Uncanny X-Men #522 Review

Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
This issue we get a break from Land's porno pencils and Dodson's boring, anime crap. Instead we get Whilce Portacio who's a bit of an odd choice. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't impressive either.

This issue is the one Kitty Pryde fans have been petitioning their little hearts out for since Giant Size Astonishing two years ago: The return of Shadowcat. Done by Matt Fraction. A character who could have stayed away longer than Jean, and I wouldn't have missed. Done by a writer who could go off the radar for the same amount of time. Except I've already planned out a fucking rager for the day Fraction leaves the X-Verse.

Anyway, if you tune out for the first four pages of this issue, don't feel bad, you didn't miss anything you didn't already read last issue. Yes, that's four pages of pure review, so thrilled we're not wasting page time because comic books take SO long to read.

Afterwards, Angel and Nightcrawler show up to alert Emma and Scott to Kitty's homecoming. And here's where I have to diss Portacio's art. Because Angel gets total raper face when he's delivering the news and it even though it made me laugh, it also made me feel uncomfortable for Scott. Especially since he's already with Wolverine.

Scott immediately gets into gear as soon as he gets back to Utopia, dramatizing this homecoming as much as fucking possible. It went from a multitude of options to Scott telling everyone, "The bullet's either phased with an alive Kitty in it or WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" And so the Marvel universe obeyed his command. Except one person, Box, who dared to speak up.

I understand whatever the shit he was saying was meant to sound ridiculous. Except it wasn't considering how science is treated by Fraction, more on that in a few. And anyway, it's funny how Scott is constantly shutting anyone who speaks against his idealistic plans with logic. This is because Fraction's Uncanny X-Men is the story of one man's ego, and the entire universe bending to serve it.

Meanwhile, Scott ordered everyone to shield the bullet from every instrument's perception rather than work on its safe re-entry. How this is done is by some huge machine that's hooked up to the Cuckoos, with them sending psychic illusions worldwide, which Danger translates to send her own through machine communication, and Box made this all up and the "science" behind it is so idealized. Science, in this series, is really just magic considering the series has a machine made up for any problem the second it occurs. But magic would seem to out there, so we'll just tack on science instead. Plus, there's probably something about magic being too feminine, and this series takes the whole sexism in comics up a notch (if you REALLY want to hear why I think that, I could make the War and Peace of posts on this).

Continuing, Emma's monitoring Magneto, and all the while this is going on says the dumbest thing. Now, here's the thing, were this any other Magneto appearance she would be completely correct in saying this. Except since his re-introduction, Magneto has been perpetually with his tail between his legs. He has seemed so ridiculously insecure, fragile, and just a confused old man.

At some point in here, the great Reed Richards makes a point of contacting the X-Men concerning the bullet that his powerful instruments can still perceive. I read somewhere that someone thought this portrayal of Reed was absolutely prickly. I beg to differ, in this instant he's treating the X-Men exactly how they need to be. He comes off like the necessary stern father responding to his teenager's idealistic plans that could harm people's lives and have no bearing in logic.

So anyway, the bullets coming, Cecilia Reyes shows up to care for Magneto. Which is code for cameo queen. See, this series really just pulls out much-missed X-Men back into the X-World to essentially put something shiny and fun in front of the readers so that they'll miss how poor the writing actually is. After their initial introduction, all these characters are used to fill the background unless another writer finds a use for them (like Carey and Yost did for Psylocke).

By the way, the almighty bullet that comes is drawn to be maybe 1/5 the size of the original depiction of the bullet. Seriously, a bullet that size would have NEVER cracked Earth. Which was the intention. Anyway, the bullet comes, Kitty's pulled out, and the bullet is sent to..... Yeah. Where was this gigantic bullet put after all was said and done? Anyone? But back onto Kitty, apparently she's trapped in phase mode. Which is NOT a problem we haven't already dealt with (especially NOT during the Mutant Massacre) in X-Pages and dealt away with (especially NOT in X-Men vs. Fantastic Four). So considering we've NEVER seen this before, this needs to be a poor side story that's dragged out for the next year. Oh. And one other thing. Kitty's totally mute. She has become THE ULTIMATE CAMEO QUEEN! Like Jesus Christ, she has ascended to the seat of the right hand of the Father (or the Mother, who is Dazzler, obvs)! Now she is truly the perfect cameo queen! And concerning Fraction's Frat Boy of an X-Universe, the perfect woman!

At the end of this issue, everyone peaces to go enjoy life, Kitty gets put into the Lazarus from Casper, and Cyclops sits alone for some mangst-y reason. Except there's a few things wrong with these last few pages. And by wrong, I mean making no sense in a sane world. First is Fantomex giving Betsy flowers. No. I'm not even going to explain why this pairing would be disastrous. I'll just say it'll make about as much sense as Siryn and Deadpool. And Emma goes out somewhere in the sea with Namor. Which is half a confirmation for my fears of Emma hopping from one manchild to another. Why can't the woman take a break from playing sholder whore to the world's whiniest? Then there's Dazzler and Northstar cameo queening it out for a panel. Remember that shot Fraction seemed to make at Austen's use of Northstar as the gay mascot in #508? Yeah. Fraction's use of Northstar is pretty much on par, if not worse, than Austen's. But anyway, that's the issue!

Except there's also some weird backstory about the alien folks who would have died had the bullet kept going on its path. And there's something like gay aliens going on, which don't get me wrong I'm a homo who loves homo characters, but it just felt like they needed to be gay to make that story even mildly bearable. At least I think they were gay. Whatever, in the end, I say buy this issue if you have a mother named Diva Bonanza. And if for SOME weird reason one of you actually does, go out, buy that issue, and then come see me. I would LOVE to meet your mother.

Tracking the Cameo Queens: Ariel

For all those of you who miss my following of the Cameo Queens, allow me to introduce the new Queen of Cameo:

Ariel

Those of you who have read my posts on X-Men Legacy likely have already read more than enough about my odd adoration over this briefly seen tribute to the 80's. Also, for some reason I am absolutely convinced the character is a male-to-female transsexual, and would adore to get that into cannon. But for now, Ariel is simply the fabulous cameo queen who's especially special because she's a cameo queen of the divine Carey as opposed to the disappointing Fraction. Anyway, on with the diva worship!

X-Men Legacy #226
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 5
# of times she uses her power: 1
As her first appearance since the late 80’s, Ariel shows up to let Gambit know that she’s here to dethrone Dazzler as the true cameo queen. And from then on, I adored this true 80’s diva.

X-Men Legacy #227
# of panels: 7
# of lines: 5 of them are repeat from last issue, 5 new ones.
# of times she uses her power: 1
Ariel comes to collect Trance and fails miserably at collecting her. But not at displaying how absolutely fabulous she is.

X-Men Legacy #229
# of panels: 7
# of lines: 12
# of times she uses her power: 1
This appearance Ariel shows up to help the X-Science Club as well as letting the world know what’s important in life: nail varnish, daytime TV, and belting outfits.


X-Men Legacy #230
# of panels: 2
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her power: 0
This appearance she makes two lineless panel appearances. In the second one she looks like DC's The Question considering her lack of face.


X-Men Legacy #234
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 1
# of times she uses her power: 0
Cameo queening like a true diva, Ariel is caught thinking about the subjects that really matter in today's society.

New Mutants #12
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times she uses her power: 1
A one-panel cameo of epic proportions, Ariel comes in at the most glamorous time (and in the most fabulous way) just as Cyclops tells Wolverine that Ariel is the new long distance teleporter.

X-men Legacy #235
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 10
# of times she uses her power: 1
The ultimate heartbreak occurs this issue as Ariel is promoted to being the main teleporter and dies within the same issue. We see her as she brings Rogue to Alpha team and she ends up staying with the team, making the poor choice of riding in a vehicle with Wolverine and X-23. She ends up being killed by missiles sent at the vehicle. Though there is a possibility she may have teleported in time as she was right next to a door, we still mourn her. RIP the Queen of Cameo.

The List #25 Part 2

X-Men Legacy #234
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Yanick Paquette
This may sound a bit ridiculous, but I always get excited when I see Yanick Paquette as artist. It's weird because he's not even close to my favorite artist, but something about his pencils thrills me.

This issue opens with Rogue trying to help Indra with his situation. Apparently he can no longer revert to armored form and it hurts for him to even try. What's worse is he thinks it's a punishment from his gods for killing that guy during Utopia or a blessing to stop fighting or whatever. Yeah, you'll hate him by the end of this issue too.

Meanwhile, the Cuckoos (who are featured quite a bit this post) lost their Phoenix fragments, and Cyclops has ordered them to search for where it went. Since the Phoenix can bend psi-probes, they believe if Rogue takes a bit of their power they'll be able to sense it as more passive telepaths. They tell Rogue that taking their power will mean she'll see things triangulating from three directions as one or however they put it. Not that it matters because during the time Rogue's telepathic she just seems to be the common kind. OH and Cuckoos are still finishing each other's sentences, meaning talking one at a time, rather than in unison. Like they used to. Which was a lot cooler. But I suppose, they must be normal! Even though the entire point of X-Men is pretty much a metaphor for social outcasts. Except the first five were all WASPs. Whatever.

Rogue has a bit of trouble dealing with all the thoughts of Utopia filling up her head. Throughout the issue we find her listening in on the thoughts of people nearby while in between character interactions. One thought struck me as snobby, bitchy, and divine. Obviously this could only be the thought of one diva: my favorite tranny ARIEL!!! Yes, my dear Ariel cameo queened it up with thoughts of prussian blue underwear. Don't forget to tuck, my dear! Anyway, she goes on to pick up on someone thinking in French:

Obviously, it's the ever-sexy Gambit's.

Google Translate tells me that this translates to, "I would not disturb, she will have me finally." The gist of the sentence is clear enough, but feel free to submit a better translation. Rogue goes to see Gambit and immediately recognizes there's something lurking inside his mind. Which is good because men dealing with their personal demons in a solo way usually just is super fucking angsty. She goes on to explain that she still avoids him because she fears her control over her power will slip. What's worse is to her he represents a loss of control, so that explains the avoiding. Except she's still telepathic, so she's broadcasting her ideas of her and Gambit losing self control to all of Utopia (see it here). It's followed by an island-long walk of shame.

Meanwhile, Surge is concerned Magneto's tampering with her powers by giving her more juice. And she's right! Apparently Magneto is doing this behind her back to train her. Which makes no fucking sense because she's not even aware that she should be trying to work with this change. Rogue is like, "Dude, wtf? Does that make sense on any planet?" Then Magneto asks Rogue how he should go about it, Rogue says get Surge's permission and he responds:

I love it when the Sassy Rogue of the Old Days meets Tough-As-Nails Rogue.
Seriously, Rogue could do with more sass, especially since a lot of the current readers grew up on her being that way on the 90's X-Men cartoon.

Oh and Magneto and Rogue kiss because of her feeling his attraction through empathy. It was awkward. Moving on, she also picks up on a stray thought of someone who apparently is in love with her. Bling! is in the panel shown for possible candidates and I'd be willing to bet it's her. Which would be cool except you just know that bitch Trance is going to just pipe up so she can shame the lesbian whore.

Finally, Rogue returns the Cuckoo's powers, apparently there's no trace of the Phoenix anywhere. She then returns to working with the ever-irritating Indra who keeps going on and on about his pacifist religion. K, sweetheart, if you're going to live with the X-Men, you've made yourself a target. You do what you do to survive, meaning your religion is the equivalent of a handbag, it's an accessory with survival taking first place. And if you disagree, might as well hop off the Utopia train. Anyway, Indra fears he's being possessed by something else and then his power finally work but goes to some sort of knight armor thing. Did we not just do a f#@%ing possession story?

In the end, Rogue gets comforted by Gambit, there's sexual tension as there always is, and the fans reading are getting pissed because we desire vicarious sexy time with Gambit. Don't judge, heterosexual males, he's a delicious piece of fictional male and you know it. Conclusion: Buy this issue because Legacy's probably the best X-Book going right now and probably the one I most consistantly have fun talking about.

Nation X #4
Writer #1: Peter Milligan
Artist #1: Mike Allred
This story we get the reunion of the X-Statix creative team as well as the return of the team's cameraman, Doop. The story consists of Doop investigating for someone who will commit a crime on Utopia. To find out who it is he uses some usual forms of testing including:

Bahah, dance, Magneto, dancceeeee! The suspects Cannonball and Gambit end up trying to kill Doop and it turns out everyone's confessing to having violent feelings. Then Wolverine tries to kill Doop and Doop wakes up. Yeah, it was all a dream, and Doop apparently has a sexy girlfriend who speaks Doopean. It's a very X-Statix-y story for those of you who miss the series and that brand fo humor (and I do).

Writer #2: Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa
Artist: #2: Harvey Tolibao
This story focuses in on Emma and the Cuckoos, and of course, yet again it seems impossible for any current writing team to do either correctly. It opens with Emma and Namor off in a shared fantasy fighting the Kraken, a reference to Clash of the Titans. I have to scold Miss Frost because these little fantasies were how she got into trouble last time. Seriously, Emma, do you want to put yourself in another frustrating relationship with a man child? Iron Man, Namor the first time, Sebastian Shaw, and Cyclops? Still haven't learned?

Apparently Emma's bored and she gives Scott lip about it. In response, he smacks her and tells her to go fix dinner. What? Is ANYONE else starting feel that this is where the relationship is going? I find her current submissive position in their relationship so infuriating that I'm praying for a violent decapitation of Cyclops scene in Second Coming. Who's with me? We could get a peutition going. Moving forward, the Cuckoos are bored too, and have been forcing Loa, Match, and Paras into psychic illusions recreating horror movies about evil children for cheap thrills.

Oh and for some fucked up reason, the writer seems to insist on giving a push to Fraction's edit of saying Mindee was meant to be called Irma and proceeds to call her that for the rest of the issue. Dear Roberto, do you know what kind of people grow into the name Irma? Middle-aged women who smoke a pack a day and work as secretaries, that's who. What's worse is the writer also has the Cuckoos speak in unison and has Frost dismiss it as a "thing" they do rather than the default way they should be speaking. Ugh, he's seriously worse than Fraction.

The reason for the Cuckoos being so mischevious is that they're restless without the Phoenix now, and feel like any "run of the mill telepath." Then they go no offense to Miss Frost. Except Emma Frost isn't some common telepath nor is she Omega level. She's a level below all the super-powered Greys and Xaviers of the land (with only Nate and Jean being Omega), but remarkable for her skill with her powers. Then Emma goes onto this:

And indeed he was quite tasty in that movie, have a look.

One thing done right here is Emma is back to advising the girls in that snobby, elitist way that she did in the old days with the girls no longer resisting her. Because heaven knows that grudge that they had against her was the world's most tired material. In the end, the girls are given some responsibilities which include teaching, much like Emma did on Genosha. Except their in the classroom panel is the a severely lame showing of them just being dumb. But at least they were being slightly weird again. In the end the story was all right.

Writer #3: Ivan Brandon
Artist #3: Rael Lyra
This story revolves around Loa, Match, and Rockslide sneaking to the refrigerator for a snack because food is rationed on Utopia and they're damned sick of it. Except my boyfriend Warpath is standing guard of said refrigerator. Which makes sense for the X-Men to put their delicious things together. The story has a large part of Warpath snoozing on the job and the students getting there. AND for the second time ever, we get to see Loa use her beautiful powers. Seriously, were she my friend, I'd always be using her as a paper shredder. Also, this is the first time we see Loa have a personality, and I have to say I adore it. It's very rebellious without all the anger and angst of that Surge has with it. She's also got a smart mouth, and I'm just hoping this sticks. Another new thing we have brought into the picture is apparently Santos can absorb debris and shit while already formed.

Warpath ends up catching the group and tells them to get away. And Loa ends up bringing in a good point about how the X-Students are treated:

See the lovable factor of this newfound personality?

Warpath ends up taking care of Match by throwing him in a gas oven, and takes off Santo's head. Not that it stops him from bitching. In the end it comes to a standoff between Loa and Warpath with amazing amounts of Loa badassness and Warpath sexyness. I'll post the last page since I find it to awesome not to share after my summary.

After this there's a story between Namor and Storm with Storm playing her new role as of late which is the X-Oprah. She ends up challenging Namor and he gets a fish for the island. It's the weakest story of the bunch. Conclusion: Probably the best issue of the mini-series, definitely consider buying this. And now for sexy Warpath time!

The List #25 Part 1

Dark Avengers #15
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato
This issue is about Bullseye killing Lindy, the Sentry's wife. That's about it. Oh and Deodato's art is a smoother this issue which I find is an iffy change.

Anyway, this is a shame because next issue is also the last issue. And that bites because I love this series even though it pretty much hit mediocre as soon as I got on board. To fill the void left in my heart (which I promise will not be the mundane subject of a dozen stories like The Sentry's has) I will be returning to reading Thunderbolts which will include my beloved Moonstone. And that means you can expect commentary on it here.

Conclusion, don't pick up this issue, it was just predictable and mediocre.



Spider-Woman #7
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
Jessica begins this issue looking for her skrull, tracking down his idiot human girlfriend and figuring out that she needs to get to this bar. She goes there and calls him out. He shows himself, having been in the disguise of an old man, and proceeds to kick her ass in a mighty way considering he's in good shape as opposed to the tortured skrull Jessica took on a few issues ago. He proceeds to explain to Jessica why she was chosen to be replaced by the Skrull Queen, which totally plays into the constant angst of this series.

The Avengers interrupt, begging to differ, and proceed to ask Jessica what the hell her deal is. And Jessica thinks they're skrulls; which is understandable considering the fake Spider-man at the beginning of the series. The skrull manages to hide away in the crowd, and Jessica ends up using her skrull-identifier to find him. Wolverine comes at him from the back and claws him, but the skrull is still too strong so Jessica zaps him and ends the almighty skrull hunt. In the end, Wolverine pep talks Jessica by explaining that he's still the most screwed up of them all because it would ruin his entire image and he'd lose his macho card if he were, say, third place. Anddd it ends with another double page thingy, which is explained on the last page of the issue.

Apparently, Maleev busted his ass off to make the motion comic and also produce the comic book, so he's very tired of seeing Jessica Drew. He actually assaulted a woman on the street for looking like her on last month, so they decided to leave the Spider-Woman series alone for now. Well, actually that's half true, the latter being the truth. Too bad though because I love me a good crazy story.
Yes, tragically Spider-Woman ends with this issue which I had suspected for awhile, but now it's all done and confirmed. It's too bad considering I think a Spider-Woman ongoing would have been fantastic even though my commentary is less than useful with books like this. Still would've been a good read. Conclusion, I'd say get the trade when it comes out, all seven issues are worth having, and it's cheaper that way.

Joe the Barbarian #3
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Sean Murphy
I have to say that this series has a very Wizard of Oz, Pagemaster, Digimon World, kid-pulled-into-a-fantasy-world feel. Which is what the story is, and it's all good because those used to be my favorite sort of stories. What this story does different is it has a more mature feel, it's a Vertigo title after all.

This issue, Jack and Joe are being attacked by Deathcoats and dwarf pirate-y people in submarines. So they join the lesser of two evils, the pirates, and try to escape the Deathcoats. They do, though one sub doesn't make it, and return to the pirate peeps home which looks gorgeous and very familiar. Like I'd say that town where you acquire Shiva in FF7 mixed with Nibleheim. Thoughts, anyone?

The revelation is that Joe's the prophecized 'Dying Boy' which snaps him back to reality for a second, and he begins to wonder if he's dying in real life. For the better part of the issue he's aware that he's hallucinating, or at least he thinks he is, and is attempting to get down to the kitchen to get a soda to get his blood sugar situation fixed. The kitchen apparently is also some forest kingdom thing, and I cannot wait to see how Murphy presents it. But that's next issue because as before the group (now with one of the largest of the dwarf people) heads downward, they're all hit with sleeping pollen. Which is very Wizard of Oz-esque, and it turns out that Joe himself passed out.

I do have to reiterate that Murphy is the star of this series. Without his pencils, this series would come to dangerously cliched and just somewhat uninteresting. I find his strength to be in the landscapes he creates because they are just the focus of a page. His characters are, of course, strong, but flipping through you can see the attention to detail and creativity in each and every new place being visited. Conclusion: Buy this series. Oh and here's the FF7 Nibleheim-y place that I adored:

The List #24

Gotham City Sirens #9
Writer: Paul Dini
Artist: Guillem March
A lot of this issue focuses on the Riddler, it's his thought bubbles that are central this issue. And I have to say I find this irritating. The series is called Gotham City Sirens, not Gotham City Reformed Villains. If Dini is dying to write a series on The Riddler then go do it, but stop subjecting this series to constant detours to The Riddler when it's supposed to be about the women. It's especially insulting because it seems The Riddler appears every time something needs to be taken seriously, as if the girls are incapable of carrying a serious plot on their own. I'd say it goes so far as to suggest that female villains aren't to be taken as serious.

Another thing that gets me is since when is Ivy a reformed villain? I know Catwoman and Harley are, but Ivy just seems to have slipped into it without any real explanation. More importantly, who are the villains these days? With Ivy, Harley, Catwoman, and The Riddler all reformed it feels like all the best ones besides the Joker are gone.

This issue focuses around a body being dropped into the girls' home and Eddie trying to figure out what they were all doing before then. Harley's day is riddled with 'cutesy' crap and just details of her eccentric nature. Yet again, a mistake is made in writing Harley. The appeal of Harley is that her personality is such a contrast from her line of work. Her cuteness is odd in such a dark setting, and that's her appeal. Instead, Dini has focused in on her too much during this series and humanized her way too much. It's hard to believe she's ever been sick and twisted.

As for Ivy, it appears she was out at a job interview. Which I adore because I've already said I adore the fact that she's written to not need a man and has strong devotion to her cause. Making her a career woman just makes things even better.

As for Catwoman, apparently she was out sparring with Catman. And as a sidenote, I know I've stated before that Catwoman is the Gotham Girl I care about the least, but I've been looking into her recent appearances this past week and I have to say I find myself liking her now. I think it's up to Dini to spotlight her right now considering she's the least worked on Gotham Girl.

Anyway, the girls wrap up their stories and The Riddler goes to their home to check out the body. He makes a note of how the villain neglected to us the specific weapons and materials the girls would have which sort of brings the idea of villainy being an art (especially in such a villain focused universe as the Batman universe).

In the end it turns out the villain trying to frame the girls was none other than... Dr. Aesop!! Yeah, I have no idea who he is, but that's what I get for only reading Batman issues with Ivy in them. Conclusion: I'd say that this issue is worth the buy so long as you don't mind The Riddler.

X-Factor #202
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Bing Cansino
Here's the basic idea of this issue: Layla's working with Dr. Doom and apparently there's an impostor Doom or something from an alt. universe. I think. Whatever, anyway it turns out Invisible Woman is being kept in Castle Doom and it hooked up to a machine where she's exploring trashed fantasies with Namor. And we also finally get to know what Imperius Rex means, an explanation I certainly wouldn't deny.

In the end Monet interrupts and gets Sue out of the machine, everyone on the offensive team runs to go confront Doom. And they come upon a most unexpected scene as they come upon Doom...painting Layla's portrait. Which I kind of love because I have to say Doom humor, or as it should be called 'Dumor,' is a guilty pleasure of mine.

What a diva.

During the closing of the issue, Doom claims to just have been trying to protect Sue and reiterates that he's no longer after the FF4. As everyone is departing it seems an artist mistake was made. It seems Layla was colored to look like Monet (possibly drawn as well?), and the mistake was only fixed by having the 'M' tattoo put on the mis-drawn Layla.

Anyway, the team leaves except Layla makes Shatterstar behind with her and Doom for reasons currently unknown. Oh and back at home the evil Reed Richards is defeated. Conclusion: This issue crossed over the limbo between ok and good that David regularly visits and went into the more positive limbo of between good and great. I would say consider buying it.

X-Men Legacy #233
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
This issue is basically made up of two parts. The first is Rogue discovering that Betsy's psi-knife can de-possess and subsequently psi-knifing everyone. You can imagine how tense that was. And the second was Proteus and Magneto's fight which was filled with, "Bah, old man, you're weak, you'll die!.......BAH! Old man, you're weak..." and Magneto in the end 'surprisingly' winning.
A couple things of interests included recreating a scene from the old days of Kurt teleporting around Rogue (this time possessed and trying to possess her, not tickle her) and Rogue eventually predicting his next move. Also, since when can Paige use her bodies of different substances to make powers? Like in this issue she became a fire form while possessed and managed to shoot flames at Rogue. Proteus' reality-bending or is Paige getting an upgrade?

Anyway, possessed Husk is most resistant to Rogue and almost ends up defeating Rogue when Betsy steps in with her psi-knife. And Magneto screws around with Proteus' electromagnetic thingy to make it go away. Afterwards, Rogue and Destiny have a really cute mother/daughter scene. I've always found the Mystique/Rogue mother/daughter relationship sort of unconvincing, but when Destiny's added to the mix I have to say the dynamics make a lot more sense. And it's a tragedy that Destiny couldn't be developed more because I do enjoy her character.

Destiny eventually goes to see Blindfold and we find out that two pre-cogs cancel each other out. And I just realized almost all of the X-Men characters who've been precog at one point or another have also been blind at one point or another. (Destiny, Blindfold, Psylocke, and Gambit. Preview is the only seeing one I can think of.) Destiny tells Ruth she's not her ma and tells her what she knows. Apparently there's an evil brother in the mix, which I can imagine is going to be the subject of a future arc.

And that's it for X-Men Legacy's part in the Necrosha crossover. Probably the one with the least amount of impact yet the best one out of the three. I would definitely recommend buying this arc if you're interested a simple but good superhero arc.

X-Force #24
Writers: Craig Kyle and Chris Yost
Artist: Clayton Crain
In terms of last issue's body count, apparently it's Onyxx, Diamond Lil, and Meld, who I thought was Leech.

This issue starts with Warpath being taken to see Selene, Wither and Eli Bard get into a fight where Wither reveals he's also part-vampire or whatever Eli is. Then Selene kills Eli for his bullshit, and hopefully she'll get killed for her soon since she's just a boring villain in goth lingerie who's into S+M. Not exactly the height of originality.

Warpath is taken into the dungeons so that he can be forced to fight his resurrected brother. He resists, and Johnny can't stop himself but apparently tells James how to kill Selene.

X-Force arrives on Genosha and right as they arrive a few discoveries are made. The first being that Elixir changed Rahne's powerset a bit when he was healing her because of her pregnancy. That and apparently Vanisher's tumor is no more, but he's definitely got some sort of STD that causes spitting up blood. Vanisher ends up deciding to stay with the team though and goes to save James. And Blink, being the bitch she is, blows up Telford's arm as he's in the process of saving because no good deed goes unpunished.

X-Force's presence is discovered and there begins epic fight scene which is mixed in with Selene's ritual prep. The ritual eventually happens, can't tell if all the resurrected people die in the process, but I suppose it's to be assumed. And so now Selene's a god. The God of Boring Cliche's I'd wager.

Conclusion: This issue is only somewhat more interesting and intense than past issues, but it still ends up being pretty mediocre and not all that intense.

The List #23 part 2

Uncanny X-Men #521
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
This issue begins with Magneto meditating on the mountain and Scott and Emma coming up to check up on him and just be nosy. Also, it's not like they having anything better to do like say run Dystopia. A really weird thing happens when Emma realizes she's shut out of Magneto's mind: she gets a really unnecessarily angry face courtesy of Land.

Back at the fight scene between the X-Men and the predictably defeatable team we see some really idiotic crap. Like Psylocke being surprised that the invisible enemy also is invisible to her telepathy. Uh, Betsy, she's still got her gloves on, it's not that hard to figure out. And in a 'shocking' turn of events, Fantomex comes to save the day. I will be even MORE 'shocked' if he joins the X-Men (which was hinted at the end of this issue). Ugh, Fraction's attempt at making his wet dream of a team is really on my last nerve. Carey will you please replace him? Also during the fight scene and the entire issue really is awkward panels/dialogue:

The reason why I show these two panels is that they would have looked better this way or something like it. Instead the first one was at the bottom of the first page and the other one at the top of the second, causing a wtf pause in between. And awkward things like this run rampant throughout the issue.

Land definitely did not help the confusion, although he did laughably try to draw an outstretched hand. Which looked more like a nub with long sausages on it.

In the end, the predictably losing team loses. But not before Brain Child (or whoever the leader is) releases HX-N1, a new strand of influenza for mutants that sounds nothing like copying and pasting the swine flu story into X-terms! Someone deprive Fraction of the Internet please. Before he turns Dazzler into Lady DazDaz and the next big storyline is whether or not Diva has a peen or a vag.

In reaction to the virus being released, EVA goes into Squid Mode and swallows the X-Men in order to protect them. Yeah, I loved it for all the wrong reasons too. Anddd just in case you didn't think Fraction was trying to be Morrison already, apparently the source of the defeatable team and the disease is none other than John Sublime. Bets on when Cassie Nova's going to make a comeback? Logan's response was worse than the revelation actually:

Isn't that the case for half of the X-Villains?? Anyway, in the end it turns out the now perpetually weak Magneto, who you may recall as being severely weakened by the Predator attack (which Fraction seems to have forgot in his explanation on CBR's X-Position) is bringing Kitty back from the depths of space. Yeah, rather than bitch up a storm about how none of this makes sense, I'm just going to take the stoner way and accept it for what it is: A campy take on the X-Men.

Whatever, I hate Kitty, next issue is all about her comeback, andddd my conclusion is don't buy this issue.

Joe the Barbarian #2
Writer: Grant Morrison
Artist: Sean Murphy
A big reason why I'm including this series is it just so happens to take place (well, when Joe's taken his insulin) in Portland, Maine which is about where I live and a place I enjoy greatly. Also because I love Morrison, the man could take a turn for the worst and start Claremont-ing it up and I would still have supreme respect for him for making Emma what she was in New X-Men.

But honestly, this series really isn't about Morrison. His writing is really more background. For this mini-series, the artist Sean Murphy is the star and rightly so because he is astonishingly talented. Also, do acquaint yourself with his Deviant Art blog. In there is probably one of the most dead-on posts I have ever read in the world and it includes this:

I’ve always struggled with drawing women because I refuse to draw the normal “big tits/small-waist/cookie-cutter” types that you see in some mainstream comics. And if I have to draw one, I’ll struggle to make it look more like an actual life drawing of a REAL female body rather than a rip-off of a million poorly drawn women in comics. I'm not always successful, to I feel like I do try. In my opinion, drawing cookie-cutter bodies of anatomically impossible proportions does three things:
1. It makes our industry look juvenile—like a bunch of giggly kids doodling big tits in our notebooks during 3rd period.
2. It’s an insult to the female reader. Which is probably one of many reasons why they usually don’t read mainstream books.
3. It makes the artist look like an uncreative dumb-fuck who doesn’t take pride in noticing how different female bodies types are. Usually because he doesn’t know or understand women (nor does he care to try). And he’ll usually get away with it because most of the women he meets are at cons where he doesn’t have to make any effort.

For this, I'm pretty sure Sean Murphy could draw Emma Frost as a complete man and I would forgive him. Seriously, one of the best comments ever, go read the rest of the post here.

Moving on, last issue was about setting things up, and it was appropriately priced at $1 since it was a bit slower paced. The series so far basically revolves around a diabetic boy who's hallucinating because he hasn't taken his insulin in awhile. I know I just made it sound lame, but there's more to it, the hallucinations make an interesting story about his toys and rat being under attack and what not.

Murphy's landscapes look amazing in this issue, the one featuring the toy town thing Jack was being held in looked very reminiscent of one of the towns in Midgar from Final Fantasy 7 and his grassy settings on the side of the mountain remind me quite a bit of Digimon World 1. Both things I played around Joe's age (assuming he's 12) so Murphy makes things age appropriate. Rather than anyone who's written Molly Hayes from Runaways since Vaughan who seems to think being five years old and thirteen are the same thing.

Basically the plot this issue is Joe rescuing his pet rat, Jack, and escaping from the villain team (deathcoats I think?) and Joe also having a vision from "Lord Arc" who looks like a sun, telling him he'd better not f#@$ it up or Lord Death will be on him. Like I said, the storie's really not so much the focus as Murphy's art is, and yes it is worth the buy.

Conclusion, go out and buy both issues 1 and 2 this instant. They only cost $3.99 together which is like what you've been paying for a subpar Marvel book these days, so get out some cash for two issues that would be worth pricing $2.99 each.

Oh and before I go, I have to make one last complaint, it concerns the Women of Marvel variants:

Exactly why did they have to use the mohawk Storm variant (my FAVORITE version of Storm) on something as forgettable and insignificant as Doomwar?