Friday, June 11, 2010

The List #30 + News

Uncanny X-Men #525
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson
This issue the writer is Fraction, the artist is Dodson (who only works on a teen series), the Fantastic Four, the super hero team I hate the most, guest appears, and Fraction's mouthpieces for his "badass" factor (Dr. Nemesis and Fantomex) are featured. Wonderful.

So we pick up this issue with Hope raging at Cyclops over sending X-Force to their deaths. Her eyes turn red, and ugh, can someone kill her already? I don't care if she's the messiah, she's a worse a
ngst parade than Dawn Summers from Buffy.

On the outside of the bubble is the science team and the Avengers, who are joined by the Fantastic Four
with The Thing spouting his annoying bullshit. Please someone kill him, shoot him off in a bullet, resurrect The Sentry to have him tear him in half. Something. Anyway, they can't break the bubble either. And Dr. Nemesis sets the "serious" tone this issue by telling us the X-Men will die if they can't get in and that there's only a couple hours left. Except he kept repeating it, it's worse than a cycle of America's Next Top Model. Seriously, Fraction and Tyra Banks repeat themselves so often it's like they're 10-second Tom from 50 First Dates.

Meanwhile, there's a battle scene, Storm's powers are limited to lightning, Surge is running around going "OMIGOD" X 30 to irk those of us who were holding out on hating her, Psylocke and Iceman kick some ass, and Fantomex snarks on the Watchmen movie...even though he's decidedly less than that movie considering he only serves to pump up Fraction's fanboy wank cast.

Concerning X-Force, they go to the future to find out and find out that everyone's dead and freak out about it. Uh, so? Aren't you guys dead in every future? Then they come up with the plan to kill everything in this future which was basically esta
blished last chapter. See the 10-second Tom thing?

In the end, Cyclops sends Rogue to take care of Angsty Hope, and Professor X to go get Legion which is damned exciting because Legion could be very badass as an X-Man. And that's it. Conclusion: Buying this issue might cause a number of problems including: headache, migraine, severe frustration, tension in every fiber of your being, and severe confusion on how this shit sells.

Batgirl #11
Writer: Bryan Q. Miller
Artist: Lee Garber and Pere Perez
On a much more positive note, this month's Batgirl was pretty decent. It opens with Oracle in a dream illusion thanks to the metal mummy she's been put into. In this illusion she can walk again, her life is generally ideal, but most of all she wakes up to shirtless Nightwing--->

Uh wrong, Babs, waking up to a shirtless Nightwing is only too right. Seriously, if it upsets you that much, we can trade places, I am willing to do that for you.

In the illusion, Babs has a fake family dinner with the male Robins and her dad when she finally realizes what's wrong by opening her curtains to see what's really going on. Her reaction is priceless:

It's ok, I break out into splits whenever I realize something too.
Her body's taken to Calculator's HQ where he decides not to kill her right away because he wants to download all of what she knows considering her minds a valuable resource. He plugs into her to find that she's got mental blocks, and that she's pissed to see him. A fight ensues and ORacle manages to break them from her mind into Calculator's.

Back with Batgirl, she's got her hands full with possessed Catwoman and Huntress. She's also got Wendy Harris, Calculator's daughter, subbing for Oracle, which I imagine is "fun" considering I find the character completely unlikable despite my trying to give her a chance. Stephanie takes to the sewers to get away from the battle only to find Man-Bat waiting for her. Her only option: Ride him.

The imaginary conversation she has with him during her attempt to get him to fly to safety is probably the best part of this issue. In the end she lands at an airport with Wendy showing up to aid her. The issue ends with Wendy flying Stephanie over Calculator's lair, and Stephanie jumping down into the concluding fight scene next issue.

And now for some news:
  • For those of you wondering, I will not be reviewing the X-Men Second Coming: Hellbound mini-series. It's too dull for me to handle.
  • I also will not be covering the Heralds mini-series, but that's due to lack of enough things to say. However, I do have to mention that Immomen's probably at her most bearable here, and also that she's got a good grasp on how to write Emma. I mean, it's still So-In-Love Emma, but she's at least still got her nasty streak here. And finally, I adore this panel:
  • In the X-Men First Class movie news, Rosamund Pike may get the role of Emma Frost. Which is weak considering she does not seem to have a bitchface whatsoever, and what's worse is this version of Emma may be just a teacher. Which would be so lame, remember her Ultimate X-Men counterpart and how much "fun" she was? Emma would function better as a student. [Source]
  • There's a new poll up, so go on and vote (it's not limited to who's actually alive right now to take the position considering the Jean option). And in terms of the last poll the question was "Who was your favorite Dark Avenger?" which received 17 votes. Moonstone killed this poll, receiving 12 of the votes (70%) with Ares and The Sentry tying for second place with 2 votes each (11%). Bullseye ended up with 1 vote (5%) and Iron Patriot, Venom, Daken, and Noh-Varr all ended up with 0 votes (0%).
  • Finally, did anyone else see Domino on the cover of this month's Deadpool: Wade Wilson's War #1? What is up with her Kate Gosselin hair? Is Wade Wilson's War about the difficulties of raising eight kids? Or does this hair now empower Dom to simultaneously snap her gum and rolls her eyes? Either way I think this look should stick, Domino with Kate Gosselin hair would be a treasure chest of comedy just waiting to be opened. [Source]


Bonez_Giovanni said...

LMFAO @ Everything you said about Uncanny X-Men #525. Your wit is Priceless!! You remind me of the comic book blogger version of Mike K (

Seriously, I'd just like to say your blog is to Incredible for words, I've smiled or laughed at all of the posts I've read thus far. I have yet to read everything but what I read so far is all kinds of amazing :D

Mr. Hellfire said...

Thanks very much!
Comments like these help motivate me in a huge way and I really appreciate it.

Mtti said...

what no X-Men Second Coming: Hellbound
I got the first issue and I must say having Northstar Dazzler and Gmabit actually do something besides paint the background is refreshing, plus we get to see Gambit get his Death on. two gay X-Men in Hell, come on is that not witty mataphoric spewage material enough?

Check it; you have Cannonball, Trance, Pixie, Dazzler, Anole, Gambit and Northstar. Slap on some drums n horns and you have yourslelf an x-parade I mean fun eXcapade, and the art is really cool too. Sold?

(this postee is in by no way affliated with Marvel enterprises or related to any production that went into "X-Men Second Coming: Hellbound")

Mtti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mtti said...

excuse the spelling mistakes in previous posts, I was too enthralled by X-Men Second Coming: Hellbound to bother with spell check.

Loving your blog keep at it :)

Mr. Hellfire said...

Yeah, it sounds good in theory, but reading it just frustrated me. It feels way too going through the motions for my taste, and it just left me feeling like, "Seriously?".

Maybe if they pull something out for the last issue I'll review it and just go off on this book since it IS a total pride parade and that's pretty much up my alley.