The List #47

Chew #16
Writer: John Layman
Artist: Robert Guillory
After last issue's ending with the alien lights in the sky, we find Chu dealing with the effects the lights are having on the public as many are thinking it's a sign of the end of the world, including Chu's partner, John, who's drinking himself silly. Which is shame because it lead to less face time with him, anddd that's a shame because he's a fun character (and gay!). Anyway, Chu partners up with the guy who's partners with Savoy, but still in the FDA, and they going look for this guy named Daniel Migdalo who is "voresophic" which means eating makes him smarter and may be able to help with the situation. Except they come upon him as a blubberous mountain who's now so smart that he mindfucked and can't function due that and his weight. Chu and Savoy's guy try to talk to him, but he's too far gone and attacks them. In the end, he dies jumping out of his window for mints, and that's it for him. Savoy's guy stops Chu from trying to eat any of the guy as it might send him off the deep end....while he ends up saving some of the guy and giving it to Savoy. Meanwhile, a chicken joint re-opens....

Conclusion: While Chew is always a great read and still is here, this issue feels like last month's in the sense that it feels more like an issue to set up things with having barely anything happening in itself.

Uncanny X-Men #531
Writer: Matt Fraction and Kieron Gillen
Artist: Greg Land
This issue opens with Cyclops and Dr. Rao touring the sick bay, and going over who's infected so as to emphasize that this recycled plot is a "big deal". So obviously Wolverine's infected. And Namor, who's trying his hardest to get back to Atlantis since he's needed there while taking time to do his best celebrity impression, courtesy of Land:

I'm saying this is totally True Blood's Alexander Skarsgard.

Anyone else see it? Sorry the picture of Skarsgard isn't exactly the same pose, but I didn't have the energy to go hunting to that extreme. Anyway, in reaction to Rao's news, Cyclops does the CSI sunglasses thing to make this shit seem serious and then there's that scream and cue credits. Except...

Isn't that a completely dangerous thing for Cyclops to do? In the sick bay no less?
Seriously, in any other universe besides Fraction and Land's mind-numbing one, this would've ended badly as Cyclops' raw beam blew up half of Utopia.

Stupidity is a theme this issue, and it only get worse when we transfer to the fake X-Men subplot. Basically, we come in on the X-Men who happened to be outside of Utopia before the Quarantine (Angel, Pixie, Dazzler, Storm, and Northstar) telling the press that they have no association with the fakes. And for some reason Pixie is doing some of the talking, even though what she's saying has likely already been established by the senior X-Men:

How embarrassing for them.
Also, I can't help but think of that [Patrick from Spongebob meme] when I look at this ridiculous pose. Which is fitting because Pixie is basically as dense as Patrick under Fraction's hand. Which ended up inspiring me to [this].

Meanwhile the horrendous Emma Frost subplot continues, focusing on Emma and Shaw's hidden past as Emma reveals the new 'fact' that she had two other people competing with her for the title of White Queen, and when she took the title, Shaw beat them into the refrigerators in the sky. Of course, we see Emma regretful here because now we've degraded so far in Emma's character that we've gone from her being an unapologetic bitch to her being altruistic and in a constant state of repent, even if she wasn't responsible for what went down. Anyway, in the end Fantomex, having had enough, decides to release Shaw from E.V.A., assuming that it would kill him... Oops, how silly of him! Except it's Fantomex and he knows who Shaw is (remember his introduction?), and he'd never be so reckless. Except... Fraction's run relies on the idea that readers can believe the X-Men are really this dumb, sloppy, and melodramatic so there you go.

Moving back to the fake X-Men/Collective Man plot in San Fransisco, we have the Collective Man/Men going around beating the crap out of people, and the X-Men coming in to stop them. Just how you may ask? By having Pixie yell at them to stop. Yeah.

Surprisingly, this tactic doesn't end up working out so the X-Men end up doing it the old fashion way, and the naive fake X-Men see this, and decide to go teamup with the X-Men and see if they'll accept them. Yessir, as I warned, this issue is chock full of idiotic crap, and it gets worse if you pay any attention to Dazzler as Fraction apparently tries to justify not using her or respecting her by making her entire personality that of a 13-year old's, as can be seen with all the "Whatever's".

It's business as usual with this issue of Uncanny. Which actually brings to mind: Where's Kieron Gillen this issue? Considering the hype his joining the Uncanny team received, you'd think some difference would be visible here, but unfortunately it all seems to be all Fraction. Here's hoping that changes considering Gillen got a lot of love for his shortly lived S.W.O.R.D.

Conclusion: Just another case of same tired crap, different issue this time around.

X-Men Legacy #243
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue focuses on Omega Sentinel's possessed rampage and the results of it. Basically what happens is this: Omega Sentinel reverts to her original programming and successful beats the crap out of everyone working on the San Fransisco rebuilding project except Hellion. Hellion, being the rage case that he is these days, ends up taking care of her.....by making beating her so hard she's essentially brain dead. Which is another way of justifying her presence in Limbo....and also what happens when two characters of similar personality and function are working too closely to each other *cough*Psylocke*cough*. Speaking of that, I'd just like to share an idea I have on that: You know how in the Avengers, Jocasta's "personality matrix" doodad is based on the Wasp? Wouldn't it be neat if it was revealed that Omega Sentinel's was based on Betsy's? Eh? Ok, maybe I'm alone here, but I've just found that ever since Carey's X-Men that Miss Karima has sounded strikingly similar to Miss Betsy.

Anyway, moving back, Dr. Nemesis ends up uncovering the source of this freakout and it turns out that it's because:

Again, as I said last time, I feel with all the ties to Second Coming this mini-arc that it would have been better placed before the Adventures in India arc.

Speaking of Second Coming, luckily Hope and her blandness factor very little into this issue, but that's to make way for Hellion's angry angst. Yessir, after Julian's angst-filled attack on Omega, we end up with more of it as Cyclops reams him out for being violent in taking down Omega Sentinel. Julian counters him implying that Cyclops' a hypocrite considering his recent violent tactics. That was fun, of course, but I like it when anyone yells at Cyclops because he's a character who's a constant source of irritation for me. Moving on, from there Julian degrades into angst, and we get move of his "I-might-turn-out-to-be-a-villain--MAYBE!" subplot. Which with all the excessive angst I've had to see this month, in real life and comic book land, I can definitely say I'm in no mood for. Which is too bad because I actually used to like Hellion.

Conclusion: This is a lukewarm issue where you will likely find yourself hating Hellion if you didn't already.

The List #45 Part 1

Uncanny X-Men #530
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
Before we begin, can I ask what is up with all the good/important X-Titles being released this week? Who at Marvel thought this was a good idea? I'm thinking a constant feed of X-Men works much better than just having one week a month where everything comes out.

This issue marks the welcome return of Greg Land to Uncanny which is a big improvement to Portacio awkward rape faces and characters who seem to have perpetually fried hair. Some of you may not be glad to see the return of Land, but let's think of it in the context of Uncanny: So long as Fraction is writing it in any form, it will always be shit and Land, while a horribly controversial artist, produces images that are worth lots of laughs. So if I'm going to be suffering this shit in attempting to keep in the know of what's going on, I at least welcome some unintentional humor along the way. Also, his issues tend to be more colorful.

The opening of this issue starts with Emma going over how important Shaw is for the hundredth time and then telling Fantomex and Shadowcat how she explained their departure to Cyclops. Basically, she used a flimsy shopping excuse that he didn't buy. She'd have had better luck just not telling him. Oh and, because this is Land, she's naked during this conversation with Cyclops. Yeah, Emma Frost, master manipulator and professional liar, really has trouble coming up with convincing explanations for three people's absence. Good heavens it appalls me how little respect Fraction has for female characters, but more on that later.

The big plot of this issue is the big release of HX-N1 disease that's infecting a decent amount of Utopia including, OMG WAIT FOR IT......WOLVERINE!!! OMG WHAT?! I thought his power levels were over 9000?! Yeah, we're doing a deadly mutant virus....again! Which is also a total ripoff of the swine flu hype! I understand there are only so many X-Stories to be told, but do we really have to put up with such obviously recycled crap? Speaking of recycled:

I know we've all seen this basic image before considering it's Copy and Paste Land, but is this really considered a desirable body? Big shoulders with a tiny waist? Is this what macho men want? To look like big pizza slices?

So yeah, there's also something uninteresting deal with the Collective Man as well as the guy whose working with Sublime or whatever and is now making his own faux Original Five X-Men. Nobody really cares and also, how many times do we have to have a group based around being like the Original Five? Again: It's played out now, let's at least move on to emulating the All-New All-Different group. Also, a little panel that popped up during the Faux Five introduction:

Does this panel makes you guys uncomfortable? It certainly makes me uncomfortable, like holy fellatio, how did this get past the censors?

Moving back to the virus issue, Cyclops tries to contain the situation by holding Utopia under quarantine and also calling a press conference, conducted by Archangel and I'm guessing Val Cooper, that basically just scares everyone and makes faint prejudices come out. Did the press really need to be informed? That island's fairly isolated, especially under quarantine, they actually could get away with not telling anyone until it becomes a big deal. Meanwhile, Dazzler and Northstar get the news, Daz being fabulously dressed up like the biggest fag hag this side of the Marvel Universe, and Daz is actually excited to be one of the remaining outside X-Men despite the fact that it means people are ridiculously ill. K, this is where we return to Fraction having no respect for women and I'd include gay men considering Northstar's also involved in this. Here we have Ali acting completely insensitive and stupid and that's pretty much how he's portrayed her and Northstar since he's introduced them: Stupid, superfluous, and shallow, basically as total jokes. What's worse is I feel like he's not aware of this and just thinks he's doing them a favor giving them some page time.

Conclusion: While this issue is definitely drama-filled and sort of fun, there's nothing really new to be found here. Same plotlines and same problems with the creative teams, but definitely a more fun issue than we've seen lately.

X-Men Legacy #242
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue marks the beginning of the brief Post-Second Coming rebuild arc which is oddly placed considering Second Coming's more or less already forgotten by now. Also, considering the last arc was pretty self-contained and could have easilly just have been moved to be after this one instead of before. That and Utopia and San Fransisco are already being drawn to be fully recovered by all the other artists, so we don't even get the visual need for this rebuild anymore.

The story this time around is basically three things: The rebuilding of Utopia, Omega Sentinel losing control over her systems, and Hellion's angst over losing his hands. Except Hellion's pretty justified in his angst, well, minus the fact that he keeps getting pissed anyone trying to help him. Rogue remedies this by deciding if he's not going to respond to sympathy then he's going to be put to work instead, and really, good on her for choosing that route considering how pissy he is to just everyone. However, he does bring up one good point that's pretty much on everyone's minds:

Um really. Considering the science team operates like magic, just conjuring something up every time there's a need, how hard is it to make convincing looking hands considering it's just really about throwing on some latex or wtfever to those robot claws?

Meanwhile, a team is gathered to rebuild San Fransisco which includes Random, Psylocke, Hope, Colossus, Omega Sentinel, Rogue, and Danger. You may notice that there's a lot of former villains on this list, and if you read the issue, it looks even worse considering how ominous Magneto looks throughout the entire issue with being just white coming out of the shadow of his helmet. Seriously, Mags, way to help people feel comfortable with you.

Another thing of note includes how the Hope baton is passed from Uncanny to Legacy as Carey gets his chance to deal with the mutant messiah. Hellion gets in a tiff with her over her not using her powers to help speed up the reconstruction. Magneto makes a biblical reference when commenting on Hellion's disbelief concerning Hope, speaking about Thomas the Apostle wanting to see Jesus' crucifixion marks to prove he was the messiah. And really, I'm right there with Hellion because since her introduction I haven't bought Hope as some sort of astonishing messiah, and I just don't see myself buying it any time soon. She's just Jean-lite, and really, half the time Jean herself was Jean-lite.

Speaking of characters who act like previously established characters, I'm surprised Carey put Psylocke and Omega Sentinel together considering how similar both their functions are on a team and just generally how they act. I mean, the similarity's not so strong that it's embarrassing, that'd only occur if Carey added Sage to the mix, but it's still an interesting choice. Also, I have to wonder why there wasn't a scene with Psylocke tried to talk to Hellion, maybe it's just me, but I'd be interested to have two TKs address their similarity and all that.

In the end, this issue is hardly spectacular, but it is certainly a good one. While the main plot is hardly worth discussing at length, and as you can see I didn't because I really couldn't, it's still a Carey-quality issue. Also, the art done by Davidson is sort of standard which is sort of disappointing because I really enjoyed his dark work on New Mutants. Conclusion: This is one you should only purchase with your spare change.

X-Men: Second Coming #2 Review + News

X-Men: Second Coming #2
Chapter 1:
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Ibraim Roberson
Finally the last installment of Second Coming is here. This has been an event that was unnecessarily drawn out like nothing I've ever seen before. And while yes, some points were good, laughs were had, and snark was made, in the end there were some totally unnecessary chapters. Like the entire middle installment. Anyway, finally this too-long event has concluded.

This issue is split into four chapters with each one getting their own Second Coming creative team. We open where we left off with Hope floating with the rest of the X-Men surrounding her. It appears done as homage to the end of Messiah Complex when everyone surrounded Xavier when he had been shot in the head:

It's neat to see who's here now and who's absent from last time, the most positive aspect being Rogue and Psylocke being in attendance this time.

From there Hope ends up passing out for a day and finds herself in the med bay. This opens with Beast putting Colossus' fucked up arm in place in a painful way. From there it's basically a look at everyone who suffered injuries with Karma getting her robot leg thing that we'll see more of in next week's New Mutants. We also see Hellion for the first time since losing his hands, and it's sort of a painful sight. Even though his character hasn't changed, he's still a prick. What's more painful is the lack of explanation as to why Elixir isn't around, and fixing this crap like it's nothing. The other part of this issue is Magneto being creepy next to Hope going, "Sometimes it's ok to be feared, as an on-again off-again villain I should know. Just wait, next month I'll be the 'most feared' again." Anyway, it was a pretty weak part.

Chapter 2:
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Esad Ribic
This opens with yet another flashback that does nothing except say Hope was afraid of losing Cable. Absolutely shocking, I had no idea! Then we move onto his funeral scene with many of his former X-Force team showing up as well as Deadpool and even Omega Sentinel. Oddly enough Bling! is shown. But that's not really what's odd about her being there:
It's that she looks like a spooked deer.

Maybe she realized that she's a character of little importance and will probably meet a similar crossover death fate like this except she'll be one of the opening deaths? Or that her powers were shown incorrectly coincidentally during one of Land's issues? Nah. Probably just saw her reflection in a mirror and realized what she's wearing.

Anyway, during the funeral Cyclops mangsts appropriately by crying over Cable's grave before he can even get his eulogy out. Instead Hope takes over and says he got an honorable death, and that no one need shed tears for him. While she starts to cry.

Then this deal takes a massive detour as Cyclops attempts to recover his dignity by being a prick to Rogue. In the end he says her being a "loose cannon" during the previous battles were the last straw and that she's removed from the combat roster.

Chapter 3:
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artist: Greg Land
This part takes place with Storm and Wolverine having a conversation over X-Force, and she criticizes the killing deal. He tells her that she's not in any place to judge considering she's not around often. Wolverine says if could do it again, he'd kill more, and Storm responds that in that case this may be their last conversation together. It's a very powerful moment to say the least.

From there Logan goes to X-23 telling her she's off the team, and that now Marvel feels she could sell her own book. Apparently this series is going to rotate around her figuring out what she does with her life without orders of someone else. From there Wolverine goes to set up the next X-Men series premiering soon by going to have a conversation with Cyclops. In another powerful moment done by Yost and Kyle we find out how all the older X-Men are reacting to the news of X-Force:

Ohhhh damn, Storm brought in WWJGD.

And really, what would Jean Grey do? Be like, "Bitch, my kill count is in the billions, SUCK ON THAT!" All the while Storm would be appalled and shocked until someone tosses Marrow's first heart at her. What? I'm just saying.

This all ends with Cyclops saying X-Force is done for all the reasons stated plus if the Avengers found out then there might be a conflict. In the end Wolverine goes off talking to an unseen group about how X-Force now has to be totally secret. Who's he talking to?

The new X-Force.
Really Land? Everyone needed a gun? Especially a Liefeld-esque gun?

So remember that poll where I thought someone was Deadpool and someone was like it's probs Fantomex and I was like probs. Turns out we were both right. Yeah. I don't know if I can handle that combined hyper-douchebag, uber-cliched force of Fantomex, Deadpool, and Wolverine. But I'll at least give this "Uncanny X-Force" a shot. ( I can't believe that's really what we're calling it.)

Chapter 4:
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson
We open this part this Iceman talking to Cyclops while he's trying to write a condolence letter to Amanda Sefton (I think) concerning Kurt's death. And from there something creepy about Kurt is revealed (to me at least):

....Interesting.

Anyway, Beast gets bitched out by Namor about turning his back on his people because, for Namor, only just recently having his people's back is like having had their back all along. From there a bonfire is made in attempt to cheer everyone up. Emma's there and in diamond form because:

Not only that but the kids wised up and started locking their medicine cabinets so now she can't abuse their ADD meds. I think we need to have an very special episode of Intervention our very own Miss Frost.

While this is going on she spots Hope making a the sign of the Phoenix with the fire while flashing a mischievous smile towards her. Done by Dodson this is basically the same look you get when your 6-year old cousins is trying to act like they're up to something. I love how juvenile Dodson makes everything look, really I just love it. Emma freaks and runs to Scott and attempts to inform him of the situation, but he's like, "QUIET WOMAN!" as he gazes up at the five new mutants signatures registering on Cerebra. Yay, mutants are back, the Decimation is over, and hopefully I don't have to read an explanation about what happened during HoM ever again. From here we're going to start the "Five Lights' arc that's been [announced] with 4 of the 5 new characters either meant to look like "Badass on the edge" or "Sexy-face teen girl". And that's it, here's to the conclusion of Second Coming! Now for some news:

• The poll results are in and apparently half of you miss Ariel. *Sniff* Me too, my dears, me too. Following that it seems people miss Kurt lots too. I have to say I was surprised Karma and Hellion didn't get more votes considering how scarring their limb-losing scenes were. What's worse is Toad's finger totally got one more vote than Karma's leg which totally gives me a giggle. Also, be sure to vote on the new poll with the new question of "What post-SC book (new or returning) are you looking forward to the most?"

• Death of the Motherfucking Endless of Sandman fame is going to appear in Action Comics! As someone who is a decent-sized fan of Vertigo's very own peppy goth I have to just tell you all I almost died of delight when I heard this. Look for a detour to the Superman universe when this comes out. [Source]

• The people have spoken again and they still want Psylocke's fanny-floss costume gone [Source]. Which I agree with. Except that unless you've been living in total comic book ignorance for the past month, you are probably aware that fans are having a shit fit over Wonder Woman's new costume. And now the one for the Green Lantern movie. So Betsy receiving a costume change right now sounds a bit unlikely. And....I don't like Wondy's new costume either, but I think that the level of bitching from comic fans recently has added weight to a stereotype of us being like grumpy old people who just bitch no matter what. So it's not good, but I was thinking about it and I think the perfect solution would have been a bit more audience participation. And that has spawned a post idea. So stay tuned Psylocke fans, I'll need your input very soon!

• Oh and before I go, I'd just like to announce that I've made a tumblr specifically for comic books. It's not meant to replace this blog; it's more for briefer posts whenever I'm not whipping up a longer post. Feel free to follow it if you're interested [Here].
  

The List #32

X-Men Legacy #237
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Greg Land
Yeah, that cover looks my fantasies illustrated by Adi Granov. Anyway, this issue opens with X-Force distracting Master Mold while Cable and Cypher get into the processing core so Cypher can talk to it. From there it tries to assimilate him, and a struggle ensues.

Back on the bridge in the present, the battle heats up with Hope and Rogue showing up to save the day; which obviously overjoyed Cyclops. On Utopia, Magneto's young again! Fighting off the Nimrods like it's nothing until....oh wait, he's old again! And from there he's young again as he starts to use pieces of Utopia, made of iron, to attack the Nimrods. After this we get the ugliest collage courtesy of Land:

First off, this does nothing to progress the story. Second, what is with the no legs thing? Land, what is this supposed to do for us? This reminds me of that ugly cover he did for Uncanny X-Men #517 where he was yet again lazy and untalented.

Back with X-Force, Cypher predictably wins. This causes the destruction of Master Mold and all the Nimrods in the present to deactivate. From there we get another WTF Land panel:

Was extending Paige to the 2nd panel really necessary? Does her ass really contribute anything besides apparently disgusting Colossus?

Going back to X-Force, it turns out X-23 tried to go through the time membrane the Nimrods were going through, but nothing organic can go through there. Solution: Cable lets the T/O virus take him over and goes back to the present. Does this mean he's finally going to die? Can he? Please?

In the end we have Bastion with his two unremarkable lackeys at his side; telling them that now he's just got to do it himself. And from there we have to wait two weeks until the next issue. What the fuck are with these extra-week pauses? Is anyone really at the edge of their seats with this crossover? If they were, it's unlikely they are now. Frankly, I'm just excited for this thing to be over with.

Thunderbolts #145
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
One way to summarize the events that followed after last issue's surprise ending with Baron Helmut Zemo coming take control of the Thunderbolts would be: Psych. It turns out it was just an exercise done to demonstrate that the team is under the thumb of their authority. Along the way we learn a few things:

1. Juggernaut's powers are weakened. Again. Because the transition from villain to hero, however reluctant, requires a massive power decrease.

2. When this exercise happened, all the supervisors faked being knocked out; Songbird being among them. Apparently she's done serving her time as ordinary Thunderbolt.

3. Extra nanites in Moonstone's head now make her unable to go intangible because, as Songbird said, having lasers, flying, and strength is enough. The real reason being that if she kept them she'd make Ghost redundant. It's ok though, this issue we discovered she's got a hidden power:

The ability to change footwear at will.
Which is a goddamned useful power, especially as a superhero, because she always needs to be thinking about function so she needs flats. The thing is that they can be ugly, so how useful is it that she can manifest heels as soon as she needs to class it up? (Even though Classy Moonstone is an oxymoron.)

At this point I should probably mention that I've been neglecting to mention the supporting cast of Fixer, Mach-IVWX, and whoever else. That's because I really have no interest in them and will only be mentioning them when it's plot-relevant. And the next bit because following the test run scene is one where we meet the new warden: US Agent. Who's lost an arm? Didn't know that. Anyway, I'm sure he'll do something interesting soon enough.

The rest of the issue consists of the team's "easy" first mission: Go fetch 3 Asguardian trolls using non-lethal measures. And from there the rest of the issue is an enjoyable battle scene with Moonstone starting her bag of bullshit right away:

Girl does not waste time!

And that would be it besides the issue ending with some girl named Troll attacking. Conclusion: Parker delivers another issue of good Thunderbolts fun.

And now for the polls results.
Storm won first place by one vote, thanks to an 11th hour push from her fans, and beat out Emma Frost, who ended up with 2nd place. 3rd place was Rogue; which surprised me a bit since I thought it'd actually be between her and Storm. Professor X, Magneto, and Jean Grey, who've been either former headmasters or groomed to take that position, each received 2 votes and tied for 4th place. And in last place, much to my amusement, Other and Wolverine with 0 votes.

Oh and just an aside for the hell of it, I didn't vote for Emma Frost. I actually voted for Jean of all characters because I think she'd be really interesting as someone who's been the almighty evil and the almighty good in the X-Universe in a role of power we can actually see in action.

That's all, be sure to vote for the latest poll which is, "Which body part lost in Second Coming will you miss the most?"

X-Men Legacy #236 Review

X-Men Legacy #236
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Greg Land
This issue is about a sphere. A sphere that from aerial view just looks like a hot pink bouncy ball over San Fransisco. More on that in a bit because it's the subject of the entire issue so we can spare a few to talk about something else.

So Cable and Hope eat up a significant amount of page time belly-aching on whether or not they are going to leave by jumping forward in time, or stay. Shockingly, they choose to stay which means nothing changed and all that page time was used up for nothing!

Anyway, so the sphere is placed over the San Fransisco area, and the X-Men try to break through it and that sort of thing. It turns out that none of the X-Men can break out of it, and that even Namor can get through it by trying to dig under it. So they're screwed there.

I actually named this file "Hurricane Betsy" because she looks so mighty and fabulous here.

Back with Bastion, he has a moment of enlightenment about his own existence and goals. He begins to realize his only purpose is to be a villain to the mutant race. Too bad he didn't also realize that his only purpose is to serve as the main villain in a predictable crossover, but y'know, baby steps. At least we have a villain who's thinking about what he's going to do after he retires.

Back with the science team, they made it out of the exploding oil rig, unfortunately, and also go over why they can't break through the bubble. Then something unexpected shows up, prompting Dr. Rao to make that face in the panel on the left. I'm sorry, but when I see that face all I can think of is Margaret Cho going, "OH GURRRRRLLLL!!"

The source of this reaction is the Avengers, who are appearing everywhere this week for publicity. What attention whores. Heh, anyway, I do share the same surprise with Dr. Rao because it seems the team remembered that SPIDER-WOMAN IS A MEMBER. Hopefully I'm not the only one that picked up on the fact that most of the Avengers #1 promotional covers neglected to include the only woman on the team. As if she's not already token female of the group, now she's omitted from most of the covers? Anyway, they show up, and it turns out even Thor's mighty hammer can not break the bubble. Or at least not so far.

Returning to the X-Men, a team is assembled to go take care of San Fran, but they change plans halfway due to the discovery of a smaller white sphere on the bridge. While this is going on, Archangel is carrying Betsy. Even though she can fly, and is a STRONG telekinetic. It's odd.

Speaking of Betsy, this issue her role got expanded which I'm glad to see since it seems she's had three lines since this crossover began. This issue she seems to be doing her old role of providing information to the leader like she did in the Aussie days. Which I love of course, thanks Carey. (OH and Cyclops' cheesy fucking jet pack that everyone made a stir about last year is back.)

When the team finally gets to the white bubble it turns out it's a portal for NIMRODS! Intense considering teams of X-Men have had trouble dealing with just one. And it seems this time is no different because check out the preview [Here], this next issue is going to be intense. I'm already haunted by the panel of Hellion. Anyway, so there's that next week AND the Dazzler one-shot plus Thunderbolts #144. AND most importantly, X-Men Origins: Emma Frost.

In other news, hope you all enjoy the change in layout as well as the new banner starring my idol, Emma Frost. I find it fits much better with this blog than the previous, goth-y layout.

Lastly, for those of you who agree with my rants about how poorly women tend to be treated in comics, there's an amazing article [Here] on Jezebel that discusses how people try to defend it (and these are reason I've definitely heard) and what's wrong with their arguments.

X-Men Legacy #235 Review

Writer: Mike Carey
Art: Greg Land
In. TENSE. That's how I would summarize this last chapter of Second Coming. I seriously haven't been this excited about reviewing an issue since Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia one-shot. But be warned, there is also a tragedy that occurs this issue.

We return to the New Mutants vs. Hodgo battle to find things not looking good for Karma. And what I mean by that is (SPOILERS OF INTENSITY FROM HERE UNTIL THE END) as evidenced by one of the pages in the preview (here) as well as the latest solicitation for New Mutants (here) it appears that Karma has lost her leg. Now we all know that it's Karma's that put the Leg in Legacy. Maybe she can accessorize her prosthetic leg with a headband?

Back at Utopia, it turns out Rogue has a connection with Hope that Emma cannot sense, so Cyclops sends Rogue out to look for her. By using the most glamorous means of transportation of course: ARIEL! Yes, my favorite diva in the world comes in and you can find her charming chattering in the preview.

Back with the NM, Cypher comes up with the solution of repowering Warlock and turning the tides of the fight by letting Warlock loose on their life energy. His reaction is basically, "NO!!! This is appalling!!!.....All right!" because he seems completely down for it in the next pages where he attacks the smileys. Also, point of note is what looks like a completely ripped off Warlock in his full one-page spotlight. A gold star to whoever finds out where Land got it from.

Concerning Rogue and Nightcrawler, it seems Rogue's functioning as a compass to find Hope and Nightcrawler is exhausting himself as he's had to teleport over 800 miles to get her there. And back at Dystopia, the expected happens:

YES! It's time for mandatory psychic attack time! Because nothing says "This shit's seriousssss!" like an attack on all the psychics. Because it wasn't enough to have this happen in Messiah Complex, Sisterhood, Dangerous, and many more. Luckily, this time it seems none of the psychics were actually knocked out so much as they were hurt by psychic feedback as Bastion had disabled their Cerebro machines. Yet another overdone move to make an arc seem serious. It's also revealed that Bastion can sense who's around the teams and it has to do with Bastion using the T/O virus and tapping into Cable's. More on that in a bit because we have something MAJOR to go over.

Returning the Alpha team, the group is split up in two vehicles with Archangel flying outside. We've got Ariel, X-23, and Wolverine in one vehicle and the rest in the other. And the worst thing EVER happens. A jet flies by and sends out missiles!

Andddd hits the car with Ariel in it. Yeah. My heart snapped in two at that point. And if there's any question within the issue if she got out, we've got commentary on that from both Emma and Wolverine.

BUT, there have been rumblings on the boards about the possibility that Ariel got out in time considering she is a teleporter and it's not like she was far from a door. Also, apparently somewhere on the CBR boards, someone said it could be like when Lady M "died" in Messiah Complex and I guess Carey's agreeing with that take or sounding like it. So here's hoping. For those of you hoping to relive the good times with our glamorous cameo queen, you can find her updated cameo queen page here.

In any case, I'm heartbroken because Ariel was the tranny that brought light to my life. There is no Legacy without Ariel much like there's no strawberry shortcake without strawberries. Plus, we still need to have our A Very Special X-Men Legacy where Ariel admits she used to have a D.

Anyway, Archangel takes care of the jet and there's the very dramatic moment of the other team looking over the place where the missile hit the vehicle, waiting for someone to come out. Adding the most to the serious mood of the moment is:

Psylocke's ass of untold power!

Yes, the real star of Uncanny has made a reappearance. You know the shit's going down when Psylocke's ass makes an appearance. I actually suspect it's omega-level. To find out more on the power of Betsy's awe-inspiring buns you can click on the newly created tag "Psylocke's ass".

X-23 and Wolverine finally come out of the wreckage looking absolutely terrifying, you can see Logan's creepiness above in the panel I just put up. Back at base Emma informs Scott of Ariel's (possible) passing and he takes a second to mourn in manly silence. And then Pixie volunteers to be replacement teleporter. He denies her, saying that he'd be sending her to her death if he let her go........Yeah? So? I fail to see the problem there.

Concerning the New Mutants, they end up winning overwhelmingly with Warlock going on a life-sucking spree. In the end, he takes out Hodgo. Which is a tragedy because he was SUCH a unique villain. Oh the rough days we have ahead ourselves with the absence of.....that guy.

Back with Alpha team, the revelation about Cable being tracked is revealed, and so he goes with Alpha team while Hope goes with Rogue and Nightcrawler. Only it isn't just any Rogue:

It's gorgeous Rogue! Who's got the fabulous hair mutation she siphoned?

So yes, she's got a sampling of all of Alpha teams powers, even X-23's foot claws. And I have to say I hope to hell she uses them all next week. Anddddd unfortunately, that's the end of the issue.

Conclusion: BUY this issue. It's both exciting and tragic. And it makes me extremely excited for next week, which of course will have the big reveal of who dies!

The List #23 part 2

Uncanny X-Men #521
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
This issue begins with Magneto meditating on the mountain and Scott and Emma coming up to check up on him and just be nosy. Also, it's not like they having anything better to do like say run Dystopia. A really weird thing happens when Emma realizes she's shut out of Magneto's mind: she gets a really unnecessarily angry face courtesy of Land.

Back at the fight scene between the X-Men and the predictably defeatable team we see some really idiotic crap. Like Psylocke being surprised that the invisible enemy also is invisible to her telepathy. Uh, Betsy, she's still got her gloves on, it's not that hard to figure out. And in a 'shocking' turn of events, Fantomex comes to save the day. I will be even MORE 'shocked' if he joins the X-Men (which was hinted at the end of this issue). Ugh, Fraction's attempt at making his wet dream of a team is really on my last nerve. Carey will you please replace him? Also during the fight scene and the entire issue really is awkward panels/dialogue:

The reason why I show these two panels is that they would have looked better this way or something like it. Instead the first one was at the bottom of the first page and the other one at the top of the second, causing a wtf pause in between. And awkward things like this run rampant throughout the issue.

Land definitely did not help the confusion, although he did laughably try to draw an outstretched hand. Which looked more like a nub with long sausages on it.

In the end, the predictably losing team loses. But not before Brain Child (or whoever the leader is) releases HX-N1, a new strand of influenza for mutants that sounds nothing like copying and pasting the swine flu story into X-terms! Someone deprive Fraction of the Internet please. Before he turns Dazzler into Lady DazDaz and the next big storyline is whether or not Diva has a peen or a vag.

In reaction to the virus being released, EVA goes into Squid Mode and swallows the X-Men in order to protect them. Yeah, I loved it for all the wrong reasons too. Anddd just in case you didn't think Fraction was trying to be Morrison already, apparently the source of the defeatable team and the disease is none other than John Sublime. Bets on when Cassie Nova's going to make a comeback? Logan's response was worse than the revelation actually:

Isn't that the case for half of the X-Villains?? Anyway, in the end it turns out the now perpetually weak Magneto, who you may recall as being severely weakened by the Predator attack (which Fraction seems to have forgot in his explanation on CBR's X-Position) is bringing Kitty back from the depths of space. Yeah, rather than bitch up a storm about how none of this makes sense, I'm just going to take the stoner way and accept it for what it is: A campy take on the X-Men.

Whatever, I hate Kitty, next issue is all about her comeback, andddd my conclusion is don't buy this issue.

Joe the Barbarian #2
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Sean Murphy
A big reason why I'm including this series is it just so happens to take place (well, when Joe's taken his insulin) in Portland, Maine which is about where I live and a place I enjoy greatly. Also because I love Morrison, the man could take a turn for the worst and start Claremont-ing it up and I would still have supreme respect for him for making Emma what she was in New X-Men.

But honestly, this series really isn't about Morrison. His writing is really more background. For this mini-series, the artist Sean Murphy is the star and rightly so because he is astonishingly talented. Also, do acquaint yourself with his Deviant Art blog. In there is probably one of the most dead-on posts I have ever read in the world and it includes this:

I’ve always struggled with drawing women because I refuse to draw the normal “big tits/small-waist/cookie-cutter” types that you see in some mainstream comics. And if I have to draw one, I’ll struggle to make it look more like an actual life drawing of a REAL female body rather than a rip-off of a million poorly drawn women in comics. I'm not always successful, to I feel like I do try. In my opinion, drawing cookie-cutter bodies of anatomically impossible proportions does three things:
1. It makes our industry look juvenile—like a bunch of giggly kids doodling big tits in our notebooks during 3rd period.
2. It’s an insult to the female reader. Which is probably one of many reasons why they usually don’t read mainstream books.
3. It makes the artist look like an uncreative dumb-fuck who doesn’t take pride in noticing how different female bodies types are. Usually because he doesn’t know or understand women (nor does he care to try). And he’ll usually get away with it because most of the women he meets are at cons where he doesn’t have to make any effort.

For this, I'm pretty sure Sean Murphy could draw Emma Frost as a complete man and I would forgive him. Seriously, one of the best comments ever, go read the rest of the post here.

Moving on, last issue was about setting things up, and it was appropriately priced at $1 since it was a bit slower paced. The series so far basically revolves around a diabetic boy who's hallucinating because he hasn't taken his insulin in awhile. I know I just made it sound lame, but there's more to it, the hallucinations make an interesting story about his toys and rat being under attack and what not.

Murphy's landscapes look amazing in this issue, the one featuring the toy town thing Jack was being held in looked very reminiscent of one of the towns in Midgar from Final Fantasy 7 and his grassy settings on the side of the mountain remind me quite a bit of Digimon World 1. Both things I played around Joe's age (assuming he's 12) so Murphy makes things age appropriate. Rather than anyone who's written Molly Hayes from Runaways since Vaughan who seems to think being five years old and thirteen are the same thing.

Basically the plot this issue is Joe rescuing his pet rat, Jack, and escaping from the villain team (deathcoats I think?) and Joe also having a vision from "Lord Arc" who looks like a sun, telling him he'd better not f#@$ it up or Lord Death will be on him. Like I said, the storie's really not so much the focus as Murphy's art is, and yes it is worth the buy.

Conclusion, go out and buy both issues 1 and 2 this instant. They only cost $3.99 together which is like what you've been paying for a subpar Marvel book these days, so get out some cash for two issues that would be worth pricing $2.99 each.

Oh and before I go, I have to make one last complaint, it concerns the Women of Marvel variants:

Exactly why did they have to use the mohawk Storm variant (my FAVORITE version of Storm) on something as forgettable and insignificant as Doomwar?