The List #18 part 1

Astonishing X-Men #33
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez
This month we continue on with Astonishing still having a very similar zombie theme to X-Necrosha. It's honestly kind of sad because would this have happened some other time it would've been awesome, but now it just looks like a ripoff. Like don't get me wrong, I love zombie things, just watched Dawn of the Dead and last week played lots of Left 4 Dead 2, but still, there's no real reason why the X-Universe is having two separate zombie stories especially when one is a big crossover.

This issue is pretty much the same on energy level as the last two, it's good, but there's nothing that really sticks out. The first 8 pages are spent discussing what's going on. Except we had a couple pages dedicated to that last issue, so I just want to fucking move on sometime this year and 8 pages is definitely much for a setup of the plot. Especially when part of it is dumbass Hisako asking Brand questions. Seriously? I kept on wondering why the fuck no one was stopping her and telling her her only purpose on the team was to be backup muscle and make cutesy remarks that everyone ignores. Honestly, why the hell is she still on the team? Would she have retained the maturity and intelligence of Whedon's characterization of her, I could mayyyybe see it. But this is just messed up, the book is too serious to have use for some dumb-in-a-cheerleader-way high school girl. Seriously, look at the panel at the right (which is said to Logan when she's told to do something before him) and tell me that she doesn't make you wish she'd die in the next crossover.

Anyway, Brand questioned, fabulous panel of pissed off Emma, and then some Krakoa-like beast attacks and Cyclops does something amazing with his eye beam by splitting the thing in half (Click here for the scene, it's pretty awesome). And then we get two panels of pure faggotry that make me tingle with delight:

I love it when writers remember that Emma and Beast are all cultured and Emma especially has an interest in art. That and the continued adventures of shirtless Cyclops and Wolverine. Who are shirtless together again.

Not a whole lot else happened besides the team going to the ship chilling in the sky nearby and finding out some mutant from the past's corpse is doing it. Emma's dialogue was mostly good, she was a bit of a Chatty Cathy this issue and it ended up quantity over quality since some of her dialogue was really weak. But she was mostly irreverent so at least there's someone who has an idea of how to write Emma Frost these days. Egh, if you bought the last few issues, buy this one and if you didn't, do not.

Dark Avengers #12
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato Jr. (mostly)
This issue is a disappointment. This time around we get Victoria Hand being objectified as she is a lesbian now or at least bisexual, so she obviously is a dirty creature and likes to be humiliated by being stripped (seriously, I don't find her being stripped around the time that her sexuality is revealed a coincidence, though it's probably more along the idiot mentality of "Lesbians are really sexy if they're, like, really hot").

Anyway, that and Molecule Man is being a villain of insanity that no one cares about since we've already got insane villains, on a team actually. You may heard of them, they're called the Dark Avengers? He's mundane.

And we get nude Osborn a lot which I keep finding weird since this happens too often. And he's older. And I really weird to see the face of an at least 50 year old man drawn with the body of much younger man. Seriously, even older men who get ripped still show signs of aging in their bodies. And why Osborn? The Sentry might actually have a fan if you showed him naked!

Which brings me to the next thing. This issue also focused on the Sentry doing amazing things that would be cool, given anyone cared about him. But they don't so every time Dark Reign has even shown the spotlight on the Sentry for a second has been a second wasted since no one likes an annoying god-like figure who's just always dying and coming back worse than Jean Grey.

My prediction is that Victoria Hand and The Sentry probs will die once Dark Reign finishes. Or at least that's what I'm praying to The Divas That Be for. One amazing thing did happen this issue though:

Moonstone definitely went back to being Norman's right hand, and it's beautiful because she got into character immediately to help manipulate the Sentry while everyone else was confused and didn't know how to act. Moonstone is manipulative, and it should be emphasized how quick on her feet she can be about acting.

Overall, boring issue, do not waste your cash. This is pretty unfortunate considering I like this title overall, but this past arc has been iffy.

Dark Wolverine #81
Writer: Daniel Way and Marjorie Liu
Artist: Giuseppe Camuncolli
Checking in on Wolverine for a Moonstone appearance and I have to say I'm not sad to have ignored the title for the past few months. Nothing has changed, it's still a crap title with horrible art. I say just give the back book to that damned Logan and hopefully it will make one of his other title go away.

This issue basically poorly characterizes Moonstone and tries to make people think Daken is 'badass'. Anddd he's just a tired imitation, as I've said before. Anyway, Moonstone is poorly done in these ways:

a. Her inner monologue which lasts about 5 pages is absurdly general. She talks about people and secrets the entire time or masks or something similar. And none of it is anything most people have not heard before. It's so plain, it's really sad that there are two writers working on this piece of shit. One thing that's fun is that when she lands there's a panel dedicated to her boots which is wonderfully divalicious.

b. Moonstone was the shit stirrer of the Thunderbolts during Ellis' run. She had her nose in everyone's business, she had no real alliances and she was just in it for herself. The same idea stands now, or at least it does if a writer has any idea how to write her character. So I call poor writing on her 'shock' as the 'revelation' that Daken is out to screw everyone over. Aren't all the Dark Avengers??

c. And to add a vicious insult to injury, they made her admiration of Daken go from interest of his mind based on her being a shrink to Twilight-like infatuation. An interest in Daken's mind is understandable, I'd feel similarly though he would not be the first Dark Avenger who's mind I'd want to probe. But this bullshit of her seeming like she's in Bella Swan-like admiration of him is so very out-of-character.

To close, do not buy this issue and do not spend a single cent on the Dark Wolverine deal.

To conclude on the post, I know it has been a lot of ranting about the fail of this week's comics, but I've still got part two to do with X-Factor, X-Force, and X-Men Legacy and the reviews for those are going to be more positive.