Saturday, January 2, 2010

The List #19 part 2

X-Men Legacy #231
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
First off, let's give some major love to another of my artist crushes Adi Granov, who I believe should draw every panel Emma is ever in. The cover is gorgeous and Psylocke looks amazing. Concerning this issue's artist, Clay Mann, I have to say I think he's pretty solid except for making half the girl's hair look like they're always in the humid tropical rainforest.

This issue opens with the Necrosha battle scene, Maggott cameo queens it for the undead, Blindfold comes up to Cyclops is like, "Bro, we gots to go
check this shiznit out at Muir Island," of course communicating in Bro-speak so that it's guaranteed that Cyclops understands. There's a little hinting about Blindfold's mom throughout the issue, which is probably some sort of attempt at making the character less of one that's only used when the plot needs a precog and then put back in her box afterwards.

It's decided that Nightcrawler should lead a team consisting of Rogue, Magneto, Trance, Blindfold, my girl
Psylocke, Colossus, and my much-missed Gen X-er, Husk. During the jet ride we get a couple revealing moments:

Trance yet again is giving sass.
Yet another demonstration of Trance being a total bitch. Trance, I love you, you weird, homophobic, test-loving bitch. By the way, she now has a tag under 'that bitch Trance' for any of you would like to see her other moments. Moving on to stranger things:

As if 'entertaining pleasant memories of our time together' wasn't already perve talk for 'I think of you when I give my dick an extended handshake,' considering the way his hands are positioned in the above panel it appears he's already entertaining these memories. On the jet! Trance, degrade him in order to help your low self esteem already! No, but seriously. Hands. IN weird places.

The plane lands and Carey proves himself to write an actually likable Nightcrawler. Who's team leader and ready to be a sarcastic diva apparently. I'd just like to say if the criteria for team leader was a sarcastic teleporter who's a total diva, I'd have to say I think my girl Ariel would have been better suited for the position. While scanning the island for threats, Colossus sort of becomes the instrument through which Psylocke fans speak through and asks Betsy a question concerning how she's using her powers lately. I think the results make a good page (Click here for it). Also, can we all take a big healthy glance at the caption given for Betsy's response. "SHOWWW!!!!!" Couldn't be a more appropriate verb for her demonstrating she can still use her telekinesis I guess, haha. No, I really do enjoy this, if I ever enter the super hero world, I want my captions to read "Ka-bam!" and "Sham-Wow!"

In other places in time, there's some boring Selene crap going on. It's a dose of boring with goth lingerie. Is she really supposed to be becoming respected as much as Emma? Is that the goal for her? Because if it is, I can comfortably say this is unlikely to happen and I'm not impressed. Anyway, what's important is in the panel of Selene's inner circle we find my boyfriend Warpath being taken prisoner and being dragged in most sexily! Seriously, is there a more hot way to be dragged unconscious? Anyway, we'll find out why he's been captured next X-Force. Along with his unwilling participation in S+M at the hands of dominatrix queen Selene. Or at least I wish.
Epic two panels of loveeeee.
Anyway, so the team finishes up scanning the island, reaches the source of their mission. We find out the almighty shocker is that Proteus is back and he possesses Blindfold. Not all that shocking and most people seem to have seen that coming. BUT I can guarantee that there was still an end of issue shocker, just not what anyone was expecting! All right so here it is. Look at the panel to the right, at Colossus' back. Now trail those eyes downward. Yeah. How long has Colossus been walking around with a fucking easy access hole? Can someone confirm or deny whether or not that's an original part of the costume? Also, does this confirm the 616 pairing of Northstar and Colossus that we'd all been hoping for? Just with unexpected bedroom positions? Either way, this issue was fun on it's own without my snarky help, definitely go buy it.

Spider-Woman #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
To start off, I have to side with The Buy Pile on their thoughts on this past issue at the very least. This past issue worked loads better as a motion comic as opposed to the book and I think the biggest reason why is because the progress was very limited. Viper brings Jessica to a cell with a weakened Skrull in it. She talks with it for 2.5, philosophizes on it, fights it, and breaks out of the Hydra base. Not exactly bursting with progress. I still think it's worth buying, the book is beautiful, but it's a difference of good and great with the book and the motion comic. Also, I have to say Maleev's work this past issue was gorgeous. The colors are amazing, it's like an acid trip when the Northern Lights are out (it's a compliment).

New Mutants #8
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Diogenes Neves
Whereas I agree with The Buy Pile about Spider-Woman, I think their last thought on New Mutants was totally unfair. This book is one of the better written X-Books lately. It actually has gotten me a bit excited as compared to half the others that I can find good things to say about and enjoy, but I'm not excited by. Whatever, The Buy Pile sometimes says some things that I find are dead-on, but generally I think their list is fucked and just goes to support whichever superdude's being most aggressively masculine and acting "correctly manly" this week. Oh hegemonic males, how you absolutely keep me in... gripping...entertainment....zzz.

As much as I just spent time defending this series, I have to say I think this issue is a piece of crap. I mean, I like this whole buildup of Feral coming to attack the team. Unfortunately that was built up for an anti-climax, but it did follow the theme of disappointment this issue. This issue is like save Amara, fight Hellions, save Doug, throw a yo out to Warlock, and wrap this up.

Most irksome of all, I found Dr. Gregory House....I mean Nemesis, to say something I found funny for once. This was in response to Sunspot bursting into the med ward and being all "We need help!" He was almost Emma-like in response, I have to say. I'd be wishing him death normally for this, but honestly, half the X-Dialogue lately seems to really predictable, general crap to fill the pages so the writer's claim they threw something on the damned scripts.

Anyway, in the end Warlock and Cypher are back on the team and the deal with Hellions has no resolution. X-Necrosha has basically been, for X-Force and New Mutants, just holding back the resurrected people with little to no progress. None of the enemies are being taken care of. It's almost as bad as Utopia.

What's worst is Cypher: his language angst is the most repetitive crap, it's more repetitive than a cycle of America's Next Top Model. Ugh, the fact that he's come back to the team in the end is just bad news, but I suppose if the NM fans really need the team's most useless and plainest member back then who am I to judge? Conclusion: Don't buy this issue. Why? Look at this cheesy final panel:


PGW said...

I LOVED your Legacy #231 review.

Mr. Hellfire said...

Thanks, heh, I try to bring the bitchy humor when there's opportunity for it.

PGW said...

Ha, 'easy access hole'. That's going to feed my imagination for a while now. And disturbingly, Rogue's hands are suspiciously placed as well - perhaps she's also trying to conceal a raging hard-on?

Mr. Hellfire said...

Mmm indeed, haha and I checked it out and apparently that is part of the original design Bianchi had made.

PGW said...

Well, I'm not complaining ;)