The List #42

New Avengers #5
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This week was all about re-asserting how Wolverine is the MOST POWERFUL SUPERHERO IN THE ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE. Sorcerer Supreme? That ain't SHIT next to 9-inch metal claws. The power of the Phoenix? Bitch, have you seen his healing factor? Galactus? Fuck no, Wolvie's fighting training spans centuries, he can kick G-Dawg's ASS!

No seriously. I get pandering to Wolverine fans makes it so that people want to buy the issue, but holy shit, does he always have to be the MOST POWERFUL, BIGGEST THREAT, and RIDICULOUSLY BADASS? The writers do realize that there are people reading who aren't fans of Logan and just can't suspend their disbelief in the face of this ridiculously assertion of Wolverine's importance to everything.

Anyway, besides the ridiculous part at the end where Wolverine is decided to be the best vessel for the combined powers of all everyone there, this arc provided an image of just how ridiculous this book's current cast is (I'd post it, but my blog post's width is too narrow...I'm not even kidding) with 12 characters being involved. Plus Hawkeye for two minutes to tell us he wasn't actually on the team which just read like BMB threw this in the script last second just to make the fanboys aware of the roster. But yeah, the amount of characters involved in this arc is ridiculous, and we were already working with a large cast in the first place.

Oh also at one point the ridiculous amount of chatter was lampshaded through the use of one of the villain-figures commenting on it. K......BMB? Just because you joked it off doesn't make it any less annoying that 12 characters are all talking at the same time with none of it being of any use to the story or just for the purpose of updating the other characters on things that the reader already knows.

X-Men #4
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
This entire book is one big fucking cliche. First, there's vampire cliches where we have Wolverine toting the Vampire cause by trying to persuade the X-Men that it's cool to be vampin' with the most typical dialogue of 'vampire-to-human-persuasion' you could have ever thought up. Also, there was the now really familiar scene of a band playing while there's a fight scene going on around them and people assuming that it's just part of the show. Second, there's the X-Men cliches with the second assertion this week that Wolverine IS THE MOST VALUABLE X-MAN. Then there's the whole cliche possessed person dialogue where the characters try reasoning with the possessed person even though they know that character is not themself. Honestly, X-Men thus far is a really big piece of fanfic, and it's really failing to justify why it's existence is necessary. Now onto the poll:

This past poll turned out some good results especially with the option for multiple answers. It seems you guys fucking hate Darwin considering he was the consistent leader of this poll. This probably the only way he'd ever get that much attention. The next person on our collective shit-list is that bitch Rahne and I have to say at that point it thrills me to know we're all on the same page here. Longshot and Strong Guy then followed which I have to say are strong choices. Then it followed with Shatterstar, Monet, and Multiple Man at the bottom of the voted-for list. Most surprisingly, despite the option to choose the entire cast if one so chose, it seems no votes went out to Rictor, Siryn, or Layla Miller. Anyway, thanks to everyone who voted on this poll, very fun results, and please do go vote on the next one.

Comic Book Releases Briefly: 9/1/10 and 9/9/10

Apologies for being absent for the past two weeks, but I just started college again so my life has been a bit hectic lately. If you find yourself going through bitchy withdrawls, just know that I've also got a [Tumblr] that you can go to for second helpings of snarkery.

Anyway, it seems my absence couldn't be more perfectly timed as it seems not a lot happened in comic book land while I was gone. Here's a brief look at what I thought of the books I would normally have reviewed:

Avengers: The Childrens Crusade #2
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
The only book that I was really looking forward to reviewing, but in the end it's fine because I had little to say about it anyway. Not as good as the first issue, but still amazingly satisfying for me. Seriously, if this book needs to be on a bi-monthly schedule in order to produce a quality product like it has then I'm all for it.

One thing I found shocking was that they actually had Quicksilver and Speed meet up. I've always thought of Speed as the massive ripoff in the room, and I assumed that Quicksilver and him could never meet just because Speed is nearly identical to him. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Heinberg's YA, but let's be honest: Speed is basically a young Quicksilver and was probably just hastily created so that the Scarlet Witch plotline could be introduced. Anyway, this was definitely the best release of the past two weeks and I recommend you all pick it up.

Scarlet #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
One word summary: Mediocre.
Scarlet's view on the world, despite being justified by her experience, still sounds like Hot Topic brand whining about how 'the world is full of shit'. And it's this attitude plus her overconfidence in what she 'knows' about the world despite being 17 that turned me off from this issue.

However, as dull and whiny as it was, I thought [this fucking bullshit] with the shop owner ripping up an issue of Scarlet was ridiculous. Seriously, guy? Thanks for helping along the stereotype that comic book fans are emotionally stunted adults. It's not even that bad of a fucking book, and even if it were, it's not connected to any other books or drawing from any other continuity. Scarlet's not even set in any real universe that matters! This book couldn't be easier to avoid if you don't like it.
I just find this to be such an obnoxious, childish act of disrespect, and that's coming from someone who writes bitchy comic book reviews for the hell of it.

X-Men #3
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
Despite the pressure to do something remarkable considering the current state of vampire fatigue, this series so far has decided to reuse all the typical vampire dialogue/plot moves/everything. Also, despite the pressure of being a new X-Book with no established difference from Uncanny, this series has decided to reuse all the same X-Men dialogue/plot moves/everything. Seriously, using one of Wolverine's sidekicks to lure him into a situation? And worst of all, deeming Wolverine 'the most powerful X-Man' and having him converted to their side. Isn't that the subject of every other X-Related story? Also, what the fuck on Wolverine being the most powerful/useful X-Man? Yeah, because claws and a healing factor are so much more useful than top-tier psychic powers, full control of the elements, or a control of ice that makes the user nearly unkillable. This is the sort of shit logic that happens when you let obssessive fanboys write the books. Anyway, don't waste your spare bucks on this regurgitated storyline.

New Avengers #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is pretty unremarkable. At least Daimon Hellstrom still has no idea what a shirt is.

Batgirl #14
Writer: Bryan Q Miller
Artist: Lee Garbett
I was so bored I couldn't even finish it, and it's rare that I put down anything that I started reading, least of all a comic book. I think this issue marks the end for me and Batgirl, especially since my favorite character, Oracle, is now getting pushed out of the series.

Lastly, poll results time!
Unsurprisingly, Psylocke and Archangel won this poll with 15 votes which is expected considering they're the only couple on this list that now has confirmation to be pairing up officially. Also, it's Psylocke and I know that a lot of you here love her.

Namor and Emma came in second place with 12 votes.....yeah, wasn't expecting that. It seems we see things a little different, my readers, considering I loathe the idea of Emma being with another manchild, but it's ok, we can love each other for our differences. Anyway, moving onto my favorite couple...

Danger and Box came in third with 6 votes, one of them being mine, and I'm surprised they didn't at least get second considering how magnetic a pairing they are. Yes, I know, cheesy robot puns, I'll stop. Lastly, everyone else got one vote. And that's the poll, thanks for voting and please do go vote on the newest one.

The List 37

New Avengers #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This. Issue. Is. So. Chatty.
To open, this issue the dimension of the world tears and all sorts of demons are let out. The New Avengers engage them in battle and from there it is a complete and total chat-fest. We learn crucial information about our heroes such as Ms. Marvel has never seen Ghostbusters. Normally casual dialogue during a fight scene would have been welcome, even entertaining, but considering the amount of it and who it was between made it excessive. Who was it between you now may wonder? Spider-Man and The Thing. I understand it's part of Spider-Man's 'thing' to yak like my Aunt Louise, but Bendis was beating us over the head with it this time. And of course, everything The Thing says annoys the piss out of me.

Meanwhile, Jessica had a solo battle scene as she attempted to get to the Avengers Mansion, and that was decent for what it was. Except she was going to get her fricking child who needs to make like Wanda's kids and disappear until its needed for a teen series. Also, in the end she got overwhelmed by the demons, but was saved by the timely arrival of Vicky Hand...

...And a massive fucking gun!!

Seriously, who'd she steal this thing off of, Cable in the 90's? Anyway, she's starting to prove she's actually useful to the team, and that's all well and good. Meanwhile, Iron Fist is trapped in a dimension of whiteout with two disembodied voices bickering over what they need to do to get the Eye of Agamotto from him. It's finally revealed that the person trying to get to the Eye as well as this arc's main villain is none other than Dr. Strange's former master/teacher/magic trainer guy. Oh noes!

Also during this issue the magic guys are in perpetual state of bitchery with each other over what needs to be done. They can't even get their shit together to quickly leave the fight scene to discuss what needs to be done. It seriously took so many word bubbles before they left, I can't believe one of the Avengers didn't turn around and bitch at them to knock it off. At the very least Daimon Hellstrom remained shirtless and in tight leather pants the whole time, so it wasn't a total waste of page time. Ohhhh just look at him pose all sexy-like.

Hey now, stop playing with your nipples while Dr. Strange is talking!

...On second thought, keep going. At least it's something new considering once the magic guys finally left they ended up having a conversation that only repeated what was gone on. It's like I said: This issue is CHATTY.

Conclusion: This issue was one of my 'more-fun-to-make-fun-of' issues. It was good in some parts...like the Daimon Hellstrom ones. He's just bucking to be my new comic book boyfriend considering my former boyfriend Warpath is now exiled to the terrifying void of character limbo. But seriously, this issue's excessive chatter will probably grate on your nerves, so beware.

Avengers Academy #3
Writer: Christos Gaga
Artist: Mike McKone
This issue opens by expanding on Hazmat's past and how her powers ruined her near-perfect life and how Osborn continued to screw it up. Which is foreshadowing of things to come.

Reptil finally got his kiss from Finesse this issue. It was weird, mainly because the way Finesse is so robotic about it makes her seem like she's doing it for money...ya know? And of course after that Stryker makes a comment on how there are a few things he hasn't tried, but luckily, Finesse is not interested.

The A.A. instructors (which I'm sure for a few of them works both ways) are having a themed week of having the students work with superheroes like Iron Fist and Valkyrie. The one to actually care about is Valkyrie's appearance talking to the girls because with it we get this revelation--->

Tygra's a feminist? Seriously? So now I have to take her seriously instead of just comparing her to Tyra Banks? Dammit. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have a problem with her brand of feminism, I already dislike that she's bringing up her status as a feminist as a nuisance. For f@#$'s sake, Ty-Ty, don't play to that 'annoying feminist' crap, half the people who are tired of it barely have a f$%ing clue what it's about. Someone who's got their shit right though is Valkyrie:

I love her for this!

I know, I'm male, I shouldn't side with female supremacy, but I'm a big supporter of women saying, 'I'll do it my goddamned self, useless male!' especially with that mindf#@% Twilight being as popular as it is. Anyway, might actually tune into the Valkyrie one-shot coming up next week if there's more independent woman-loving goodness in it.

Meanwhile it turns out there's a big 'Scared Straight' thing going on soon with the students visiting The Raft that houses the Thunderbolts as well as many supervillans including Normy Norm. With this, Hazmat is planning to go fuck Osborn's day up when they get to The Raft, and manages to get Veil and Mettle in on it. Also it seems we're going to be having 'A Very Special Avengers Academy' soon as it seems Speedball is still cutting to feel.

The A.A.'s tour of The Raft is sketchy to start off with. And by sketchy I mean it's lucky that the cell doors have no holes in them because it would've been Silence of the Lambs all over again. Ugh. Ghost and Juggernaut are brought in individually to talk to the students, and Ghost goes off ranting about 'THE MAN' and just serving to reinforce my dislike for those types (as a college goer I encounter them and their Che Guevara shirts frequently). Juggernaut is oddly straightforward and helpful which is surprising since I thought he was still in "IM EVIL AGAIN!" mode. Oh well, guess that means his power levels are all of a sudden reduced again as well....

From there she recognizes he's using his angsty Penance energy signature rather than his Speedball one. And with that another point goes to Dr. Karla Sofen.

It seems Moonstone was called in to evaluate the kids as a group through observation. She's less than helpful, but at least she gets a massive dig in at Speedball. I don't actually have anything against Robbie, I just bitches being bitchy. From there Hazmat causes a blackout where her, Mettle, and Veil sneak off to go visit Osborn, and that pretty much leads to the events of the connecting issue of Thunderbolts.

Conclusion, this issue is a bit of a letdown considering the previous issues, but it's still a decent one, especially the Valkyrie part.

Thunderbolts #147
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
Did sales really plummet during Dark Reign or something? Because it seems there's a big push to get the Thunderbolts to mix it up with all the newer series as well as the latest crossover. I mean let's look at is: There's this issue with the A.A., the next two issues tie-in to Shadowland, and after that is a crossover between them and the Avengers. I know that even before Ellis' run, Thunderbolts has been a book that usually connects to other events going on in the MU (Civil War, Secret Invasion), but they generally stuck to one for at least an arc those times.

Returning to the cliffhanger of four Thunderbolts left to take on the creatures in the cave, it seems even in reduced numbers they can make short work of the creatures. A point of interest is Man-Thing saving Moonstone from one of the things with her saying, "I'll be staying on your good side." Yeah, and hoping Man-Thing doesn't remember that you were there when Ares chopped him in half I bet. (Speaking of my favorite god besides Jean, apparently Ares is getting resurrected soon! Yay comic book deaths!)

From there we get a brief look at the aftermath and then the next scene is directly after the blackout happens with the prisoners getting out. Songbird encounters trouble with this and Moonstone does the right thing:

Unfortunately, instead of Songbird and her bad haircut getting violently murdered by the overwhelming number of prisoners attacking her, the Troll girl they picked up last issue ends up helping her and saving the day. As if I didn't already dislike this 'raised-in-the-wild!!' character as it was, now she's just adding fuel to the hate fire by helping the ever-annoying Songbird. You can bet Moonstone and I were less than thrilled by those results (Moonstone's reaction being actually on-panel, but you can bet I was reacting the same off-panel). Meanwhile, you'll never guess who gets out (not kidding):

Purple Man!
This is some serious shit because if you haven't read Alias, let me inform you Purple Man is a seriously sick fuck and he messed with Jessica in one of the worst ways possible.

Cage then responds by taking on every guy who Purple Man is controlling with Purple Man afterwards simply telling Cage that he can just take him over. However, it seems Cage has nanites in him specifically designed to block him out, and then he fucking headbutts that asshole! Jessica married a good man *sniff*.

U.S. Agent is also having trouble with prisoners, especially with them thinking nothing of him as he's now without two limbs. In response the man gets out of his wheelchair and personally fucks up the day of every one of those assholes. This would be his victory pose-->

Meanwhile we get more reformed Juggernaut crap as it seems he helps two prisoners break out, but it's revealed he just led them to the jellyfish defenses. In the end, everything's recovered, no one dies which means Hazmat doesn't end up killing Osborn next issue like she had planned (not much of a spoiler there).

Conclusion: Definitely an improvement from last issue, but Songbird not dying was definitely a minus. Someday Moonstone and I will have our wishes come true, but until then Melissa lives to annoy another day.

The List #34

New Mutants #15
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Sorry about the delay, things have been insane lately so the news and last week's X-Factor will get added o
not this week's post because I think there's like one new thing coming out for my pull list. Anyway, let the reviewing begin.

In my mind this issue is titled "The Drunk Issue" considering that's what most of it centers around. What happens is Cannonball approaches Cyclops and whines that he "broke the team" and no longer deserves to be leader. Cyclops, not to be outdone in the angst dept., tells Sam that he doesn't have time for this angsty shit when he could be devoting time to his own, and orders Sam to take the team out for some R+R.

So they do and Sam decides to make it extra special because they R+R:

Of course you bring beer, Sam.
Gross. I think me and Illyana are going to go sneak out to the local Hannaford for some vodka.

So the team drinks and they slowly start going over what happened during SC. Then they start swapping funny stories with Dani recounting what happened during the battle with Hodgo. Don't think it was that funny of an issue? Me neither. Seriously, not to say that you don't obnoxiously point to the elephant in the room when drunk, but if you're going to tell funny stories at least tell stories that are actually funny. Like Wells, you couldn't make something up?

Another point I don't believe is that this is the second time where Karma and Hellion have been portrayed as indifferent to their losing their body parts. I mean I don't want them angsting up the panels until the series ends, but seriously, at least have a couple issues with them dealing with their feelings over it. I'm not sold on them being ok with it, but I suppose minor characters are expected to dela with whatever blows their given and get over it. Something this issue I was totally sold on was this:

Ohhhh drunken makeout sessions. Brings back memories of last semester. Anyway, that much was convincing although I wish Wells had gone further to the one-night stand that would've resulted had they not been interrupted. Not because I'm a Dani/Sam shipper, but because I'm always in for awkward drunk one-night stands as long as they're not my own. Anyway, you'll notice we don't see much of Warlock this issue because....

He can't hold his beer.

Nah, apparently he's purging because he's got eater's remorse. We're planning on a very special True Life for him very soon actually. Actually he's bummed out over taking human life and releasing the energy he gained from eating the people. Most of the issue he's not seen because he's out moping over it.

The rest of the issue has to do with the ongoing Magik/Pixie tensions. They only get worse as the demon-y army guys from issue #9 appear this issue and are out for Illyana's blood since they spent 20 years in Limbo and half of them are part-demon now because of having to try and survive there. In their search for Illyana they end up finding Pixie and beating her ass for her soul dagger. And this makes for yet another reason to add to Pixie's list of why Illyana Rasputin is a bitch.

And besides Illyana being alerted to the danger nearby by having her soulsword come out of her and also cockblock Sam and Dani, that's the issue. Conclusion: Despite it's glaring flaws, this issue was pretty decent and I'm just thrilled to see New Mutants finally out of crossover hell.

New Avengers #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is basically a game of "Who's got the Eye of Agamotto?" with everyone trying to keep it away from the possessed Luke Cage. Except the demon possessing Luke Cage is willing to play dirty to get the Eye:

Ohhhh gurl. Evil means business when it resorts to pulling on your hair.

This issue Jessica Jones dropped her typical mother role....to pick up the typical wife role. There were a couple moments where she was cool, but for the most part she was portrayed as the idiot wife who doesn't understand what possession means.

In the end, everyone's un-possessed while Iron Fist ,who's got the Eye, is possessed, and the Sorcerer guys including Dr. Voodoo reunite to say the world is fucked. Conclusion: This issue was ok, nothing was really bad about it but there was also nothing particularly great about it either.

Thunderbolts #146
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
So last week we ended with the introduction of this new girl named Troll with me already rolling my eyes in annoyance to yet another "child-raised-in-the-wild!" story because I hate those stories. Seriously, when Claremont tried going that route with X-23 with the fangs and the growling I was like, "Diva you did not!" Luckily this issue they just knock her out and throw her story on the backburner which is whatev. Also, Songbird had like two panels this issue, so that was a plus.

The main mission this issue is the team going to find out what happened to the SHIELD team sent to investigate and verify if there were a new vein of terrigen crystals in some cave. Results: The SHIELD team's dead and there's definitely terrigen crystals in the cave. So much so that it reminds me of Aladdin with the room that was filled with gold in the Cave of Wonders. Also, there's a ton of misshapen creatures lurking about trying to kill the team.

In other news, this whole fake "reformed Moonstone" act has gone from decent to stinks like shit.

Seriously, Parker, how dumb do you think she is?

WTF, I'm pretty sure Ellis built her up differently and he's the reason I and I'm sure a lot of people started paying attention to this series. Basically, he had her be sex-positive, manipulative, and had her be a rough girl masquerading as classy even though we knew better. From there Bendis' Dark Reign had her be sleep with everyone and had her called a slut for it, kind of trashy, and still manipulative but all the other team members were too so her game plan just got lost in all that (especially with fucking Daken since we're all supposed to believe he matters or something). Parker so far as made her all-out trashy, no sleeping around but she's hinted to it, but his worst sin is he thinks that she's stupid. This is probably because people automatically assume women who are unashamed of their sexuality are "sluts" and must be stupid to not be ashamed. ...She has an MD in Psych, how stupid can she be when it comes to manipulation? Especially when she's been doing it for quite awhile. Anyway, I don't buy Moonstone would try to shove her "reformed" crap in everyone's faces like that because she's a manipulator; she knows that doesn't work like that.

Back to the story, the rest of the issue consists of another extended fight scene which is, once again, a good thing because I'm all in for a good team battle. Especially since it seems half the X-Books fail to understand what a decent team fight scene looks like. The issue ends with Man-Thing, Crossbones, and Mach-IV or V or VIIX as the only Thunderbolts left standing against the creatures. Conclusion: This issue would be between good and ok which seems to be a "thing" for Parker as I remember feeling the same about most of his Exiles run.

The List #31 Part 2

Forgetless #5
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artists: Scott Forbes, Marley Zarcone, and Jorge Coelho
I hate that I only found this series right before the last issue came out because its entire run would have been a great addition to this blog. Still, at least I do get to talk about it because this mini-series is so kickass.

Instead of reviewing this last issue and spoiling everything before any of you have a chance to pick it up, I'll just speak on the series in general. Now, if you're going to understand this review you'll probably need to go to this first preview to get the basic idea of the series and what I'm talking about.

Ok, so the idea of models hired to kill a guy at a club on its last night is not the most interesting idea out there. Here's the thing that first stopped me: The art. You'll notice the artist covering the models' side of the story, Scott Forbes, basically has the style of a poor man's Josh Middleton. Which is A-OK with me, I love Middleton enough to accept watered down version as my artist. Plus the other two artists are equally adept at drawing you in against your will and making you love their work. And the color scheme of the club (and a lot of the moments from the side story) remind me of this episode of MTV's Downtown.

The next part that catches your attention about this series is that it's genuinely hip. Unlike Immomen's run on Runaways that felt awkwardly out-of-touch and Diablo Cody and her constant attempts at hipster speak that just beg for your approval so they can be slapped onto a Hot Topic T-shirt, this series just simply reflects on what is now, like inclusion of the characters' Twitter feeds and the up-to-date fashion like Sara wearing Lady Gaga gloves, without overwhelming us in how socially savvy it is.

Probably the most attractive aspect of this series is it goes there. This series is not afraid to have a guy who dresses up in a koala outfit and goes out responding to the most disgusting Craigslist Personal ads. The humor is my favorite brand: snarky, and it's top notch enough to make me consistently laugh out loud. But I must warn you that this comic could offend the shit out of you. Then again, if you read this blog and all the nasty snark I spew then you're likely all set for this mini-series.

That's not a pie that he's tasting. Definitely not a pie.

A lot of the plot goes on about New York and the horrible things people do to get status there, and from there it goes on about how New York corrupts you. Why is it always New York? Is that the only place in U.S. that impregnates people with the chestbursters of greed, dishonesty, and lust? Whatever, I'm sure that New York's corruption is unique and all, but it's annoying to hear songs, stories, and people saying, "It's only there that people sell their soul for fame!" It makes me determined to go sell my soul in Nebraska and follow it up with a book about the evils of those Nebraskans and their whatever-they're-noted-for's just to spite the over-dramatic corruption of New York. That irritation aside, this book is almost perfect and the best part of it is the side story.

Or back story. Whatever, it's a separate story about trio of teenagers from an uneventful part of Jersey who are fighting to get their ways to the last night of Forgetless. A lot of their motivation is that they already feel that they should be a part of the NYC scene and that where they live fails them as its trashy and unexciting. I. Can. So. Relate. And unless you were lucky enough to be born in a happening area, you probably can too. The character of Darla is genius because most people have had her as a friend before: that impossibly clever and fearless friend of yours that doesn't have a brain cell to her name if it has to do with something legal. And then there's David, the bucket of nerves gay best friend which everyone has except me because I totally am him. Anyway, to close this side story is the best part of Forgetless and is just an amazingly good time.

Conclusion for Forgetless: Buy it. Love it. But pray you don't live it.

New Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendies
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is about Luke Cage being given his own Avengers along with the newly rennovated Avengers Mansion to do with as he pleases. As he's going to go move in, he's greeted by Victoria Hand pointing a Cable-sized gun at him and his family. Her motivation? Because even though Steve Rogers gave her a second chance to clean up her act, she's paranoid about the other Avengers beating her ass so she feels the need to have a gun on her. Smart, Vicky. In response, Luke Cage claps his hands and it throws her and her gun on steroids back into a wall.

Later on Hand is confronted by Wolverine and Cage who ask her about why she was working with Osborn and if she understood he was nuts. She responds with all the crap she said in the last Dark Avengers and they all tentatively accept her. All except Miss Jessica Jones who has a problem with people pointing a gun at her toddler...

Don't get me wrong, it's great that she cares whether or not her baby's alive. But I swear to fuck, I do not want her only character moments be about her role as a mother. You'd think as a Poison Ivy fan that I'd be desensitized to hearing, "My baby!" every five minutes, but no, it still irritates the piss out of me. I understand her role as a mother will be a part of her character for ever and ever from now on, but Bendis really needs to bring back some of her Alias-era personality.

Now onto the team roster which is given by a double-page spread of the character around the dinner table. Unfortunately, the diva formerly known as Captain America's only limits on team members was that he couldn't have Thor or Iron Man. Which I'm sure he's kicking himself for now because here's the team roster: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Mockingbird, Hawkeye, Iron Fist, Jessica Jones, The Thing, Wolverine, and Ms. Marvel. Ok. Half of the New Avengers are also on the adjectiveless Avengers team (Wolverine, Hawkeye, Spider-Man), and starring in 30 other books. Do they really need to be on another team? Like seriously Bendis, would it kill you to pull She-Hulk from pseudo-Limbo?

The worse is part is The Thing, the member of the Fucking Annoying Four that I hate the most. He's catchphrases and cliched statements that just make him as character dated without the people surrounding him seeming to know that he's over. Oh my God. He's Bret Michaels. Anyway, I just wish the Fantastic Four would sacrifice themselves again like they did during Onslaught, but have it stick this time. Other than that Ms. Marvel's fine, I love Jessica Jones, and Mockingbird I barely know but she does have a cool costume.

Moving back to the issue's going-ons, the villain situation is Dark Reign caused a thinning of the barrier between our realm and others. This is causing things from the other side to get in by possession! Seriously, every month there's at least one of my books having something to do with possession. I used to watch Charmed, I've had my fill of possession plots. Anyway, Dr. Strange and Damian Hellstrom,who is shirtless in leather pants the entire time and makes this issue's villain story more bearable, are possessed and go to fight Dr. Voodoo. Allegedly killing him, the Eye of Agamotto, the thing they're after, is tranferred to Luke Cage, so they show up and attack the Avengers. End issue.

Conclusion, this issue was pretty decent. Despite half the roster sucking, the other half is a good lost, so I'm at least in for the first arc.

The List #17

Nation X #1
Writer #1: Simon Spurrier
Artist #1: Leonard Kirk
To begin I have to mention my love for the cover especially the inclusion of No-Girl on it. Seriously go check it out if you can find an image of it that isn't blurry as shit (Thanks CBR, makes you look super professional to have blurry previews).

Anywhoodaloo, the first story centers around Magneto and the students. It's a blend of awkward and cheesy and it does nothing for Magneto but make him look more like a creeper and just a boring threat that the X-Men will have to take care of.....as they always do. Boredom. Kirk's art is a lot more bearable than it has previously been, but that's due to it being more colorful this time. To finish, this story is the weakest out of the bunch.

Writer #2: James Asmus
Artist #2: Mike Allred
Remember my constant bitching about how art and story need to come together to make a comic great? Well, sometimes one of them outshines the other in such a way that it doesn't matterhow mediocre one element is, you love the other element too much. This can be seen with Grant Morrison's run when crappy Igor Kordey kept subbing in for Quitely. Writing won over art. Well, this story is good, but the art by Allred totally outshines everything. As a new fan of Milligan's X-Force/X-Statix, I have to say I adore the man and I wish he was doing Uncanny. Why? Because in X-Statix he drew a satirical take on the super hero whereas Fraction right now is unknowingly serving up a campy take on the X-Men. The fact that he expects it to be taken seriously is absurd, it's like taking a B-Level horror movie seriously. Allred could definitely enhance that campy feel.

I adore this! Choose Brit Betsy!

Basically this story is a road trip between Kurt and Logan. Little goes on, but at the end Logan admits to being behind Scott as a leader...and much more.

Kurt's now in on the ongoing love affair!
Finally, I love Allred's take on Kurt and the man in general since this story would've been dull under any other artist.

Writer #3: Chris Yost
Artist #3: Michele Bertilorenzi

Yost writes a good Iceman for this story, I mean a bit of a horn dog, but mostly an Iceman that I would love to see more often. Funny enough it depicts him being rejected by Dazzler. She denies him because she knows his secret. He really wants Jean Paul, but he has a boyfriend now. Come out of the closet, Bobby, we have techno remixes of Celine Dion's greatest hits. Diva always recognizes one of her gays, don't try to pull the wool over her eyes.

Bobby also mentions something that I've thought about recently, here's the update on the fab five:

Writer #4: Scott Snyder
Artist #4: David Lopez
This issue spotlights Colossus, which can be a dangerous thing considering the character's meant to be background. He's like my grandfather, he is content to be out of the spotlight and when you pull these sort of people out of the background they tend to seem awkward. Fraction proved this when he spotlighted Colossus awhile ago and the focus very clearly screwed his character up. Not only that, but Fraction can't write characters in the first place so... ya know. Anyway, the focus of this issue is Colossus' frustration with his little sister Illyana not returning his joy that they're reunited. Which is sad because as an introverted character, Colossus finally opening up for someone he loves so much makes for very raw emotion, and you almost feel the raw pain as Illyana ignores him. Anyway, this story is pretty good, bit of a downer, but a better take on Colossus than we've seen in awhile.

Summary about the entire book is that it is a lot better than the anthology books we've seen lately, infinitely better than that crap Dark X-Men book. I would say if you like X-Men you should definitely considering buying it.

And prep for next issue since it's totally fag edition: Gambit, Northstar, Jubilee, and No-Girl. It's going to be goddamned delicious and you can imagine how excited I am for it to come out.

New Avengers Annual #3

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Mayhew
First off, you may recognize the artist, Mike Mayhew, from such books as X-Men Origins: Jean Grey and covers for Women of Marvel and Phoenix Warsong. Basically, this artist has generally "soft", "feminine" pencils, so he's called in more often for female-centered stories. Don't get me wrong, beautiful work, but I dislike that women stories get their own "feminine" art despite the fact that gory X-Force gets Mike Choi, the king of pretty pencils. While this doesn't always happen, I'm ticked that it happened this time.

Anyway, this issue centers around the fact that Clint Barton has been taken hostage. Luckily for all of us, Mayhew appeases the female and gay audiences by having Hawkeye in nothing but boxers the entire issue and sometimes it appears to be less. Oh and Mayhew draws a pretty fucking sexy naked man, so naked Hawkeye is definitely a good day. Oh and look at this contextless image:

Just ponderin' about what he's got.

Also, Normy Norm and the Dark Avengers are all up in Barton's grill, asking him where the Avenger's headquarters is and threatening to sic Venom on him. Which gives birth to another fabulous panel --->

Then the focus goes from this to the other stars of this issue, Jessica Jones, Ms. Marvel, Spider-Woman, and Mockingbird, who are definitely the reasons why I reviewed this issue in the first place. The unfortunate part of this issue though is that despite the ladies being on the cover and being toted around as the stars of the issue, it's really more about Hawkeye. Which is fucking lame because some of us here would like to read other characters besides the fucking hegemonic males. Like Spider-Woman I love, Ms. Marvel I like, Mockingbird I don't know and don't know if I want to, and Jessica Jones I'm probs going to start to discover since I've read some pages of Alias and am totally interested. So I'd like to see them more in the spotlight.

Anyway, Mockingbird discovers Clint left to kill Osborn and she freaks and runs outside to cry. Randomly, Spider-Woman and Ms. Marvel are just chillin' outside, flying around. They decide to go find Clint since he probably got caught and Jessica decides to return to superheroing. If this is a permanent thing, she should definitely consider a new costume or at least changing her hair to fit the costume better. Oh and this is a pretty panel of Ms. Marvel flying --->

Most of the issue is Clint getting interrogated by some psychic guy and he thinks of the Avengers headquarters and it shows them in the kitchen. Ok, question, are the scenes with Avengers in the kitchen sort of like an overused setting similar to Emma and Scott's constant bedroom scenes?

OH and for those of my readers who watch ANTM like I do, doesn't this panel of Ms. Marvel:

Look like Lauren Brie from Cycle 12?
If you say Lauren Brie's too pretty, then realize this girl looked a lot more attractive in pictures then in real life and should you watch the episodes with her in it I think you'll see the resemblance.

Oh and I have to say I adore Mockingbird's costume, it's absolutely gorgeous. Not only that, but she totally wears the same kind of boots that I do. So definitely am considering liking her just based on the fact that we probably both shop at the same place.

The issue ends with Clint getting rescued, the Avenger's changing their headquarters place, and Captain America is back. I'd say it'd be a good idea to consider this issue, but it's definitely not a must-have.