The List #33 Part 1

X-Force #28
Writers: Craig Kyle & Chris Yost
Artist: Mike Choi
This issue opens where we left off last time, with Cable letting the T/O virus take him over so he can get through the time portal. From there it allows for X-Force to just barely get in behind him and return to the present. They're all in rough shape, but none as rough as Cable considering he follows his grand entrance with a grand exit with only a moment between the two. Yes, Cable is Second Coming's big finale death as he explodes into pieces after he smiles one last time to Hope; only leaving behind his metal arm.

Meanwhile, Bastion's frustrated that his plan has failed and decides to turn Lang and Creed into sentinels and then rushes out to take care of the X-Men. Back on the bridge there's mourning with "heart-touching" flashbacks to Hope and Cable that seem excessive and sentimental. Cyclops attempts to comfort Hope, but she tells him for the millionth time that she hates him or wants him dead. This is probably the first time I've considered her angst parade reasonable.

This is interrupted by Bastion sending down a laser beam that splits the bridge in half and causes the X-Men to either fall into the water below or just be knocked back from Hope. Bastion floats on down to tell Hope that he's had it with her and that she needs to be eliminated. Hope decides to fight back and her powers finally manifest. What they are confuses me, I'm thinking she's a mimic? At first it seems the "glow" around her is Armor's power, then she fires optic beams like Cyclops, and later her hand seems to turn to metal which would be Colossus. All this time Bastion is speechifying and it's nothing new, useful, or interesting. Note to X-Creators: Please make the next villain mute if it in any way resembles this unimpressive character.

The fight continues, with Hope having the upper hand by shooting off eye beams followed by then seeming to do something all too familiar. She manifests the bird we all associate with fire incarnate. Yes, it seems she's got some Phoenix in her indeed, and from there you can just see Cyclops' thoughts in his visor:

From there Cyclops goes to Hope with Emma protesting. Wolverine stops her and tells her to stay back because there's nothing she can do. She looks down and says, "I know," in defeat as Wolverine follows Cyclops. Yeah. So it seems the idiot with a healing factor and claws is more useful than the mega-telepath with diamond form. How logical.

Cyclops and Wolverine join the fight, there's a, "THIS IS FOR KURRTTTTT!!" moment from Wolverine, and in the end Hope blows up Bastion and destroys the bubble. The issue ends with the X-Men gathered around Hope who's floating and just looks like Jean.

Conclusion: This issue in general was half convincingly intense that made for genuine excitement with the other half being overly sentimental and forced. Cable's death was definitely one of the moments done well, and despite my dislike for the character, I still could appreciate the way he was sent off.

X-Men #1
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
If you've seen the previews for this issue then you've just about read the issue [Here] and [Here]. Why? Because that's almost every page of this issue. Not only that, but it's really not the most exciting book anyway.

This issue opens with Jubilee and Pixie hanging out in San Fransisco with Pixie having been sent to keep tabs on Jubs. From there a vampire shows up and explodes with his blood getting on the surrounding people which includes Jubilee.

A lot of the rest of the issue is Dr. Rao, Cyclops, and Dr. Nemesis keeping Jubilee on Utopia because they know she's probs going to turn into a vampire. There's also vampires invading San Fran, and them calling out to the people infected by the blood. It's standard vampire shit that calls into question why anyone thought a vampire storyline was good to have as the first arc consider it really has nothing new to offer.

The rest of the issue is Wolverine, Pixie, and Angel finding the vamps and invading one of their bases to find people strapped upside down and being drained of their blood. Two other things of note: Storm wanted to help considering her history with Dracula, but they said she's maxed out her page time for the month considering she's still married and therefore "useless". Should she consider a divorce, they'll reconsider. Kidding, that was just the subtext of what was said. Oh and also, Dr. Nemesis was needlessly prickly again. The thing is writers are probably thinking of the television character House when they do this, but I'm sure House's prick factor is much better executed. In the case of Nemesis, he's likely supposed to come off as having a disregard for oversensitive feelings, but all he sounds like is an immature teenager trying to come off like he doesn't care even though you know he's dying for your disapproval which he translates to self-approval. In the end he just comes off as pathetic.

Conclusion: It's definitely the weakest out of this week's bunch, and considering the cover you'd expect more X-Men to have been involved especially for a first issue. Instead we get Cyclops, Wolverine, Pixie, Jubilee, Dr. Rao, Dr. Nemesis, and two seconds worth of Storm and Angel. That's hardly an all-star cast.

The List #19 part 2

X-Men Legacy #231
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
First off, let's give some major love to another of my artist crushes Adi Granov, who I believe should draw every panel Emma is ever in. The cover is gorgeous and Psylocke looks amazing. Concerning this issue's artist, Clay Mann, I have to say I think he's pretty solid except for making half the girl's hair look like they're always in the humid tropical rainforest.

This issue opens with the Necrosha battle scene, Maggott cameo queens it for the undead, Blindfold comes up to Cyclops is like, "Bro, we gots to go check this shiznit out at Muir Island," of course communicating in Bro-speak so that it's guaranteed that Cyclops understands. There's a little hinting about Blindfold's mom throughout the issue, which is probably some sort of attempt at making the character less of one that's only used when the plot needs a precog and then put back in her box afterwards.

It's decided that Nightcrawler should lead a team consisting of Rogue, Magneto, Trance, Blindfold, my girl Psylocke, Colossus, and my much-missed Gen X-er, Husk. During the jet ride we get a couple revealing moments:

Trance yet again is giving sass.

Yet another demonstration of Trance being a total bitch. Trance, I love you, you weird, homophobic, test-loving bitch. By the way, she now has a tag under 'that bitch Trance' for any of you would like to see her other moments. Moving on to stranger things:

As if 'entertaining pleasant memories of our time together' wasn't already perve talk for 'I think of you when I give my dick an extended handshake,' considering the way his hands are positioned in the above panel it appears he's already entertaining these memories. On the jet! Trance, degrade him in order to help your low self esteem already! No, but seriously. Hands. IN weird places.

The plane lands and Carey proves himself to write an actually likable Nightcrawler. Who's team leader and ready to be a sarcastic diva apparently. I'd just like to say if the criteria for team leader was a sarcastic teleporter who's a total diva, I'd have to say I think my girl Ariel would have been better suited for the position. While scanning the island for threats, Colossus sort of becomes the instrument through which Psylocke fans speak through and asks Betsy a question concerning how she's using her powers lately. I think the results make a good page (Click here for it). Also, can we all take a big healthy glance at the caption given for Betsy's response. "SHOWWW!!!!!" Couldn't be a more appropriate verb for her demonstrating she can still use her telekinesis I guess, haha. No, I really do enjoy this, if I ever enter the super hero world, I want my captions to read "Ka-bam!" and "Sham-Wow!"

In other places in time, there's some boring Selene crap going on. It's a dose of boring with goth lingerie. Is she really supposed to be becoming respected as much as Emma? Is that the goal for her? Because if it is, I can comfortably say this is unlikely to happen and I'm not impressed. Anyway, what's important is in the panel of Selene's inner circle we find my boyfriend Warpath being taken prisoner and being dragged in most sexily! Seriously, is there a more hot way to be dragged unconscious? Anyway, we'll find out why he's been captured next X-Force. Along with his unwilling participation in S+M at the hands of dominatrix queen Selene. Or at least I wish.

Epic two panels of loveeeee.

Anyway, so the team finishes up scanning the island, reaches the source of their mission. We find out the almighty shocker is that Proteus is back and he possesses Blindfold. Not all that shocking and most people seem to have seen that coming. BUT I can guarantee that there was still an end of issue shocker, just not what anyone was expecting! All right so here it is. Look at the panel to the right, at Colossus' back. Now trail those eyes downward. Yeah. How long has Colossus been walking around with a fucking easy access hole? Can someone confirm or deny whether or not that's an original part of the costume? Also, does this confirm the 616 pairing of Northstar and Colossus that we'd all been hoping for? Just with unexpected bedroom positions? Either way, this issue was fun on it's own without my snarky help, definitely go buy it.

Spider-Woman #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
To start off, I have to side with The Buy Pile on their thoughts on this past issue at the very least. This past issue worked loads better as a motion comic as opposed to the book and I think the biggest reason why is because the progress was very limited. Viper brings Jessica to a cell with a weakened Skrull in it. She talks with it for 2.5, philosophizes on it, fights it, and breaks out of the Hydra base. Not exactly bursting with progress. I still think it's worth buying, the book is beautiful, but it's a difference of good and great with the book and the motion comic. Also, I have to say Maleev's work this past issue was gorgeous. The colors are amazing, it's like an acid trip when the Northern Lights are out (it's a compliment).

New Mutants #8
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves
Whereas I agree with The Buy Pile about Spider-Woman, I think their last thought on New Mutants was totally unfair. This book is one of the better written X-Books lately. It actually has gotten me a bit excited as compared to half the others that I can find good things to say about and enjoy, but I'm not excited by. Whatever, The Buy Pile sometimes says some things that I find are dead-on, but generally I think their list is fucked and just goes to support whichever superdude's being most aggressively masculine and acting "correctly manly" this week. Oh hegemonic males, how you absolutely keep me in... gripping...entertainment....zzz.

As much as I just spent time defending this series, I have to say I think this issue is a piece of crap. I mean, I like this whole buildup of Feral coming to attack the team. Unfortunately that was built up for an anti-climax, but it did follow the theme of disappointment this issue. This issue is like save Amara, fight Hellions, save Doug, throw a yo out to Warlock, and wrap this up.

Most irksome of all, I found Dr. Gregory House....I mean Nemesis, to say something I found funny for once. This was in response to Sunspot bursting into the med ward and being all "We need help!" He was almost Emma-like in response, I have to say. I'd be wishing him death normally for this, but honestly, half the X-Dialogue lately seems to really predictable, general crap to fill the pages so the writer's claim they threw something on the damned scripts.

Anyway, in the end Warlock and Cypher are back on the team and the deal with Hellions has no resolution. X-Necrosha has basically been, for X-Force and New Mutants, just holding back the resurrected people with little to no progress. None of the enemies are being taken care of. It's almost as bad as Utopia.

What's worst is Cypher: his language angst is the most repetitive crap, it's more repetitive than a cycle of America's Next Top Model. Ugh, the fact that he's come back to the team in the end is just bad news, but I suppose if the NM fans really need the team's most useless and plainest member back then who am I to judge? Conclusion: Don't buy this issue. Why? Look at this cheesy final panel:

The List #14

X-Force #21
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artist: Clayton Crain

X-Force returns to us this month with the better of the two rotating artists, Clayton Crain, covering Necrosha. Which I love considering his goth-y style. Choi's pretty pencils are better suited on a book less involved with frequently eviscerating people.

Looking at the Preview (Clickety) you see Vanisher returning to be almost cut by Tarot's Death card. Um. Yeah is it me or does Death look and move like one of the Reaper thingies from Devil May Cry 3? Yes/Yes?

Also in the previews we have probably the first time Crain really draws any real amount of the X-Men. And I have to say they all look mighty epic! And the colorful factor is really dazzling especially since that's never seen with X-Force's grey and black fashion preference. Oh and another epic moment made more epic with Crain is:

Beautiful.

Yar, so Banshee is among the resurrected specifically picked out to disturb the almighty fuck out of Emma. Funny that, she's trapped in, y'know, emotionless diamond form. Whatever, a writer remembering Emma's time in Generation X is a gift anyway. Yeah and Sean and some others show resistance towards their programming. Which makes me wonder if that means they'd actually keep the resurrected mutants alive considering how resurrection-happy things have been already. It'd be sort of tragic since it'd just continue to show how little death means in the Marvel universe.

Now wouldn't that be exciting? I'd love the return of the Cuckoos best sisters. And a Jean appearance would of course be absolutely delicious. Imagine having God at your control. It's what Selene would have if she got Jean.

In the end of this issue we discover Selene is resurrecting all the dead mutants of Genosha, which is pretty much the inverse of Morrison's New X-Men and I have to say a really cool idea. Especially since I thought this crossover was going to be really simple and mildly boring. Now i'm sort of looking forward to it.

Dark Avengers #11
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr.

I usually love this series, but this issue there was only ONE thing interesting about it: We find out Victoria Hand is a lesbian! That's it.

X-Men Legacy #229
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Daniel Acuna

Most of this issue is Rogue running around trying to save Bling! and that's endlessly interesting in al the ways that aren't. I like Rogue, but she's only so interesting in these sort of "Search and Rescue" and "Run away!" situations because there's very limited opportunities for personality to come through. Good news though: Gambit finds out about Rogue going on the mission and throws a little bitch fit.

This is the second time Scott been all surfer-like. Seriously, no tightass like Cyclops goes around say "What's wrong, man?" Like why doesn't he just start going "Aw bro, that sucks balls, dude!"

Oh and it turns out Gambit is still Death sometimes....like Archangel. The originality is staggering. At least he reflects on his transformation:

We see his abs.
We love his abs.
Shirtless Gambit is a good day.

Ok, people, you may want to start pressing the follow button on this blog. I think it's possible my voice is being heard by Mike Carey himself. For he heard my cries!! FOR MOREEEE........

Ariel!!!
Oh my good gravy Jesus she's more fabulous than condensed Gay Pride.

Ok, so to review: According to me and this blog, this character is a tranny, meaning transsexual, meaning delicious potential for character development. Anyway, I made a promise to Carey to sing his praise whenever he bothers to include Ariel in his series. Carey, if you are listening out there, I will keep continuing this promise and I want to up my offering: if you make Ariel a regular character on X-Men Legacy then I'll get a year's subscription. If you go with making her trans then I'll be two years. Not kidding, I'll scan the board that comes with comic book subcriptions to prove it. (I don't actually think he has any idea this blog exists or my love for Ariel, but on the off chance he finds this place, he needs to know my dedication to making Ariel get more attention.)

So she shows up and does the fabulous thing naturally. And I just have to say that I love that she watches daytime TV. I'd bet dollars to donuts she watches The View.

Belt it, Diva!

Ok, now I have to bitch. I know I said I'd sing Carey's praise. And I do, he's an amazing writer. I love him unconditionally for his time on X-Men before Legacy and for introducing Ariel into my life. But like your mother, I'll always love you, but you'll also never be completely good enough. My problem is this: Why do writers love Dr. Nemesis? They write him like such a cheap immitation of House it's sad. Like boys boys boys, stop using your House fan fiction to write him. And kill him off actually. But suppose that's too much to ask.

But love to Acuna for drawing the Cuckoos in an age-appropriate, non-slutty way. Now, I still don't like the schoolgirl gimmick, but it's hard to tell if that's what is being done here. The thing is: They're 16. Schoolgirl thing is often a sexualized deal and this is comic books where women are often sexualized. So I'm just saying the artists should take into consideration that half the students are Sophomore age and watch how they portray them since shit like Land's sexualized Pixie is one of the most creepy things I've ever seen. Seriously, that's unacceptable. Anyway, summary, good on Acuna for that one.

Conclusion, buy this issue because Ariel is in it. Check how I said that. I didn't say if you like Ariel, buy it. I said buy the issue with the reasoning of because Ariel is in it. Get on it and Carey, X-pect a question from me about Ariel in your next X-Position.

Spider-Woman #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

I know I seem lazy by doing this again, but A. I've had a frackin' exhausting week B. I want you to fucking watch the motion comics of this. K, so same as last time, this series is fucking epicly amazing. Watch it online and buy every issue that releases.

The List #11

Runaways #14
Writer: Kathryn Immomen
Artist: Sara Pichelli

In this final issue for at least the year, if not more, (Runaways, like X-Factor, is getting a reboot) we're once again shown why it's going off the shelves for a little. Awkward, boring dialogue from a writer who is essentially out-of-touch with teenagers and trying to sound hip. It fails so horribly. Basically, a big part of this issue is Chase being emotional and dark, which is a side of the character that has never been popular. That and some fake Gert is running around. Or at least I think that's how it works. But for all of Immomen's failings, she does manage to write "Gert", my favorite Runaways, a line worthy of her.

X-Force #19
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artists: Mike Choi and Sonia Oback

Unfortunately, this issue failed to follow up last issue's amazingness. Instead, the story is mainly a bland look at X-23 running with some woman through The Facility. And my boyfriend Warpath doesn't even get a panel. What's weird about this issue is:

Child abuse is on the rise at Xavier's. Seriously Domino, the girls are still 16 years old for Christ's sake, go take your anger out on God for not making you the man you clearly are. Especially with this unjustified act of WTFaggression. Rockslide and Colossus'/Cyclops' weird man fights are strange enough, this is ridiculous. But Domino is right in calling the Cuckoos 'Emma lite'. Even though Emma right now is Emma lite.

In other news, Wolfsbane can go die now. Never have liked the character. EVER. And I've read her in lots of different periods. That and Selene is bucking for Emma's most naked female character title.

That and apparently Destiny is going to be part of Necrosha which is a fun twist. Especially since the X-Men's pool of the dead is so small what with pointless resurrections taking place every week. And that's it for X-Force for this month.

Gotham City Sirens #4
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Guillem March

One summarizing word: BLAND! But at least Ivy has a recurring role of saving the day.

New Mutants #5
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Zachary Baldus

Another subpar story this week. (I know that my bitching about how disappointing these issues are is only so interesting, but Astonishing X-Men #31 is coming out tomorrow, so expect a good review!) The main factor for fail in this issue was the artist. Severely cringeworthy, people. Good things: Dani got some spotlight and it looks like she'll be a positive role model for what a woman is capable of like Mohawk Storm was. Bad: "Evil" Illyana is wearing punk clothes now as a sign of her "Badness". You fucking kidding me? Why must we stereotype among all of us outcast-based groups? That and Dr. Nemesis:

What a sketch he looks like in this panel. That and this man's pointless insults and overblown narcissism is tired. He's a House ripoff and should've been the member of the Science Team to die. He's not "badass", he's someone pathetically trying to act "badass".

X-Factor #49
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro

K, so screw talking about this issue in entirety since I'm honestly bored by X-Factor at the moment. BUT we do have Ricstar love this issue, so I'm going to go over that starting with:

Confirmation that they were a couple before!

This issue finally gets out in the open Rictor's sexuality. But it also takes away panel time for additional Ricstar smoochies since Strong Guy and Rictor have an awkward conversation about the sexuality deal for like 8 pages. Or so it felt at least. Besides, I'd appreciate relationship-building to be seen rather than implied like it is in Young Avengers. Also, negative point is Shatterstar, though obviously in love with Rictor, refers to their coupling as a "friendship," and he also kisses Val when he meets her, taking a big amount of charge out of the Ricstar kiss and sort of insulting it. Hopefully issue 50 is MUCH better. And that concludes the review, I leave you with cuteness: