The List #49

Avengers The Childrens Crusade #4
Writer: Allan Heinburg
Artist: Jim Cheung
This issue we have Wiccan as a prisoner of Doom, who's also stolen his powers, and the Young Avengers trying to work out a plan to save him. On their way to invade Castle Doom they are stopped by the Avengers, so that's put on hold. Meanwhile, the Scarlet Witch comes to see Wiccan, curious about what he said, and he summarizes how he and Tommy came to be, then came to not be, how she reacted, and then how they came to be again. Which is going fine, and Wanda is at least listening to him...until they come upon the massive YA, Quicksilver, and Magneto vs. Avengers fight scene. Oh and Wolverine also appears and tries to kill both Wanda and Billy. Yeah, not only is he completely overexposed, now he's also the total bastard of this story. Until he is stopped by, in a fabulous ending twist, by none other than.....!!!

Iron Lad!!!!!

This had better not be an illusion, robot, or clone because I'm so excited for the followup to this twist, especially because I just reread my Young Avengers hardcover last week!! And yeah, that where the issue ends, let the 2 month wait begin.

Conclusion: Despite the bi-monthly release issue, this is probably one of the best out there right now, and honestly, if the creative team needs the two months to create such a high quality, exciting book then that's fine by me.

X-Factor #213
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro, Pat Davison
As predicted, this issue is full of Darwin angst since now he's got death powers in him, and so he joins Hellion in the begging to be killed department. Unfortunately, the cruel fact is that this completely uninteresting character can't be killed. Anyway, so X-Factor leaves him in Las Vegas so he can sort his shit out, and unfortunately, we have to see exactly what he does during this time next issue.

In other news about unfortunate additions, Pip, the troll the team rescued, is now following X-Factor around even though the team feels uneasy about this. And surprise, by the end of the issue we learn that he's spying on them for somebody. Yet another predictable plot with few invested in this part. However, in good news, we have Monet to echo my thoughts on this mediocre Darwin story.

I'm thinking she's due for some spotlight time.

Moving on to stories I'm invested in: Baby mama drama! Despite my loathing of Rahne, the story itself has me hooked, and this time around we have Rictor, drunk out of his mind, having figured out the baby's not his. Meaning Ricstar can continue and give the fans what they want (Homo love!!).

Shatterstar explains the situation to Rictor, and Rictor makes a move to go find Rahne to confront her about this. Rahne explains that she knew about the deal the whole time, and she admits to trying use her baby to force Rictor to stop being gay so he won't go to hell. Rictor blows this off as a joke, which is understandable because I've always found Rahne to be exactly that, and then tells her to just come home with him. Which translates to: "Let's see how far we can jam pack this team until everyone besides Madrox becomes a cameo queen." Also, what is with the red head factor on this book?

Kinda strange.

Although it'd probably be stranger in a universe that depicted the frequency of red hair more realistically, but whatever, it's comic books, where it's not uncommon for characters to have purple or green hair.

Conclusion: This issue was half crap (Darwyn and Pip) and half great (Baby mama drama and everything else).

The List #44 Part 2

Chew #15

Writer: John Layman
Artist: Rob Guillory

As we come to the end of the first quarter of the run of this series, we come to meet the alleged last two supporting characters of the series, Toni, Tony's twin who's, uh, really peppy and Olive, Tony's.....daughter. So yeah, things are definitely revealed this issue and we even get to meet the entire Chu clan briefly as Tony goes over for Thanksgiving, much to most of their chagrin of the family (due in to large part to his being an absent father to Olive). One family member in particular I had to note and wish for further development is none other than:

Tony's drag queen younger brother because there will never be a day in my life where I am NOT completely in for a drag queen character. Legit.

Moving on, the majority of the issue was exposition until the big finale as we were introduced to Tony's family, all of it, and their feelings on him. Not a whole lot happens and I can't say there's much in the way of the quirky humor typical of Chew, but it was still a decent issue. We also see Mason Savoy finally do something with Tony's ear, which is eating it, as he discovers the story about Tony's psycho ex. By the way, can I just mention something I've already brought up on my Tumblr, but is too good to not mention?

Mason Savoy is basically the Chew version of Fiddler's Green from Sandman.
Or was, before the whole reveal that he's "up to something".
Whatever, he's so fun that I figure he'll be in Chu's good graces again soon.

Anyway, the issue ends with surprise red lights in the sky which basically changes the series dramatically from what I've read. Conclusion: While this issue doesn't contain the same enthusiastic energy typical of other issues, it's still a good one and seems to be more about setting up future plots than entertaining. Considering it's Chew, I still definitely say pick it up as it's become one of my new favorite ongoings.

Avengers Academy #6
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike McKone
The spotlight of this issue shines down on Reptil this time around as we join him becoming the class leader of the AA and find out more about his powers and the gem that appear to be the source. Also, some depressing news is revealed about him and Finesse:

Errmm he's the second most innocent member of the AA and I just feel like he's being tainted by the irritating character that is Finesse.

During the issue we see the first hurt that comes from his physical relationship with Finesse as she explains to him that she's not his girlfriend, just a fuck buddy. From there she decides to end things, which to her credit is responsible of her, but in, of course, a harsh way. Throughout the issue we see these frustrations as Reptil deals with being team leader and trying to be helpful and the right sort of role model as well as his struggles to fully transform into a dinosaur. Eventually his dreams do come true, but in the sense that he becomes a feral, uncontrollable dinosaur. The conclusion for this lack of control comes from Pym:

Um, first I'd totally take counseling sessions with Moonstone. I mean, I'd have no hope for improvement, but can you imagine how fun she'd be? Second, what about my girl Frost? She's not only a therapist, but also specializes as a sex therapist so she can help Reptil deal with his Finesse problem. However, I can't say I have any problems with who they chose to counsel him in the end:

YAY! I feel like some of her best character work outside of Alias and Pulse has been when she's counseling teenagers....and not playing housewife.

In the end, Reptil finally starts opening up and things are looking up for him and everything's somewhat decent. Conclusion: Decent issue, but these past few issues have lead to me feeling like this series lacks a little bit of direction as all the side plots make things feel a bit messy and complicated.

Avengers The Childrens Crusade #3
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
After last issue's revelation that the Wanda that had been residing in Wundagore Mountain, the one Hawkeye and Beast encountered, was a Doombot, we now finally come to a conclusion on the whereabouts of Wanda as, y'know, only Doom's gonna use Doombots. This issue is basically centered around three characters: Quicksilver, Magneto, and Wiccan and NOT the Young Avengers. Don't get me wrong, I know the Maximoffs need some love from a skilled right now, but I'd also like to see more of the characters I came to this series to read. Plus Magneto and Quicksilver can be frustrating characters. Especially when Magneto's claiming the only person more powerful than Doom is Wanda. Um, Jean Grey, anyone? Killed, like, a solar system full of people? Kind of like God right now?

Anyway, the plan from here is trying to decide how to get to Doom. Wiccan tries to break away to go to try it on his own, but ends up getting caught by Quicksilver and the YA, with Hulkling getting quite pissed about it. While I enjoy the fact that we're openly dealing with Teddy and Billy as a couple now, I'm not real fond of how much strain is being put on their relationship considering most of the romance was dealt with lightly. At least we get this squee-worthy image of them together in bed:

In the end, Wiccan decides to go it alone anyway, ends up finding a manipulated Wanda, and finds out she intends to marry him. And oh yeah, he shows up which spells out real fun times for the lone hero.

Conclusion: Good issue, but we could do with less Pietro and Magneto bitchery as well as a less tense Billy and Teddy considering we've barely seen any of the romance. I'd still say pick this one up.

X-Factor #211
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
This X-Factor suffers from a lack of baby momma drama (I know, it's sad and sorry that I'm addicted to this storyline, but whatever, it influences the future of RicStar!). It's for the most part of a fight issue with Madrox, Shatterstar, and Longshot tackling zombie Asguardians to poor results.

Basically, it ends up looking bleak towards the end, in one of the most forced sounding moves I've heard in awhile Siryn apologizes to Madrox for breaking his finger way back when in issue #40 or near there. Finally, Thor shows up to save the day and we end on him deciding whether or not to help X-Factor against Hela.

Conclusion: Little happens this issue really, but it's not necessarily a bad issue. Just one that I'm not all that excited about. Still good though.

The List #35 Part 2

X-Men Legacy #238
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Come in, sit down, and fix yourself a drink, we've got a lot to snark about. Not so much on Legacy, but trust me, once we get to Uncanny there will be some bitchery. Before we begin let's discuss this cover.

There was this article I went over for my class in Women and Gender Studies two semesters ago about how boys and girls are depicted in greetings cards congradulating parents on their newborn. Boys were usually shown to be playing with toys and generally active with expressive faces while girls were usually shown to be sleeping or passive (in their mothers arms) with little to no emotion on their faces, and this all connected to unconscious perceived value. Well, let's look at this cover. Magneto's alert, and looking to do something about the threat at hand, and he's got his hands 'protectively' *cough*possessively*cough* on Rogue. On the otherhand, Rogue's not mentally there at all and there's no sign that she's looking to act. Even though it's her series right now.

My irritation with the cover aside, so far is Legacy is the only book so far to bounce back on its feet after the crossover. While the other books so far have stumbled as they work themselves back into place, Legacy glides right back to where it was. Also, Clay Mann is back and he's better than ever with his pencils significantly adding to the quality of this issue.

We open this issue with Rogue finding out she needs to bring back Indra to India as his parents have asked for him due to his brother falling into a coma. She chooses to bring Anole, Loa, and Magneto with her, though she does offer a place to someone else -->

Finally Hellion has a believable reaction to the loss of his hands. I knew Carey would be the one to do it too, and I'm glad at least he sees even someone that arrogant is going to be hurting after something like this. Anyway, Hellion decides not to come, but he will be dealt with by Carey soon enough so we're just slapping a bookmark in his story.

Once the team gets to Mumbai it's revealed that Indra's parents intend for him to cease life with the X-Men and marry his brother's fiance since they don't know if he'll come out of it. Also if you were wondering, if you were wondering where Indra's prick gene comes from, I can tell you now that it's totally from his dad. And here I thought it was from him mimicking Nezhno's personality (seriously, they're a bit too similar these days).

Meanwhile the other X-Men are off on a shopping adventure with Magneto on a sidequest to figure out what's up with the weird fluctuations in the E.M. fields. Rogue's outfit choice for this outing only adds more evidence to the comparison of her to Sookie Stackhouse of True Blood (as they were both portrayed with Anna Paquin in the live adaptations and they're very similar roles in these adaptations). See for yourself:

We still love you, Rogue. On the other hand, I still dislike you, Sookeh.

At this point I need to explain what most of this issue was about since I've been dancing around it because it's all connected so you have to put it out in one chunk. Basically, the disturbances in the E.M. field is what brought Magneto to Mumbai and it's causing storms that put people in comas (like Indra's brother). The source of this is some ship floating on above with a crew that's all siblings I guess, and one of them's not going along with it. She decides to make a break for it, and lands down when one of the storm strikes with the X-Men there as well defending against it. Oh and also, the girl's siblings have sentinels and decide to sic them on her. And that's pretty much what happened. Also, Carey has a great handle of Magneto:

I've always seen him as snippy and irritated by others even when he wasn't 'evil'.

Anyway, X-Men Legacy definitely switched gears seamlessly while the other books are more like someone's first time with a stick shift. Do pick this one up if you're looking for a decent X-Book.

Uncanny X-Men #526
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
Freshen up your drink, this one's going to be an all-out snarkfest of joy. While Uncanny stumbled like New Mutants this issue, it still had plenty of things about it to make fun of, mostly due to Whilce Portacio and his rape faces.

This issue opens with a focus on the first of the new mutants the X-Men are looking to recruit. She's having a particularly difficult transition, and Angel's totally not helping (bottom right panel). Oh Warren, save it for your grouchy teen band, Angel of Death or Horseman of the Apocalypse or whatever you call it.

Meanwhile other people are planning on adventures such as Hope who's looking to find out about her roots in Alaska and what happened to her parents. Emma's also on a mission, but that's to go wine and dine with Pervy Stark. Also, remember my request to keep Fraction away from the Internet for fear of copy and pasting another 'hip' or 'now' thing in his stories?

It wasn't heard.
Of course he'd reference unfunny bro shit, we always reference what we know.

Anyway, during Hope's journey she takes Dr. Nemesis, Rogue, and Cypher with her. They find out that Hope's mother is confirmed as dead. They also review how many people died because Hope was born:

But not with facial proportions this world typically sees.
Seriously, I know of one person on this planet with a jaw like that and it's noticeable. I even used to refer to him as 'Jaws' since it was his one defining feature.

So Hope finds out a lot of people died the day she was born and she's bum city about it. Rogue moves her hand to comfort her except it's not a hand that belongs to a human. No, it's a hand that belongs to one of those weird vomit guys from that fucking Tool video that every alternative kid lost their shit for back in the day (@2:08). Ugh, I can't stand that video, especially since it seems to be a birthing ground for pointlessly pretentious college 'artists' who haphazardly throw paint at a sheet of paper and call it deep, existential, nihilistic, and whatever other words 'deep' people use. You know the type.

Back to the issue, while resting for the night in a motel Cypher goes over the details of Hope's mother like her name and Dr. Nemesis chastises him for coming off as insensitive. Which is a big deal since Nemesis seems to drink Mountain Douche. It also makes no sense because isn't Cypher our new fix-it-all, know-it-all? I mean if he can figure out the language of viruses, can't he figure out the basic language of social etiquette?

Hope ends up visiting her mother's grave only to encounter her grandmother. Obviously Grams doesn't know who Hope is since Hope should still be a baby considering Marvel's sliding timescale, but this doesn't stop Grams from inviting the total stranger over. From there she tells Hope about her mother who was a firefighter...because of course her mother's occupation had to do with fire. Did she also adopt birds, specifically birds of prey that rose again? Hope tells her of her loss with Cable gone and Grams' sympathy is creepy:

What a rape face. And who the hell smiles when they're expressing their sympathies?
Also, she should sue whoever did her walls, it looks like a 6 year old attacked it with a set of black crayons.

Back with the Science team and Colossus and Kitty, it seems Kitty can't unphase because her body doesn't remember how. Truly tragic. I really do miss her irritating me and threatening to kill my favorite character. Another thing, did anyone else notice that Colossus has a total shelf for an ass? Omigosh, at least Portacio neglected the easy-access hole for this issue or I would've been like, "Kitty, he's using you as a fucking beard." Anyway, back to things that lasted longer than two pages:

The emerging mutant girls has had it. Her hair's falling out, her skins changing color, Portacio's having his way uglying up her face...it's just not her day. Apparently we're meant to know that she's really smart as it's emphasized with every other line she says with things like her SAT scores (1590? Hope that's not counting all three portions or that's hardly impressive. Although seems to me the writing portion is newish). Hope appears and she's like, "Chill, sis," but this girl's had it and jumps. Hope follows her and when she gets a hold of Laurie, the new girl, she causes her to fully mutate, making her the android-ish one who can fly. Afterward Hope guides her back to the rooftop and Laurie decides all of a sudden she's over being angsty about her being a mutant even though it turns her whole life upside down. But hey, it's just like losing a limb according to everyone except Carey, it's totally whatev. And she willingly joins up with the X-Men. End issue.

Conclusion: Obviously this issue is flawed. However, these flaws are fucking hilarious, and I have to say I have found a new favorite artist to pick on and his name is Whilce Portacio. Seriously, I'm so excited for the material he's going to give me next issue. Buy it if you have a sense of snarky humor about this whole 'Five Lights' thing.

Side Story
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Olivier Coipel
This side story is meant to connect the dots between Magneto being on Utopia not knowing about his maybe-grandsons to showing up at the end of Childrens Crusade #1. It turns out Dr. Nemesis informs Mags about the YA and the possible connection between him and Tommy and Billy. He decides to go ask Cyclops about it who's busy with Colossus and Psylocke rebuilding Utopia. Cyclops is doubtful, and Wolverine steps in to say the Avengers will not allow him near them at all. Cyclops is not unsympathetic to Magneto's desire to meet them, but he tries to be rational with him about it. That's pretty much it for the side story, but I will say Heinberg's Magneto and Cyclops are excellently characterized. Cyclops in particular since Heinberg's version is not a fucking unreasonable douchebag, and acts more like a leader by being rational and sympathetic, even to Magneto. One more thing of note besides that: Who wears short-shorts?

'
Colossus!

Coipel is just forking over material for my new favorite tag "616 colossus might also be gay."
I can't believe Coipel actually thinks that grown, muscular men wear crap like that, especially since I've seen him do it before with Hawkeye. That's more of a look for skinny, twink-y gay guys. I mean, sure, back when they did it in the 80's it almost made sense, but now it's embarrassing. Especially since you know one of Peter's balls of steel is bound to pop out at one point or another. But yeah, that's it for me, hope you all had as much fun with these issues as I did.

The List #33 Part 2

Scarlet #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
The basic idea of this series is it's a girl-who-kicks-ass tale about her fighting against a world of corrupt authority. Seen that one before? Yeah, me too, and it's why I almost didn't pick it up. The reason I did give it a chance though was because it's done by Bendis and Maleev who had not too long ago produced the gorgeous Spider-Woman limited series. To say the least, I don't regret it.

We meet Scarlet as she's killing a plainclothes cop. Obviously it raises some questions, but not to worry, she's ready to answer them directly afterwards. So direct that she breaks the fourth wall, and does so for the majority of the rest of the issue. I tend to be weary of this tool after having seen Deadpool constantly break the 4th wall to crack lukewarm jokes, but Bendis uses it well.

Anyway, Scarlet explains that the cop was hardly a saint; although whether or not he deserved to die is questionable. As she goes through explaining her views on the world she also ends up beating the balls out of a guy trying to steal a bike. Basically, she thinks the world is corrupt, and she's decided to take it upon herself to right it by kicking or killing the shit out of anyone she thinks is part of the corruption. From there we see her life explained in important moments:

Then we get the story of what set her off on this path, and it's definitely a tragic story. It's a story that I'm sure anyone who's been considered "different" in their life has been paranoid at one point about it happening to them. What happens is while she's hanging out in public with friends and the man of her dreams a crooked cop approaches them. He's a messed-up addict, and for no reason he starts insisting on searching Scarlet and company. Scarlet's guy ends up smacking the cop, grabbing Scarlet, and running. From there they quickly realize they're fucked in a serious way, and right in the middle of their dilemma, the cop catches up to them and shoots the guy dead. He also shoots Scarlet, but she eventually recovers to find out the entire situation has been blamed on her guy. And this is where we end off, with the explanation for what's got her motivated to kill those she perceives as corrupt. The issue ends with her saying that she's going to do something about it and that we the readers are going to help.

Conclusion: Totally worth the $3.95, not just because it's 40 pages, but because the story's intensely good with Maleev giving art that's just as beautiful as it was on Spider-Woman. Definitely pick this one up.

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #1
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
Before we begin, I just have to raise a few wth's about the cover. First, what's with Ms. Marvel being all awkward over the letters in tiny form? Another thing is what's going on with Spider-Man being shown looking like he's with the Young Avengers? Anyway, things that struck me as odd, so yeah, let's jump into this because we have got A LOT to talk about.

First off, I have to express my intense feelings of gratitude towards Heinberg and Cheung for coming back to the project. They really are irreplaceable to the project, and it's not YA without them. Some have said that other writers did a great, seamless job maintaining the YA with the one-shots and mini-series we had in between Heinberg's stints, but uh, NO. The thing is none of those writers ever did anything more than mediocre with them, and while Heinberg's grip on the characters was tight and thought-out, these other writers just seemed to have a basic understanding of the personalities and just packed the rest with typical ideas of what teenagers are like.

This issue opens with our heroes battling it out with the Serpent Society, who just are prejudiced against life itself, and we're given re-introductions. Hulkling has some trouble with one is specific who's spewing his Bible quotations, so Hulkling decides to just make him all out lose his shit. How?

Not the same sex kiss you were hoping for, right?

So anyway, the homophobe completely divas out like men trying to reassert their heterosexuality do. Not helping his day is the appearance of Iron Man, Capt. America, and Ms. Marvel which really sets him off. So much so that he decides to hold Teddy as hostage and threaten to set off the nuclear bomb he has on him. In reaction, Wiccan's totally not having any of that shit, and magics it away as well as knocks out the SS.

This is hardly a joyous occasion for the 3 Avengers as this means to them that Billy might be another Scarlet Witch. They explain their concern and wanting to keep him with them until they can figure out his limitations. They also explain what happened with the Scarlet Witch which also reminds us that Wanda's antics before she disappered aren't public knowledge in the MU. Something said that struck me as completely wrong:

Hardly. Aren't we forgetting the character who Wanda's breakdown was based on?

And at least her body count stayed dead.

Old tensions come out as Ms. Marvel explains that the Scarlet Witch was a killer, and throughout this talk Carol's kind of a hardass about the situation. Frustrated, Wiccan then asks what would happen if it turns out that he is the grandson of Magneto which is met with no answer from the Avengers. He storms out and the YA follow him. They start to try and talk about what happened with him, but considering they're sounding like they're on the side of the Avengers, he takes off on them as well. Now usually, I'd say these pissy storming outs are irritating, but Heinberg does it convincingly, I can see why Wiccan would feel betrayed by his teammates by their not automatically taking his side. And while he's pissed, he's not running off crying or throwing a massive fit; he's frustrated by being singled out and he wants someone to have his back.

Wiccan decides to go home to get away from the issue, but instead finds Captain America talking to his parents telling them that he would need to take Wiccan back to do some tests. How Cap planned to get back was definitely amusing:

Can you imagine being the cab driver who picks them up?

Instead Wiccan flies them there which I think totally spoiled an awesome scene that probably would've looked like the McDonalds trip in Bedazzled. During the flight Teddy shows up saying that Billy's not doing this alone. Cap says it's ok and has Jarvis set up a room for them. And the rest is just too much for me to handle talking about so here it is:

SO. CLOSE.

But then Speed cockblocks them by running in to tell them that him and the rest of the YA are breaking them out. They do and from there the team decides that the best way to deal with this is to find the Scarlet Witch. And at the shocking last second, someone appears that agrees with them: MAGNETO.

Conclusion: This issue was everything I ever dreamed of and more the only problem is that I have to wait two months until the next issue. Besides that, it's just heaven. Also if anyone's disappointed about the non-kiss deal, the thing is I'm pretty sure Heinberg knows we want it to happen really bad, so he's probably going to save it to capitalize on a dramatic moment. Anyway, buy this issue.