The List #33 Part 2

Scarlet #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
The basic idea of this series is it's a girl-who-kicks-ass tale about her fighting against a world of corrupt authority. Seen that one before? Yeah, me too, and it's why I almost didn't pick it up. The reason I did give it a chance though was because it's done by Bendis and Maleev who had not too long ago produced the gorgeous Spider-Woman limited series. To say the least, I don't regret it.

We meet Scarlet as she's killing a plainclothes cop. Obviously it raises some questions, but not to worry, she's ready to answer them directly afterwards. So direct that she breaks the fourth wall, and does so for the majority of the rest of the issue. I tend to be weary of this tool after having seen Deadpool constantly break the 4th wall to crack lukewarm jokes, but Bendis uses it well.

Anyway, Scarlet explains that the cop was hardly a saint; although whether or not he deserved to die is questionable. As she goes through explaining her views on the world she also ends up beating the balls out of a guy trying to steal a bike. Basically, she thinks the world is corrupt, and she's decided to take it upon herself to right it by kicking or killing the shit out of anyone she thinks is part of the corruption. From there we see her life explained in important moments:

Then we get the story of what set her off on this path, and it's definitely a tragic story. It's a story that I'm sure anyone who's been considered "different" in their life has been paranoid at one point about it happening to them. What happens is while she's hanging out in public with friends and the man of her dreams a crooked cop approaches them. He's a messed-up addict, and for no reason he starts insisting on searching Scarlet and company. Scarlet's guy ends up smacking the cop, grabbing Scarlet, and running. From there they quickly realize they're fucked in a serious way, and right in the middle of their dilemma, the cop catches up to them and shoots the guy dead. He also shoots Scarlet, but she eventually recovers to find out the entire situation has been blamed on her guy. And this is where we end off, with the explanation for what's got her motivated to kill those she perceives as corrupt. The issue ends with her saying that she's going to do something about it and that we the readers are going to help.

Conclusion: Totally worth the $3.95, not just because it's 40 pages, but because the story's intensely good with Maleev giving art that's just as beautiful as it was on Spider-Woman. Definitely pick this one up.

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #1
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
Before we begin, I just have to raise a few wth's about the cover. First, what's with Ms. Marvel being all awkward over the letters in tiny form? Another thing is what's going on with Spider-Man being shown looking like he's with the Young Avengers? Anyway, things that struck me as odd, so yeah, let's jump into this because we have got A LOT to talk about.

First off, I have to express my intense feelings of gratitude towards Heinberg and Cheung for coming back to the project. They really are irreplaceable to the project, and it's not YA without them. Some have said that other writers did a great, seamless job maintaining the YA with the one-shots and mini-series we had in between Heinberg's stints, but uh, NO. The thing is none of those writers ever did anything more than mediocre with them, and while Heinberg's grip on the characters was tight and thought-out, these other writers just seemed to have a basic understanding of the personalities and just packed the rest with typical ideas of what teenagers are like.

This issue opens with our heroes battling it out with the Serpent Society, who just are prejudiced against life itself, and we're given re-introductions. Hulkling has some trouble with one is specific who's spewing his Bible quotations, so Hulkling decides to just make him all out lose his shit. How?

Not the same sex kiss you were hoping for, right?

So anyway, the homophobe completely divas out like men trying to reassert their heterosexuality do. Not helping his day is the appearance of Iron Man, Capt. America, and Ms. Marvel which really sets him off. So much so that he decides to hold Teddy as hostage and threaten to set off the nuclear bomb he has on him. In reaction, Wiccan's totally not having any of that shit, and magics it away as well as knocks out the SS.

This is hardly a joyous occasion for the 3 Avengers as this means to them that Billy might be another Scarlet Witch. They explain their concern and wanting to keep him with them until they can figure out his limitations. They also explain what happened with the Scarlet Witch which also reminds us that Wanda's antics before she disappered aren't public knowledge in the MU. Something said that struck me as completely wrong:

Hardly. Aren't we forgetting the character who Wanda's breakdown was based on?

And at least her body count stayed dead.

Old tensions come out as Ms. Marvel explains that the Scarlet Witch was a killer, and throughout this talk Carol's kind of a hardass about the situation. Frustrated, Wiccan then asks what would happen if it turns out that he is the grandson of Magneto which is met with no answer from the Avengers. He storms out and the YA follow him. They start to try and talk about what happened with him, but considering they're sounding like they're on the side of the Avengers, he takes off on them as well. Now usually, I'd say these pissy storming outs are irritating, but Heinberg does it convincingly, I can see why Wiccan would feel betrayed by his teammates by their not automatically taking his side. And while he's pissed, he's not running off crying or throwing a massive fit; he's frustrated by being singled out and he wants someone to have his back.

Wiccan decides to go home to get away from the issue, but instead finds Captain America talking to his parents telling them that he would need to take Wiccan back to do some tests. How Cap planned to get back was definitely amusing:

Can you imagine being the cab driver who picks them up?

Instead Wiccan flies them there which I think totally spoiled an awesome scene that probably would've looked like the McDonalds trip in Bedazzled. During the flight Teddy shows up saying that Billy's not doing this alone. Cap says it's ok and has Jarvis set up a room for them. And the rest is just too much for me to handle talking about so here it is:

SO. CLOSE.

But then Speed cockblocks them by running in to tell them that him and the rest of the YA are breaking them out. They do and from there the team decides that the best way to deal with this is to find the Scarlet Witch. And at the shocking last second, someone appears that agrees with them: MAGNETO.

Conclusion: This issue was everything I ever dreamed of and more the only problem is that I have to wait two months until the next issue. Besides that, it's just heaven. Also if anyone's disappointed about the non-kiss deal, the thing is I'm pretty sure Heinberg knows we want it to happen really bad, so he's probably going to save it to capitalize on a dramatic moment. Anyway, buy this issue.

The List #25 Part 1

Dark Avengers #15
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
This issue is about Bullseye killing Lindy, the Sentry's wife. That's about it. Oh and Deodato's art is a smoother this issue which I find is an iffy change.

Anyway, this is a shame because next issue is also the last issue. And that bites because I love this series even though it pretty much hit mediocre as soon as I got on board. To fill the void left in my heart (which I promise will not be the mundane subject of a dozen stories like The Sentry's has) I will be returning to reading Thunderbolts which will include my beloved Moonstone. And that means you can expect commentary on it here.

Conclusion, don't pick up this issue, it was just predictable and mediocre.



Spider-Woman #7
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
Jessica begins this issue looking for her skrull, tracking down his idiot human girlfriend and figuring out that she needs to get to this bar. She goes there and calls him out. He shows himself, having been in the disguise of an old man, and proceeds to kick her ass in a mighty way considering he's in good shape as opposed to the tortured skrull Jessica took on a few issues ago. He proceeds to explain to Jessica why she was chosen to be replaced by the Skrull Queen, which totally plays into the constant angst of this series.

The Avengers interrupt, begging to differ, and proceed to ask Jessica what the hell her deal is. And Jessica thinks they're skrulls; which is understandable considering the fake Spider-man at the beginning of the series. The skrull manages to hide away in the crowd, and Jessica ends up using her skrull-identifier to find him. Wolverine comes at him from the back and claws him, but the skrull is still too strong so Jessica zaps him and ends the almighty skrull hunt. In the end, Wolverine pep talks Jessica by explaining that he's still the most screwed up of them all because it would ruin his entire image and he'd lose his macho card if he were, say, third place. Anddd it ends with another double page thingy, which is explained on the last page of the issue.

Apparently, Maleev busted his ass off to make the motion comic and also produce the comic book, so he's very tired of seeing Jessica Drew. He actually assaulted a woman on the street for looking like her on last month, so they decided to leave the Spider-Woman series alone for now. Well, actually that's half true, the latter being the truth. Too bad though because I love me a good crazy story.
Yes, tragically Spider-Woman ends with this issue which I had suspected for awhile, but now it's all done and confirmed. It's too bad considering I think a Spider-Woman ongoing would have been fantastic even though my commentary is less than useful with books like this. Still would've been a good read. Conclusion, I'd say get the trade when it comes out, all seven issues are worth having, and it's cheaper that way.

Joe the Barbarian #3
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Sean Murphy
I have to say that this series has a very Wizard of Oz, Pagemaster, Digimon World, kid-pulled-into-a-fantasy-world feel. Which is what the story is, and it's all good because those used to be my favorite sort of stories. What this story does different is it has a more mature feel, it's a Vertigo title after all.

This issue, Jack and Joe are being attacked by Deathcoats and dwarf pirate-y people in submarines. So they join the lesser of two evils, the pirates, and try to escape the Deathcoats. They do, though one sub doesn't make it, and return to the pirate peeps home which looks gorgeous and very familiar. Like I'd say that town where you acquire Shiva in FF7 mixed with Nibleheim. Thoughts, anyone?

The revelation is that Joe's the prophecized 'Dying Boy' which snaps him back to reality for a second, and he begins to wonder if he's dying in real life. For the better part of the issue he's aware that he's hallucinating, or at least he thinks he is, and is attempting to get down to the kitchen to get a soda to get his blood sugar situation fixed. The kitchen apparently is also some forest kingdom thing, and I cannot wait to see how Murphy presents it. But that's next issue because as before the group (now with one of the largest of the dwarf people) heads downward, they're all hit with sleeping pollen. Which is very Wizard of Oz-esque, and it turns out that Joe himself passed out.

I do have to reiterate that Murphy is the star of this series. Without his pencils, this series would come to dangerously cliched and just somewhat uninteresting. I find his strength to be in the landscapes he creates because they are just the focus of a page. His characters are, of course, strong, but flipping through you can see the attention to detail and creativity in each and every new place being visited. Conclusion: Buy this series. Oh and here's the FF7 Nibleheim-y place that I adored:

The List #19 part 2

X-Men Legacy #231
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
First off, let's give some major love to another of my artist crushes Adi Granov, who I believe should draw every panel Emma is ever in. The cover is gorgeous and Psylocke looks amazing. Concerning this issue's artist, Clay Mann, I have to say I think he's pretty solid except for making half the girl's hair look like they're always in the humid tropical rainforest.

This issue opens with the Necrosha battle scene, Maggott cameo queens it for the undead, Blindfold comes up to Cyclops is like, "Bro, we gots to go check this shiznit out at Muir Island," of course communicating in Bro-speak so that it's guaranteed that Cyclops understands. There's a little hinting about Blindfold's mom throughout the issue, which is probably some sort of attempt at making the character less of one that's only used when the plot needs a precog and then put back in her box afterwards.

It's decided that Nightcrawler should lead a team consisting of Rogue, Magneto, Trance, Blindfold, my girl Psylocke, Colossus, and my much-missed Gen X-er, Husk. During the jet ride we get a couple revealing moments:

Trance yet again is giving sass.

Yet another demonstration of Trance being a total bitch. Trance, I love you, you weird, homophobic, test-loving bitch. By the way, she now has a tag under 'that bitch Trance' for any of you would like to see her other moments. Moving on to stranger things:

As if 'entertaining pleasant memories of our time together' wasn't already perve talk for 'I think of you when I give my dick an extended handshake,' considering the way his hands are positioned in the above panel it appears he's already entertaining these memories. On the jet! Trance, degrade him in order to help your low self esteem already! No, but seriously. Hands. IN weird places.

The plane lands and Carey proves himself to write an actually likable Nightcrawler. Who's team leader and ready to be a sarcastic diva apparently. I'd just like to say if the criteria for team leader was a sarcastic teleporter who's a total diva, I'd have to say I think my girl Ariel would have been better suited for the position. While scanning the island for threats, Colossus sort of becomes the instrument through which Psylocke fans speak through and asks Betsy a question concerning how she's using her powers lately. I think the results make a good page (Click here for it). Also, can we all take a big healthy glance at the caption given for Betsy's response. "SHOWWW!!!!!" Couldn't be a more appropriate verb for her demonstrating she can still use her telekinesis I guess, haha. No, I really do enjoy this, if I ever enter the super hero world, I want my captions to read "Ka-bam!" and "Sham-Wow!"

In other places in time, there's some boring Selene crap going on. It's a dose of boring with goth lingerie. Is she really supposed to be becoming respected as much as Emma? Is that the goal for her? Because if it is, I can comfortably say this is unlikely to happen and I'm not impressed. Anyway, what's important is in the panel of Selene's inner circle we find my boyfriend Warpath being taken prisoner and being dragged in most sexily! Seriously, is there a more hot way to be dragged unconscious? Anyway, we'll find out why he's been captured next X-Force. Along with his unwilling participation in S+M at the hands of dominatrix queen Selene. Or at least I wish.

Epic two panels of loveeeee.

Anyway, so the team finishes up scanning the island, reaches the source of their mission. We find out the almighty shocker is that Proteus is back and he possesses Blindfold. Not all that shocking and most people seem to have seen that coming. BUT I can guarantee that there was still an end of issue shocker, just not what anyone was expecting! All right so here it is. Look at the panel to the right, at Colossus' back. Now trail those eyes downward. Yeah. How long has Colossus been walking around with a fucking easy access hole? Can someone confirm or deny whether or not that's an original part of the costume? Also, does this confirm the 616 pairing of Northstar and Colossus that we'd all been hoping for? Just with unexpected bedroom positions? Either way, this issue was fun on it's own without my snarky help, definitely go buy it.

Spider-Woman #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
To start off, I have to side with The Buy Pile on their thoughts on this past issue at the very least. This past issue worked loads better as a motion comic as opposed to the book and I think the biggest reason why is because the progress was very limited. Viper brings Jessica to a cell with a weakened Skrull in it. She talks with it for 2.5, philosophizes on it, fights it, and breaks out of the Hydra base. Not exactly bursting with progress. I still think it's worth buying, the book is beautiful, but it's a difference of good and great with the book and the motion comic. Also, I have to say Maleev's work this past issue was gorgeous. The colors are amazing, it's like an acid trip when the Northern Lights are out (it's a compliment).

New Mutants #8
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves
Whereas I agree with The Buy Pile about Spider-Woman, I think their last thought on New Mutants was totally unfair. This book is one of the better written X-Books lately. It actually has gotten me a bit excited as compared to half the others that I can find good things to say about and enjoy, but I'm not excited by. Whatever, The Buy Pile sometimes says some things that I find are dead-on, but generally I think their list is fucked and just goes to support whichever superdude's being most aggressively masculine and acting "correctly manly" this week. Oh hegemonic males, how you absolutely keep me in... gripping...entertainment....zzz.

As much as I just spent time defending this series, I have to say I think this issue is a piece of crap. I mean, I like this whole buildup of Feral coming to attack the team. Unfortunately that was built up for an anti-climax, but it did follow the theme of disappointment this issue. This issue is like save Amara, fight Hellions, save Doug, throw a yo out to Warlock, and wrap this up.

Most irksome of all, I found Dr. Gregory House....I mean Nemesis, to say something I found funny for once. This was in response to Sunspot bursting into the med ward and being all "We need help!" He was almost Emma-like in response, I have to say. I'd be wishing him death normally for this, but honestly, half the X-Dialogue lately seems to really predictable, general crap to fill the pages so the writer's claim they threw something on the damned scripts.

Anyway, in the end Warlock and Cypher are back on the team and the deal with Hellions has no resolution. X-Necrosha has basically been, for X-Force and New Mutants, just holding back the resurrected people with little to no progress. None of the enemies are being taken care of. It's almost as bad as Utopia.

What's worst is Cypher: his language angst is the most repetitive crap, it's more repetitive than a cycle of America's Next Top Model. Ugh, the fact that he's come back to the team in the end is just bad news, but I suppose if the NM fans really need the team's most useless and plainest member back then who am I to judge? Conclusion: Don't buy this issue. Why? Look at this cheesy final panel:

The List #10

Uncanny X-Men #515
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land

Everyone please welcome back Greg Land! If this were a serious title, I'd be fuming pissed to see Greg Land's name on it, but as has been repeated over and over lately, these are "Fracticious times." Wonderful narcissism, Fraction, truly genius. Anyway, not a lot to love this issue or with this week's servings. Especially with this issue. First 8 pages are intro-ing pointless villains we know don't stand a chance against the X-Men, capturing a clone of Scalphunter that was featured in Divided We Stand. Or Manifest Destiny? No one really cares. Which is a theme for this issue actually. A lot of it is about Cyclops and his role as leader now which yet again, no one cares about since he's just an annoying manchild. That and Dr. Old Man Scientist of the X-Club's death which, again, no one really cares about. But here's a couple places of interest:

Heartbreak!

Also, wasn't it fucking weird how Cyclops was all "Aw, man," when everyone was around the body. Lame response, douchebag. Also, does anyone believe Danger will be able to rehab Shaw and Pierce? Seriously? Does anyone ever think that either of these men would be trusted outside of bars? Most fucking ridiculous idea this issue and there were a lot of them. Lastly onto Miss Frost:

I'd welcome back the real Miss Frost except apparently this is only how she acts when she's stuck in diamond form. Since it makes her "emotionless". Yeah.

Ok, so first offense is writing the old Emma as the emotionless Emma since now we're supposed to buy that Emma is Momma Mutation. Second is Storm and Cyclops both freaking out on Emma for her callousness. In the above statement, her thoughts aren't altogether wrong, but more importantly are the team members not brief on each other's powers and their effects? I can't imagine Scott and Ororo don't know about Emma's emotionless factor in her diamond form. Seriously. Lastly, I noticed that the Void slice in Emma's head moves. So basically is looks like a black tadpole floating around in Emma's head then? Kinda Lolzy.

Conclusion: Not worth the effort to go get.

Dark Reign The List: X-Men
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Alan Davis

This story is basically about Osborn transforming Namor's ex-wife, Marrina, into killer fish that can only digest Atlanteans. And the X-Men/Namor killing her. That's it. But I do have a couple comments, first off:

The return of Betsy's butterfly!!
I love it!

That and I have to say I do not enjoy Namor's costume at the moment. This is because he lacks the usually naked factor that I've come to know and love. And as for Alan Davis, I have to wonder what the frack is with all the smiles on the X-Men as their trying to defeat shark Marrina? Seriously Davis, you're worse than Land. Also, the colorist on this issue was kinda shit. You could get away with not reading this issue your entire life, or to put it simply: leave this one on the shelves.

Dark X-Men: The Confession
Writers: Craig Kyle and Chris Yost
Artist: Bing Cansino

This is the conclusion of the pointless, overhyped Emma/Scott "secrets" debate where they spill the secrets and predictably realize they still love each other. Don't buy this unless you're a fucking idiot, and that's all I'm going to say on this issue because it's such a piece of shit it doesn't deserve any more of my attention.

Spider-Woman #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

There are mainly two times when I have trouble commenting on something: when something is mediocre and boring or when something is so well-written my thoughts are unnecessary. Spider-Woman #1 is the latter. BMB turns out an excellent story and probably the only good one this week actually. Alex Maleev, who I did not love at all in Secret Invasion: Dark Reign, shaped up his work where it gives an excellent dark tone to the story. I've also seen this work as a motion comic and it is phenomenal, potentially better than the comic itself, I highly reccomend digging into your piggy banks if your low on comic book funds because Spider-Woman is that good. And also, possibly going to take Ms. Marvel's place in solo female title considering what's going on there...

Ms. Marvel #45
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Phillip Briones

This serving of Ms. Marvel is almost as bad as the MODOK story. Yet again the Ms. Marvel readers need to ask Reed, "Why the f#@% do we care about Catherine Donovan?" Even the sort-of explanation of her happening we got this issue does not cut it. Catherine Donovan is just another piece of crap idea coming out of this mostly mediocre Dark Reign deal. And poor Moonstone is now possessed by Catherine because Norman killed her body. Oh well, not like Reed was using Moonstone correctly anyway. I'm seriously thinking of dropping this series post-Moonstone. Also, absolutely dreadful art this issue:

Plain and simple: Don't buy it.

Secret Invasion: Dark Reign

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
To start, I read a lot of comic books, but do not have people to converse with about them since other comic book readers do not usually read the ones I do (mainly X-Men). So I have a lot to say with no one to say it too. Part of this blog that will be devoted to comic book criticism which will likely relate a lot to Emma Frost.

Anyway, this week's comic book is the one-shot Secret Invasion: Dark Reign. The only reason why I picked it up will be about the only part I'm critiquing very closely is: Emma Frost.

This issue begins with Emma in dreamland-ish landscape which is basically Emma in the Sentry's mind again meaning just white around her. But poorer art. Good to show that Emma has continued guilt over Kitty's death since certain writers seem to forget just because the guilt is addressed once does not mean it just went away.

She then wakes up and gets a telegram inviting her to Avengers Tower. She has a snipe-y moment, first time in awhile where it feels real since Fraction writes her to basically be a spoiled brat on Uncanny. She flies over to Avengers Tower and meets Doom in a basement meeting room where he acts like he's amazing. His narcissism is tired and this is only the 5th issue I've ever read with him in it. One problem with it is Emma's response to Doom after he says he's too almighty to be mind read is "Yeah. Okay." Emma Frost's way of speaking is very controlled, she glorifies being remarkable, so instead she would say something like "Whatever you say, darling."
A simple 'Yeah. Okay.' just sounds idiotic.

Then she meets Namor. Who's being drawn to look a dirty middle-aged man and apparently has a hearing problem. The Hood appears after, Emma displays that she does not care that people around her want privacy in their own heads and I absolutely love it. Then the dumbass points the gun on her, he seems really boringly over the edge, so she lets him know who's boss, favorite moment in the issue.

Loki appears followed by Norman Osbourne. He explains what's happened since Secret Invasion which is good since I do not give a damn, Secret Invasion was drawn out for way too long and seemed REALLY fucking boring. I promise I will not say boring half as many times next review. Either way, he talks a lot about nothing I cared about. Emma explains she's different, she doesn't have a kingdom she lost, then the endangered issue of mutants is brought up and Osbourne calls her the White Queen. Except that hasn't been for a LONG time now. Osbourne explains her being there keeps the mutants from being in concentration camps and she needs to make 'bold moves' which is vague and not really a reason, she can make bold moves elsewhere.

Then Osbourne continues speechifying. He walks around behind each of them, Emma's specific panel make her seems like she's getting some under the table and is just a really unlikely pose she'd make no matter how sexual she may be. Then everyone leaves. The rest I did not read since I can barely keep interest in the issue without Emma in it, egotistical men=snooze fest. Emma has the dream again and wakes up screaming, Scott does not even wake up. Fin.

Art-wise: Alex Maleev was really unremarkable, a step above the horrible artist that did Wolverine Origins when Emma appeared. In terms of colors, there were mainly light colors which does not go with the villain theme; dark colors or a lot of contrast would have worked better. The pencils seem scratchy and Emma just looks like any other blonde chick. She isn't, she should look very fierce. At least she did not have that horrible white tranny makeup that too many artists think works for her. But the light makeup with pink lips isn't her either, she'd likely had a dark upper lid and eyeliner defined lower one along with a red-pink lipstick.

Overall: Good for the parts with Emma, but the art just made the issue drag on in a really mundane way. I could have lived without owning the issue.