The List #34

New Mutants #15
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Sorry about the delay, things have been insane lately so the news and last week's X-Factor will get added o
not this week's post because I think there's like one new thing coming out for my pull list. Anyway, let the reviewing begin.

In my mind this issue is titled "The Drunk Issue" considering that's what most of it centers around. What happens is Cannonball approaches Cyclops and whines that he "broke the team" and no longer deserves to be leader. Cyclops, not to be outdone in the angst dept., tells Sam that he doesn't have time for this angsty shit when he could be devoting time to his own, and orders Sam to take the team out for some R+R.

So they do and Sam decides to make it extra special because they R+R:

Of course you bring beer, Sam.
Gross. I think me and Illyana are going to go sneak out to the local Hannaford for some vodka.

So the team drinks and they slowly start going over what happened during SC. Then they start swapping funny stories with Dani recounting what happened during the battle with Hodgo. Don't think it was that funny of an issue? Me neither. Seriously, not to say that you don't obnoxiously point to the elephant in the room when drunk, but if you're going to tell funny stories at least tell stories that are actually funny. Like Wells, you couldn't make something up?

Another point I don't believe is that this is the second time where Karma and Hellion have been portrayed as indifferent to their losing their body parts. I mean I don't want them angsting up the panels until the series ends, but seriously, at least have a couple issues with them dealing with their feelings over it. I'm not sold on them being ok with it, but I suppose minor characters are expected to dela with whatever blows their given and get over it. Something this issue I was totally sold on was this:

Ohhhh drunken makeout sessions. Brings back memories of last semester. Anyway, that much was convincing although I wish Wells had gone further to the one-night stand that would've resulted had they not been interrupted. Not because I'm a Dani/Sam shipper, but because I'm always in for awkward drunk one-night stands as long as they're not my own. Anyway, you'll notice we don't see much of Warlock this issue because....

He can't hold his beer.

Nah, apparently he's purging because he's got eater's remorse. We're planning on a very special True Life for him very soon actually. Actually he's bummed out over taking human life and releasing the energy he gained from eating the people. Most of the issue he's not seen because he's out moping over it.

The rest of the issue has to do with the ongoing Magik/Pixie tensions. They only get worse as the demon-y army guys from issue #9 appear this issue and are out for Illyana's blood since they spent 20 years in Limbo and half of them are part-demon now because of having to try and survive there. In their search for Illyana they end up finding Pixie and beating her ass for her soul dagger. And this makes for yet another reason to add to Pixie's list of why Illyana Rasputin is a bitch.

And besides Illyana being alerted to the danger nearby by having her soulsword come out of her and also cockblock Sam and Dani, that's the issue. Conclusion: Despite it's glaring flaws, this issue was pretty decent and I'm just thrilled to see New Mutants finally out of crossover hell.

New Avengers #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is basically a game of "Who's got the Eye of Agamotto?" with everyone trying to keep it away from the possessed Luke Cage. Except the demon possessing Luke Cage is willing to play dirty to get the Eye:

Ohhhh gurl. Evil means business when it resorts to pulling on your hair.

This issue Jessica Jones dropped her typical mother role....to pick up the typical wife role. There were a couple moments where she was cool, but for the most part she was portrayed as the idiot wife who doesn't understand what possession means.

In the end, everyone's un-possessed while Iron Fist ,who's got the Eye, is possessed, and the Sorcerer guys including Dr. Voodoo reunite to say the world is fucked. Conclusion: This issue was ok, nothing was really bad about it but there was also nothing particularly great about it either.

Thunderbolts #146
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
So last week we ended with the introduction of this new girl named Troll with me already rolling my eyes in annoyance to yet another "child-raised-in-the-wild!" story because I hate those stories. Seriously, when Claremont tried going that route with X-23 with the fangs and the growling I was like, "Diva you did not!" Luckily this issue they just knock her out and throw her story on the backburner which is whatev. Also, Songbird had like two panels this issue, so that was a plus.

The main mission this issue is the team going to find out what happened to the SHIELD team sent to investigate and verify if there were a new vein of terrigen crystals in some cave. Results: The SHIELD team's dead and there's definitely terrigen crystals in the cave. So much so that it reminds me of Aladdin with the room that was filled with gold in the Cave of Wonders. Also, there's a ton of misshapen creatures lurking about trying to kill the team.

In other news, this whole fake "reformed Moonstone" act has gone from decent to stinks like shit.

Seriously, Parker, how dumb do you think she is?

WTF, I'm pretty sure Ellis built her up differently and he's the reason I and I'm sure a lot of people started paying attention to this series. Basically, he had her be sex-positive, manipulative, and had her be a rough girl masquerading as classy even though we knew better. From there Bendis' Dark Reign had her be sleep with everyone and had her called a slut for it, kind of trashy, and still manipulative but all the other team members were too so her game plan just got lost in all that (especially with fucking Daken since we're all supposed to believe he matters or something). Parker so far as made her all-out trashy, no sleeping around but she's hinted to it, but his worst sin is he thinks that she's stupid. This is probably because people automatically assume women who are unashamed of their sexuality are "sluts" and must be stupid to not be ashamed. ...She has an MD in Psych, how stupid can she be when it comes to manipulation? Especially when she's been doing it for quite awhile. Anyway, I don't buy Moonstone would try to shove her "reformed" crap in everyone's faces like that because she's a manipulator; she knows that doesn't work like that.

Back to the story, the rest of the issue consists of another extended fight scene which is, once again, a good thing because I'm all in for a good team battle. Especially since it seems half the X-Books fail to understand what a decent team fight scene looks like. The issue ends with Man-Thing, Crossbones, and Mach-IV or V or VIIX as the only Thunderbolts left standing against the creatures. Conclusion: This issue would be between good and ok which seems to be a "thing" for Parker as I remember feeling the same about most of his Exiles run.

The List #32

X-Men Legacy #237
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Greg Land
Yeah, that cover looks my fantasies illustrated by Adi Granov. Anyway, this issue opens with X-Force distracting Master Mold while Cable and Cypher get into the processing core so Cypher can talk to it. From there it tries to assimilate him, and a struggle ensues.

Back on the bridge in the present, the battle heats up with Hope and Rogue showing up to save the day; which obviously overjoyed Cyclops. On Utopia, Magneto's young again! Fighting off the Nimrods like it's nothing until....oh wait, he's old again! And from there he's young again as he starts to use pieces of Utopia, made of iron, to attack the Nimrods. After this we get the ugliest collage courtesy of Land:

First off, this does nothing to progress the story. Second, what is with the no legs thing? Land, what is this supposed to do for us? This reminds me of that ugly cover he did for Uncanny X-Men #517 where he was yet again lazy and untalented.

Back with X-Force, Cypher predictably wins. This causes the destruction of Master Mold and all the Nimrods in the present to deactivate. From there we get another WTF Land panel:

Was extending Paige to the 2nd panel really necessary? Does her ass really contribute anything besides apparently disgusting Colossus?

Going back to X-Force, it turns out X-23 tried to go through the time membrane the Nimrods were going through, but nothing organic can go through there. Solution: Cable lets the T/O virus take him over and goes back to the present. Does this mean he's finally going to die? Can he? Please?

In the end we have Bastion with his two unremarkable lackeys at his side; telling them that now he's just got to do it himself. And from there we have to wait two weeks until the next issue. What the fuck are with these extra-week pauses? Is anyone really at the edge of their seats with this crossover? If they were, it's unlikely they are now. Frankly, I'm just excited for this thing to be over with.

Thunderbolts #145
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
One way to summarize the events that followed after last issue's surprise ending with Baron Helmut Zemo coming take control of the Thunderbolts would be: Psych. It turns out it was just an exercise done to demonstrate that the team is under the thumb of their authority. Along the way we learn a few things:

1. Juggernaut's powers are weakened. Again. Because the transition from villain to hero, however reluctant, requires a massive power decrease.

2. When this exercise happened, all the supervisors faked being knocked out; Songbird being among them. Apparently she's done serving her time as ordinary Thunderbolt.

3. Extra nanites in Moonstone's head now make her unable to go intangible because, as Songbird said, having lasers, flying, and strength is enough. The real reason being that if she kept them she'd make Ghost redundant. It's ok though, this issue we discovered she's got a hidden power:

The ability to change footwear at will.
Which is a goddamned useful power, especially as a superhero, because she always needs to be thinking about function so she needs flats. The thing is that they can be ugly, so how useful is it that she can manifest heels as soon as she needs to class it up? (Even though Classy Moonstone is an oxymoron.)

At this point I should probably mention that I've been neglecting to mention the supporting cast of Fixer, Mach-IVWX, and whoever else. That's because I really have no interest in them and will only be mentioning them when it's plot-relevant. And the next bit because following the test run scene is one where we meet the new warden: US Agent. Who's lost an arm? Didn't know that. Anyway, I'm sure he'll do something interesting soon enough.

The rest of the issue consists of the team's "easy" first mission: Go fetch 3 Asguardian trolls using non-lethal measures. And from there the rest of the issue is an enjoyable battle scene with Moonstone starting her bag of bullshit right away:

Girl does not waste time!

And that would be it besides the issue ending with some girl named Troll attacking. Conclusion: Parker delivers another issue of good Thunderbolts fun.

And now for the polls results.
Storm won first place by one vote, thanks to an 11th hour push from her fans, and beat out Emma Frost, who ended up with 2nd place. 3rd place was Rogue; which surprised me a bit since I thought it'd actually be between her and Storm. Professor X, Magneto, and Jean Grey, who've been either former headmasters or groomed to take that position, each received 2 votes and tied for 4th place. And in last place, much to my amusement, Other and Wolverine with 0 votes.

Oh and just an aside for the hell of it, I didn't vote for Emma Frost. I actually voted for Jean of all characters because I think she'd be really interesting as someone who's been the almighty evil and the almighty good in the X-Universe in a role of power we can actually see in action.

That's all, be sure to vote for the latest poll which is, "Which body part lost in Second Coming will you miss the most?"

The List #31 Part 2

Forgetless #5
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artists: Scott Forbes, Marley Zarcone, and Jorge Coelho
I hate that I only found this series right before the last issue came out because its entire run would have been a great addition to this blog. Still, at least I do get to talk about it because this mini-series is so kickass.

Instead of reviewing this last issue and spoiling everything before any of you have a chance to pick it up, I'll just speak on the series in general. Now, if you're going to understand this review you'll probably need to go to this first preview to get the basic idea of the series and what I'm talking about.

Ok, so the idea of models hired to kill a guy at a club on its last night is not the most interesting idea out there. Here's the thing that first stopped me: The art. You'll notice the artist covering the models' side of the story, Scott Forbes, basically has the style of a poor man's Josh Middleton. Which is A-OK with me, I love Middleton enough to accept watered down version as my artist. Plus the other two artists are equally adept at drawing you in against your will and making you love their work. And the color scheme of the club (and a lot of the moments from the side story) remind me of this episode of MTV's Downtown.

The next part that catches your attention about this series is that it's genuinely hip. Unlike Immomen's run on Runaways that felt awkwardly out-of-touch and Diablo Cody and her constant attempts at hipster speak that just beg for your approval so they can be slapped onto a Hot Topic T-shirt, this series just simply reflects on what is now, like inclusion of the characters' Twitter feeds and the up-to-date fashion like Sara wearing Lady Gaga gloves, without overwhelming us in how socially savvy it is.

Probably the most attractive aspect of this series is it goes there. This series is not afraid to have a guy who dresses up in a koala outfit and goes out responding to the most disgusting Craigslist Personal ads. The humor is my favorite brand: snarky, and it's top notch enough to make me consistently laugh out loud. But I must warn you that this comic could offend the shit out of you. Then again, if you read this blog and all the nasty snark I spew then you're likely all set for this mini-series.

That's not a pie that he's tasting. Definitely not a pie.

A lot of the plot goes on about New York and the horrible things people do to get status there, and from there it goes on about how New York corrupts you. Why is it always New York? Is that the only place in U.S. that impregnates people with the chestbursters of greed, dishonesty, and lust? Whatever, I'm sure that New York's corruption is unique and all, but it's annoying to hear songs, stories, and people saying, "It's only there that people sell their soul for fame!" It makes me determined to go sell my soul in Nebraska and follow it up with a book about the evils of those Nebraskans and their whatever-they're-noted-for's just to spite the over-dramatic corruption of New York. That irritation aside, this book is almost perfect and the best part of it is the side story.

Or back story. Whatever, it's a separate story about trio of teenagers from an uneventful part of Jersey who are fighting to get their ways to the last night of Forgetless. A lot of their motivation is that they already feel that they should be a part of the NYC scene and that where they live fails them as its trashy and unexciting. I. Can. So. Relate. And unless you were lucky enough to be born in a happening area, you probably can too. The character of Darla is genius because most people have had her as a friend before: that impossibly clever and fearless friend of yours that doesn't have a brain cell to her name if it has to do with something legal. And then there's David, the bucket of nerves gay best friend which everyone has except me because I totally am him. Anyway, to close this side story is the best part of Forgetless and is just an amazingly good time.

Conclusion for Forgetless: Buy it. Love it. But pray you don't live it.

New Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendies
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is about Luke Cage being given his own Avengers along with the newly rennovated Avengers Mansion to do with as he pleases. As he's going to go move in, he's greeted by Victoria Hand pointing a Cable-sized gun at him and his family. Her motivation? Because even though Steve Rogers gave her a second chance to clean up her act, she's paranoid about the other Avengers beating her ass so she feels the need to have a gun on her. Smart, Vicky. In response, Luke Cage claps his hands and it throws her and her gun on steroids back into a wall.

Later on Hand is confronted by Wolverine and Cage who ask her about why she was working with Osborn and if she understood he was nuts. She responds with all the crap she said in the last Dark Avengers and they all tentatively accept her. All except Miss Jessica Jones who has a problem with people pointing a gun at her toddler...

Don't get me wrong, it's great that she cares whether or not her baby's alive. But I swear to fuck, I do not want her only character moments be about her role as a mother. You'd think as a Poison Ivy fan that I'd be desensitized to hearing, "My baby!" every five minutes, but no, it still irritates the piss out of me. I understand her role as a mother will be a part of her character for ever and ever from now on, but Bendis really needs to bring back some of her Alias-era personality.

Now onto the team roster which is given by a double-page spread of the character around the dinner table. Unfortunately, the diva formerly known as Captain America's only limits on team members was that he couldn't have Thor or Iron Man. Which I'm sure he's kicking himself for now because here's the team roster: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Mockingbird, Hawkeye, Iron Fist, Jessica Jones, The Thing, Wolverine, and Ms. Marvel. Ok. Half of the New Avengers are also on the adjectiveless Avengers team (Wolverine, Hawkeye, Spider-Man), and starring in 30 other books. Do they really need to be on another team? Like seriously Bendis, would it kill you to pull She-Hulk from pseudo-Limbo?

The worse is part is The Thing, the member of the Fucking Annoying Four that I hate the most. He's catchphrases and cliched statements that just make him as character dated without the people surrounding him seeming to know that he's over. Oh my God. He's Bret Michaels. Anyway, I just wish the Fantastic Four would sacrifice themselves again like they did during Onslaught, but have it stick this time. Other than that Ms. Marvel's fine, I love Jessica Jones, and Mockingbird I barely know but she does have a cool costume.

Moving back to the issue's going-ons, the villain situation is Dark Reign caused a thinning of the barrier between our realm and others. This is causing things from the other side to get in by possession! Seriously, every month there's at least one of my books having something to do with possession. I used to watch Charmed, I've had my fill of possession plots. Anyway, Dr. Strange and Damian Hellstrom,who is shirtless in leather pants the entire time and makes this issue's villain story more bearable, are possessed and go to fight Dr. Voodoo. Allegedly killing him, the Eye of Agamotto, the thing they're after, is tranferred to Luke Cage, so they show up and attack the Avengers. End issue.

Conclusion, this issue was pretty decent. Despite half the roster sucking, the other half is a good lost, so I'm at least in for the first arc.