Thursday, August 13, 2009

The List #6

Uncanny X-Men #514
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson

Before I even begin, I have to say that I was originally planning on two separate reviews considering Ms. Marvel this month made me all Proud Mama and I assumed Uncanny would deserve it's own review as usual. So not. This issue was such a steaming pile of shit that I caught myself skimming the mundane dialogue that had no personality just to figure out what was going on. The actual events of this issue, the dry bones of who's doing what and what they're moving towards, are absolutely fine. The dialogue and art is so mundane I am at a point of shock. Before this, Fraction was shitty, but he sort of had the redeeming factor of me loving to criticize his serious attempts at being memorable that just become campy. I would say that boring readers is infinitely worse than pissing them off. I personally consider it to be the biggest insult.

Anyway, let's have our quickie with Fraction that comes guaranteed with all the regrets and annoyed sighs of a drunken night with a clingy virgin. To begin, once again the variant cover to this issue is infinitely more interesting than the cover which almost feels like a repeat of last issues. I plan to make a cover gallery of all of Bianchi's wonderful covers at the end of this irksome and plain crossover. The 70 years variant though is a fucking joke. Love the frame. Hate the plain of everything else.

The issue opens with Cyclops addressing Mindee Cuckoo, Psylocke, Dani Moonstar, and Domino. Why Fraction insists on including Domino in his work is beyond me. She's got her own f#@%ing book, let her stay there so that the neglected limbo people can get the respect they SHOULD be getting from your "wide cast".

If this is Psylocke's new costume, I'm going to sob uncontrollably right now. Also, I would like to note the comment about Mindee. As many of you may know, Mindee was supposed to be an I name; an easter egg made by Morrison so that the Cuckoos names spelled out Spice. But Austen fucked it up. Fraction also adds in another "The whole world is watching" courtesy of Emma. If I'm counting it right, that's two fuck you's to Austen (read my review on #508) and within Utopia, that would be entering the double digits of how many times Fraction has tried to kiss Morrison's Legacy's ass. At first it was nice, now it's pathetic because all I hear is someone trying to jump onto the coat tails of a true writer's legacy. This "bro" writer needs to fucking get on board with the joke that he is rather than trying for cool.

Oh and going back to Mindee:

Cuckoos: Originally creepy little Stepfords. Their code names fit REALLY well.
Now they are too normal. Mundane really. And Dodson is trying to recreate Husk with this one.

Now for a brief complaint about the Dark X-Men (a team I was disgusted to hear is getting their own series PLUS the pointless resurrection of X-Man) which may be a bit much, but this is what happens when there's no camp factor. I find that Cloak and Dagger's overdramatic scene was pointless. Mimic and Weapon Omega sound like they're 15. I understand their damaged, but only under a more talented hand should this happen. In terms of Emma, I have to say this much: Emma Grace Frost is my favorite character in the fictional universe. What Fraction's done to her upset me enough to make this blog to release my frustration in catty humor. But this Momma Mutation act is just the role Jean Grey was made for.

But there's hope for Fraction. Do you know why?

Cameo crotch!
Diva has certainly outdone herself in this artistic presentation of her cameo self.
Northstar tries to follow in her ways, but only half succeeds.
Also, Dani Moonstar's part? Lasted page, could've been done in half.

It's speculation time, kids. Which X-Man vs. which Dark X-Man?
Dazzler's opponent is clearly her knockoff.
I figure Pixie goes with Cloak.
And everyone else I'm sort of lost on. Thoughts?

Her only line this issue.
Good f#@%ing heavens this is pure art.
She even managed the ANTM wind-in-the-air thing.
This is because: SHE is art.
Diva love!
To close, the ending basically presented us with the fact that Fraction intend to keep the hideous X-Science club which is a downer since I figure their story's up. BUT they mention the end of the X-Men is San Fran which I think is fabulous since this move has been one migraine for me since the beginning. I'm so hoping the X-Men return home to a pissed off Emma that reveals that the Emma with them is none other than *Dun dun dunnnn* Skrulla Frost! And then she PSYCHICALLY attacks the team for not recognizing how un-Emmalike the impostor was. You know. Because the Emma I KNEW would use her psychic powers for offensive deals first. Diamond was a defensive thing.

Ms. Marvel #43
Writer: Brian Reed
Artist: Sergio Arino

To begin, I have to say MEGA love to not having the anime artist this time. The art this time though was iffy I'd have to say mainly due to the coloring:

At times it was cool, but others it just ruined the feel of the story.
This issue opens with Moonstone being depressed over the idea of losing the Ms. Marvel title. Overemotional? Absolutely, I prefer my Karla colder. Like below zero. But then, it seems to cheer herself up....she sends an innocent man plummeting to his death from high up? It seems sort of awkward, but it's also entertaining.

Something that I didn't love that the artist did:

A firm ass is truly the sign of truth and justice. Hell, she should get one ass cheek tattooed with truth and the other justice.
In visiting Normy Norm, we find out someone's ruining his super secret Green Goblin treasure chest. More importantly:

That he's banging a pregnant lady?
Something that probably shouldn't have crossed into this series since I'm quite confused.
Also, in an acceptable guest from Spiderman and Wolverine, they debate about Ms. Marvel's mental state. When approached she freaks and leaves. One question though:

When did Carol become Illyria from Angel?
Then there's the Catherine Donovan side story. No idea what's going on there and Reed is not working to make me care about it.
Shift focus again to the Dark Avengers fighting some villain of evil shizz. I have to say I love the Dark Avengers immensely, especially with Moonstone as the focus.

The issue ends with Moonstone aiding Normy Norm as he finds out he's under attack from Carol AND that pregnant chick can take care of herself? Whatever, all in all Reed has improved immensely with this issue and I would recommend it especially considering Ms. Marvel definitely tends to be my most anticipated comic when it comes out.


X-23 said...

The pregnant chick is Harry Osbourn's ex finance, Lily, (Normie is the father, lol) who Norman used to trick Harry into becoming a new poster-boy, American Son. Harry thought the child was his work, and when he found out, he kicked Normie's ass and went away proudly. Good god, even Spiderman begged him to finally kill the bastard))))
The chick is insanely in love with Osborn

Mr. Hellfire said...

WHAT?! That is absolutely insane, I can't believe that shit. Just. Whoa.