The List #33 Part 1

X-Force #28
Writers: Craig Kyle & Chris Yost
Artist: Mike Choi
This issue opens where we left off last time, with Cable letting the T/O virus take him over so he can get through the time portal. From there it allows for X-Force to just barely get in behind him and return to the present. They're all in rough shape, but none as rough as Cable considering he follows his grand entrance with a grand exit with only a moment between the two. Yes, Cable is Second Coming's big finale death as he explodes into pieces after he smiles one last time to Hope; only leaving behind his metal arm.

Meanwhile, Bastion's frustrated that his plan has failed and decides to turn Lang and Creed into sentinels and then rushes out to take care of the X-Men. Back on the bridge there's mourning with "heart-touching" flashbacks to Hope and Cable that seem excessive and sentimental. Cyclops attempts to comfort Hope, but she tells him for the millionth time that she hates him or wants him dead. This is probably the first time I've considered her angst parade reasonable.

This is interrupted by Bastion sending down a laser beam that splits the bridge in half and causes the X-Men to either fall into the water below or just be knocked back from Hope. Bastion floats on down to tell Hope that he's had it with her and that she needs to be eliminated. Hope decides to fight back and her powers finally manifest. What they are confuses me, I'm thinking she's a mimic? At first it seems the "glow" around her is Armor's power, then she fires optic beams like Cyclops, and later her hand seems to turn to metal which would be Colossus. All this time Bastion is speechifying and it's nothing new, useful, or interesting. Note to X-Creators: Please make the next villain mute if it in any way resembles this unimpressive character.

The fight continues, with Hope having the upper hand by shooting off eye beams followed by then seeming to do something all too familiar. She manifests the bird we all associate with fire incarnate. Yes, it seems she's got some Phoenix in her indeed, and from there you can just see Cyclops' thoughts in his visor:

From there Cyclops goes to Hope with Emma protesting. Wolverine stops her and tells her to stay back because there's nothing she can do. She looks down and says, "I know," in defeat as Wolverine follows Cyclops. Yeah. So it seems the idiot with a healing factor and claws is more useful than the mega-telepath with diamond form. How logical.

Cyclops and Wolverine join the fight, there's a, "THIS IS FOR KURRTTTTT!!" moment from Wolverine, and in the end Hope blows up Bastion and destroys the bubble. The issue ends with the X-Men gathered around Hope who's floating and just looks like Jean.

Conclusion: This issue in general was half convincingly intense that made for genuine excitement with the other half being overly sentimental and forced. Cable's death was definitely one of the moments done well, and despite my dislike for the character, I still could appreciate the way he was sent off.

X-Men #1
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
If you've seen the previews for this issue then you've just about read the issue [Here] and [Here]. Why? Because that's almost every page of this issue. Not only that, but it's really not the most exciting book anyway.

This issue opens with Jubilee and Pixie hanging out in San Fransisco with Pixie having been sent to keep tabs on Jubs. From there a vampire shows up and explodes with his blood getting on the surrounding people which includes Jubilee.

A lot of the rest of the issue is Dr. Rao, Cyclops, and Dr. Nemesis keeping Jubilee on Utopia because they know she's probs going to turn into a vampire. There's also vampires invading San Fran, and them calling out to the people infected by the blood. It's standard vampire shit that calls into question why anyone thought a vampire storyline was good to have as the first arc consider it really has nothing new to offer.

The rest of the issue is Wolverine, Pixie, and Angel finding the vamps and invading one of their bases to find people strapped upside down and being drained of their blood. Two other things of note: Storm wanted to help considering her history with Dracula, but they said she's maxed out her page time for the month considering she's still married and therefore "useless". Should she consider a divorce, they'll reconsider. Kidding, that was just the subtext of what was said. Oh and also, Dr. Nemesis was needlessly prickly again. The thing is writers are probably thinking of the television character House when they do this, but I'm sure House's prick factor is much better executed. In the case of Nemesis, he's likely supposed to come off as having a disregard for oversensitive feelings, but all he sounds like is an immature teenager trying to come off like he doesn't care even though you know he's dying for your disapproval which he translates to self-approval. In the end he just comes off as pathetic.

Conclusion: It's definitely the weakest out of this week's bunch, and considering the cover you'd expect more X-Men to have been involved especially for a first issue. Instead we get Cyclops, Wolverine, Pixie, Jubilee, Dr. Rao, Dr. Nemesis, and two seconds worth of Storm and Angel. That's hardly an all-star cast.

Uncanny X-Men #509 Review

Writer: Matt Fraction

Artist?: Greg Land

This issue begins with the opening scene of Claremont-esque reflection of who the X-Men are and basic ideas about their move to San Fran that've already been established. Meaning timewaster!! To compound on this offense is Greg Land and his perma-smile bullshit. The worst one being the blasted student (Hope Abbott?):

You are in fucking school taking a test, Hope. What could possibly be making you happy enough to smile?
What was almost as bad was the emotionless Cuckoos shown smiling. Aren't you bitches not supposed to feel anything? I mean, I would love that fact retconned, but even before their bullshit diamond hearts they were never ones to be all smiles unless they were being cruel.

Jean Paul's part was a massive disappointment this time around. His grasping for an answer is ridiculous, not only because if he's anything like Pietro then he must have accelerated thinking ability so he'd have some confident answer. Even if accelerated thinking is not in the power set, he'd just be like, "This place needs my fucking hot self." Which by the way, I know Greg Land traced him off some hot model, but damn Northstar is quite sexy.

The freakout among the X-Men over "Prop X" is annoying. Almost as annoying as taking directly from recent events (Prop 8) and pasting them into a comic book. To me it looks like someone's run out of ideas.

Pixie's "badass" Danger Room fight was such a horrible move. Seriously Pixie, you have received the shortest end of the stick in going from a background character who was extremely likeable to an attempt at a sex symbol who is unremarkable and Logans' new sidekick. And apparently is 18 now (more on that later)?

Beast's science club: A wasted page of pointless banter. Then finally an idea of what's going on.

And then Sisterhood time where this time the recap was needed. Psylocke's history actually is important to what's going on and she's been banished to obscurity for awhile. Then the Sisterhood spaz out because heaven forbid delayed gratification happen.

Again, attack of the perma-smiles. Why are you bitches smiling?! She's just laying down the scene, no smiles necessary! Not only that, it's a good thing Maddie's a ghost because that fucking waist is impossible. almost as impossible as those boobs. I think Greg Land should be cursed with a rack that size and see how impossible it is to do anything when your back always hurts. Seriously Greg, average-sized boobs are more than fine.

The part where Northstar, Dazzler, and Pixie walk in drunk needs a lot of addressing. First off, Pixie, get some better taste in men. Scott Summers is the most plain X-Man of all. And as much as I really don't want to talk about her any longer, there's the instance of this:

Last we checked in, a year ago I think, Pixie was 15. You can't tell me she just aged 3 years while the rest of her class is more or less the same age or maybe just one year older. I'm not sure drinking age in Wales, but Canada is 19 right now. And if Jean Paul is truly Quebecois, then he's probably going off Quebec's law and that would be 18. Did we really just see Pixie get aged 3 years just so Land's pornifying of her is less of a problem?? On to other topics...

You're kidding right? A relationship built on an affair between an intensely manipulative woman and a manchild? Fraction, if you haven't forgotten, Jean's DEAD. Emma's not a clone of Jean. And the relationship between Scott and Emma is likely intensely dysfunctional and I think odds are good that they would be broken up by now if writers didn't think Cyclops being single would be a sin.

Thanks heavens before the discussion can get any worse, the Sisterhood attacks with Chimera pissed over no one knowing who she is. Chimera, even I had to look you up when you were introduced in Uncanny, you are as obscure as they fucking come.

The end of the issue reveals Logan to be the one Maddy wants. More Wolverine spotlight time? Seriously? He's one of the most over exposed characters ever. His popularity is going to run out if things don't lessen especially since quantity is taking over quality in a big way right now.

In summary, I felt like I had very little to say because Fraction disappointed by slipping back to mediocre.