The List #42

New Avengers #5
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This week was all about re-asserting how Wolverine is the MOST POWERFUL SUPERHERO IN THE ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE. Sorcerer Supreme? That ain't SHIT next to 9-inch metal claws. The power of the Phoenix? Bitch, have you seen his healing factor? Galactus? Fuck no, Wolvie's fighting training spans centuries, he can kick G-Dawg's ASS!

No seriously. I get pandering to Wolverine fans makes it so that people want to buy the issue, but holy shit, does he always have to be the MOST POWERFUL, BIGGEST THREAT, and RIDICULOUSLY BADASS? The writers do realize that there are people reading who aren't fans of Logan and just can't suspend their disbelief in the face of this ridiculously assertion of Wolverine's importance to everything.

Anyway, besides the ridiculous part at the end where Wolverine is decided to be the best vessel for the combined powers of all everyone there, this arc provided an image of just how ridiculous this book's current cast is (I'd post it, but my blog post's width is too narrow...I'm not even kidding) with 12 characters being involved. Plus Hawkeye for two minutes to tell us he wasn't actually on the team which just read like BMB threw this in the script last second just to make the fanboys aware of the roster. But yeah, the amount of characters involved in this arc is ridiculous, and we were already working with a large cast in the first place.

Oh also at one point the ridiculous amount of chatter was lampshaded through the use of one of the villain-figures commenting on it. K......BMB? Just because you joked it off doesn't make it any less annoying that 12 characters are all talking at the same time with none of it being of any use to the story or just for the purpose of updating the other characters on things that the reader already knows.

X-Men #4
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
This entire book is one big fucking cliche. First, there's vampire cliches where we have Wolverine toting the Vampire cause by trying to persuade the X-Men that it's cool to be vampin' with the most typical dialogue of 'vampire-to-human-persuasion' you could have ever thought up. Also, there was the now really familiar scene of a band playing while there's a fight scene going on around them and people assuming that it's just part of the show. Second, there's the X-Men cliches with the second assertion this week that Wolverine IS THE MOST VALUABLE X-MAN. Then there's the whole cliche possessed person dialogue where the characters try reasoning with the possessed person even though they know that character is not themself. Honestly, X-Men thus far is a really big piece of fanfic, and it's really failing to justify why it's existence is necessary. Now onto the poll:

This past poll turned out some good results especially with the option for multiple answers. It seems you guys fucking hate Darwin considering he was the consistent leader of this poll. This probably the only way he'd ever get that much attention. The next person on our collective shit-list is that bitch Rahne and I have to say at that point it thrills me to know we're all on the same page here. Longshot and Strong Guy then followed which I have to say are strong choices. Then it followed with Shatterstar, Monet, and Multiple Man at the bottom of the voted-for list. Most surprisingly, despite the option to choose the entire cast if one so chose, it seems no votes went out to Rictor, Siryn, or Layla Miller. Anyway, thanks to everyone who voted on this poll, very fun results, and please do go vote on the next one.

Comic Book Releases Briefly: 9/1/10 and 9/9/10

Apologies for being absent for the past two weeks, but I just started college again so my life has been a bit hectic lately. If you find yourself going through bitchy withdrawls, just know that I've also got a [Tumblr] that you can go to for second helpings of snarkery.

Anyway, it seems my absence couldn't be more perfectly timed as it seems not a lot happened in comic book land while I was gone. Here's a brief look at what I thought of the books I would normally have reviewed:

Avengers: The Childrens Crusade #2
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
The only book that I was really looking forward to reviewing, but in the end it's fine because I had little to say about it anyway. Not as good as the first issue, but still amazingly satisfying for me. Seriously, if this book needs to be on a bi-monthly schedule in order to produce a quality product like it has then I'm all for it.

One thing I found shocking was that they actually had Quicksilver and Speed meet up. I've always thought of Speed as the massive ripoff in the room, and I assumed that Quicksilver and him could never meet just because Speed is nearly identical to him. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Heinberg's YA, but let's be honest: Speed is basically a young Quicksilver and was probably just hastily created so that the Scarlet Witch plotline could be introduced. Anyway, this was definitely the best release of the past two weeks and I recommend you all pick it up.

Scarlet #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
One word summary: Mediocre.
Scarlet's view on the world, despite being justified by her experience, still sounds like Hot Topic brand whining about how 'the world is full of shit'. And it's this attitude plus her overconfidence in what she 'knows' about the world despite being 17 that turned me off from this issue.

However, as dull and whiny as it was, I thought [this fucking bullshit] with the shop owner ripping up an issue of Scarlet was ridiculous. Seriously, guy? Thanks for helping along the stereotype that comic book fans are emotionally stunted adults. It's not even that bad of a fucking book, and even if it were, it's not connected to any other books or drawing from any other continuity. Scarlet's not even set in any real universe that matters! This book couldn't be easier to avoid if you don't like it.
I just find this to be such an obnoxious, childish act of disrespect, and that's coming from someone who writes bitchy comic book reviews for the hell of it.

X-Men #3
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
Despite the pressure to do something remarkable considering the current state of vampire fatigue, this series so far has decided to reuse all the typical vampire dialogue/plot moves/everything. Also, despite the pressure of being a new X-Book with no established difference from Uncanny, this series has decided to reuse all the same X-Men dialogue/plot moves/everything. Seriously, using one of Wolverine's sidekicks to lure him into a situation? And worst of all, deeming Wolverine 'the most powerful X-Man' and having him converted to their side. Isn't that the subject of every other X-Related story? Also, what the fuck on Wolverine being the most powerful/useful X-Man? Yeah, because claws and a healing factor are so much more useful than top-tier psychic powers, full control of the elements, or a control of ice that makes the user nearly unkillable. This is the sort of shit logic that happens when you let obssessive fanboys write the books. Anyway, don't waste your spare bucks on this regurgitated storyline.

New Avengers #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is pretty unremarkable. At least Daimon Hellstrom still has no idea what a shirt is.

Batgirl #14
Writer: Bryan Q Miller
Artist: Lee Garbett
I was so bored I couldn't even finish it, and it's rare that I put down anything that I started reading, least of all a comic book. I think this issue marks the end for me and Batgirl, especially since my favorite character, Oracle, is now getting pushed out of the series.

Lastly, poll results time!
Unsurprisingly, Psylocke and Archangel won this poll with 15 votes which is expected considering they're the only couple on this list that now has confirmation to be pairing up officially. Also, it's Psylocke and I know that a lot of you here love her.

Namor and Emma came in second place with 12 votes.....yeah, wasn't expecting that. It seems we see things a little different, my readers, considering I loathe the idea of Emma being with another manchild, but it's ok, we can love each other for our differences. Anyway, moving onto my favorite couple...

Danger and Box came in third with 6 votes, one of them being mine, and I'm surprised they didn't at least get second considering how magnetic a pairing they are. Yes, I know, cheesy robot puns, I'll stop. Lastly, everyone else got one vote. And that's the poll, thanks for voting and please do go vote on the newest one.

The List #36 + News

X-Men #2
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
This issue opens with Colossus and Wolverine duking it out with a vamp with the two of them having battle chit-chat. Colossus definitely says something interest-->

Not a statement I'd agree with considering almost all my male friends drink beer and maybe less 1/4 of my female friends do. I mean, I do appreciate his enthusiasm for hard liquor, it's got a soft spot in my heart too, but let's lay off the whole "Ugh, that's girly and girly's bad" crap.

The guy manage to get the vampire out into daylight to unexpected results. It seems the vampire has a gem on him that can take care of the effects of daylight. Wolverine and Colossus chase it until it leads them to a den of other ubervamps, but have no fear, Blade shows up to save the day.

Meanwhile, it turns out the vampires have focused in on turning Jubilee so that they can lure 'him' and turn him, who'll be the one to turn the rest. I'm assuming they mean Wolverine considering Jubes is his ex-sidekick, and my response is this: For Christ's sake, does everything have to revolve around him? Ugh, I hope I'm wrong.

The X-Men review the situation which is that all the vampires are now united, Dracula's dead, and there's a fuck-ton of them about [This many]. The X-Men are thinking they're fucked until a very special someone brings this up:

Cyclops understands what Emma's suggesting and tells everyone of the plan: Resurrect Dracula.

Considering he's dead thanks to the currently ruling assholes, it'd throw a massive monkey wrench in their Vamp U.N. to have the Vamp King Dracula return. It's a great plan and the only thing that I didn't 100% expect this issue. And let me add that it's EMMA'S plan because I know reviewers are going to fuck it up and be like, "Cyclops proves he's a tactical leader this issue by coming up with the controversial 'Resurrect Dracula' plan." Uh, no assholes, that was Emma. Cyclops just interpreted what she was suggesting.

[Edit] Apparently everyone hates the plan, but I'm not sure why (explanations haven't been provided just yet). While Dracula is not going to come back and side with the X-Men (which so far is what people seem to think is the intention and possibly why they hate the plan), I doubt Dracula can completely push aside his anger over being killed by the Vamp U.N. and would probably create conflict in the ranks especially with those loyal to him. He would basically ruin the main problem (they're organized now) by being there. At least that's what I think so far. Agree or disagree? Feel free to explain why in the comments (be sure to be civil though).

OH and the issue ends with Jubilee lured out to the vampire lair and her getting bitten [Here]. You'll note that two out of three of the 'surprise' moments this issue also have a matching link to a teaser promoting it. That's actually my biggest complaint: Like last issue, these teasers being released are giving away the majority of the interesting things happening during the issue. They're not teasers at this point; they're spoilers, and they're damn hard to avoid because everyone reblogs these teasers.

Conclusion: This issue is an improvement over the last one, but Marvel needs to chill out on the 'teasers' so something in this series can be genuinely unexpected.

Morning Glories #1
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artist: Joe Eisma
Definitely the book I was most excited for this week especially considering it's written by Nick Spencer who did the amazing Forgetless (if you haven't read it yet, do it now).

We are introduced to the Academy with the opening consisting of an attempted breakout by two of the students who go to extreme measures to get out (by using science!). So we follow the guy as he kicks ass out of his way until he's ultimately stopped by the mandatory creepy villain a guy who looks like Nitro with a lesser version of Tildie Soames' powers. By the way, here's how Morning Glory Academy deals with students who attempt to make a run for it:

How very soft serve of them, no wonder why the students are so disobedient.
The faculties reaction to this is mostly indifferent considering this guy's not 'one of them'.

And as a side note, if you've read the interviews on this series then you know Jun, a character who also can kick ass, knows more about what's going in the academy than the others. My guess, considering the resemblance between the two (which is more apparent when he's not doing his Bloody Mary impression), is that the guy above was Jun's brother.

From there we get two-pages intros of each of the characters and the over-quoted comparison Spencer gave of this series to a cross between Lost and Runaways is now given evidence. How? Well, truth be told these intros are a bit weak, having to do with the character and shallow interactions with their parents, and I remember that's how Runaways also opened (its first arc was honestly somewhat weak).

The most notable of the introductions are: Hunter is awesome because he reads Morrison, specifically The Invisibles (oh how I miss Fanny!). However, good luck to the kid in understanding it considering I read it this summer and had trouble grasping the entire concept (I'm 20). The other ones were either meh or strange like apparently 'the emo girl' has a crush on one of her teachers [Here]. The one with the rebel kid, Ike, was just flat-out ridiculous and I had to un-suspend my disbelief for that one [Here].

Anyway, the next scene is of them all getting driven to the Academy by the a driver from the Academy, and to remind us that this is a sketchy place, they all get gassed to sleep (so they can't figure out how to get out). They wake up when they arrive at the school and figure it was a normal nap. They're all brought together for the first time with an opening presentation of Morning Glory Academy with a speech the involves mentioning that they need to discard their previous lives and a slideshow that involves a goat with it's throat getting slit. By now it's hard to believe the kids wouldn't be like, "What the fuck, seriously?" especially since Academy seems to be barely concerned with concealing the fact that they're up to something.

Following this they all go to their dorms, with the 3 boys rooming all together and the 3 girls rooming all together as well. An interesting exchange occurs in the boys room:

Ike follows this comment by saying "It's brokeback bunkbeds!"

And I have to say one can only hope because every teen series needs some homosexuality even though they're probs all straight. Meanwhile with the girls, Zoe's doing her best Cordelia of BtVS impression and Jade is having a meltdown. Why? She called her father and he's claiming he doesn't know her and that he's never had a daughter. Also, this is on her birthday, May 4th,....and it turns out it's all five of the other new students' birthday. Casey, the blonde braniac who takes charge, decides to approach her ever-annoying RA about both of these issues. In between her baby talk way of saying Casey's name (Casey-Spacey and worse), Pamela reveals it's 'encouraged' for the parents to do this and that the birthdays thing was all part of how they were chosen (it's also Pamela's birthday). Not catching on to the creepy spiral staircase their on, Casey follows Pamela downward claiming her parents would never participate in the forget tactic. Pam says she knows and reveals behind a door at the bottom of the stairs, Casey's parents chained, bloodied, and unconscious hanging on the wall. End issue.

So apparently this series isn't leaving any time for suspenseful buildup as revealed by the issue's end, so I guess we're just jumping in to the action then. I wish Spencer would have been a bit more subtle about revealing the sketchy factor of this school because really these is no break from being overtly reminded that this school is one fucked up place. In the end, I thought the issue was good, but could have been better especially with how the characters are introduced because so far only Hunter and Casey are remotely likable. However, one thing that stops me from giving any real judgement over this issue is the comparison to Runaways as that series also started out iffy, but quickly became one of the greatest comic book series I've ever read. Conclusion: you should definitely pick this issue up, I think great things will come out of this series.

And now for the news:

• Poll results are in and it seems people are most looking forward to Uncanny X-Force with it receiving 17 votes which is basically half of the votes. X-Men Legacy followed with 6, then came X-Men with 4, New Mutants with 3, Uncanny X-Men with 2, and X-23 with 1. Fortunately no one voted for Wolverine, so that's good for me because I also had this poll to see which books I should be paying attention to for this blog. And that's it for the poll, be sure to vote on the new one.

• This month's Batgirl was one of the lamest things I've read in awhile which would be why it's not being reviewed here. [Preview]

• There's going to be a Thunderbolts/Avengers crossover soon. The only thing I'm really excited for is the battle between Moonstone and Spider-Woman in the token female vs. token female faceoff. [Source]

• Another week, another Psylocke costume change request. Here's the latest one:
  

"There were honestly too many folks asking after Psylocke's costume, so I went with psycwave's specific wording with "Hey Axel, are the covers for Uncanny X-Force temporary as most seem to be just recolored outfits, namely Psylocke's? It just seems like the character is cursed to wear the thong outfit for all eternity never to be updated or the like, especially when many of the X-men go through costume revamps on a regular basis."

Alonso: They are not temporary. Pyslocke is sporting her regulation X-Force silver-and-black tho - I mean, uniform. With it's streamlined aerodynamic design, and splatterproof material, it's the perfect outfit for bringing the fight to the doorstep of anyone who'd mess with mutants."

• They also pretty much said Rachel Grey isn't going to be around for awhile which is good news to me considering I can't stand her and her constant angst-ridden "Mom!" crap. [Source]

The List #33 Part 1

X-Force #28
Writers: Craig Kyle & Chris Yost
Artist: Mike Choi
This issue opens where we left off last time, with Cable letting the T/O virus take him over so he can get through the time portal. From there it allows for X-Force to just barely get in behind him and return to the present. They're all in rough shape, but none as rough as Cable considering he follows his grand entrance with a grand exit with only a moment between the two. Yes, Cable is Second Coming's big finale death as he explodes into pieces after he smiles one last time to Hope; only leaving behind his metal arm.

Meanwhile, Bastion's frustrated that his plan has failed and decides to turn Lang and Creed into sentinels and then rushes out to take care of the X-Men. Back on the bridge there's mourning with "heart-touching" flashbacks to Hope and Cable that seem excessive and sentimental. Cyclops attempts to comfort Hope, but she tells him for the millionth time that she hates him or wants him dead. This is probably the first time I've considered her angst parade reasonable.

This is interrupted by Bastion sending down a laser beam that splits the bridge in half and causes the X-Men to either fall into the water below or just be knocked back from Hope. Bastion floats on down to tell Hope that he's had it with her and that she needs to be eliminated. Hope decides to fight back and her powers finally manifest. What they are confuses me, I'm thinking she's a mimic? At first it seems the "glow" around her is Armor's power, then she fires optic beams like Cyclops, and later her hand seems to turn to metal which would be Colossus. All this time Bastion is speechifying and it's nothing new, useful, or interesting. Note to X-Creators: Please make the next villain mute if it in any way resembles this unimpressive character.

The fight continues, with Hope having the upper hand by shooting off eye beams followed by then seeming to do something all too familiar. She manifests the bird we all associate with fire incarnate. Yes, it seems she's got some Phoenix in her indeed, and from there you can just see Cyclops' thoughts in his visor:

From there Cyclops goes to Hope with Emma protesting. Wolverine stops her and tells her to stay back because there's nothing she can do. She looks down and says, "I know," in defeat as Wolverine follows Cyclops. Yeah. So it seems the idiot with a healing factor and claws is more useful than the mega-telepath with diamond form. How logical.

Cyclops and Wolverine join the fight, there's a, "THIS IS FOR KURRTTTTT!!" moment from Wolverine, and in the end Hope blows up Bastion and destroys the bubble. The issue ends with the X-Men gathered around Hope who's floating and just looks like Jean.

Conclusion: This issue in general was half convincingly intense that made for genuine excitement with the other half being overly sentimental and forced. Cable's death was definitely one of the moments done well, and despite my dislike for the character, I still could appreciate the way he was sent off.

X-Men #1
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
If you've seen the previews for this issue then you've just about read the issue [Here] and [Here]. Why? Because that's almost every page of this issue. Not only that, but it's really not the most exciting book anyway.

This issue opens with Jubilee and Pixie hanging out in San Fransisco with Pixie having been sent to keep tabs on Jubs. From there a vampire shows up and explodes with his blood getting on the surrounding people which includes Jubilee.

A lot of the rest of the issue is Dr. Rao, Cyclops, and Dr. Nemesis keeping Jubilee on Utopia because they know she's probs going to turn into a vampire. There's also vampires invading San Fran, and them calling out to the people infected by the blood. It's standard vampire shit that calls into question why anyone thought a vampire storyline was good to have as the first arc consider it really has nothing new to offer.

The rest of the issue is Wolverine, Pixie, and Angel finding the vamps and invading one of their bases to find people strapped upside down and being drained of their blood. Two other things of note: Storm wanted to help considering her history with Dracula, but they said she's maxed out her page time for the month considering she's still married and therefore "useless". Should she consider a divorce, they'll reconsider. Kidding, that was just the subtext of what was said. Oh and also, Dr. Nemesis was needlessly prickly again. The thing is writers are probably thinking of the television character House when they do this, but I'm sure House's prick factor is much better executed. In the case of Nemesis, he's likely supposed to come off as having a disregard for oversensitive feelings, but all he sounds like is an immature teenager trying to come off like he doesn't care even though you know he's dying for your disapproval which he translates to self-approval. In the end he just comes off as pathetic.

Conclusion: It's definitely the weakest out of this week's bunch, and considering the cover you'd expect more X-Men to have been involved especially for a first issue. Instead we get Cyclops, Wolverine, Pixie, Jubilee, Dr. Rao, Dr. Nemesis, and two seconds worth of Storm and Angel. That's hardly an all-star cast.