Uncanny X-Men #508
# of panels: 12
# of lines: 15
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Superhuman speed, flight, and endurance. CEO and brand visionary, Team Northstar Extreme Snowsports.
Probably the appearance with the most quality, this marks Northstar rejoining the X-Men. Here Northstar introduces us to an actual boyfriend. Y’know? Not like Austen degrading him by making him pathetically lusting after hetero/closeted Iceman. That’s a mistake a gay man makes when he’s first coming out, not now. He’s cocky, sassy, and absolutely fabulous. He also essentially called out Austen from the beyond by saying he doesn’t want to be the X-Men’s gay mascot which is how Austen used him. And he mentions poutine much to my delight. I’ve only had one so far this year and I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
Uncanny X-Men #509
# of panels: 15
# of lines: 26
# of times using his powers: 2
Craption: Fastest and Newest X-Man
Northstar in this issue gets caught up in a pointless interview and it’s absolutely mundane. Then later on he goes out and parties with the Queen of the Cameo Queens, Dazzler. And Pixie. Who he claims is legal to drink in Canada which must mean she fed him some bullshit or writers aged her due to Land’s purifying because Canada is 19 and Quebec is 18. I come from Northern Maine, Canadian drinking ages is required knowledge. He also nudges Scott about his problems with Emma before the Sisterhood attacks. The best part of this issue is the image below. Seriously, if there’s anything I’ve learned from Sailor Moon, Dazzler, and Angewomon when she shot her Celestial Arrow is everyone hit the deck when you see the Diva Finger.
Uncanny X-Men #510
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times using his powers: 0
Craption: None
Following in the footsteps of his Cameo Master hag, Diva Daz, Northstar makes an obscure appearance of pure Cameotic Artistery.
Uncanny X-Men #511
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 2
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Speed. Flight. Light Manipulation. Doesn’t know any better.
Northstar’s only line is sort of a blatantly cutting through the BS of Wolvie and Cyclops’ mangst. Which Fraction labels as “Doesn’t know any better.” More like doesn’t give a fuck. That and he gets one more word “No.” He’s become a quick study in Daz’s Diva School of Cameo Queening.
Uncanny X-Men #514
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 1
# of times using his powers: 0
Craption: None
This issue, Northstar attempts to mimic his hag master with the cameo crotch, but fails. He quickly recovers with a pose on the motorcycle that just BEGS for Land. Later on, he, like Diva, gets a flat one line, but he manages to not even be seen saying it.
# of panels: 6
# of lines: 1
# of times using his powers: 0
Craption: None
This issue, Northstar attempts to mimic his hag master with the cameo crotch, but fails. He quickly recovers with a pose on the motorcycle that just BEGS for Land. Later on, he, like Diva, gets a flat one line, but he manages to not even be seen saying it.
Secret Invasion X-Men #2
# of panels: 3
# of lines: 1/2
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: In Northstar’s Post-500 debut we find him and his sister on one page using their powers. Our cameo queen doesn’t even get a full line because he’s sharing it with his sister. Maybe he was rendered speechless by the presence of his man crush, the perpetually closeted Iceman. Oh and he has an appearance in an X-Men Briefing.
Dark Avengers/Uncanny X-Men: Utopia
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 1
# of times using his powers: 1
Craption: Strong. Fast. Canadian.
Northstar’s presence in this issue is showing up for the protest, but then when the riot comes he flees the scene as the closeted hicktarded men try to get on top of him. And good for him! Good fucking heavens they’re a headache, especially post-afterglow. Then he appears while Ares threatens the gays. With leather daddy attacking action. He also gets a cover appearance this issue!
X-Men Legacy #227
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
Appearing alongside his hag, Jean Paul makes a brief one panel appearance.
# of panels: 1
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
Appearing alongside his hag, Jean Paul makes a brief one panel appearance.
Dark Avengers #8
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
He shows up with all the other X-Men in the group gathering in the church.
# of panels: 4
# of lines: 0
# of times he uses his powers: 0
He shows up with all the other X-Men in the group gathering in the church.
1 comment:
Hah, I loved the Sailor Moon and Digimon references! Great one!
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