Friday, September 25, 2009

The List #10

Uncanny X-Men #515
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land

Everyone please welcome back Greg Land! If this were a serious title, I'd be fuming pissed to see Greg Land's name on it, but as has been repeated over and over lately, these are "Fracticious times." Wonderful narcissism, Fraction, truly genius. Anyway, not a lot to love this issue or with this week's servings. Especially with this issue. First 8 pages are intro-ing pointless villains we know don't stand a chance against the X-Men, capturing a clone of Scalphunter that was featured in Divided We Stand. Or Manifest Destiny? No one really cares. Which is a theme for this issue actually. A lot of it is about Cyclops and his role as leader now which yet again, no one cares about since he's just an annoying manchild. That and Dr. Old Man Scientist of the X-Club's death which, again, no one really cares about. But here's a couple places of interest:

Also, wasn't it fucking weird how Cyclops was all "Aw, man," when everyone was around the body. Lame response, douchebag. Also, does anyone believe Danger will be able to rehab Shaw and Pierce? Seriously? Does anyone ever think that either of these men would be trusted outside of bars? Most fucking ridiculous idea this issue and there were a lot of them. Lastly onto Miss Frost:

I'd welcome back the
real Miss Frost except apparently this is only how she acts when she's stuck in diamond form. Since it makes her "emotionless". Yeah.

Ok, so first offense is writing the old Emma as the emotionless Emma since now we're supposed to buy that Emma is Momma Mutation. Second is Storm and Cyclops both freaking out on Emma for her callousness. In the above statement, her thoughts aren't altogether wrong, but more importantly are the team members not brief on each other's powers and their effects? I can't imagine Scott and Ororo don't know about Emma's emotionless factor in her diamond form. Seriously. Lastly, I noticed that the Void slice in Emma's head moves. So basically is looks like a black tadpole floating around in Emma's head then? Kinda Lolzy.

Conclusion: Not worth the effort to go get.

Dark Reign The List: X-Men
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Alan Davis

This story is basically about Osborn transforming Namor's ex-wife, Marrina, into killer fish that can only digest Atlanteans. And the X-Men/Namor killing her. That's it. But I do have a couple comments, first off:

The return of Betsy's butterfly!!
I love it!
That and I have to say I do not enjoy Namor's costume at the moment. This is because he lacks the usually naked factor that I've come to know and love. And as for Alan Davis, I have to wonder what the frack is with all the smiles on the X-Men as their trying to defeat shark Marrina? Seriously Davis, you're worse than Land. Also, the colorist on this issue was kinda shit. You could get away with not reading this issue your entire life, or to put it simply: leave this one on the shelves.
Dark X-Men: The Confession
Writers: Craig Kyle and Chris Yost
Artist: Bing Cansino

This is the conclusion of the pointless, overhyped Emma/Scott "secrets" debate where they spill the secrets and predictably realize they still love each other. Don't buy this unless you're a fucking idiot, and that's all I'm going to say on this issue because it's such a piece of shit it doesn't deserve any more of my attention.
Spider-Woman #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev

There are mainly two times when I have trouble commenting on something: when something is mediocre and boring or when something is so well-written my thoughts are unnecessary. Spider-Woman #1 is the latter. BMB turns out an excellent story and probably the only good one this week actually. Alex Maleev, who I did not love at all in Secret Invasion: Dark Reign, shaped up his work where it gives an excellent dark tone to the story. I've also seen this work as a motion comic and it is phenomenal, potentially better than the comic itself, I highly reccomend digging into your piggy banks if your low on comic book funds because Spider-Woman is that good. And also, possibly going to take Ms. Marvel's place in solo female title considering what's going on there...
Ms. Marvel #45
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Phillip Briones

This serving of Ms. Marvel is almost as bad as the MODOK story. Yet again the Ms. Marvel readers need to ask Reed, "Why the f#@% do we care about Catherine Donovan?" Even the sort-of explanation of her happening we got this issue does not cut it. Catherine Donovan is just another piece of crap idea coming out of this mostly mediocre Dark Reign deal. And poor Moonstone is now possessed by Catherine because Norman killed her body. Oh well, not like Reed was using Moonstone correctly anyway. I'm seriously thinking of dropping this series post-Moonstone. Also, absolutely dreadful art this issue:

Plain and simple: Don't buy it.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The List #9

Dark Avengers #9
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Mike Deodato

To start, I almost 'gasmed when I saw that DA was returning to it's regular talents considering Fraction ruined DA for me for TWO MONTHS. Seriously the BMB plus Deodato team is Marvel's strongest pairing. Even stronger than Cyclops and Wolverine's secret love. Mhmm, that hardcore.

This issue centers around Ares and the disappearance of his son with only a few pages dedicated to anything else. It was far from the best issue and I'd hoped for more considering it's Ares. And. Ok. I have to come out of yet another closet: I am an Ares fan. Not anywhere near how obsessed I am with Emma Frost, but I do look forward to an Ares appearance in the titles I read. Also, I generally hate most of the Marvel male characters. No joke.

Anyway, this issue included a battle with Nick Fury's Secret Warriors, and apparently there is a member codenamed Hellfire! Which I feel ambivalent about; if he appears in anything else I read I can always call him me and make jokes about him doing diva things like me, but then again if he sucks then I can't make up a Hellfire for when I join the Marvel writers. Oh don't laugh, it'll happen.

More important observation, I imagine that this is not true for all characters, but do you give some of the characters you read unique voices? If yes, am I the only one that thinks Ares' voice would sound like Goldar from Power Rangers? Seriously, if Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 is about Dark Reign (which would be IDEAL) then they'd best call in the voice of Goldar.

I love DA gossip. I love the Dark Avengers period.
Also, I've heard multiple bitchings that the DA is made up of a bunch of Z, D, or C-Listers. K, listen. I know nothing about Daredevil past the movie and I know who Bullseye is. I barely know Spiderman, but I know the Scorpion and of course, Venom. They may not be A-List, but I'd give most of them B-List.

By the way, look at that pic again for me. Do you see a pattern? I do, it's called the Bald Conspiracy! Seriously, Osborn just loves recruiting bald men! Or men who will go bald or men who're mostly bald.

I love that the DA discuss the events in their own books since it shows everything's connected even in this very drawn out event with no main book. And their snark is hilarious, I have to side with Moonstone, Deadpool is fucking annoying and I only like him in small doses. Sorry Deadpool fans.
Final note: Issue ends with the Sentry possibly being shot and killed. Fan service? Seriously, fuck the Sentry. Oh and buy this issue if you are a consistent DA lover but leave it on the stands until next month if you're short on cash.

Dark Reign: Young Avengers #4
Writer: Paul Cornell
Artist: Mark Brooks

Hate the cover. Hate Skankasaurus trying to seduce Wiccan even though it had him protesting because he's gay. Which is probably the first time he's EVER said he's gay with the gay word. Or close enough.

This issue irritated me. The dialogue all over is the most awkward I've ever read and barely makes sense. Cornell is probably going to do something dramatic for the fifth and thankfully final issue of this series and I am so hoping it does not put the YA in a beyond repair state like what happened to the Runaways. This is essentially YA lite. All of the characters plus thirty more with no one having any personality. Lastly, as if Kate Bishop's, aka Hawkeye, glasses can really cover up her identity. Just cause you've got shades doesn't make you unrecognizable. But yet again I'm trying to make sense of a nonsensical limited series. Conclusion: Don't buy any of this series. And to brighten the mood, here's Hulkling and Wiccan:

X-Factor #48
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro

This issue was disappointingly lackluster and mundane. I only have a couple things to say: Where was Longshot all issue. I'm pretty sure all he did was cameo queened on the cover in the reflection of the sunglasses. That and I LOVE senile Doom. He makes the future crap more bearable. Love that Siryn's lack of accent was mentioned and that she used it again. Andddd yet again Ricstar was confined to one-panel cameo queening. Leave this one on the shelves.

X-Men Legacy Annual #1

Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Daniel Acuna

This issue was generally fine. It's yet again Carey as of this past year: good but you know he could being fucking amazing. High points though:

He almost gave me hope for a second that Emma's diamond problem was only going to be respected in Uncanny. Too bad. Anywho, I love hearing reference to the telepaths since they're usually my favorite characters. Also, who responded to Jeffries? I'm assuming the Cuckoos considering they said "we're" but still.

Oh and in the fight that followed with Emplate? Emma was TOTALLY dismissed! Seriously, no panel of her fighting. And then when the team was briefed on Emplate she was shown in the flashback with Penance but she did no talking despite her having the most experience with Emplate. That and I hope Bling! dies just because I've never loved her and I love the second story featuring Gambit. Buy this one if you've got extra cash.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Exiles #6 Review

Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Salvador Espin
Unfortunately, this review comes in about two weeks late, but I still needed to pay tribute to Exiles as it ended up turning out to be a wonderful reboot to the series that was sadly stopped abruptly. I actually found this last issue to be the best though, so I almost wonder if it's better that it ended so quickly as sometimes I did find the issues slow-paced. Anyway, onto the review!

To begin, when Exiles Wanda sees Alt. Wanda and she says "Does she have to dress so slutty?" or something, that's a self aware statement right? The only difference in outfits is that Exiles Wanda has a cape and headdress.

My biggest, BIGGEST love in this issue, possibly this month is Parker's Alt Emma Frost. Because she. Is. Emma. Hear that Fraction? THIS is Emma Frost. In almost every way, this realities Emma Frost is what she should be, even today with her different roles and responsibilities. Also, Gen X love!

Together again!
Anyway, this Emma is just like she should be all the time, she's wearing a skanky costume and most importantly:

She kills like the old Emma!
Unfortunately the victim is Exiles Wanda:(
So in the issue, Emma and Scott's affair is used as a way to destroy the alliance, so I assume in this reality Emma represents the Brotherhood side. Another fun aspect is seeing Jean get all psycho fun like she does every so often. Made me miss her a bit *tear*.

The reality is "fixed" in a lesser of two evils way and the group returns to see Morph for him to explain the two evils thing. With puppets!!

Can I get the Emma one?! Even though it's part of Morph's hand.
Morph Love Part 2.

Seriously, this series was usually solid for at least one LOL per issue.
The team figures out that Blink is feigning dumb about the Exiles deal, so they knock her out and dump Morph to go to the Crystal Palace. From there it is discovered that the Exiles are actually multiple squads and more importantly, the old Exiles are leading the way! Also, apparently Claremont's abominations are stuck in stasis, so I suppose that's one way to flip that douche off. The ONLY bad thing about this is that Sage is part of them and I have a weird love for Sage. Also, they even showed her in her old X-Treme X-Men costume:

Most of the rest of the issue explains how the Exiles deal has functioned, functions, and will continue to function with one of the most satisfying explanations that only Parker could give us. I would explain it but A. I'm lazy B. you should really just buy the blasted issue because it's packed with awesome. He even wrapped up loose plot threads like Morph's Proteus deal. I suppose it's just as well since this may be the last we see of the Exiles for awhile.

The new, non-Claremont Exiles are shown how their realities continued in their absence. And it is revealed that this reality's Beast is gay and coupled with Wonder Man. Who tragically died. But whatever, I like this because it plays on 616 Beast's almost-gayness. Which is how you correctly reference Morrison, Fraction!

Also, Forge was thinking of Ororo at some point and this is the picture shown:

The Crying Game, anyone?
Seriously, what a tranny.
The issue ends with super group shot time with Nocturne taking the place of Blink on the team and Alt Wanda being revealed without the team's knowing. Which is spicy since Exiles Wanda was bland and her and the Polaris sister/BFF thing was sort of lame. And that's it for the review. Until you rise again in five years like Jean Grey!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Exodus #1 Review

Writer: Matt Fraction
Artists: Mike Deodato and Terry Dodson
Again, cover is superior and Bianchi should have definitely been the artist on the Namor vs. The Sentry fight. Because I'd f#@%ing love me some Namor done in Bianchi's gay porn pencils. Anyway, welcome to the conclusion of the barely progressive Utopia. You may as well call it Messiah War. This issue opens with ANOTHER revisit to the pointless Emma/Scott secrets debate which has been WAY overhyped. The result is they try to discuss it like rational adults in an undramatic fashion. While they don't discuss it, they probably will and it won't be all that epic. Oh and I love this.

Apparently she had an idea of what was going on. Gee, no shit, as she once stated, she knows the telepathic feeling of someone being dead real well. I can imagine that would also mean she can sense when people's minds are fixated on it as well.
The majority of this issue has Mike Deodato as the artist and I LOVE HIM. He is the master artist for all things Dark Reign and Thunderbolts related and I just hope that when Dark Reign falls, he will follow Osborn back to Thunderbolts mountain.

This issue is basically a big fight scene, definitely more satisfying than Fraction's previous attempts, but he stills fails at really getting into the meat of a fight scene considering we get a page dedicated to Archangel and Bullseye's entering the fight without the payoff of a real hardcore fight scene. Also, concerning when Bullseye shot out his arrows, what the hell is this?

Exactly how much abuse are the gays going to take this crossover? JESUS!
Also, is that my beloved Husk?! HAY GURRLL!!!
Daken and X-23's fight scene was extremely disappointing, I can't believe she had to take help from Wolverine's other lackeys, Hisako and Pixie. Seriously, in a fair world I think calculating X-23 would've won against cocky Daken. Everyone else's fights I sort of felt mainly indifferent about, especially Cyclops and Osborn's. But I did think it fucking dumb that Nekra, Frenzy, and Bling! could take down Moonstone. Like the X-23 fight, it was just pure bullshit. However, something I did like during the fight scenes:

I thought this was epic.
I also thought Dani Moonstar kicking some ass was divine. Seriously, I now officially LOVE the New Mutants.
Speaking of things I thought were impossible:

That's impossible.
Dark Beast does not have the power to defeat Northstar or Dazzler separately, let alone together.
Luckily, Fraction had a moment of genuine talent and wrote a scene that felt like Emma was actually in-character:

This next scene is a bit funny. Fraction is in essence citing back to another appearance by Emma that similarly lacks any of her personality and treats her like Jean-lite. It's bland, Emma's too mom-like, and Dodson's the artist for this scene. But then tragedy strikes as Emma holds back the Void.

Emma takes a piece of the Void in her and is stuck in diamond form for fear of releasing the Void is her powerful telepathic mind. Which, by the way, IS NOT OMEGA LEVEL. Fraction, stop trying to amp up your "love" for her by over-citing past appearances she's had as well as over-amping her powers. If she were Omega she would've stood a chance against Jean, but she didn't. Emma Frost's strength was that while she was not the most powerful she was incedibly skilled and practiced in her powers that usually had daily practice considering her amoral nature. She could've been trapped in diamond from this entire past year though considering how overused her diamond power is in Uncanny. While I'm glad she'll be all cold and emotionless for awhile, that fact is she was already evil before this crap. Well. Not evil, but she was the team bitch. Stop trying to make it look like her being evil is foreign and only happens when it's forced on her. I'm just glad Astonishing is apparently ignoring this diamond-state deal.

The issue wraps up with Moonstone coming to get Osborn since the cameras are all out and they'd have to kill all the X-Men to win. Osborn gets all pissy with her and she's all damsel-y. Which is, again, bullshit. Moonstone is a capable woman who would calmly get Osborn to stop and look around. Not whimper. Not be beaten by a bunch of D-Listers. Anyway, I do happen to love the massive group shot, despite the fact that none of my favorite characters are in it. It's all over here!

In the end, we get ANOTHER, fucking MILLIONTH "The whole world is watching"as well as speeches of boringdom from both sides. Sadly, Dark X-Men are still alive and now apparently in the same league as the Dark Avengers. So far from the truth. Oh and there's one more thing:

That's also from Morrison's News X-Men. Morrison needs to sue for overuse of his work.
Also, it seems all of Fraction's ideas are from Morrison's run. I liked this issue, but fucking A Fraction's writing is pathetic.
Finally word, buy this issue, but honestly only the intro and conclusion are worth owning. It's not the best, but it's finally a decent amount of drama and fighting. What's also good about this is that Necrosha preview is in the back. It's AMAZING! I'm so excited to review this.

One last thing, here's the Bianchi cover gallery I promised, google for bigger images, they're not hard to find:

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The List #8 part 2

Dark Avengers #8
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Luke Ross

Once again, Bianchi's cover proves to be the superior one. Moving on, is there a specific reason why Matt Fraction writes the entire crossover? Isn't the point of a crossover to put together different talents? I seriously am so frustrated that Bendis was taken of the title for two months to let f#@#ing Fraction dominate. Seriously. What. The. Frack.

The issue begins with another page filler of showing the Dark X-Men at work. It's pointless. The issue itself is loads of mundane again, yet again I find myself with little to say. I have to say that X-Force's involvement with this crossover is annoying because THEY HAVE THEIR OWN BOOK. That and there are TONS of beloved characters in limbo. I know I'm repeating myself, but Fraction is repetitive.

Anyway, Emma finally reveals that she was never evil and just going along with things and all this pointless "OMG IF SCOTT FINDS OUT!" crap was just such a snore. But Emma does do something I wholeheartedly love:

Torture and abuse are her meat and potatoes.
So now we'll be returning to crappy, snarky Emma rather than absolutely void of personality Emma. Polishing the turd I suppose, but good news everyone LAND RETURNS NEXT ISSUE!!! I know I've claimed my hate for Land multiple times, but he makes Fraction's work campy. And since Fraction's staying on the title is an inconvenient truth, at least I get campy factor to work with now instead of mundane-ness. Expect my witty and bitchy factors to come back in full force soon! This issue definitely ends on a bad note though:

Why because that's what they think with?
Fraction, go fuck yourself, you sexist.

New Mutants #4

Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves

I have to say that New Mutants is quickly becoming the rising star of the X-Books in my opinion especially considering the improvement I find happening in each new issue. X-Force and New Mutants' improvement is actually causing me to feel excited for Necrosha which is surprising.

Anyway, really quick comments on the issue: I can't believe Cannonball is legit this dick-ish in the book, but the friction and tension he creates is love UNLIKE that created by Cyclops. Magik is legit badass and I SO hope her commanding force continues. And this totally creeped the hell out of me:

That and we get a glimpse of the REAL Emma Frost!!

I miss her in white!
Closing statements: Buy ALL the issues thus far!!

Runaways #13
Writer: Kathryn Immomen
Artist: Sara Pichelli

So few words are going to be said on this issue, it will be like a haiku. This issue is subpar, the dialogue is absolutely fucking awkward at times, the Nico/Chase kiss scene is total fanfiction crap, but I did like this spell: