on a male character, too often goes to Harley. Anyway, buy this issue and that's it.

Uncanny X-Men #519
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson
As can be seen in the preview, we start this issue off with another attempt by Fraction to try and be Grant Morrison by mirroring him. In this case, we get the re-intro. of Fantomex, a character I despise for his very forced 'badass' appeal. Seriously, we already have Deadpool, is this character really necessary? In more Fraction isn't Morrison news, Beast ends up saying "Sorry, million miles away" which is you've read Riot at Xavier's, you'll notice that in there too. This copy and paste shit really chaps my ass.

In other news, Scott is possessed by The Void now and everyone's all up in arms. Apparently Fraction's tried to justify this move and it still stinks like shit. How is Cyclops remotely useful to The Void if everyone knows Scott's possessed?! Seriously, with Emma's abilities the Void had the power to erase that fact from everyone. Fraction just does not play things out logically.
Anyway, Scott's possessed and The Void is apparently nothing but black ink that whispers your insecurities to you. Are we really supposed to take that as threatening. Worse yet, Cyclops beats it by using his repression, since he's a man of cimplicated depth and emotion! Seriously, Repression as a weapon? It's not genius, it's bullshit, people, do not be fooled. More interesting was in the event of The Void possibly taking over, we had a backup plan:

Psylocke's ass!
If this happens again, I'm just going to have to make a tag for it.

Anyway, the three boring sub-plots at work this issue: Magneto wants to save the sinking island, tells Namor to go get his peeps, looks like the imminent betrayal is shockingly imminent. That and apparently the Predators had nanobots on them. Oh and Beast is taking a break to go screw around in the probably-going-to-be-cancelled-by-issue-5 new series Sword. Finally, his whining has really done nothing but make me feel unsympathetic and wanting him to be out sooner. Honestly, in a world where Wolverine shrugs torture off every day and Fraction has no idea how to convey depth, I just don't see how anyone can sympathize with Beast and his traumitizedness.

Conclusion: Don't fucking buy this, it's not even funny it's horribleness these days.

What If? Astonishing X-Men
Writer: Jim McCann
Artist: Ibraim Roberson and David Yardin
To start, read this preview first, if you haven't already because it's fabulous and also saves me from having to post three million panels that I like from it. I'd like to say that I almost didn't recognize this version of Emma because it's her written right! And heaven knows we haven't seen that in awhile.

Also, what the fuck is with Jean on the cover? She looks so Bella Swan it's sickening. Stop looking hurt, Marvel's-substitute-for-God! This is definitely a good place to put the story since, A. it definitely was a stated possibility in the "Gifted" arc that the ex-teammate could have been Jean and B. this is when Scott and Emma's open relationship was really fresh. If you recall, in New X-Men we never found out who Scott chose since Jean died. Scott didn't even really go to Emma post-Jean re-death; Jean ended up pushing them together. So Emma's insecurity is totally justified.

The plot continues with the bit of Cassie Nova still in Emma and influencing her into taking the Phoenix out of the Cuckoos. Except seems to me that story happened much later than 'Gifted'. That and I would like to say that I don't think Emma was such a bitch in the older days just because Cassie Nova was up in her shit. Emma Frost is a bitch. Plain, simple, and absolutely unchanging. Anyway, Emma becomes Phoenix and ends up devouring the Breakworld before anything becomes an issue. She also attacks the Breakworld with something other than fire life incarnate:

Cattiness!
Hide your fake Chanel sunglasses, boys and girls, or the Phoenix won't leave you with a shred of your self esteem!

Anyway, Emma returns to Earth and starts a killing spree there while the Astonishing team collects itself. Jean and Emma duke it out, they figure out Cassandra Nova has been influencing Emma and now with the Phoenix, it's barely even Emma now. In the end, it's the same conflict of wanting to save the teammate, but needing to rid the world of the Phoenix, and Kitty is the one who ends it:

Tragedy!!
Thankfully that plain jane bitch, Kitty, was killed in the blast of the Phoenix that followed.

So in the end, the Emma Phoenix killed the Stepford Cuckoos, the Breakworld, Beast, Lockheed, and most thankfully, Kitty. In the end, Wolverine, Scott, and Phoenix, aka the X-Men who are most overused, are left alive for the time being until a big crossover death is needed or a radical writer ends his run. At least we get this last panel that makes this all feel like a horror movie:

Oh, Cassie, youuuuu. Kill away, dear, I hate those pricks' Cyclops and Logan anyway.

The other story about Danger and Ultron hooking up is lame and depressing because the death count is this: All the Runaways, all of Xavier's students, and all the X-Men. And yet another sad Emma death!:

Seriously lamesauce story. And the Say What? is a cheap, unfunny attempt at humor. My conclusion is that you should considering buying this issue for it's first story, but if you were never that wild about Emma Frost in Astonishing, then maybe not so much.

Exiles #6 Review

Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Salvador Espin

Unfortunately, this review comes in about two weeks late, but I still needed to pay tribute to Exiles as it ended up turning out to be a wonderful reboot to the series that was sadly stopped abruptly. I actually found this last issue to be the best though, so I almost wonder if it's better that it ended so quickly as sometimes I did find the issues slow-paced. Anyway, onto the review!

To begin, when Exiles Wanda sees Alt. Wanda and she says "Does she have to dress so slutty?" or something, that's a self aware statement right? The only difference in outfits is that Exiles Wanda has a cape and headdress.

My biggest, BIGGEST love in this issue, possibly this month is Parker's Alt Emma Frost. Because she. Is. Emma. Hear that Fraction? THIS is Emma Frost. In almost every way, this realities Emma Frost is what she should be, even today with her different roles and responsibilities. Also, Gen X love!

Together again!
Anyway, this Emma is just like she should be all the time, she's wearing a skanky costume and most importantly:

She kills like the old Emma!
Unfortunately the victim is Exiles Wanda:(

So in the issue, Emma and Scott's affair is used as a way to destroy the alliance, so I assume in this reality Emma represents the Brotherhood side. Another fun aspect is seeing Jean get all psycho fun like she does every so often. Made me miss her a bit *tear*.

The reality is "fixed" in a lesser of two evils way and the group returns to see Morph for him to explain the two evils thing. With puppets!!

Can I get the Emma one?! Even though it's part of Morph's hand.
Morph Love Part 2.

Seriously, this series was usually solid for at least one LOL per issue.

The team figures out that Blink is feigning dumb about the Exiles deal, so they knock her out and dump Morph to go to the Crystal Palace. From there it is discovered that the Exiles are actually multiple squads and more importantly, the old Exiles are leading the way! Also, apparently Claremont's abominations are stuck in stasis, so I suppose that's one way to flip that douche off. The ONLY bad thing about this is that Sage is part of them and I have a weird love for Sage. Also, they even showed her in her old X-Treme X-Men costume:

Most of the rest of the issue explains how the Exiles deal has functioned, functions, and will continue to function with one of the most satisfying explanations that only Parker could give us. I would explain it but A. I'm lazy B. you should really just buy the blasted issue because it's packed with awesome. He even wrapped up loose plot threads like Morph's Proteus deal. I suppose it's just as well since this may be the last we see of the Exiles for awhile.

The new, non-Claremont Exiles are shown how their realities continued in their absence. And it is revealed that this reality's Beast is gay and coupled with Wonder Man. Who tragically died. But whatever, I like this because it plays on 616 Beast's almost-gayness. Which is how you correctly reference Morrison, Fraction!

Also, Forge was thinking of Ororo at some point and this is the picture shown:

The Crying Game, anyone?
Seriously, what a tranny.

The issue ends with super group shot time with Nocturne taking the place of Blink on the team and Alt Wanda being revealed without the team's knowing. Which is spicy since Exiles Wanda was bland and her and the Polaris sister/BFF thing was sort of lame. And that's it for the review. Until you rise again in five years like Jean Grey!