Saturday, November 7, 2009

Astonishing X-Men #32 Review

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez
This issue continues where the last one left, with Emma clearly still being in denial over Laurie Collins and her fake comeback. It's sort of an intense moment if you're paying attention because this moment sort of exposes how extremely fucked Emma is mentally when it comes to her kids being dead. Seriously, this is an accurate display of how Emma is a little nuts because of her past failures to save her kids.

Except one problem. This same scene JUST played last week in X-Necrosha. I mean this scene is superior to the other and just more believable for multiple reasons. Still, it's a repeat. But I mean, fucking last week's scene was worse for a big reason: She's stuck in diamond form. How writers expect to use Emma dramatically until this Void matter is fixed is ridiculous. Was
anyone on the fucking X-Writing Team informed as to what the term emotionless means? Because it's not a disturbed reaction to dead students. She can't feel anything! If you're going to respect Fraction's poor choices, you also need to respect the conditions made by them.

But this all doesn't matter since Emma just ends up getting smacked by the Evil Dead Sentinel.

But she takes it like a diva!
(With heavy amounts of sweat, a crooked wig, and a crack pipe!)
And then that's it for her for the entire battle. Which is most of the issue. So you can imagine how endlessly interesting that was. Storm appeared for a page to zap some Brood, but she was just second place to Miss Frost for that Ignored During Battles Award. Miss Frost actually pretty much always should get that award since she's always fucking being knocked out, totally ignored, or like in X-Necrosha, not well enough to fight.

I get that she's not thought of as useful against sentinels, I played X-Men Legends. But for fuck's sake, is Beast? Is Wolverine? Armor? Cyclops, just barely really. It's a team of with mostly physically-based mutants. Emma is probably the most useful player in this fight, she's not just mildly bestial like Wolverine and Beast, her diamond power has no limits like Armor's armor. Cyclops is vulnerable as a normal man with eye beams. Only Storm really is more powerful in this battle. I have to say I'm glad the Brood is part of this arc though because I do enjoy them as scary motherfucking villains. Also:

I'm so down with the Brood missiles idea.
So many loads of awesome, it could get you pregnant.
(No, I'm not glorifying man fluids as superior, I just took the opportunity to make a dirty joke.)

Also, I've been reading around the review sphere, something I try to do sparingly since it affects what I think sometimes, BUT I've found this consistent complaint to merit mention here. According to some reviewers, Ellis is not writing the other X-Men to sound like themselves and that only Emma and Agent Brand sound like themselves. And it's said in such a way as if he can only write the snarky bitches. Except that means that he can't write them either if that's true since then he's just writing a bitchy woman stereotype mold thing rather than Emma Frost and Abigail Brand as two different characters. Emma Frost and Abby Brand are two completely different women, they may sound similar, but honestly, written right their humor is noticeably not the same. Emma's is more geared to be irreverent, cruelly honest and just meant to piss people off. Brand is simply sarcastic no emotion rather than Emma's tones of excited-to-be-mean even if she's pissed. Comparisons? Emma's funny like a drag queen and Brand is funny like the sexless, unpleasant, hardworking woman stereotype she often times also portrays.

Anyway, I actually do think Ellis is finally getting the hang of writing Emma especially now that he's not using the "If (negative condition) then I will simply (negative action)," formula. AND I totally think he's writing Logan as anyone else would write him: overspotlighted and needlessly "badass". It's biz as usual with him really. Whatever, I think most of the X-Men write now for the most part sound like themselves.

This panel is funny because Jimenez drew Scott in New X-Men and here he looks younger, more attractive, and having a better body than he did then. Those X-Men and their wacky aging. I hate to say it, but Scott looks a bit sexy here. And Emma's being divine in this scene.

This scene being Logan being all macho man and sassing Scott by saying is just trying to be manly by not having any painkillers while Logan has a healing factor so he can take more. And I'm sure his ability to "take it" is why he's all agitated manly man now. Oh the ongoing love affair between Scott and Logan, who knew the furry little animal was a bottom? By the way, do note both men's shirtlessness in this scene. Together yet again, you can practically hear them silently cursing Emma for being there.

That's just beautiful, that's what that is.
I've ALWAYS wanted someone else besides me to think up that threat.
Anyway, in the end of the issue apparently it's revealed the evil aliens are using dead mutants as weapons against the X-Men. Hmm. Yet again, X-Necrosha anyone? Seriously, does Ellis attend the writer conferences so this shit doesn't happen or is he like, "Fuck this, I’m writing about MY possessed dead mutants!” Whatever, I'm still more impressed with Astonishing anyway.

Conclusion: Ignore the reviewers who have shit to say about this arc. They probably like Fraction anyway, so you can imagine how much their opinion counts for. Astonishing still has the best cast, better art, and I'm just telling you to buy it. So do so.

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