Tracking the Cameo Queens: Ariel

For all those of you who miss my following of the Cameo Queens, allow me to introduce the new Queen of Cameo:

Ariel

Those of you who have read my posts on X-Men Legacy likely have already read more than enough about my odd adoration over this briefly seen tribute to the 80's. Also, for some reason I am absolutely convinced the character is a male-to-female transsexual, and would adore to get that into cannon. But for now, Ariel is simply the fabulous cameo queen who's especially special because she's a cameo queen of the divine Carey as opposed to the disappointing Fraction. Anyway, on with the diva worship!

X-Men Legacy #226
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 5
# of times she uses her power: 1
As her first appearance since the late 80’s, Ariel shows up to let Gambit know that she’s here to dethrone Dazzler as the true cameo queen. And from then on, I adored this true 80’s diva.

X-Men Legacy #227
# of panels: 7
# of lines: 5 of them are repeat from last issue, 5 new ones.
# of times she uses her power: 1
Ariel comes to collect Trance and fails miserably at collecting her. But not at displaying how absolutely fabulous she is.

X-Men Legacy #229
# of panels: 7
# of lines: 12
# of times she uses her power: 1
This appearance Ariel shows up to help the X-Science Club as well as letting the world know what’s important in life: nail varnish, daytime TV, and belting outfits.


X-Men Legacy #230
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her power: 0
This appearance she makes two lineless panel appearances. In the second one she looks like DC's The Question considering her lack of face.


X-Men Legacy #234
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 1
# of times she uses her power: 0
Cameo queening like a true diva, Ariel is caught thinking about the subjects that really matter in today's society.

New Mutants #12
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her power: 1
A one-panel cameo of epic proportions, Ariel comes in at the most glamorous time (and in the most fabulous way) just as Cyclops tells Wolverine that Ariel is the new long distance teleporter.

X-men Legacy #235
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 10
# of times she uses her power: 1
The ultimate heartbreak occurs this issue as Ariel is promoted to being the main teleporter and dies within the same issue. We see her as she brings Rogue to Alpha team and she ends up staying with the team, making the poor choice of riding in a vehicle with Wolverine and X-23. She ends up being killed by missiles sent at the vehicle. Though there is a possibility she may have teleported in time as she was right next to a door, we still mourn her. RIP the Queen of Cameo.

The List #15

Uncanny X-Men #517
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
This issue is yet again full of the same issues a lot of the X-Books have been having post-Utopia. The first problem is that "Utopia" is visually uninteresting. This issue itself was rendered visually boring by only having a character on a panel with just either sky or sea behind them. And the island itself is usually just...brown. Comic books rely on writing and art coming together, so when one fucks up, the entire product is screwed. Yet another fun problem courtesy of Fraction.
Land isn't much better, look at the cover. Wtf is he doing with Psylocke just randomly on Namor. With no legs. This cover is total fail.

This issue pretty much revolves around fighting the Predators and considering my thoughts on Matt Fraction's battle scenes, you can imagine how entertained I was. And honestly, considering how powered up the X-Men are now, I do not buy the Predators being that difficult.

We also had another showing "surfer summers" this month:

Freakin' Magneto!? Dude, I mean, BRAW! What the fuck, braw, what the fuck?!
By the way, "surfer summers" is now a tag so we can all track the random transformation of Cyclops from tightass WASP (as in the acronym, not the insect) to bro.

Um, does having psychic abilities arouse the psychics?
Seriously, remember last post's rant on the Cuckoos portrayal? This shit is why. The Cuckoos are at least still high school age and these poses are definitely sexualized. Dis-gust.

Anyway, the issue itself was mildly interesting. It was so sad to see the Cyclops had to present Magneto using his powers on the metal-skinned Predators as a stroke of genius. It should've been the fucking default idea and considering the man used to threaten to shift the magnetism of the entire planet, he should've had no trouble, old and repowered in a funky way or not.

I have way too much love for the Daz panel. Seriously, Diva's one panel appearance is just powerful woman love. Also, I kind of like the gay icon is next to the campy image of Wolverine which is done by Land and is recycled so often it's ridiculous. Oh and I should mention in case anyone is wondering about what happened to my following the cameo queens, especially in those four posts following their appearances. After Utopia, there were way too many appearances of the cameo queens as background filler and I have nowhere near the time to follow all of that nowadays. So cameo queens posts won't be updated anymore, but they'll still get attention as they appear in the comics I read.

Storm came into the fight late and was addressing the Predator when she entered. It sort of reminded me of her animated appearance with her weather haikus. We had creative use of Rogue time, which was admittedly cool, but felt forced as if Fraction is desperately looking for someone to think he's badass.

In the end, the Phoenix left the Cuckoos which led to Cyclops telling Emma she needs the Void thing taken care of. I'm thrilled because that dumbass diamond move has affected her appearances everywhere, so it's still not her anywhere but Astonishing. Seriously, this has been since the beginning of Utopia. WTF. Anyway, I'm glad the Phoenix left the Cuckoos since that was a big damage of Phoenix Warsong. Hope they don't get portrayed as normal now that they don't have their "diamond hearts". Good news though is that Phoenix activity means one thing which I dread Fraction's hand being on the project of: Jean's coming back! But I remember what she once said:

I invite it to come burn away what doesn't work then.

Gotham City Sirens #6
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Guillem March
I adore the cover of this issue. Because I adore Ivy, of course. Sadly, this issue disappointed more than the last. It's depressing that a series the promotes three villainess' antics ends up rotating around men who have barely anything to do with the title. Seriously, it's the most sexist shit I've ever seen. When this book gets cancelled, which I'm sorry to say but it probably will, I would just like everyone to know why. I buy the book for Ivy and Harley. I expect their character's to be delved into. Not this 2-dimensional treatment their getting now. Don't argue that they aren't dynamic characters--I've got a massive folder of scans to prove otherwise. In the end, this is simply depressing. I was so thrilled to hear about this book when it was introduced too.

New Mutants #7
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves
I have to say I regret missing and promoting the action of New Mutants #6. Turns out I missed Amara getting stabbed/shot/wounded. And Warlock being beheaded. This issue's pretty interesting as it delves into Cypher's problems with being controlled and his trying to fight it. It's intense except for that fucking stupid question he asks when he's trying to figure himself out: "What language am I?!?!" Fucking cheesy. But Wells is definitely taking this Necrosha, dead mutant deal seriously as we see Jetstream get cut in half this issue. Yay for upping the action of this series. Anyway, I don't have much else to say on this issue but buy it and that I love this line that Magik and Colossus share:

Tracking the Cameo Queens: Psylocke; Real Name Betsy Braddock

This is probably the last of the official cameo queens considering everyone else following is probably debatable. For this post we have the sometimes British, sometimes Asian siren Psylocke aka Betsy Braddock.

Who, like Dazzler, is also a Cover Queen:


She also gets the distinction of being one of the heroes on the Marvel 70th anniversary frame.

Uncanny X-Men #504
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: None.
She simply appears in a flashback. Wouldn’t count it if it weren’t Fraction. She also graces the cover twice, one as Brit Betsy and the other as Asian Betsy.

Uncanny X-Men #508
# of panels: 10, I count both bodies.
# of lines: 3
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: None
Psylocke plus her British body make an appearance as Betsy’s consciousness is placed in her revitalized old body and she’s all like WTF?
Ok, not really, but WTF sums it up better.

Uncanny X-Men #509
# of panels: 9 counting both bodies.
# of lines: 1
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: None.
Betsy just shows up to have her story explained and then get put under the mental command of the Red Queen. All in a day’s work for a cameo queen. She also gets the cover with both her bodies again just like in #504. Truly an attention whore.

Uncanny X-Men #510
# of panels: 11
# of lines: 5
# of times she uses her powers: 4
Craption: None.
Possessed Psylocke shows up to fight Wolverine, one of her old teammates. So repetitive it could be an episode of Charmed.

Uncanny X-Men #511
# of panels: 32
# of lines: 22
# of times she uses her powers: 4
Craption: Telekinetic psychic. Ninja. Back home. At last.
Betsy fights the X-Men for the Sisterhood. Dazzler fries her original body’s face off, so Psylocke offs herself to get back to the Asian one. She fights the possession is a very unoriginal, Ms. Marvel vs. Rogue way. Then she’s all better and in her Asian body. Joins the team.

Uncanny X-Men #512
# of panels: 24
# of lines: 7
# of times she uses her powers: 2
Craption: Psychic ninja. Recent addition. Out of sorts.
Psylocke’s function here is to be pretty and fight off the people attacking the X-Science Club.

Uncanny X-Men #513
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: None
This issue we only get a panel of her in the background facing her and one behind her while standing next to Dazzler. Clearly, she’s taking lessons from Diva. And in true learning from the Diva she gets a FABULOUS Bianchi variant cover.

Uncanny X-Men #514
# of panels: 8
# of lines: 8
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: Telepathic, telekinetic ninja. Long story.
This issue Betsy definitely got the most love out of the four official cameo queens. She's got lines, she is essentially leader of an operation to go underwater. It was difficult to tell if she was saying all the lines that had no obvious person linked to them, but from what I could tell it was her. She even got a craption, something none of the other queens managed to get.

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Craption: None
Psylocke’s face is barely seen in the one panel she does appear in which is when the X-Men are gathered around the TV.

X-Men Legacy #226
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 1
# of times she uses her powers: 0
Betsy appears for a line and then runs off with Kurt. She’s just too good for panel time.

Dark Avengers #8
# of panels: 5
# of lines: 3
# of times she uses her powers: 1, uses her telepathy for an underwater conversation.
Psylocke keeps her cameoing strong as she probably once again has the most valuable page time out of all the cameo queens.

Tracking the Cameo Queens: Northstar; Real Name: Jean-Paul Beaubier

For this post we follow the X-Men's resident me, an arrogant French gay man, Northstar aka Jean-Paul Beaubier.

Uncanny X-Men #508
# of panels: 12
# of lines: 15
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Superhuman speed, flight, and endurance. CEO and brand visionary, Team Northstar Extreme Snowsports.
Probably the appearance with the most quality, this marks Northstar rejoining the X-Men. Here Northstar introduces us to an actual boyfriend. Y’know? Not like Austen degrading him by making him pathetically lusting after hetero/closeted Iceman. That’s a mistake a gay man makes when he’s first coming out, not now. He’s cocky, sassy, and absolutely fabulous. He also essentially called out Austen from the beyond by saying he doesn’t want to be the X-Men’s gay mascot which is how Austen used him. And he mentions poutine much to my delight. I’ve only had one so far this year and I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good or bad thing.

Uncanny X-Men #509
# of panels: 15
# of lines: 26
# of times using his powers: 2
Craption: Fastest and Newest X-Man
Northstar in this issue gets caught up in a pointless interview and it’s absolutely mundane. Then later on he goes out and parties with the Queen of the Cameo Queens, Dazzler. And Pixie. Who he claims is legal to drink in Canada which must mean she fed him some bullshit or writers aged her due to Land’s purifying because Canada is 19 and Quebec is 18. I come from Northern Maine, Canadian drinking ages is required knowledge. He also nudges Scott about his problems with Emma before the Sisterhood attacks. The best part of this issue is the image below. Seriously, if there’s anything I’ve learned from Sailor Moon, Dazzler, and Angewomon when she shot her Celestial Arrow is everyone hit the deck when you see the Diva Finger.

Uncanny X-Men #510
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times using his powers: 0
Craption: None
Following in the footsteps of his Cameo Master hag, Diva Daz, Northstar makes an obscure appearance of pure Cameotic Artistery.

Uncanny X-Men #511
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 2
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Speed. Flight. Light Manipulation. Doesn’t know any better.
Northstar’s only line is sort of a blatantly cutting through the BS of Wolvie and Cyclops’ mangst. Which Fraction labels as “Doesn’t know any better.” More like doesn’t give a fuck. That and he gets one more word “No.” He’s become a quick study in Daz’s Diva School of Cameo Queening.

Uncanny X-Men #514
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 1
# of times using his powers: 0
Craption: None
This issue, Northstar attempts to mimic his hag master with the cameo crotch, but fails. He quickly recovers with a pose on the motorcycle that just BEGS for Land. Later on, he, like Diva, gets a flat one line, but he manages to not even be seen saying it.

Secret Invasion X-Men #2
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 1/2
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: In Northstar’s Post-500 debut we find him and his sister on one page using their powers. Our cameo queen doesn’t even get a full line because he’s sharing it with his sister. Maybe he was rendered speechless by the presence of his man crush, the perpetually closeted Iceman. Oh and he has an appearance in an X-Men Briefing.

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 1
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Strong. Fast. Canadian.
Northstar’s presence in this issue is showing up for the protest, but then when the riot comes he flees the scene as the closeted hicktarded men try to get on top of him. And good for him! Good fucking heavens they’re a headache, especially post-afterglow. Then he appears while Ares threatens the gays. With leather daddy attacking action. He also gets a cover appearance this issue!

X-Men Legacy #227
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
Appearing alongside his hag, Jean Paul makes a brief one panel appearance.

Dark Avengers #8
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
He shows up with all the other X-Men in the group gathering in the church.

Tracking the Cameo Queens: Dazzler; Real Name: Alison Blaire

The character of this post is the Quintessential Cameo Queen. She makes Cameo Queening an art form. She is also a frequent Cover Queen. She is the gay icon of the X-Men, Dazzler aka Alison Blaire. And I also happen to love referring to her as Diva.

Cover Gallery:

And now for the appearances:

Uncanny X-Men #502
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 13
# of times using her powers: Her glow is present during all of her appearance.
Craption: Sonic transducer. Totally fabulous.
Dazzler shows up to Pixie’s bedside after Pixie gets attacked at one of her concerts. She appears really ditsy and tells Pixie that when she’s healed up she can come dance in one of Daz’s shows.

Uncanny X-Men #503
# of panels: 2, but one’s just a tiny silhouette.
# of lines: She just sings.
# of times using her powers: 1, for lights affects in her show.
Craption: Sonic light transducer. Great abs.
Dazzler shows up for one page with her song carrying in the background for the rest of the issue. And I just have to add she’s wearing something god awful. I do not understand her going to pop whatsoever.

Uncanny X-Men #504
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
Craption: None
Normally I wouldn’t count this, but since cameo queens is based from Fraction’s Uncanny I will. Dazzler only appears in one panel showing Scott’s mindscape hotel filled with every woman he’s checked out. And Dazzler’s girls are enormous.

Uncanny X-Men #505
She just appears on the cover.

Uncanny X-Men #506
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 2
Craption: None
Dazzler only appears watching TV, then running out to help the Russian refugees. Then she is later shown to be creating a light show for one of the girls in the med area. Which is totally cheesy. But that’s what you get when you hire Dodson.

Uncanny X-Men #509
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 8
# of times using her powers: 3
Craption: None
Dazzler this time is shown giving a concert looking absolutely cheesy, this time compliments of Land. Later she is shown with fellow cameo queen, Northstar, and Pixie coming back from a night on the town. And assumably a bit inebriated. Her only real lines are saying that if Emma and Scott can’t make it, then there’s no hope for the rest of them. Which is a BS line like no other. Then she’s shown on her feet, ready to fight the Sisterhood.

Uncanny X-Men #510
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
Craption: None
Dazzler this issue is simply shown in one panel recovering from the Mastermind attack. And being poorly comforted by Emma.

Uncanny X-Men #511
# of panels: 14
# of lines: 28
# of times using her powers: 2
Craption: Transforms sound into light. Seven top-forty hits. Really wants to direct.
Shown running to catch the Sisterhood. Then shown in the exact same position as Emma and Karma as they confront the Sisterhood. She then confronts Psylocke while everyone else is gone and possessed Bets isn’t having it so she strikes her with her psy-knife. The much talked about totally awesome Dazzler scene happens as Dazzler zaps Psylocke with a blast that fries off half of Psylocke’s face. Psylocke then regains control enough to off herself and Dazzler goes to her side trying to wake her up. In the end, Dazzler is shown helping Psylocke up as she transferred to her Asian body and is now fine. And they have a BFF shot. The end.

Uncanny X-Men #513
# of panels: 2, but one is just her back.
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
Craption: None.
Dazzler is simply shown in the background as the X-Men watch Emma Frost publicly come out against the X-men. All the while, D-List Dazzler, Dagger, gets page time. Rest assured, Diva will see to it that her knockoff pays.

Uncanny X-Men #514
# of panels: 7
# of lines: 1
# of times using her powers: 1, it's just her glow.
Craption: None.
Diva ups the standards for Cameo art with the debut of Cameo crotch! Daz also ups the one line standards as when she utters her one, personality-less line she manages to get the ANTM wind in the air. This lady is the cameo queen to watch out for.

Secret Invasion: X-Men #3
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
Dazzler is again used as background filler.
But she also makes the cover. She’s a true cameo queen.

X-Men: Manifest Destiny #5
# of panels: 26
# of lines: She gets a third of the issue to herself. Not counting it.
# of times using her powers: 3 along with her glow.
This is a nice story about how Dazzler set on hard times on London so she set off to san Fransisco. She confronts an unruly passengers who is also a singer. He commands her to sing a song by taking someone hostage, so she complies and he ends up singing with her which gives her the power to laser his face. But not like face-frying Psylocke laser. In the end she’s offered a gig with a nightclub. This is meant to bridge the gap between what she’s been up to since we last saw her and her first appearance in Uncanny. Probably more speaking lines here than all her other parts combined. Also, she got this cover.

X-Men: Worlds Apart #4
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
Dazzler’s appearance this issue is a one-panel scene stealer that even overshadows the mini-series’ lead character, Storm. She just lies there unconscious. Brilliant use of character!

X-Infernus #4
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 1
Dazzler is background filler in the Danger Room ending scene. True cameo queening.

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 2
Making cameo queening an art, Ms. Diva extraordinaire makes three separate panel appearances this issue with no lines, but all eyes on her. First she appears at the protest with her gays. Then she watches the news with the X-Men with Colossus putting his arms on her shoulder. Sexual tension indeed! Lastly, Dazzler stands with her gays as leather daddy, Ares, threatens them. All the while Cyclops mentions that the scary part is that one day Ares will have to be taken down. I can think of no better opponent than Dazzler, cameo queen, with the power to generate light or zap you into a Marvel Zombie. This time around Diva did not make the cover because she stepped aside to let fellow cameo queens Northstar and Psylocke have a taste of cover space.

X-Men Legacy #226
# of panels: 1?
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 0
My site says that Dazzler appeared here, but I can’t spot her anywhere. It’s possible some idiots got her confused with Ariel. Who’s more like a drag impersonator trying to Dazzler. Utopia is truly the gayest crossover ever and I love every minute that it’s being homo.

X-Men Legacy #227
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 0
# of times using her powers: 1, it's just her glow.
The Mistress of Momentary Manifestations only showed for quick cameo this issue.

Dark Avengers #8
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 1
# of times using her powers: 0
Diva magic as Dazzler comes in for her monthly line.

Also, she appears in Dark X-Men Exodus with Dark Beast trying to cover up the Diva within. Not to worry, children, Diva will show him what it takes to be an icon. She may even add in a “Why can’t you give me the respect that I‘m entitled to!?!” a la Mommie Dearest.