The List #17

Nation X #1
Writer #1: Simon Spurrier
Artist #1: Leonard Kirk
To begin I have to mention my love for the cover especially the inclusion of No-Girl on it. Seriously go check it out if you can find an image of it that isn't blurry as shit (Thanks CBR, makes you look super professional to have blurry previews).

Anywhoodaloo, the first story centers around Magneto and the students. It's a blend of awkward and cheesy and it does nothing for Magneto but make him look more like a creeper and just a boring threat that the X-Men will have to take care of.....as they always do. Boredom. Kirk's art is a lot more bearable than it has previously been, but that's due to it being more colorful this time. To finish, this story is the weakest out of the bunch.

Writer #2: James Asmus
Artist #2: Mike Allred
Remember my constant bitching about how art and story need to come together to make a comic great? Well, sometimes one of them outshines the other in such a way that it doesn't matterhow mediocre one element is, you love the other element too much. This can be seen with Grant Morrison's run when crappy Igor Kordey kept subbing in for Quitely. Writing won over art. Well, this story is good, but the art by Allred totally outshines everything. As a new fan of Milligan's X-Force/X-Statix, I have to say I adore the man and I wish he was doing Uncanny. Why? Because in X-Statix he drew a satirical take on the super hero whereas Fraction right now is unknowingly serving up a campy take on the X-Men. The fact that he expects it to be taken seriously is absurd, it's like taking a B-Level horror movie seriously. Allred could definitely enhance that campy feel.

I adore this! Choose Brit Betsy!

Basically this story is a road trip between Kurt and Logan. Little goes on, but at the end Logan admits to being behind Scott as a leader...and much more.

Kurt's now in on the ongoing love affair!
Finally, I love Allred's take on Kurt and the man in general since this story would've been dull under any other artist.

Writer #3: Chris Yost
Artist #3: Michele Bertilorenzi

Yost writes a good Iceman for this story, I mean a bit of a horn dog, but mostly an Iceman that I would love to see more often. Funny enough it depicts him being rejected by Dazzler. She denies him because she knows his secret. He really wants Jean Paul, but he has a boyfriend now. Come out of the closet, Bobby, we have techno remixes of Celine Dion's greatest hits. Diva always recognizes one of her gays, don't try to pull the wool over her eyes.

Bobby also mentions something that I've thought about recently, here's the update on the fab five:

Writer #4: Scott Snyder
Artist #4: David Lopez
This issue spotlights Colossus, which can be a dangerous thing considering the character's meant to be background. He's like my grandfather, he is content to be out of the spotlight and when you pull these sort of people out of the background they tend to seem awkward. Fraction proved this when he spotlighted Colossus awhile ago and the focus very clearly screwed his character up. Not only that, but Fraction can't write characters in the first place so... ya know. Anyway, the focus of this issue is Colossus' frustration with his little sister Illyana not returning his joy that they're reunited. Which is sad because as an introverted character, Colossus finally opening up for someone he loves so much makes for very raw emotion, and you almost feel the raw pain as Illyana ignores him. Anyway, this story is pretty good, bit of a downer, but a better take on Colossus than we've seen in awhile.

Summary about the entire book is that it is a lot better than the anthology books we've seen lately, infinitely better than that crap Dark X-Men book. I would say if you like X-Men you should definitely considering buying it.

And prep for next issue since it's totally fag edition: Gambit, Northstar, Jubilee, and No-Girl. It's going to be goddamned delicious and you can imagine how excited I am for it to come out.

New Avengers Annual #3

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Mayhew
First off, you may recognize the artist, Mike Mayhew, from such books as X-Men Origins: Jean Grey and covers for Women of Marvel and Phoenix Warsong. Basically, this artist has generally "soft", "feminine" pencils, so he's called in more often for female-centered stories. Don't get me wrong, beautiful work, but I dislike that women stories get their own "feminine" art despite the fact that gory X-Force gets Mike Choi, the king of pretty pencils. While this doesn't always happen, I'm ticked that it happened this time.

Anyway, this issue centers around the fact that Clint Barton has been taken hostage. Luckily for all of us, Mayhew appeases the female and gay audiences by having Hawkeye in nothing but boxers the entire issue and sometimes it appears to be less. Oh and Mayhew draws a pretty fucking sexy naked man, so naked Hawkeye is definitely a good day. Oh and look at this contextless image:

Just ponderin' about what he's got.

Also, Normy Norm and the Dark Avengers are all up in Barton's grill, asking him where the Avenger's headquarters is and threatening to sic Venom on him. Which gives birth to another fabulous panel --->

Then the focus goes from this to the other stars of this issue, Jessica Jones, Ms. Marvel, Spider-Woman, and Mockingbird, who are definitely the reasons why I reviewed this issue in the first place. The unfortunate part of this issue though is that despite the ladies being on the cover and being toted around as the stars of the issue, it's really more about Hawkeye. Which is fucking lame because some of us here would like to read other characters besides the fucking hegemonic males. Like Spider-Woman I love, Ms. Marvel I like, Mockingbird I don't know and don't know if I want to, and Jessica Jones I'm probs going to start to discover since I've read some pages of Alias and am totally interested. So I'd like to see them more in the spotlight.

Anyway, Mockingbird discovers Clint left to kill Osborn and she freaks and runs outside to cry. Randomly, Spider-Woman and Ms. Marvel are just chillin' outside, flying around. They decide to go find Clint since he probably got caught and Jessica decides to return to superheroing. If this is a permanent thing, she should definitely consider a new costume or at least changing her hair to fit the costume better. Oh and this is a pretty panel of Ms. Marvel flying --->

Most of the issue is Clint getting interrogated by some psychic guy and he thinks of the Avengers headquarters and it shows them in the kitchen. Ok, question, are the scenes with Avengers in the kitchen sort of like an overused setting similar to Emma and Scott's constant bedroom scenes?

OH and for those of my readers who watch ANTM like I do, doesn't this panel of Ms. Marvel:

Look like Lauren Brie from Cycle 12?
If you say Lauren Brie's too pretty, then realize this girl looked a lot more attractive in pictures then in real life and should you watch the episodes with her in it I think you'll see the resemblance.

Oh and I have to say I adore Mockingbird's costume, it's absolutely gorgeous. Not only that, but she totally wears the same kind of boots that I do. So definitely am considering liking her just based on the fact that we probably both shop at the same place.

The issue ends with Clint getting rescued, the Avenger's changing their headquarters place, and Captain America is back. I'd say it'd be a good idea to consider this issue, but it's definitely not a must-have.

Astonishing X-Men #32 Review

Writer: Warren Ellis

Artist: Phil Jimenez

This issue continues where the last one left, with Emma clearly still being in denial over Laurie Collins and her fake comeback. It's sort of an intense moment if you're paying attention because this moment sort of exposes how extremely fucked Emma is mentally when it comes to her kids being dead. Seriously, this is an accurate display of how Emma is a little nuts because of her past failures to save her kids.

Except one problem. This same scene JUST played last week in X-Necrosha. I mean this scene is superior to the other and just more believable for multiple reasons. Still, it's a repeat. But I mean, fucking last week's scene was worse for a big reason: She's stuck in diamond form. How writers expect to use Emma dramatically until this Void matter is fixed is ridiculous. Was anyone on the fucking X-Writing Team informed as to what the term emotionless means? Because it's not a disturbed reaction to dead students. She can't feel anything! If you're going to respect Fraction's poor choices, you also need to respect the conditions made by them.

But this all doesn't matter since Emma just ends up getting smacked by the Evil Dead Sentinel.

But she takes it like a diva!
(With heavy amounts of sweat, a crooked wig, and a crack pipe!)

And then that's it for her for the entire battle. Which is most of the issue. So you can imagine how endlessly interesting that was. Storm appeared for a page to zap some Brood, but she was just second place to Miss Frost for that Ignored During Battles Award. Miss Frost actually pretty much always should get that award since she's always fucking being knocked out, totally ignored, or like in X-Necrosha, not well enough to fight.

I get that she's not thought of as useful against sentinels, I played X-Men Legends. But for fuck's sake, is Beast? Is Wolverine? Armor? Cyclops, just barely really. It's a team of with mostly physically-based mutants. Emma is probably the most useful player in this fight, she's not just mildly bestial like Wolverine and Beast, her diamond power has no limits like Armor's armor. Cyclops is vulnerable as a normal man with eye beams. Only Storm really is more powerful in this battle. I have to say I'm glad the Brood is part of this arc though because I do enjoy them as scary motherfucking villains. Also:

I'm so down with the Brood missiles idea.
So many loads of awesome, it could get you pregnant.
(No, I'm not glorifying man fluids as superior, I just took the opportunity to make a dirty joke.)

Also, I've been reading around the review sphere, something I try to do sparingly since it affects what I think sometimes, BUT I've found this consistent complaint to merit mention here. According to some reviewers, Ellis is not writing the other X-Men to sound like themselves and that only Emma and Agent Brand sound like themselves. And it's said in such a way as if he can only write the snarky bitches. Except that means that he can't write them either if that's true since then he's just writing a bitchy woman stereotype mold thing rather than Emma Frost and Abigail Brand as two different characters. Emma Frost and Abby Brand are two completely different women, they may sound similar, but honestly, written right their humor is noticeably not the same. Emma's is more geared to be irreverent, cruelly honest and just meant to piss people off. Brand is simply sarcastic no emotion rather than Emma's tones of excited-to-be-mean even if she's pissed. Comparisons? Emma's funny like a drag queen and Brand is funny like the sexless, unpleasant, hardworking woman stereotype she often times also portrays.

Anyway, I actually do think Ellis is finally getting the hang of writing Emma especially now that he's not using the "If (negative condition) then I will simply (negative action)," formula. AND I totally think he's writing Logan as anyone else would write him: overspotlighted and needlessly "badass". It's biz as usual with him really. Whatever, I think most of the X-Men write now for the most part sound like themselves.

This panel is funny because Jimenez drew Scott in New X-Men and here he looks younger, more attractive, and having a better body than he did then. Those X-Men and their wacky aging. I hate to say it, but Scott looks a bit sexy here. And Emma's being divine in this scene.

This scene being Logan being all macho man and sassing Scott by saying is just trying to be manly by not having any painkillers while Logan has a healing factor so he can take more. And I'm sure his ability to "take it" is why he's all agitated manly man now. Oh the ongoing love affair between Scott and Logan, who knew the furry little animal was a bottom? By the way, do note both men's shirtlessness in this scene. Together yet again, you can practically hear them silently cursing Emma for being there.

That's just beautiful, that's what that is.
I've ALWAYS wanted someone else besides me to think up that threat.

Anyway, in the end of the issue apparently it's revealed the evil aliens are using dead mutants as weapons against the X-Men. Hmm. Yet again, X-Necrosha anyone? Seriously, does Ellis attend the writer conferences so this shit doesn't happen or is he like, "Fuck this, I’m writing about MY possessed dead mutants!” Whatever, I'm still more impressed with Astonishing anyway.

Conclusion: Ignore the reviewers who have shit to say about this arc. They probably like Fraction anyway, so you can imagine how much their opinion counts for. Astonishing still has the best cast, better art, and I'm just telling you to buy it. So do so.

X-Force #18 Review

Writers: Craig Kyle and Chris Yost

Artists: Mike Choi and Sonia Oback

I have to say that I'm surprised that this book got back on track so well. It's been a sort of lackluster drop for awhile now, I ended up dropping it when Messiah War started, but now it's come back in full force with this issue. Not to say I'm enthused for the upcoming crossover Necrosha because honestly I think it might be flat, but who knows, I might cover all of it.

To start, coming back from the cliffhanger of last issue with Surge possibly exploding, it turns out that Hellion saved her by guiding her blast away harmlessly. While this makes me glad that none of the X-Victims of the Leper Queen (Hellion, Surge, and Boom Boom), it also makes me sort of irked that there was all this tension for nothing. Unless you're a Fever Pitch or Beautiful Dreamer fan. I think. Did they die? I assumed they did when they popped, so why didn't Surge, she still popped? Whatever, on to more important things: Warpath.

If I could have any X-Man as a boyfriend, I'd TOTALLY go for James. He's just too fucking hot for his own good. In fact, his tag will be 'my boyfriend Warpath'. Anyway, the panel above was originally a soldier begging for his life with Warpath saying "No." But now it's me and him....at a costume party with me as a soldier. And him saying yes to a date with me. XD Anyway, fucking yummy man.

This issue also contained the thrilling return of one of Emma's torture victims, Kimura! She's as insane as ever and I'm TOTALLY ready for her to start bitching about Emma. Mainly because I f#$^ing miss the days of Miss Frost acting like Miss Emma Grace Frost. More on her in a sec.

This issue also remembered that Rahne is a member of X-Force. I mean, she's still having total furry porn stories with Hrimhari or whatever his name his, but she's just doing her part.

What's most fun about X-Force is the revisiting of reanimated Caliban along with the return of Eli Bard and Wither. I for one am in LOVE with this page.

Normally I feel very iffy about posting a full page, but this page is TOO GOOD to keep to myself.

Also, fuck Logan for doing this:

My first nightmare ever when I was 5 was about red eyes in the dark. Thanks Logan. Doucheman. No wonder why I want to banish him to Limbo for ten years followed by an off-panel death.

Something I find VERY fun about Mike Choi is that he totally has a lower version of the disease that affects Bianchi, which is gay porn pencils. The guys' poses at times are totally kind of gay and the style itself is very bubbly and sort of a weird fit for X-Force. Personally I think Crain should be sole artist of X-Force, wax-y faces and all, but every so often I see a moment where Choi totally makes me ok with him being there.

Seriously, what cute butt cheeks he makes.
Plus he totally helps fuel the fire for Scott and Logan's secret love.
They just can never seem to get their hands off each other.

Now, the issue ends with a scene that is pure magic. If someone posts it somewhere I will definitely link it on this entry, but 'til then I'm not going to spoil it except saying that it's one of the best X-Force moments I've ever seen. Anyway, for those of you like me, who dropped for the book for a bit, get back into it, and for those who've never read it now's a good time to start.

Astonishing X-men #30 Review

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Simone Bianchi

To start off, the first thing I noticed about this issue was the change in the positions of Emma and Storm on the cover which was a REALLY smart move. Before Storm looked sort of confusing and Emma was crunched into the background, and it was just Humberto Ramos positioning. What is Humberto Ramos positioning you may ask?

It's cramping people together and not using your space wisely. Some characters are barely seen (X-23 is right by Colossus' arm, blink and you'll miss her) and then some characters take up too much room (Colossus). Many readers seem to think he's a "wonderful" artist, but fucking A, he positions characters like I did when I was 12! This man is paid to deliver, so why not criticize an inability to make wise use of the space. That's Drawing 101 shit! I know, I just took it last semester.
Anyway, props to whoever was in charge of the cover change. Now to the story!

The X-Men are confronting Forge, he's very obviously out of his mind and they talk about the whole "new mutants" thing. We know Forge is crazy, and he apparently displays it openly.

In a metal thong. Good f$%^ing heavens.

The X-Men continue discussing how Forge did not "make" new mutants like he thinks he did and the unthinkable happens.

Forge insults Emma, and she says nothing! I'm sorry, she is not above kicking a man when he's down and she should've went on about how no one cares for Forge. Later on in the issue it was made clear it was an insecurity of his, so it would've been an effective shot.

So Forge, being the boring person that he is, tries to make a case for his sanity all the while threatening to sic his Cenobites on the X-Men should they tick him off. It's really mundane and predictable.
Something to note though is the poor quality of the art. The sharpness of previous issues is really absent and everything has a flawed watercolor feel to it. That and Emma looks like a cross between the Little Mermaid and a bad anime character.

In the middle of redundant plots moves, something even more unfortunate occurs.

Ellis tries to be trendy. It fails miserably.
Still here, Hisako? That's a shame.

The phone call is from Abby Brand and she's got a big honkin' laser pointed at Forge's location since she knows there's a ghost box in there. For the first time, I genuinely have love for Miss Brand because in this case the X-Men are playing it like stupid motherfuckers. After seeing his freak creations who have power dampeners, who's very existence demonstrates mental instability within him, they charge and note that they're losing their powers. Even if they succeeded in beating Forge, the fact is they took a huge risk and very unprepared.

Wolverine cuts off Forge's leg, apparently the source of the power inhibitor. And heaven and hell open up before us:

First, jesus Ellis, did you not pay attention to Whedon's writing? Hisako is meant to be generally levelheaded and refreshingly human. Not a fucking dits! Even if you wrote her right, Hisako, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!

Second, I have to say it always excites me to no end when I see a telepath reach for their head. Go Miss Frost! Liquify Forge's synapses!

In desperation, Forge opens the Ghost Box and sends his new mutants to keep the X-Men there.
But the X-Men do something I love every time I see it:

They flash their powers in a group shot and oh the nostalgia because this is the scene that plays in my head every time I see something like this.

Meanwhile, Storm tries to appeal to Forge to get out of there. And then this gem shows up:

Group shot and homoerotic undertones!
But seriously boys, keep the spanking in the bedroom.

Problem going on here is the team is strapped for time since Beast said for Brand to lock on the phone's position and shoot the laser there soon. Storm gives up on Forge and blasts a path for them with her weather powers. In a scene I feel is so reminiscent of the animated series, I just wish she would've shouted out one of her weather haikus. "Thunder, destroy the freaks my ex-lover has created!" For real, I would've cried tears of joy to see that.

The team leaves, the laser is shot, and Forge is "dead" until he's needed again. From there, he will have some insane explanation for his surviving a massive laser. Anyway, the ghost box teleports the laser beam, frying those who would hope to invade earth and the mission is done. Things wrap up in conversation, finishing the Ororo/Scott conflict built up earlier and other things. The end for now.

Overall, the art has suffered a lot this issue. Plus, yet again Astonishing is hindered by a slow artist, not that I don't think he's phenomenally talented, but he's slow. And yet again, we had the problems of delays that make people think that Astonishing is now a subpar book that most have dropped. Ellis writes more plot-based than character-based in my opinion and it shows in his inability to write Emma or Hisako. Unfortunately, he chose a plot going over M-Day AGAIN, which was overdone when it started, but now it's ridiculously mundane. Still, as subpar as the arc is, Astonishing is still better and will always continue to be better than Fraction's Uncanny or anyone in recent year's Uncanny. I'd honestly choose Astonishing over a lot of the other X-Books, delays and all because it's closest to giving the A-Game that Morrison was all about when he was doing New X-Men.

Speaking of New X-Men, seems Bianchi is thankfully leaving and PHIL JIMENEZ is taking over as artist. He had a stint on New X-Men way back when and it was HEAVEN. And he probably won't be a delay-y kind of guy since I believe this was during the bi-weekly period. Seriously, I'm ridiculously excited for him to come aboard and restore Astonishing to its former glory.

Not to ruin the positive mood, but am I the only one bothered by Ororo's mutating head ornament thing? It's a living thing that is growing and now resembles a tick! Possibly the subject of Ellis' upcoming arcs? Here's hoping!

Uncanny X-Men #510 Review

Writer: Matt Fraction

Artist: Greg Land

This issue begins with Armor, X-23, and Pixie fleeing from the Sisterhood's attack for their own safety. Meaning Wolverine's lackeys who either reference him by speaking of him or by presence alone all the time. Where the hell's Lackey Idol when you need it? We'll consider Kitty and Jubilee the first two eliminated. Anyway, let's get the position of Logan's lackey down to one X-Tween. It's a recession, we need to cut down on our excesses!

Next we find Emma in the almighty White Hot Room or close enough with Jean Grey. The funny thing about this scene?

I actually think she looks pretty here. But that goes to hell when she gets replaced by the love child of Pam Anderson and Amanda Lepore:

While I was thrilled to see Jean again, I wasn't thrilled to see her naked. Thanks for the female objectification, Greg! Luckily, Jean Grey, much like Barbra Walters, managed a soft glow so she was never truly shown.

The horrible trainwreck that is Fraction trying to write Emma continued when Emma got up and criticized Lady M's costume. FRACTION LOOK OVER HERE:

Since her re-introduction, I've said Lady M is a white trash version of Emma and I did this with their similar tastes in costumes in mind. Lady M's costume is actually better than Emma's old one. It was an eyesore, but it was the price we had to pay for a well-written Emma. That and Emma's practically wearing that costume again considering she's in her bra and panties during the smackdown. All she needs are some knee-high platforms and arm-length arm-warmers and she's back to Morrison era. And here's some gems from Fraction:

I do not understand why writers have to have Emma say shocking things referring to taking a shit since it falls flatter than Emma's original chest. And secondly, FRACTION: JEAN IS MOMMA MUTATION! Emma is Auntie Emma. As in the alcoholic sister to your mom who lives a racy lifestyle that makes it so your mother can only see her twice a year? See how well that fits for Jean as Momma and Emma as Auntie?? Lastly, I can only imagine how many people Carol Danvers is going to beat up for identity theft when she gets back after the Moonstone incident. Anyone who's even just used her name in the bedroom is going to get a super-fist in the face.

Does this confirm Julian's death in an upcoming X-Force? Because it looks like he willed away his personality to Elixir since he didn't have one. And Cuckoos, de-perma smile and stop with the teenage hoe routine! Oh by the way, Land, thanks for lengthening their hair and slimming their waists due to their not being pretty enough. You, sir, truly create healthy and realistic depictions of women.

I hate to say it, but I found these panels absolutely gorgeous. The cackling Empath being my favorite. Well, minus those emergency red lights that confused the fuck out of me the entire issue, what a pointless piece of crap that was.

Recycled image time! A gold star to whoever can tell me where else we've seen this pose.

Now, at this point in time I should mention that Wolverine has been having a pointless battle with mind-controlled Psylocke and most of everyone else is engaged in some form of non-progressive battle. Just because Wolverine is overexposed in comic books doesn't mean he's getting it here, which is why I failed to comment on it until now.

In this instance, Psylocke is taunting Logan by saying she's not afraid to die. Which thanks to shitty Land, looks more like she's saying she's not afraid to take it from behind.

In the final pages of this issue, we find more sexism. This time from Dr. Nemesis where he says something to Wolverine like, 'Wow, I would've loved to see you get your ass kicked by a bunch of women'. And I hope you get fucking killed off, you goddamn misogynist! I'm so pissed he said that and none of the powerful women in there did anything.

The morning after their encounter. I just love having more fuel for the fire that is Wolverine and Cyclops' secret love. Seriously, both of them shirtless on their own page is good material.

And apparently they're talking about the fact that Wolverine had some of Jean's hair, which I'm sure is just the beginning of his hidden shrine to her, and it was stolen by the Sisterhood. I'm thinking this isn't her time to come back. The writers said it would planned out and delicately looked at. This is about as careful as a drunk guy in room full of fine china.