The List #6

Uncanny X-Men #514
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson

Before I even begin, I have to say that I was originally planning on two separate reviews considering Ms. Marvel this month made me all Proud Mama and I assumed Uncanny would deserve it's own review as usual. So not. This issue was such a steaming pile of shit that I caught myself skimming the mundane dialogue that had no personality just to figure out what was going on. The actual events of this issue, the dry bones of who's doing what and what they're moving towards, are absolutely fine. The dialogue and art is so mundane I am at a point of shock. Before this, Fraction was shitty, but he sort of had the redeeming factor of me loving to criticize his serious attempts at being memorable that just become campy. I would say that boring readers is infinitely worse than pissing them off. I personally consider it to be the biggest insult.

Anyway, let's have our quickie with Fraction that comes guaranteed with all the regrets and annoyed sighs of a drunken night with a clingy virgin. To begin, once again the variant cover to this issue is infinitely more interesting than the cover which almost feels like a repeat of last issues. I plan to make a cover gallery of all of Bianchi's wonderful covers at the end of this irksome and plain crossover. The 70 years variant though is a fucking joke. Love the frame. Hate the plain of everything else.

The issue opens with Cyclops addressing Mindee Cuckoo, Psylocke, Dani Moonstar, and Domino. Why Fraction insists on including Domino in his work is beyond me. She's got her own f#@%ing book, let her stay there so that the neglected limbo people can get the respect they SHOULD be getting from your "wide cast".

If this is Psylocke's new costume, I'm going to sob uncontrollably right now. Also, I would like to note the comment about Mindee. As many of you may know, Mindee was supposed to be an I name; an easter egg made by Morrison so that the Cuckoos names spelled out Spice. But Austen fucked it up. Fraction also adds in another "The whole world is watching" courtesy of Emma. If I'm counting it right, that's two fuck you's to Austen (read my review on #508) and within Utopia, that would be entering the double digits of how many times Fraction has tried to kiss Morrison's Legacy's ass. At first it was nice, now it's pathetic because all I hear is someone trying to jump onto the coat tails of a true writer's legacy. This "bro" writer needs to fucking get on board with the joke that he is rather than trying for cool.

Oh and going back to Mindee:

Cuckoos: Originally creepy little Stepfords. Their code names fit REALLY well.
Now they are too normal. Mundane really. And Dodson is trying to recreate Husk with this one.

Now for a brief complaint about the Dark X-Men (a team I was disgusted to hear is getting their own series PLUS the pointless resurrection of X-Man) which may be a bit much, but this is what happens when there's no camp factor. I find that Cloak and Dagger's overdramatic scene was pointless. Mimic and Weapon Omega sound like they're 15. I understand their damaged, but only under a more talented hand should this happen. In terms of Emma, I have to say this much: Emma Grace Frost is my favorite character in the fictional universe. What Fraction's done to her upset me enough to make this blog to release my frustration in catty humor. But this Momma Mutation act is just the role Jean Grey was made for.

But there's hope for Fraction. Do you know why?

Cameo crotch!
Diva has certainly outdone herself in this artistic presentation of her cameo self.

Northstar tries to follow in her ways, but only half succeeds.

Also, Dani Moonstar's part? Lasted page, could've been done in half.

It's speculation time, kids. Which X-Man vs. which Dark X-Man?
Dazzler's opponent is clearly her knockoff.
I figure Pixie goes with Cloak.
And everyone else I'm sort of lost on. Thoughts?

Her only line this issue.
Good f#@%ing heavens this is pure art.
She even managed the ANTM wind-in-the-air thing.
This is because: SHE is art.
Diva love!

To close, the ending basically presented us with the fact that Fraction intend to keep the hideous X-Science club which is a downer since I figure their story's up. BUT they mention the end of the X-Men is San Fran which I think is fabulous since this move has been one migraine for me since the beginning. I'm so hoping the X-Men return home to a pissed off Emma that reveals that the Emma with them is none other than *Dun dun dunnnn* Skrulla Frost! And then she PSYCHICALLY attacks the team for not recognizing how un-Emmalike the impostor was. You know. Because the Emma I KNEW would use her psychic powers for offensive deals first. Diamond was a defensive thing.

Ms. Marvel #43
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Sergio Arino

To begin, I have to say MEGA love to not having the anime artist this time. The art this time though was iffy I'd have to say mainly due to the coloring:

At times it was cool, but others it just ruined the feel of the story.

This issue opens with Moonstone being depressed over the idea of losing the Ms. Marvel title. Overemotional? Absolutely, I prefer my Karla colder. Like below zero. But then, it seems to cheer herself up....she sends an innocent man plummeting to his death from high up? It seems sort of awkward, but it's also entertaining.

Something that I didn't love that the artist did:

A firm ass is truly the sign of truth and justice. Hell, she should get one ass cheek tattooed with truth and the other justice.

In visiting Normy Norm, we find out someone's ruining his super secret Green Goblin treasure chest. More importantly:

That he's banging a pregnant lady?
Something that probably shouldn't have crossed into this series since I'm quite confused.

Also, in an acceptable guest from Spiderman and Wolverine, they debate about Ms. Marvel's mental state. When approached she freaks and leaves. One question though:

When did Carol become Illyria from Angel?

Then there's the Catherine Donovan side story. No idea what's going on there and Reed is not working to make me care about it.
Shift focus again to the Dark Avengers fighting some villain of evil shizz. I have to say I love the Dark Avengers immensely, especially with Moonstone as the focus.

Victory!

The issue ends with Moonstone aiding Normy Norm as he finds out he's under attack from Carol AND that pregnant chick can take care of herself? Whatever, all in all Reed has improved immensely with this issue and I would recommend it especially considering Ms. Marvel definitely tends to be my most anticipated comic when it comes out.

Uncanny X-Men #508

Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
In this case, I will breakdown my complaints and compliments in the order they were presented in the comic.

First, what the hell was with that pointless Aiko story along with Domino's boring view of their world? Wasting space much? Personally, for her appearance I felt Domino had too much talk time with very few interesting things to say and minimal use of personality. Claremont-esque, no?

Then the next page when Logan hears Kwannon's body was stolen and he shouts and pops his claws. Oh you manly man, you. I am so sick of angry man syndrome at this point, I just wish for Logan's death.

Beast's science club meets again with one page dedicated to pointless talking and then Dr. Kavita Rao's reappearance, a character I have to say I am not thrilled to see is still alive. Then for the next page we hear for the umpteenth time that the Scarlet Witch has decimated the population. Really? You don't say! Then we hear about the baby AGAIN and Beast's barely useful findings in Endangered Species AGAIN. How many pages have we wasted so far?

Return to the Sisterhood where the Lady Masterminds are squabbling like children and wasting more panel time. Then finally something cool is going on, we have Betsy and Betsy's ex-body in the same room again.

Then another church scene between Emma and Kurt where Emma comes off as shallow and boring and Kurt is his annoying religious self. This little gem also comes from crappy porn artist, Greg Land. Wow, if she wasn't already being written badly, I'd be really pissed at how she's portrayed to be just any rich bitch.

Luckily, things pick up as Emma is asked to educate the Russian refugees on all sorts of things and she agrees which means she starts NOW. Her moment of nervous uncertainty is cute to see and then her nerves as she tries to settle herself into her new role. But as she begins, oh no wait for it, THERE'S ANOTHER ATTACK ON ALL PSYCHICS!!! We haven't seen this happen like 30 times in the past five years!! Bonus, cheesy titles to intro the psychics being attacked!! (Fraction, quit the hipster shit and just say who they are) One AMAZING thing that comes of this though is Karma is seen to be in BED with another woman. I'd be through the roof happy on this one if Land wasn't the artist drawing it. Also, she seems to be back to homely looking rather than the typical Land way of making girls get randomly long hair and super "hot" youthful looks.

Next part, I must gush about (and this is Fraction's writing so this is a first). Northstar!!! Now, not only is Northstar a cocky French bastard like me, but he's not afraid to say the GAY word and talk about his BEING GAY without overdoing it. Question though: Is Jean Paul Quebecois or not? I remember Austen wrote him saying he wasn't, but Austen is the Greg Land of writing so obviously I don't think that statement is researched. Still, something I wonder about. Or it could be like my Uncle who's SO QUEBECOIS and fits the stereotype so WELL but will never admit it. Also, Fraction you get big points for mentioning poutine which is like HEAVEN since everyone should know of the joy that is a Canadian poutine. Also, mild slap in the face to Austen for having Northstar ask Logan if this is just a gay mascot job offer. Fraction, writing Jean Paul is your calling because for the first time your writing is solid gold with this scene.

Next, we have the psychics waking up (AGAIN!) and we get treated to recycled Land image with Emma as the target again:

Look at that awkward arm. Not that the original image is any better, while less awkward in drawing, it's awkward because Emma is hiding behind a wall while Cyclops is pointlessly torturing a man. As if she would not be present and eating popcorn! Or just simply, she'd never fucking hide when Cyclops know she's there.

Next scene we have Miss Betsy being put back in original British body. Massive points to Fraction if he can: A. Write her correctly with personality, but not with one scarily close to Emma's B. Keep her in British body.

In summary, this issue went from terrible to good to fucking awesome to good. Fraction has finally set himself up on a platform where if he succeeds he can definitely turn me from writing mainly complaints to compliments. One biggie is learning how to write Emma correctly though, I will gladly give a writer's workshop to any writer willing enough to listen to my obsessive rants and reccomendations.

Back Issue: New X-Men #156

Writer: Chuck Austen
Artist: Salvador Larroca
For this bit, I'm going back in time and returning to the very last New X-Men before that team became Astonishing. Now while Chuck Austen has screwed up a lot of things X-Men-wise, I don't consider "Bright New Mourning" to be a mess, just potentially unnecessary.

Basic summary: Emma and the Cuckoos along with mutants and the mayor or owner of the Salem X-Corp are all trapped in said building. Beast and Cyclops argue about how Beast thinks Cyclops is too impulsive and moved on too fast. They go to rescue Emma and Germaine, Mindee's new boyfriend starts a fire to make things worse since the mob outside was breaking in. And he dies. And Emma says to Scott that she's starting a school with or without him. Scott goes to consult Jean's grave and talks about getting things set up to go to Astonishing.

My thoughts are this: I liked this issue because we get to see Emma yell at people a lot and insult them. Not much else happens, the Cuckoos are doing their act of "Miss Frost we don't like you" which is tired. There was an unrealistic moment in there where Cyclops gets shot in the arm and then catches diamond Emma falling three stories. Even at his strongest, catching Emma from that height would likely kill the almighty shit out of his arms.

The art in this issue is crud. Emma has a weird six pack which is yet another portrayal of her in a manly way despite the fact that it's stated often that she is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. Overall it is kind of awkward and simple and just looks rushed.

Overall: Nothing spectacular. Good if you like hearing Emma bitch up a storm. And to see her bitch at a Storm refer to X-Treme X-Men. I only bought it to sort of complete my New X-Men collection since I'm getting New X-Men Volume 3 and that would make me only need New X-Men Annual 2001 to complete my collection.