The List #48

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #4
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
This issue is basically about clarifying what the situation is and exactly how serious. What's the situation? This:

So the X-Men have found themselves in a pickle as to a plan of action, which is especially bad as the situation is dire. The Furies basically beat up Wolverine into an eviscerated swiss cheese, and they didn 't even feel it when Storm used a lethal level lightning bolt on them. Wolverine just barely kills one by ripping out its spine. And what's worse is if they manage to win, there will just be an even larger army of Furies sent in to come take care of the mysterious man (who's basically a living 'Ghost Box' so he can cross over to alternate dimensions).

And just to illustrate how bad this is, here's the image Emma found when she read the man's mind: A superhero mass grave!

.....They're actually just shipping them off to go be extras in the next Marvel Zombies installment.

And that's pretty much all that happened this issue, sorry about the briefness, but the issue is fairly action-y so it leaves not a lot to be said.

Conclusion: As I've said before: Despite it's horrible schedule, Astonishing is still one of the better X-Books around, especially this mini-series. This issue sees the arc go take a much more serious turn, and departing from the humor of the previous issue while still maintaining the same electric energy.

Chaos War: X-Men #1
Writers: Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson
Artist: Doug Braithwaite
When this 2-issue side story was announced, I was kind of excited. The idea of the interesting Cuckoos working together with other long deceased (besides Necrosha) X-Characters seemed like a great idea......and then I found out Claremont was on board. The thing with Claremont is I feel like his creativity is gone, it wasn't Y2K compatible and it died, so now we've got the worst of Claremont's gimmicks running around and ruining anything they touch. With that news, I was seriously considering skipping out on this limited series.

In the end, for whatever reason, I didn't and I can definitely say I'm glad for that. While this issue certainly carries some [classic Claremont-isms], they don't get in the way of the story which I actually found to be pretty exciting. This could just be a product of him co-writing with Louise Simonson, or random spark of talent resurrecting itself, but in the end it all still feels fresh and fun.

Basically the story is of a random team of deceased X-Men (Thunderbird, Banshee, Moira MacTaggert, Sophie and Esme Cuckoo, and three Multiple Man dupes who are each from a different era) being resurrected at the place of their graves (the ruins of the X-Mansion), and trying to figure out the source of their resurrection while trying to escape the terror of the Carrion Crow who's hunting them. While a team of extremely minor characters may seem to be a formula for boredom and apathy, it's instead an exciting chance to get away from the A-List character for a team of refreshingly unique characters.

On a side note, for some reason the fact that Esme is the rebellious Cuckoo translated to make her speak Chris Claremont Colloquial (meaning Jubilee). Which is weird because, despite Esme’s rebellious side, she still for most part sounded just as formal as her sisters while she was defecting from the X-Men. [See it here]

Conclusion: This issue is a surprisingly fun story with a much-needed escape from the parading of A-List characters, so do consider picking this one up.

New Mutants #20
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artists: Leonard Kirk w/Andrew Currie
Before I begin, I just need to express how pleasantly surprised I am by how much this arc has improved. It began as yet another pointless Limbo arc that made me begin to lose faith in NM, and it somehow became this intense, addicting arc that is probably one of the best so far.

Within Limbo, there's a lot of unrest among the demons as they come to the military base looking for the bloodstones/amulet/things. In response, one of the Infernos is given the bloodstones and begins fighting the hordes of demons.

Some manage to get by her and break into the building, Dani's room of torture to be specific, where Dani is waiting for them with a broken arm. And....she kicks their f@#%ing asses. Yeah, she's pretty badass, and it doesn't stop there. You remember the woman who got a kick out of her being tortured? She also comes in to check on the situation, and in the most badass, satisfying moment this issue, Dani kills that bitch. In short, one of the purposes of this issue is to remind you that Danielle Moonstar is a badass and don't you ever forget it.

Meanwhile, the X-Men rally together to go rescue the New Mutants, with Illyana and Xi'an going off to the side to discuss what's really going on. Illyana reveals that this isn't actually a rescue mission, and stabs Karma with her soul sword. From there, she brings the X-Men to the portal the military had used to enter Limbo, much to their confusion, and just as they get there the portal bursts open with demons.

While this is going on, Karma enters Legion's mind with the soul sword (because some things can't just simply be given), and in the second most satisfying moment, we find out her mission as she performs it: To break out the real Legion personality. This is a beautiful thing for a number of reasons, but the most important reason being this: Considering how lately reformed personalties have also been watered down to have none of their previous flair and now being bland ghosts of their previous selves, it's nice to see that some people are still truly villainous assholes. It's refreshing really.

Conclusion: This arc just keeps getting better and better as it nears the conclusion of Wells' run on NM.

Now onto the poll results:
I have to say I found it interesting that Domino and Magik dominated this poll, and by how much considering I've never really known them to be popular characters (which could just be a thing of who I talk to). I also found it surprsing how nearly equally chosen the other options were, with each of them either getting 4 or 5 votes.

Also surprising to me is that Magneto didn't rate higher, considering how he'd be a fitting addition to a bunch of sometimes-evil, somewhat-crazy characters. Obviously he was my pick in this thing, and yeah, I have to say the poll results this time around were hard to predict.

The List #45 Part 2

Batwoman #0
Writer: J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman
Artist: J.H. Williams III and Amy Reeder
Finally we have the return of Batwoman after months of salivating for the release of her solo book. Unfortunately, this is more of a taste before the official run, but as far as I'm concerned any Batwoman done by Williams or Rucka is a good one.

The issue focuses on Bruce Wayne following Kate around, trying to confirm his suspicions that she is indeed Batwoman. He also dons a number of ridiculous disguises during the process which are worth a smirk. Eventually, he concludes she's good, but not amazing and that's basically the plot of the issue.

The stunning art of J.H. Williams III returns with this issue and oh dear me, it is to die for. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud considering her devoted fanbase, but I feel like my interest in Batwoman loses some of its intensity without Williams on board. But I mean, just look at the image to the right--> It's gorgeous in ways that are rarely seen in comic books (so far as my current knowledge of comics is aware), so I mean it's hard to not be disappointed by anyone else. Which, speaking of, I was with Amy Reeder the artist for the Kate sequences. It's not that her art was anything negative, I would probably have liked it just fine on its own, but it's simply that in comparison to Williams her art just does not do anything for me. I just think using another artist similar to Williams' style would have worked out better.

Conclusion: This is an issue where not much happened, so in terms of plot I would advise against waiting until Batwoman #1 out some time in 2011. However, if you're a devoted Batwoman or Williams fan, do pick this one up.

New Mutants #19
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Things are dark this issue. Like pitch black. It certainly shocked me to see New Mutants, a book that's sort of X-Force-lite, all of a sudden start having some uncomfortable torture scenes. Let's break this shit down, shall we?

For some reason, Dani is singled out as the zesty powerless mutant, and is tortured throughout the issue while Cannonball is made to listen so that his jailer can feed off his anguish. Somehow, being made of pure hardcore, Dani manages to get it together enough to tell Sam to stop feeding the anguish woman, and even tries to distract him by telling him that he's an excellent kisser. All this while she's still being tortured. The woman's a tough bitch, and I salute her.

Pixie's also tortured, but that's really just giving the reader of Uncanny what they've been asking for. Illyana is placed with Sunspot, whose got a mini evil mutant running around in his body, after she's done being tortured, and they have a fairly depressing conversation:

Illyana also lets Sunspot know that Amara does not love him like he does her. So yeah, this is pretty intense considering I wouldn't put it past Wells to actually kill Amara off. I mean, she may be one of, if not THE, most powerful member of the team, but character-wise she's just functions as pretty wallpaper for the most part.

Meanwhile Cypher's still under the control of the mutant who manipulates with words, and Dani and him discuss this -->

Oh yes, Cypher, you are a mighty cliche at this point just not in the way you're thinking, you sad attempt at a dark and emotionless badass.

Concerning Karma, she's pretending to be unconscious most of the issue and attempting to connect to the isolated Inferno mutant whose head is a big laser. Not only is it sad because she's connecting with someone who's painfully isolated and finally getting to express his angst over this, but Karma's also tortured while this is happening as the other mutants try to take her robot leg by cutting above the metal. Into the flesh. Fun. The beam-headed eventually helps her and Illyana tells her she needs to escape alone. In the end, Magik reveals that Karma is the only one important to save for her mission.

Conclusion: This issue's pretty amazing for its tension as it kept me hooked the entire way through. While I still have a dislike for this arc, I do have to say this was a great issue.

Uncanny X-Force #2
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena
This issue opens with a Danger room session that involves Wolverine, Fantomex, Deadpool, and Psylocke dealing with the possible scenario of Archangel turning against them that ends in Betsy taking out Warren. Obviously, when Warren walks in on this he finds this all a bit surprising and shaky for his relationship. And that's not all that's threatening his and Betsy's relationship--->

But what about your dearly beloved Cyclops, Logan? Anyway, this issue gives spotlight to Betsy as we the readers are privvy to her thoughts. Her place on the team and her reasons for joining are examined while she attempts to comfort Warren over the training sessionand are disappointingly what I expected: She's there for Warren. So thrilling that she has her own story. Luckily she's at least still the badass Betsy we all know and love:

Meanwhile with the Apocalypse situation, it seems that the old lady is solely there for young Apocalypse's education and not actually a member of the Horsemen as we end up meeting a number of Apocalypse worshippers this issue that better qualify for the position. Where do we meet them? The moon!

Yes, X-Force goes to the blue part of the moon where Apocalypse is located only to be ambushed by War who damages EVA by blowing a hole in her with his axe. Naturally, this is terrible and is worsened three times as Fantomex feels the pain due to his connection to EVA and Psylocke, being a telepath, also suffers the blow.

In a fight scene that's as bleak as this month's New Mutants, X-Force gets its ass kicked by Apocalypse's followers which include the previously seen War giant, the drummer guy whose likely Famine, a geisha who vomits cockroachers, and Vanisher's ugly brother who rides a flying carpet. Post-defeat, young Apocalypse emerges from his headquarters to go out to take care of X-Force.

Conclusion: Great issue, amazing art job by Jerome Opena yet again, and amazingly well-done fight scene. Definitely pick this one up.

The List #43

New Mutants #18
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
The plot thickens this issue as we discover that the Limbo mutant team of superpricks are actually the Inferno babies that the government took over care for. Well, it would seem they've done a fabulous job of raising them as now they're all kinda gross and messed up. Definitely points go to Wells for a nice use of New Mutants continuity that makes it so that knowledge of NM history heightens the drama of the story, but isn't essential to enjoy it.

This issue is basically a fight scene with New Mutants vs. the Inferno babies, and proving, like I've said before, that the New Mutants are a poor team power-wise. All of them get their asses handed to them, even Magma whose likely the group's most powerful member. The unfortunate thing is that these other mutants have odds and ends powers like our heroes (the power of language, invulnerable jet blasts), but theirs are definitely a step above. Except one problem:

Not quite as sexy indeed.

Yeah, these mutants, while actually modified by the gov to be this way, definitely look more like the part of 'mutants' than the NM. Notable brawls this issue included Dani's fight with the sadistic nut who insisted on really giving shit to Dani due to her powerless status. The climax of this is while holding Dani's arm behind her back the evil bitch ends up snapping something. On the other end of the spectrum, Cypher proved to be completely useless as he attempts to stop the battle by talking it out. He then easily gets overtaken by the Inferno mutant who can speak backwards to manipulate people. I'm so not excited for inevitable 'I used the powers of language to turn it back on her!' scene with obligatory 'badass' undertones. Why did Cypher have to resurrected, WHY?

Conclusion: This issue is a decent one in an overall mediocre arc. That's pretty much it.

X-Factor #210
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro
If you hate Rahne, you'll really hate her this issue. She spends most of the issue picking at Rictor for his relationship with Shatterstar despite being the intruding bitch who's lying about her pregnancy. Also, her and Rictor are sort of together this issue, holding hands and whatnot, and it's just really disgusting how she's completely ok with stomping all over Rictor's relationship with Shatterstar and even going so far as to expect Rictor to be with her on ignoring it. One scene in particular is where she comments on how she never sees Rictor laugh, and then needles him by saying:

Um yeah, bitch and, as the unwanted baby mama, who the fuck are you to be jealous?

Meanwhile this issue Monet shares the spotlight with Rahtor by having a case with a woman who claims to need help erasing her PTSD from having been in Iraq. Despite her instincts saying 'Bitch, something's up', Monet agrees to do it and at the end of the issue it turns out she unlocked this woman's guiltlessness so she can kill as the unheard of villain Ballistique. Too bad I've already seen this episode play out in the Charmed episode 'Primrose Empath'. Sorry Monet, someday you'll do something actually interesting.

Back to the baby mama drama, Rahtor pay a visit to Dr. Castillo who you may remember from the first arc of X-Factor (so very long agoooo) who specializes in superhero anything it seems. While attempting to perform an ultrasound it turns out Rahne's stomach is impenetrable which Dr. Castillo determines to be a mystical block. Uh-oh, shit comes out then, and Rictor turns to Rahne asking her what's up as the issue ends. Yup. That Rahne's a bitchmonster.

Literally.

Conclusion: Pretty good issue, kind of low key, but definitely within the same sort of quality that we've been seeing lately. I'd definitely recommend everyone get in on this melodrama.

The List #39

Morning Glories #2
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artist: Joe Eisma
Considering how quickly the first two issues keep selling out and my eternal reverence for Nick Spencer after Forgetless, I feel pressured to like this book more than I actually do. Don't get me wrong, it's a good book, but so far I don't see what makes it so amazing.

I'm also not sure how to take this book. I assumed it would start out with introductions to the characters as the string of weird, ominous occurences weaved themselves into the story. Instead, the school has been obnoxiously upfront about how they're up to something. This issue we've got Casey's parents killed because they wouldn't cooperate with the school, attempted stabbing, cults, and near-drowning of the students just so Casey would answer a pop quiz question. While I see why Spencer would avoid the traditional, build-it-up route, I feel like the story suffers because of it.

These life-or-death, tense situations these characters have been through already don't affect me as much as the should because I don't really care about any of these characters yet. I also have to reiterate that Spencer's comparison of this series to Runaways makes me think that this series' is also having a rough start just to get the basics out of the way before smooth storytelling can happen. In the end, I'm not sure how to feel about this series besides it's good, I'm just not sure where it's going.

New Mutants #17
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
So far I'm really not feeling this Magik-centered arc. First off, I'm really sick of this ongoing story of restoring Magik to her former self as well as visit Limbo every two minutes for barely minimal development just so that no one can deem the entire mini-series/arc completely useless. This has lasted way too long, and really just needs to go away now. Magik's not cool or interesting enough to hold up so many arcs/mini-series and this is made even worse by the fact that it's not even Magik, it's 'Darkchylde'. A summarized version of my response to this drawn out Magik story is perfectly encapsulated in [this].

On the other hand, [this] conversation found in the previews is classic prelude to a drunken makeout. Seriously, I've had this conversation, everyone I know has had that conversation, and I even saw it happen this weekend. Oh the joys of watching people trying to come up with an excuse to kiss each other. Anyway, Wells did this part....well (heh) but in the end I have to say this current arc should be avoided.

Thunderbolts #148
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Declan Shalvey
My thoughts on Thunderbolts are a bit funny. When I think of it after not reading it for awhile I tend to regard it as mediocre, but as soon as I read another issue I remember that it's actually a good book. I think the problem is that this book doesn't really wow me at any point, it's just this continuous serving of good with no real variation.

This issue there's a new artist on board who's an improvement over Kev Walker, but still similar enough so that the change isn't jarring. The scene with the Thunderbolts dealing with the normal prisoners was definitely one of interest, but besides that it was sort of a standard issue. I'd say if you have some pocket change to spare, pick this book up, but otherwise, this book is pretty forgettable.



X-Factor #209
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
This series is the only one this week that really got me excited to know more as well as gave me something comment on (for better or for worse).

The Rahne/Rictor drama, despite my loathing of Rahne, is really what is keeping this book exciting as it was moved along minimally this time around so that the reverbations of what's going on can be fully felt. This issue, Jamie went up to see Rahne and it was revealed that he knows about her involvement with X-Force. There was also a questioning moment where everyone wondered if one of Jamie's dupes got Rahne pregnant. Even though I wish Rahne dead, her presence brings back a familiarity of the X-Factor book when it was really fun and remarkable.

The events of the Hela story are less than interesting, but we did finally see Longshot do something this issue and he was even somewhat likable then. The two most notable things this issue are notable for two completely differents reasons and they are:

[This] comment made by Guido is the last straw with me. Previously, I've thought of Guido as a somewhat likable, but ultimately superfluous character that David keeps around because Guido's someone developed specifically under his hand. Now I'm just so sick of Strong Guy's what seems to be feigned 'tolerance' ('tolerant' attitudes already being an issue with me) as he makes these homophobic comments. Especially since I've heard all these comments before, they're intended to seem like 'jokes' so that partially serious feelings can be vented and no one can call them out on it as it's supposed to be a 'joke'. No, seriously, this bro-y version of homophobia needs to stop because it wasn't funny the first few times, but now this latest comment really takes the shitcake. I am not amused.

On a lighter note, Shatterstar's need to fight everyone he sees this issue seems to be evidence that he's bothered by Rictor's baby daddy issues. Which is good considering my previous thoughts on how he didn't seem committed to the relationship. In the end, I want to see these two together, and so I find this a positive development as the main concern I had for 'Star's wanting to fuck around was that he wasn't as invested in the relationship as Rictor was.

Conclusion: X-Factor really is much-improved to the point where I'd say it's back to the quality it was at around the 'Isolationist' arc which is something we haven't seen in awhile. While it is indeed a bit overdramatic with the soap opera of Ric/Rahne, it's still an addicting storyline. Definitely pick up X-Factor as it is the best book released this week.

The List #34

New Mutants #15
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Sorry about the delay, things have been insane lately so the news and last week's X-Factor will get added o
not this week's post because I think there's like one new thing coming out for my pull list. Anyway, let the reviewing begin.

In my mind this issue is titled "The Drunk Issue" considering that's what most of it centers around. What happens is Cannonball approaches Cyclops and whines that he "broke the team" and no longer deserves to be leader. Cyclops, not to be outdone in the angst dept., tells Sam that he doesn't have time for this angsty shit when he could be devoting time to his own, and orders Sam to take the team out for some R+R.

So they do and Sam decides to make it extra special because they R+R:

Of course you bring beer, Sam.
Gross. I think me and Illyana are going to go sneak out to the local Hannaford for some vodka.

So the team drinks and they slowly start going over what happened during SC. Then they start swapping funny stories with Dani recounting what happened during the battle with Hodgo. Don't think it was that funny of an issue? Me neither. Seriously, not to say that you don't obnoxiously point to the elephant in the room when drunk, but if you're going to tell funny stories at least tell stories that are actually funny. Like Wells, you couldn't make something up?

Another point I don't believe is that this is the second time where Karma and Hellion have been portrayed as indifferent to their losing their body parts. I mean I don't want them angsting up the panels until the series ends, but seriously, at least have a couple issues with them dealing with their feelings over it. I'm not sold on them being ok with it, but I suppose minor characters are expected to dela with whatever blows their given and get over it. Something this issue I was totally sold on was this:

Ohhhh drunken makeout sessions. Brings back memories of last semester. Anyway, that much was convincing although I wish Wells had gone further to the one-night stand that would've resulted had they not been interrupted. Not because I'm a Dani/Sam shipper, but because I'm always in for awkward drunk one-night stands as long as they're not my own. Anyway, you'll notice we don't see much of Warlock this issue because....

He can't hold his beer.

Nah, apparently he's purging because he's got eater's remorse. We're planning on a very special True Life for him very soon actually. Actually he's bummed out over taking human life and releasing the energy he gained from eating the people. Most of the issue he's not seen because he's out moping over it.

The rest of the issue has to do with the ongoing Magik/Pixie tensions. They only get worse as the demon-y army guys from issue #9 appear this issue and are out for Illyana's blood since they spent 20 years in Limbo and half of them are part-demon now because of having to try and survive there. In their search for Illyana they end up finding Pixie and beating her ass for her soul dagger. And this makes for yet another reason to add to Pixie's list of why Illyana Rasputin is a bitch.

And besides Illyana being alerted to the danger nearby by having her soulsword come out of her and also cockblock Sam and Dani, that's the issue. Conclusion: Despite it's glaring flaws, this issue was pretty decent and I'm just thrilled to see New Mutants finally out of crossover hell.

New Avengers #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is basically a game of "Who's got the Eye of Agamotto?" with everyone trying to keep it away from the possessed Luke Cage. Except the demon possessing Luke Cage is willing to play dirty to get the Eye:

Ohhhh gurl. Evil means business when it resorts to pulling on your hair.

This issue Jessica Jones dropped her typical mother role....to pick up the typical wife role. There were a couple moments where she was cool, but for the most part she was portrayed as the idiot wife who doesn't understand what possession means.

In the end, everyone's un-possessed while Iron Fist ,who's got the Eye, is possessed, and the Sorcerer guys including Dr. Voodoo reunite to say the world is fucked. Conclusion: This issue was ok, nothing was really bad about it but there was also nothing particularly great about it either.

Thunderbolts #146
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
So last week we ended with the introduction of this new girl named Troll with me already rolling my eyes in annoyance to yet another "child-raised-in-the-wild!" story because I hate those stories. Seriously, when Claremont tried going that route with X-23 with the fangs and the growling I was like, "Diva you did not!" Luckily this issue they just knock her out and throw her story on the backburner which is whatev. Also, Songbird had like two panels this issue, so that was a plus.

The main mission this issue is the team going to find out what happened to the SHIELD team sent to investigate and verify if there were a new vein of terrigen crystals in some cave. Results: The SHIELD team's dead and there's definitely terrigen crystals in the cave. So much so that it reminds me of Aladdin with the room that was filled with gold in the Cave of Wonders. Also, there's a ton of misshapen creatures lurking about trying to kill the team.

In other news, this whole fake "reformed Moonstone" act has gone from decent to stinks like shit.

Seriously, Parker, how dumb do you think she is?

WTF, I'm pretty sure Ellis built her up differently and he's the reason I and I'm sure a lot of people started paying attention to this series. Basically, he had her be sex-positive, manipulative, and had her be a rough girl masquerading as classy even though we knew better. From there Bendis' Dark Reign had her be sleep with everyone and had her called a slut for it, kind of trashy, and still manipulative but all the other team members were too so her game plan just got lost in all that (especially with fucking Daken since we're all supposed to believe he matters or something). Parker so far as made her all-out trashy, no sleeping around but she's hinted to it, but his worst sin is he thinks that she's stupid. This is probably because people automatically assume women who are unashamed of their sexuality are "sluts" and must be stupid to not be ashamed. ...She has an MD in Psych, how stupid can she be when it comes to manipulation? Especially when she's been doing it for quite awhile. Anyway, I don't buy Moonstone would try to shove her "reformed" crap in everyone's faces like that because she's a manipulator; she knows that doesn't work like that.

Back to the story, the rest of the issue consists of another extended fight scene which is, once again, a good thing because I'm all in for a good team battle. Especially since it seems half the X-Books fail to understand what a decent team fight scene looks like. The issue ends with Man-Thing, Crossbones, and Mach-IV or V or VIIX as the only Thunderbolts left standing against the creatures. Conclusion: This issue would be between good and ok which seems to be a "thing" for Parker as I remember feeling the same about most of his Exiles run.

The List #31 Part 1

Joker’s Asylum II: Harley Quinn #1
Writer: James Patrick
Artist: Joe Quinones
Here's the basic idea of the story: Harley breaks out of Arkham because it's Valentine's Day and she needs her puddin'. When she arrives at Joker's hideout, it turns out he's been taken by Falcone. From there it's her running from place to place to find Joker, and in the end it turns out Batman caught up to him and put him in Arkham. He says if Harley goes with him back to Arkham she can have dinner with him, so she happily accepts.

This appearance is yet another batch of Harley "cute-isms" without any of the clever quality that came with her animated appearances. What's worse is yet again we're lead to believe that the only reason is Harley's a nut is Joker and past that she's fine. Not only does this go against previously established flashbacks (or at least seems to me), but it holds no appeal. The thing about Harley Quinn is she's this bouncy blonde girl who looks and acts innocent and cheerful, but the violent acts she commits tell us that she's not. It's simply an act, and I like it better when it's just an act because I don't care about some victim of The Joker who runs around being cute all the time when he's not involved. Anyway, at the very least this issue we get to see Harley get her violence on in the name of finding Mistah J.

Now that's a Harley Quinn I want to read.

New Mutants #14
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artists: Ibraim Roberson, Lan Medina, and Nathan Fox
First thing I'd like to call attention to is that there's a couple of artists on board for this issue, one of them being assigned to the scenes taking place in Legion's head. I have to say Thank Frost because Roberson's blandness is irritating me. I don't know what it is with him, but there's just something very mundane about how it all looks.

This issue opens with Cyclops telling the non-X-Men Utopia mutants to join in the fight and that today they are all X-Men. Geez, handing out that status out to anyone these days aintcha, Cyke? Next we have Sunspot, Boom Boom, Avalanche, and Husk fighting Nimrods with Husk running around like a helpless idiot. Yeah, being able to shred her skin to basically be a Colossus of whatever substance is such an unfortunate power.... Anyway, during this time Sunspot has a moment of self awareness:

If you've read the first run of New Mutants, then you know that someone is ALWAYS saying that fucking line. Seriously, it's right next to, "Ah'm only invulnerable when Ah'm blastin'!"

A late development we see here with the Nimrods is that they're adapting to the mutant combatants' powers, which is demonstrated by Colossus' arm getting serious fucked up. Luckily, the X-Men have a solution to this, but first....

This arrogant asshole.

In the future X-Force is all RAWR BATTLE TIME! and Cypher is off doing the whole deus ex machina thing by speaking binary to a machine with a guy in it so that the machine boots him out. Soon enough it'll be established that Cypher can cure the Legacy virus by "speaking its language". Seriously, this character sucks at "dark" and "badass", let's see him go back to something he's actually good at doing. I'll give you a hint: it involves a casket. Anyway, X-Force discovers it has to take down two Master Molds in the end of their side story.

Moving back to the present, Xavier recruits Legion, and he's sent into the fight. His multiple personalities, all armed with different powers, are useful against the Nimrods as whenever one gets adapted to he just switches out to another one. Also notice what the Nimrods say when they detect Legion and Xavier coming:

Notice a plural on that?

No! Because it is A-OK for powerful mutants like Xavier and Emma Frost to be powerful without being OMEGA. Especially since, as it's been explained to me, Omega level means A. You're pretty near-immortal B. Your powers can do about anything C. You're so powerful that it makes it impossible to believe that any fights are a real struggle, nixing the man vs. man conflict and screwing up the story. Over-powered character aren't fun, they're annoying because it turns into The Sentry or Exodus where they're always taken out first to make the rest of the fight believeable. Even though no one should be able to take them out in the first place. Omega level should basically be a Jean-only category because she is essentially the mutant God.

Back on Utopia, that Cockroach Morlock, Scalphunter, Sack, and Random group together to go join the big battle when Toad interrupts them and tells them to back out of it. Sack gets pissy with Toad, and they're interrupted by a Nimrod zapping off Toad's index finger and Sack's head. Which would shock me more except...I totally thought he was dead already. Like I thought he died in X-Men The 198 or during the Leper Queen arc in X-Force but that was Fever Pitch, but whatever, there's too many characters with visible skeletons to keep track of. And to make things more intense, the approaching Nimrod crushes Sack's disembodied head.

And finally, as Utopia itself is getting attacked, Magneto gets up out of bed and decides to switch between his two modes that he's had since his return: Going from old and frail all of a sudden mode to youthful and powerful mode. And with that, expect to see him vigorously fight off the Nimrods in an "epic" battle next issue and in the middle of it, suddenly revert to completely useless. Such is the existence of Magneto post-Uncanny X-Men #500.

Conclusion: This issue was pretty decent despite Roberson's bland art. But I'm ready for this crossover to be done, it has been drawn out way too long. That's it for this issue; I leave you with Sack's disembodied head as a souvenir for all the good times we've had this chapter.

The List #28 Part 2

New Mutants #13
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Ibraim Roberson with Lan Medina
This issue Domino gets informed of the teleportericide that's going on, but Vanisher happens to overhear this information and before she can stop him he pops off to that brothel he likes so much. Except Bastion knows about it and he gets shot up, but manages to escape to elsewhere. Probs going to live.

With the New Mutants, Warlock is upset over having had to kill someone, and Sunspot, Dani, and Magma are going over what's happened to their beatup team. Meanwhile, Beast is staying at Utopia for the conflict, but he's pissed. And the Science team was sent to figure out the situation with a control tower which apparently is set to blow up. You can read about it in their upcoming one-shot even though I'm not because I know none of them are going to die, and that's the only happy ending I can think of for that irritating team.

Later on Dani gets up in Cable's face, Hope defends him and they get into a big ol' fight. Cyclops tries to break them up, but Cable stops him telling him he's keeping Hope in a bubble. Then Pierce blows up all the Blackbirds, so no way to fly out via jet anymore. Then he speechifies. Even though we've had enough of Pierce since Young X-Men. Cyclops kills him which gets my whole-hearted support. Lastly, Hope's all, "I lied when I said I wanted to come back." Oh Noes! Who cares?!

Conclusion: Another wasted, bland chapter doing next-to-nothing. Pick this up if you're collecting all the rest. Now onto the more exciting review.

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #1 (of 5)
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Let me start off by saying this mini-series is a breath of fresh air to a stagnating series, but it's also total playing to the fans. I'll explain why in a bit.

The setting is Africa and this opens to a guy running from some guys in gear with guns. And apparently this guy's worth shooting Aye-Aye's in the head for. So they catch up to him and he's like, "Don't make me do this..." Sorry, but just because you changed the setting doesn't mean this gets any less old.

Elsewhere, a baby is born and ends up blowing up part of the hospital. Moving to the X-Men's base San Fransisco, which I'm assuming is a post-Second Coming spoiler, Storm is receiving information on the situation from her husband, Black Panther. But not just any Storm. No. This is the Storm I've wished upon many stars for: MOHAWK STORM! This is playing to the fans part one, and I accept happily. So that's rad, and also in this scene she's seen doing something X-Men seem to rarely do: Eat. Except it's all sexualized because you'll quickly find out that Andrews just needs to keep it in our face every second. And if you look at the waists Andrews draws, then you have to figure that this is the first time she's eaten this week.

Storm informs the X-Men of the mutant births, Cyclops decides they go in. Him and Storm also have a private word about her being his consultant for when they're in Africa. Also, I enjoy how he refers to the team.

Except I believe Hisako is Chinese. And Hank McCoy, while originally white, is now Blue, so him, Mystique, and that family out in Kentucky make up that race. Also, thank you Ellis for remembering that Emma's faux-British considering everyone else seems to think she just speaks with a snob accent. Storm then asks Cyclops if that accent of Emma's bothers him and yet again, it's a sensual, she's-all-up-in-his-face situation.

Then the team suits up with Emma being the only one not wearing the standard uniform. Wolverine complains about it, and Emma responds that he can wear whatever he wants to when he sleeps with the team leader. First off, I hate that she uses a man to justify her individual costume. In New X-Men she was running around in a diaper and pasties because SHE felt like it, not because she was sleeping with then-Headmaster Professor X.

Next playing to the fans was this stupid costume where we can constantly see her underwear or her boobs are always too visible in-panel. Basically degrading her to a trashy slut.

Her new look is an attempt to going back to the New X-Men look with the long hair and platforms that I missed. Except the problem is New X-Men's Emma was weird and this look takes a wrong turn and ends up at trashy. New X-Men's Emma was Lady Gaga-ish in dress and behavior. Despite looking like a normal rich bitch, she tended to be pretty weird because she was always doing her own thing.

Anyway, everyone gets on the X-Jet and most of the of this issue happens on there. Cyclops does something nice for Storm by passing by the Serengeti so she can see her old home again. And Wolverine ends up turning xenophobic and bitches about everything African for awhile. Which has caused a stir with everyone it seems. Doesn't bother me because I never thought much of him in the first place.

What does bother me is that throughout these scenes Emma is moving around the plane and EVERY panel of her is emphasizing her ass or her tits. EVERY PANEL. It's ridiculous, I pretty much had Hisako's look on my face the entire time. Seriously, there's seductive like she's been in the past, and then there's straight-up trailer park trashy, which this is. And I know this is pandering to the many that hate her. But seriously, it's an asshole thing to do to her fans since it's not really "her", it's just taking a shot at her.

Also, while we're on the subject, my action figure of her has better proportions than how she's drawn. Seriously, her and Storm's waists are appalling, and while Andrews' art is fun and fresh, it's insulting when you get to the women's proportions.

Anyway, after those two scenes happened, the team arrives and it turns out they were expected considering the guns being pointed at them. Conclusion: This issue exemplifies the good and bad's of pandering to the fans. I'd say buy it just because it's the freshest X-Thing that's happened in awhile, and also it's basically a Storm story, so if you miss her dearly then here's something for you.

Before I finish, I want to address the poll results. This time's question was "Which X-Man do you want to see in X-Force the most?" The total number of votes came to 21.The winning vote went to Psylocke, who got 15 votes (71%), which I'm glad to see considering she's a favorite of mine as well. Next two were tied between Cable and Magneto who both got 2 votes (9% for each). Gambit and Other were also tied with 1 vote each (4% for each). And lastly, Deadpool got 0 votes (0%), but that's probably because someone brought up that it's likely that it's Fantomex on the teaser and not Deadpool. My bad, heh, but anyway, considering Dark Reign ended this past week, the next question now is, "Who was your favorite Dark Avenger?"

The List #27

New Mutants #12
Writer: Sean McKeever
Artist: Ibraim Roberson
To start off, a little out of order, but this issue we see Alpha team lose the use of both of their teleporters. Magik ends up being sent to Limbo or something close to that and Kurt ends up being slammed by some whammy thing that makes him severely disoriented. And of course, this is all thanks to the ever-annoying Stryker.

Cable and Hope end up going on the run again, which never gets old, and Wolverine orders Archangel to take care of Stryker. So he does by slicing him in half and Kurt is all, "NOOOOO!!!!" And Betsy's surprised as well, but she used to date the guy so her reaction should likely have been the more dramatic one. Also, it turns out the Alpha team needs a new long distance teleporter so they send in my favorite diva: Ariel! She ends up making a glamourous one-panel appearance. And back at the base, Rogue ends up speaking what Hope is think, so clearly there's going to be something developed on the bond the two share from Hope having rid Rogue of her death touch.

Concerning the New Mutants, their is to take care of Cameron Hodge and his army of smiling faces. Here we finally see Karma used in a respectable way, where she's used to possess some of the smiley guys and have them take care of a decent amount before the NM get directly involved. Oh and also, she gets Dani a set of Smiley armor so she can actually be useful in the battle. Which got me thinking:

How are the New Mutants a useful battle team?

In this case, Cypher and Warlock are on the sidelines, not that they'd be much use anyway, and then there's depowered Dani who's only got her mad fighting skills. Then there's Sunspot and Cannonball who are basically just strong and invulnerable. And Karma, who can possess people, but that's a limited sort of psychic power. The only real threat in this group is Magma, who has to have useful powers because she sure as hell can't fall back on a personality.

In response to the attack, Cameron Hodge turns himself intoooo.....Mojo! Not my first thought when people are attacking me, but I suppose it works in some twisted way. Not sure if this is something he does often, but definitely a bit of a disturbing transformation. From there, a massive battle ensues and Hodgo (Hodge+Mojo) ends up singling out Karma. Then stabs her in the fricking THIGH! Ouch! And then we get the OH NOES! ToBeContinued.

Overall, this issue was pretty mundane. That's really all there is to say on it. BUT do go check out the preview for next week's issue (Here!) because it looks like that issue is going to be epic! Campy Greg Land!? Karma with her leg looking cut off?! ARIEL GETTING A LARGER ROLE?!?! Definitely be on the lookout for that one this coming Wednesday.

Siege: Young Avengers #1
Writer: Sean McKeever
Artist: Mahmud A. Asrar
I read somewhere on CBR someone saying that this one-shot proved that someone can handle these characters just as well as Heinberg and that it's not necessary to wait for his return to the series. Except if you REALLY read the previous series you know that's a load of bullshit. The original series was some of the most talented work in the superhero genre I've ever read. This one-shot was nowhere near that and the handling of the characters was poor. Young Avengers, like Runaways, should only be handled by its original creators and the characters should just be tossed into Limbo when they're not there. I mean concerning the Dark Reign mini series, I think it's pretty clear that sometimes it's better to leave the poor character alone because if anything, that horrible series probably hurt readership.

This one-shot is broken up into three stories: Teddy and Billy's, Tommy's, and Eli and Kate's. Tommy's is this: He's running around to help the wounded in Asguard and can't work fast enough and feels bad enough. That's it. And no hint of his previously established personality.

Billy and Teddy's story is basically Tommy elaborates that he chose the title Asguardian for a reason, he feels very defensive of the area because it means something to him, and him and Teddy put the smackdown on the Wrecking Crew for trying to loot. It turns out that Billy's dad used to tell him stories about Norse Mythology when he was younger and one time he was a brat to his dad for it and he never told them again. Yeah, it's as dull as it sounds. It's not like his dad is dead or anything. At the very least we get to see them refer to each other as boyfriends as well as hug. No kisses of course, but I think it's an unsaid rule that Teddy and Billy's first kiss is reserved for Heinberg when he returns to the series. Which I completely agree with.

And in terms of Eli and Kate's story, the worst mistake was made here. Something I've believed since it was first hinted at, was that Kate's amazing, fearless character was going to brought down by her pairing off with Eli. Eli who I believe to be the team's weakest link, even worse than Cassie. And Cassie can be pretty frigging irritating. The story is Kate and Eli are trapped underneath some rubble and are trying to get out. And Kate is poorly characterized as a bitch who's just an aggressive bitch for no reason:

After Eli expresses confusion about how to get out. Like how undeserved is that?

Seriously, Kate's terrible characterization is the worst part of this one-shot. She's worse than any teenagers that's just hit puberty. Anyway, Eli and her end up kissing at one point which is as awkward and bland as it sounds. And she's pissed about that too. Eventually, they make it out and the team reunites and she ends up being the queen of mixed signals by commenting on the kiss positively. And that's the show.

Overall, this one-shot is completely forgettable and should've never happened really. So here's the good news. Which is so good I jumped for joy as soon as I heard it and it makes me so excited I could pee. The original creative team, Heinberg and Cheung, are RETURNING TO THE YOUNG AVENGERS. It's a bi-monthly 9-issue series starting this summer told largely from Wiccan's point of view and apparently about going to get the Scarlet Witch which means the STORY MANY HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. And you can definitely look forward to my covering of every second of this series.