Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Astonishing X-men #29 Review

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Simone Bianchi
First things first: Gorgeous cover!! Finally a cover without Wolverine and featuring this team's best members.

Now, I must criticize, Ellis does not seem to understand that Emma is not helpless without her powers. There is an issue of Generation X that is dedicated to this. She has self defense training; as any pole dancer, in her case ex, should have. I don't doubt Storm is superior to her in that arena since Storm led a team for a long time without powers, but Emma should not be saying she cannot protect herself.

Then it's onto Forge talk where we hear about the events of M-Day and the Messiah Complex. Again! Did you forget them? I'm sure we talked about them last issue and the issue before, but in case you forgot!

Hisako is the biggest WTF of the team. She joined because she got pulled into a mess, but she should've been off the team as soon as they returned to Earth. And now she's shot which I'd be happy about except she loves to whine and make "cutesy" remarks:

Cyclops: "Why the fuck is she still on the team?
Wolverine: "Y'know, I forget."
Just look at their poses and tell me that's not what they're thinking. Speaking of looking at their poses:

Every time I read Astonishing with Bianchi I wonder why I'm getting turned on and then I look at the near nudity of the men. Also, their posing is just so gay porn-y, seriously look through an Astonishing some time. Not that I'm complaining though! I fucking love it, Bianchi should make a porno comic after this stint.

Continuing, normally I hate extended fight scenes, but the two-page Storm-will-cut-a-bitch version was HEAVEN. If Storm were to be depowered again and put as head of a team it would be heavenlier because she knows how to kick some ass.

Also, the return of threats from Miss Frost was wonderful. Tacky bitchy humor out of Uncanny has left me questioning if this is my character, but Astonishing always reminds me that she is still the torture happy psycho I fell in love with.

Now the part I absolutely climaxed at was this entire page:

I would buy 30 of this fucking issue just for that page. Finally, the idiotic argument about Emma will feel about X-Force gets commentary because we who REALLY know Emma knows she would not give a fuck. She just did it now and even volunteered to cover for Cyclops. Then he PMSes over her lying thing. As if he did not know this about the ex-White Queen. He knows she'd lie to him if she thought it was right, but he should know that she will come to him when the time is right for her to tell him. To end the pointless argument on the planet of who will freak out over who's secret (Emma's Cabal and Scott's X-Force), Emma would be like, "...K, I have to go torture somebody. Oh by the way dear, I'm working with Osbourne to protect us from the government," and then Cyclops would have a man-child explosion as usual.

Now onto part 2 of my "Hisako, why are you here?" section:

You see the look again? They're wondering. And you know, there is one fucking fantastic line missing from here that would shut this endlessly annoying girl up (First line only:

Seriously Miss Frost, get on the ball.
To end my post, I want to comment on Bianchi's work since in my opinion it has significantly improved. The women no longer look like trannies and the men are sexual looking as ever. And this has to be one of my favorite panels of a gorgeous Miss Frost from this issue (though I question wearing hoops to any mission):

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