Mr. Hellfire's Comic Book Criticisms

BRB

2011-03-08T11:56:00.001-08:00

Has some of you may have noticed, this past school year has been hectic for me and has lead to a lot of late posting especially during the past few months. It's basically my work load for school that's been the problem combined with the social life I try to reclaim on the weekends that's lead to little free time or will to do anything else.

Most importantly, when I do post I find that the quality is just not there like it used to be, and I just seem to lack enthusiasm enough to try and pick out the humorous elements that I used to find. It's also because I pick out too many books to talk about and keep around ones that do nothing but irritate me now. In order to get back to posting like that I really need to take a break from this blog and get back my wit and sass. I'll still be randomly posting at my [comic book Tumblr] because it's one of the most mindless forms of blogging I've ever seen. To conclude, I do intend on returning to this blog because the need to discuss comic books at length is too strong, but for now I need to devote my energies elsewhere.

The List #50 Part 2

2011-02-21T13:04:00.000-08:00

Astonishing X-Men #5
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Finally we've arrived at the end of Ellis' run of Astonishing and I just have to say that it saddens me to see him go. I mean this issue alone delivers two of the best Emma moments I've seen in years (for more of my thoughts on them, [here] and [here]). Hopefully this week's coming Astonishing, featuring a new creative team, can continue the excellent characterization of Emma that I've come to expect from this series.

I've only a few notes besides uninhibited excitement at how prominently featured and correctly characterized Emma is here, and they are: A. I enjoyed Beast's moment of badassery; B. I actually enjoy the ending with the fate of Jaspers being resolved, it was wonderfully tense; C. I know I've already talked about Emma, but I also need to pay special respect to the fact that she saved the motherf#%^ing day in this mini-series! Emma Frost resolved the problem. Emma. My girl, who saved that day with all the sadistic thrill I've come to expect from her. You have no idea how much this thrills me.

Conclusion: If you haven't already, go out and buy this entire mini-series. Also, do enjoy the magic of a well-written Emma Frost.

Fables #101 + #102
Writer: Bill Willingham
Artist: Eric Shanowner and Mark Buckingham
Beginning with Fables #101, let me just open with this statement: I don't like Bufkin. I get it, the fans love him, hence his getting the spotlight treatment lately, but honestly, I don't find him entertaining in the least. So you can imagine this issue was less than exciting for me.

However, while I'm not Bufkin fan, I do have to express my enjoyment of the Magic Mirror, and especially the explanation and questioning of his abilities this issue. And of course, I enjoyed the ridiculous faces he made throughout the issues and his explanation of his rhyming rule because this causes me to think of him as a bitchy queen. And I love my bitchy queens.

So with the events of this issue being Bufkin climbing up the tree in the business office and ending up back in Oz to join a rebellion, I have to wonder how Miss Ozma, Princess of Oz (oh believe me, we'll get to her in a minute), will play into this sub-story. Anyway, that's the extent of my thoughts on that issue.

Onto #102, in regards to Miss Ozma, all I have to say is: Yes. Despite my missing of Frau Totenkinder, I have to say that her replacement is doing fantastically as a fill-in for my need to have an amoral, strange female character to root for. What's fantastic about Ozma, in contrast to Frau, is her willingness to take control and basically forcefully run everyone around to her will. This issue she decided to use the superhero genre in planning a new way to confront the Dark Man, and she is in no way slacking on her responsibilities. And let's not forget how unapologetically nasty she can be, especially with Pinocchio when he called her "babe". She's definitely made an impression with me, and I'm excited to see more of her.

Another point that made an impression this issue was the reveal of Mr. Dark constantly being on the outskirts of Haven trying to get in. Which is absolutely creepy, I certainly could never sleep soundly if I knew I knew that the man trying to kill me is always at my door. Also, that Flycatcher has to exert all his concentration of keeping him out and that Haven will have to be the place of the Fables' last stand with Mr. Dark.

Conclusion: While #101 was mediocre at best, #102 is a great issue thanks to the combination of Ozma's controlling nature and Mr. Dark's creepy stalking.

Uncanny X-Force #4 + #5
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena and Esad Ribic
To open, I just need to say that Uncanny X-Force #4 proved to me that my lingering doubts about Uncanny X-Force were completely unnecessary: This book is golden.

Like I can't even tell you how surprised I was by [this page]. Seriously, after my first time reading that, I had to look around in shock for a second and was like, "Oh my Frost, did they really just do that?"

And the surprises didn't stop there; the next one being the illusion the Horsemen get put under and what they do followed by the reveal of the fact that they're really stuck on an alien planet with hostile inhabitants. Also, bitchy points to EVA for her way of explaining said situation to the Horsemen.

Then was have the final showdown with all of X-Force turning on each other in opposition over what to do about Kid Apocalypse. This scene definitely worked for me as it felt real and absolutely human rather than what could've just been a decisive scene which would've cheaply 'gritty and heartless' and unsatisfying. Also, it wouldn't be me if I didn't mention that weird panel where Psylocke's body all of a sudden turns into that of a 40 yr. old man. Kinda strange.

Lastly for this issue had to be the end. I mean, if you've read the issue (which you need to), then you know exactly what I mean. It was powerful and surprisingly heartbreaking and I just had to set this one down and think after I finished it.

Moving onto issue #5, I have to say I was surprised that an issue centering around Fantomex, a character I've cared little for even under Morrison's hand, could keep me engaged and wanting more. I found the reveal about the fate of The World having been miniaturized for safe protection to be a great one and the re-introduction of Fantomex's mother to be a charming surprise. Especially since I thought she was an illusion in Morrison's New X-Men...right? Or was it just supposed to be ambigious whether or not she had been real?

Also, the surprise attack of techno clone robot things was definitely a heartbreaking one as Mumma Fantomex gets horrifically killed during said attack. Really Remender? Our hearts are going to be ripped out every issue?

Speaking of previous moments of heartrip, can anyone tell me if Deadpool's scene this issue with his expressing having problems over Kid Apocalypse's death was legit? I don't read Deadpool, so what I want to know is does he actually have moments where he's straightforward and honest? Or could this be him secretly mocking the situation?

Moving on, something I'd like to mock is Logan's look of surprise when it Archangel reveals that Deadpool's never cashed any of his checks. It's just a face that's worthy of laughter and playful mockery.

Oh and a side note, I can't express how much I'm loving EVA in this series despite her moments being few. And that goes double for Fantomex and her bitching back and forth this issue, seriously, it was pure gold.

Conclusion: This series is a must-read and if you haven't already, then you need to jump on board. Issue #4 surprised me in so many ways that I'm still processing it a bit and Issue #5...actually made me care about Fantomex. No joke. I actually gave a damn about a character who I haven't liked since the first time I read him during my introduction to comic books. So yeah, props to Remender for amazing writing.

The List #50 Part 1

2011-02-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

Avengers Academy #9
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike McKone
The issue centers around Tygra's decision last issue to expel Hazmat, Veil, and Stryker for beating up The Hood and recording it. From there, the majority of the teaching staff go against her and she ends up taking some iffy shots at her co-workers:

Really, Tygra? Is that really how you're going to demonstrate how you were correct in your decision? Also, for some reason Jocasta is considered in the debate with Pym claiming that she's spent just as much time with the students as the rest of the teaching staff. Which confuses me because I don't even remember an issue where she was announced as officially part of the teaching staff. Was there one? All I remember is that she was just in the book all of a sudden.

Luckily, Quicksilver ends up correctly telling Tygra off by explaining that her betraying the students by abandoning them will do exactly what Avengers Academy is trying to prevent. Which is good on him even though during this he was returning from helping Finesse find out if Taskmaster is her father by breaking into his base. Oh well, it's hardly a secret that Quicksilver's far from perfect.

While at Taskmaster's base, Finesse does indeed meet with the man who could quite possibly be her father and they duke it out. It ends with him admitting she could be his child, but that he doesn't actually know due to a side effect of his memory ability that causes him to forget such basic things like what he did last week. Definitely an interesting point about the character that I'd never heard before, and it makes me curious concerning whether or not this will also happen to Finesse.

The issue ends with Tygra tentatively letting the students back into the Academy. And then secretly watching the tape she was so up in arms about while no one's looking.

Conclusion: Certainly a good issue, especially with Tygra being a total mess, but it's sort of lacking in the talkable moments department.

X-Factor #215
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro
This time around Layla Miller and Madrox in a vampire drama are featured which is a significant improvement from Dull Darwyn's Western last issue.

The vampire story itself is pretty typical, but I did enjoy that, rather than a typical vampire being used, David used a vandella (a vampiric dream spirit). However, it's otherwise uninteresting and predictable.

The other story of this issue revolves around Madrox finally getting to ask Layla about her ability to "know things," why she went to Dr. Doom (who, it turns out, taught her some magic), and just what's up with her these days. Only so much progress is made in answering these questions, but at least it lead to Layla getting back to her weird charm. Also, one of Jamie's dupes proposes to Layla, she seriously accepts and drags it out even though Jamie explains it's just a dupe, and in the end, we have this random moment:

Fortunately, she doesn't say yes.
I get that she hasn't been a little kid for two or three years, but I still find this a bit creepy.
Sorry, David, I know you're trying to move a hinted plotline before it goes stale, but I'm really not interested in seeing this develop.

Conclusion: Overall a good issue, the weird Layla time was enjoyable, but in the end, it's kind of forgettable.

Age of X: Alpha #1
Writer: Mike Carey
Artists: [Various]
If you've read the many interviews and features that happened in anticipation of this event, then the stories this issue won't be as surprising as they're meant to be. However, despite their lack of newness, some of them are definitely pretty intense.

Basically this issue works to set up the tone and details of the universe that we're dealing with during Age of X in the form of X-Men sharing stories around a campfire before going into battle. We're given 4 of these vignettes with details about the universe being released randomly along the way, like this disturbing one that Toad reveals:

Of the vignettes, we get a disturbing one with Husk and Cannonball discovering their family murdered in a dump truck due to their family producing so many mutants, and with this we also see the split between Paige and Sam as Paige decides on taking a more active approach at ending the anti-mutant agenda. There's also Wolverine being revealed to have taken the Cure in order to remove it from the world; a story I imagine will have consequences during this crossover. Oh and we also get a cameo of the Mastermind sisters which hopefully means they'll appear again sometime soon.

Perhaps the most shocking story of this issue would be the story of Basilisk's (Cyclops) escape from Alcatraz. What happened is Alcatraz, being run by Arcade, functioned as a prison for mutants with Basilisk being forced into serving as the executioner of the mutants on death row. He also has no eyelids as Arcade wanted to make sure he'd serve his purpose. Yeah, it's pretty intense, and Gabriel Hernandez Walta's art definitely heightens the intensity of this story. The vignette concludes with Basilisk managing to break out of Alcatraz and take revenge on Arcade, and, I can't believe I'm saying this, it's an amazingly badass Cyclops moment. Wow. I actually just said something nice about Cyclops; it's official now, Carey really can work miracles.

Conclusion: While depressing, this issue is at times powerful and overall a decent one though not especially spectacular in any way.

Concerning the poll results, I'm kinda pissed because, despite the grand total of votes being 42, somehow it got messed up and now it only shows that 24 people voted. Don't know what happened there, but I have to say that I'm not impressed with that. Luckily, the percentages are still basically the same, and in the end it seems that the majority of people want Cypher gone which I totally agree with. Anyway, I've finally put up a new poll, it's multiple answer, and hopefully this time around it functions correctly.

2-Line Reviews: Avengers Academy #8, X-Factor #214, and X-Men Legacy #244

2011-01-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

A combination of my being super busy and last week's releases not having much for me to comment on has made it so that my reviewing these issues in any depth would be severely
lackluster. My solution: Making brief reviews comprised only of two sentences.

Avengers Academy #8
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike McKone
Having the AA hunt down established villains who have hurt someone in the AA is already repetitive and it's only the second time. I love that Tygra basically went on Oprah this issue.

X-Factor #214
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
This issue was solely about Darwin in a Western; two things I have severe dislike for. Unsurprisingly, I did not read any further after finding out this.

X-Men Legacy #244
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Harvey Tolibao
Blindfold was at times speaking too normally this issue. Why does every weird/different/antagonistic character have to eventually be watered down to boringly normal traits?

The List #49

2011-01-07T03:36:00.000-08:00

Avengers The Childrens Crusade #4
Writer: Allan Heinburg
Artist: Jim Cheung
This issue we have Wiccan as a prisoner of Doom, who's also stolen his powers, and the Young Avengers trying to work out a plan to save him. On their way to invade Castle Doom they are stopped by the Avengers, so that's put on hold. Meanwhile, the Scarlet Witch comes to see Wiccan, curious about what he said, and he summarizes how he and Tommy came to be, then came to not be, how she reacted, and then how they came to be again. Which is going fine, and Wanda is at least listening to him...until they come upon the massive YA, Quicksilver, and Magneto vs. Avengers fight scene. Oh and Wolverine also appears and tries to kill both Wanda and Billy. Yeah, not only is he completely overexposed, now he's also the total bastard of this story. Until he is stopped by, in a fabulous ending twist, by none other than.....!!!

Iron Lad!!!!!

This had better not be an illusion, robot, or clone because I'm so excited for the followup to this twist, especially because I just reread my Young Avengers hardcover last week!! And yeah, that where the issue ends, let the 2 month wait begin.

Conclusion: Despite the bi-monthly release issue, this is probably one of the best out there right now, and honestly, if the creative team needs the two months to create such a high quality, exciting book then that's fine by me.

X-Factor #213
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro, Pat Davison
As predicted, this issue is full of Darwin angst since now he's got death powers in him, and so he joins Hellion in the begging to be killed department. Unfortunately, the cruel fact is that this completely uninteresting character can't be killed. Anyway, so X-Factor leaves him in Las Vegas so he can sort his shit out, and unfortunately, we have to see exactly what he does during this time next issue.

In other news about unfortunate additions, Pip, the troll the team rescued, is now following X-Factor around even though the team feels uneasy about this. And surprise, by the end of the issue we learn that he's spying on them for somebody. Yet another predictable plot with few invested in this part. However, in good news, we have Monet to echo my thoughts on this mediocre Darwin story.

I'm thinking she's due for some spotlight time.

Moving on to stories I'm invested in: Baby mama drama! Despite my loathing of Rahne, the story itself has me hooked, and this time around we have Rictor, drunk out of his mind, having figured out the baby's not his. Meaning Ricstar can continue and give the fans what they want (Homo love!!).

Shatterstar explains the situation to Rictor, and Rictor makes a move to go find Rahne to confront her about this. Rahne explains that she knew about the deal the whole time, and she admits to trying use her baby to force Rictor to stop being gay so he won't go to hell. Rictor blows this off as a joke, which is understandable because I've always found Rahne to be exactly that, and then tells her to just come home with him. Which translates to: "Let's see how far we can jam pack this team until everyone besides Madrox becomes a cameo queen." Also, what is with the red head factor on this book?

Kinda strange.

Although it'd probably be stranger in a universe that depicted the frequency of red hair more realistically, but whatever, it's comic books, where it's not uncommon for characters to have purple or green hair.

Conclusion: This issue was half crap (Darwyn and Pip) and half great (Baby mama drama and everything else).

The List #48

2010-12-30T13:58:00.000-08:00

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #4
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
This issue is basically about clarifying what the situation is and exactly how serious. What's the situation? This:

So the X-Men have found themselves in a pickle as to a plan of action, which is especially bad as the situation is dire. The Furies basically beat up Wolverine into an eviscerated swiss cheese, and they didn 't even feel it when Storm used a lethal level lightning bolt on them. Wolverine just barely kills one by ripping out its spine. And what's worse is if they manage to win, there will just be an even larger army of Furies sent in to come take care of the mysterious man (who's basically a living 'Ghost Box' so he can cross over to alternate dimensions).

And just to illustrate how bad this is, here's the image Emma found when she read the man's mind: A superhero mass grave!

.....They're actually just shipping them off to go be extras in the next Marvel Zombies installment.

And that's pretty much all that happened this issue, sorry about the briefness, but the issue is fairly action-y so it leaves not a lot to be said.

Conclusion: As I've said before: Despite it's horrible schedule, Astonishing is still one of the better X-Books around, especially this mini-series. This issue sees the arc go take a much more serious turn, and departing from the humor of the previous issue while still maintaining the same electric energy.

Chaos War: X-Men #1
Writers: Chris Claremont and Louise Simonson
Artist: Doug Braithwaite
When this 2-issue side story was announced, I was kind of excited. The idea of the interesting Cuckoos working together with other long deceased (besides Necrosha) X-Characters seemed like a great idea......and then I found out Claremont was on board. The thing with Claremont is I feel like his creativity is gone, it wasn't Y2K compatible and it died, so now we've got the worst of Claremont's gimmicks running around and ruining anything they touch. With that news, I was seriously considering skipping out on this limited series.

In the end, for whatever reason, I didn't and I can definitely say I'm glad for that. While this issue certainly carries some [classic Claremont-isms], they don't get in the way of the story which I actually found to be pretty exciting. This could just be a product of him co-writing with Louise Simonson, or random spark of talent resurrecting itself, but in the end it all still feels fresh and fun.

Basically the story is of a random team of deceased X-Men (Thunderbird, Banshee, Moira MacTaggert, Sophie and Esme Cuckoo, and three Multiple Man dupes who are each from a different era) being resurrected at the place of their graves (the ruins of the X-Mansion), and trying to figure out the source of their resurrection while trying to escape the terror of the Carrion Crow who's hunting them. While a team of extremely minor characters may seem to be a formula for boredom and apathy, it's instead an exciting chance to get away from the A-List character for a team of refreshingly unique characters.

On a side note, for some reason the fact that Esme is the rebellious Cuckoo translated to make her speak Chris Claremont Colloquial (meaning Jubilee). Which is weird because, despite Esme’s rebellious side, she still for most part sounded just as formal as her sisters while she was defecting from the X-Men. [See it here]

Conclusion: This issue is a surprisingly fun story with a much-needed escape from the parading of A-List characters, so do consider picking this one up.

New Mutants #20
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artists: Leonard Kirk w/Andrew Currie
Before I begin, I just need to express how pleasantly surprised I am by how much this arc has improved. It began as yet another pointless Limbo arc that made me begin to lose faith in NM, and it somehow became this intense, addicting arc that is probably one of the best so far.

Within Limbo, there's a lot of unrest among the demons as they come to the military base looking for the bloodstones/amulet/things. In response, one of the Infernos is given the bloodstones and begins fighting the hordes of demons.

Some manage to get by her and break into the building, Dani's room of torture to be specific, where Dani is waiting for them with a broken arm. And....she kicks their f@#%ing asses. Yeah, she's pretty badass, and it doesn't stop there. You remember the woman who got a kick out of her being tortured? She also comes in to check on the situation, and in the most badass, satisfying moment this issue, Dani kills that bitch. In short, one of the purposes of this issue is to remind you that Danielle Moonstar is a badass and don't you ever forget it.

Meanwhile, the X-Men rally together to go rescue the New Mutants, with Illyana and Xi'an going off to the side to discuss what's really going on. Illyana reveals that this isn't actually a rescue mission, and stabs Karma with her soul sword. From there, she brings the X-Men to the portal the military had used to enter Limbo, much to their confusion, and just as they get there the portal bursts open with demons.

While this is going on, Karma enters Legion's mind with the soul sword (because some things can't just simply be given), and in the second most satisfying moment, we find out her mission as she performs it: To break out the real Legion personality. This is a beautiful thing for a number of reasons, but the most important reason being this: Considering how lately reformed personalties have also been watered down to have none of their previous flair and now being bland ghosts of their previous selves, it's nice to see that some people are still truly villainous assholes. It's refreshing really.

Conclusion: This arc just keeps getting better and better as it nears the conclusion of Wells' run on NM.

Now onto the poll results:
I have to say I found it interesting that Domino and Magik dominated this poll, and by how much considering I've never really known them to be popular characters (which could just be a thing of who I talk to). I also found it surprsing how nearly equally chosen the other options were, with each of them either getting 4 or 5 votes.

Also surprising to me is that Magneto didn't rate higher, considering how he'd be a fitting addition to a bunch of sometimes-evil, somewhat-crazy characters. Obviously he was my pick in this thing, and yeah, I have to say the poll results this time around were hard to predict.

The List #47

2010-12-27T17:45:00.000-08:00

Chew #16
Writer: John Layman
Artist: Robert Guillory
After last issue's ending with the alien lights in the sky, we find Chu dealing with the effects the lights are having on the public as many are thinking it's a sign of the end of the world, including Chu's partner, John, who's drinking himself silly. Which is shame because it lead to less face time with him, anddd that's a shame because he's a fun character (and gay!). Anyway, Chu partners up with the guy who's partners with Savoy, but still in the FDA, and they going look for this guy named Daniel Migdalo who is "voresophic" which means eating makes him smarter and may be able to help with the situation. Except they come upon him as a blubberous mountain who's now so smart that he mindfucked and can't function due that and his weight. Chu and Savoy's guy try to talk to him, but he's too far gone and attacks them. In the end, he dies jumping out of his window for mints, and that's it for him. Savoy's guy stops Chu from trying to eat any of the guy as it might send him off the deep end....while he ends up saving some of the guy and giving it to Savoy. Meanwhile, a chicken joint re-opens....

Conclusion: While Chew is always a great read and still is here, this issue feels like last month's in the sense that it feels more like an issue to set up things with having barely anything happening in itself.

Uncanny X-Men #531
Writer: Matt Fraction and Kieron Gillen
Artist: Greg Land
This issue opens with Cyclops and Dr. Rao touring the sick bay, and going over who's infected so as to emphasize that this recycled plot is a "big deal". So obviously Wolverine's infected. And Namor, who's trying his hardest to get back to Atlantis since he's needed there while taking time to do his best celebrity impression, courtesy of Land:

I'm saying this is totally True Blood's Alexander Skarsgard.

Anyone else see it? Sorry the picture of Skarsgard isn't exactly the same pose, but I didn't have the energy to go hunting to that extreme. Anyway, in reaction to Rao's news, Cyclops does the CSI sunglasses thing to make this shit seem serious and then there's that scream and cue credits. Except...

Isn't that a completely dangerous thing for Cyclops to do? In the sick bay no less?
Seriously, in any other universe besides Fraction and Land's mind-numbing one, this would've ended badly as Cyclops' raw beam blew up half of Utopia.

Stupidity is a theme this issue, and it only get worse when we transfer to the fake X-Men subplot. Basically, we come in on the X-Men who happened to be outside of Utopia before the Quarantine (Angel, Pixie, Dazzler, Storm, and Northstar) telling the press that they have no association with the fakes. And for some reason Pixie is doing some of the talking, even though what she's saying has likely already been established by the senior X-Men:

How embarrassing for them.
Also, I can't help but think of that [Patrick from Spongebob meme] when I look at this ridiculous pose. Which is fitting because Pixie is basically as dense as Patrick under Fraction's hand. Which ended up inspiring me to [this].

Meanwhile the horrendous Emma Frost subplot continues, focusing on Emma and Shaw's hidden past as Emma reveals the new 'fact' that she had two other people competing with her for the title of White Queen, and when she took the title, Shaw beat them into the refrigerators in the sky. Of course, we see Emma regretful here because now we've degraded so far in Emma's character that we've gone from her being an unapologetic bitch to her being altruistic and in a constant state of repent, even if she wasn't responsible for what went down. Anyway, in the end Fantomex, having had enough, decides to release Shaw from E.V.A., assuming that it would kill him... Oops, how silly of him! Except it's Fantomex and he knows who Shaw is (remember his introduction?), and he'd never be so reckless. Except... Fraction's run relies on the idea that readers can believe the X-Men are really this dumb, sloppy, and melodramatic so there you go.

Moving back to the fake X-Men/Collective Man plot in San Fransisco, we have the Collective Man/Men going around beating the crap out of people, and the X-Men coming in to stop them. Just how you may ask? By having Pixie yell at them to stop. Yeah.

Surprisingly, this tactic doesn't end up working out so the X-Men end up doing it the old fashion way, and the naive fake X-Men see this, and decide to go teamup with the X-Men and see if they'll accept them. Yessir, as I warned, this issue is chock full of idiotic crap, and it gets worse if you pay any attention to Dazzler as Fraction apparently tries to justify not using her or respecting her by making her entire personality that of a 13-year old's, as can be seen with all the "Whatever's".

It's business as usual with this issue of Uncanny. Which actually brings to mind: Where's Kieron Gillen this issue? Considering the hype his joining the Uncanny team received, you'd think some difference would be visible here, but unfortunately it all seems to be all Fraction. Here's hoping that changes considering Gillen got a lot of love for his shortly lived S.W.O.R.D.

Conclusion: Just another case of same tired crap, different issue this time around.

X-Men Legacy #243
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue focuses on Omega Sentinel's possessed rampage and the results of it. Basically what happens is this: Omega Sentinel reverts to her original programming and successful beats the crap out of everyone working on the San Fransisco rebuilding project except Hellion. Hellion, being the rage case that he is these days, ends up taking care of her.....by making beating her so hard she's essentially brain dead. Which is another way of justifying her presence in Limbo....and also what happens when two characters of similar personality and function are working too closely to each other *cough*Psylocke*cough*. Speaking of that, I'd just like to share an idea I have on that: You know how in the Avengers, Jocasta's "personality matrix" doodad is based on the Wasp? Wouldn't it be neat if it was revealed that Omega Sentinel's was based on Betsy's? Eh? Ok, maybe I'm alone here, but I've just found that ever since Carey's X-Men that Miss Karima has sounded strikingly similar to Miss Betsy.

Anyway, moving back, Dr. Nemesis ends up uncovering the source of this freakout and it turns out that it's because:

Again, as I said last time, I feel with all the ties to Second Coming this mini-arc that it would have been better placed before the Adventures in India arc.

Speaking of Second Coming, luckily Hope and her blandness factor very little into this issue, but that's to make way for Hellion's angry angst. Yessir, after Julian's angst-filled attack on Omega, we end up with more of it as Cyclops reams him out for being violent in taking down Omega Sentinel. Julian counters him implying that Cyclops' a hypocrite considering his recent violent tactics. That was fun, of course, but I like it when anyone yells at Cyclops because he's a character who's a constant source of irritation for me. Moving on, from there Julian degrades into angst, and we get move of his "I-might-turn-out-to-be-a-villain--MAYBE!" subplot. Which with all the excessive angst I've had to see this month, in real life and comic book land, I can definitely say I'm in no mood for. Which is too bad because I actually used to like Hellion.

Conclusion: This is a lukewarm issue where you will likely find yourself hating Hellion if you didn't already.

The List #46 Part 2

2010-12-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

Avengers Academy #7
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Tom Raney, not Mike McKone as it is credited.
As evidenced by the cover, this issue is completely devoted to Hank Pym and his eternal angst over actions he committed 20 years ago (Right? I'm only a light Avengers fan, but seems to me all his 'bad' shit happened nowhere near recently, right?).

We begin this month's helping on a scandalous note when Tygra and child decide to pay Pymie a visit. Little did I know, it seems Tygra's child is the product of her and a skrull impersonating Hank Pym. But these facts get even more scandalous as we find out thattt --->

Tygra, stunned and shocked, reacts by asserting to Pym that the child is hers and hers alone. But then she also has to explain that her original reason for showing up is to ask that, if anything should happen to her, Hank would take him in. Yeah, it's awkward.

It gets more awkward when Tygra brings up Hank's long lost wife, the Wasp, and Hank reveals that he's put Janet's molecules together in this infinite mansion and now he plans on bringing her back from this. I don't really understand all of it, I tried my hardest to ignore the Mighty Avengers when it was under Pym, so here's Jocasta with a mini explanation:

She looks so.......glamorous.

The rest of the issue is about Hank taking on the Absorbing Man, predictably beating him, and having a personal revelation about the dangers of bringing Janet back. Done. Fin. Except not so much. Were this just to be a done-in-one issue where we deal with Hank's angst for it's yearly pitying and then just move on, I'd be fine, but no, apparently this will be the focus of an arc coming out in March. Joy. I know Pym fans are probably excited for this, but truth be told I've barely dealt with him and I'm exhausted from this character. Which is exactly the opposite of what I came to this book for considering I wanted something new and fresh, which it is when the students are running the book. Anyway, that's my two cents on the future of AA.

Also, it should be mentioned that McKone was unfortunately not on pencils this time around; it was Tom Raney who's so not my favorite artist. In fact, I find his entire range of emotions on characters to read as ridiculous and difficult to take serious. This issue is no different though he for most part does a decent job.

Conclusion: This issue's not without its good parts, but in the end, it's a bit dull due to its starring character's arc being tired and worn out already.

Uncanny X-Force #3
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena
Finally this issue we get a comprehensive explanation of who's who in Apocalypse's army. And luckily it's in the preview, so you can all check up on it [here]. Oh and the old lady who's teaching child Apocalypse how to be himself again? Apparently that's Ship! That little detail caught me by surprise especially considering I thought that Ship was a pleasant little transportation vessel controlled by an evil master. Oh well, I much prefer this evil old lady take; she can be my new Frau Totenkinder.

Concerning the other Apocalypse followers, I'll say this: War's pretty badass as long as he's silent, Famine's perfectly creepy as hell, Pestilence as an awesome powerful and it looks great visually but I'm not a fan of her inferiority complex, and lastly, Death is the only one that really disappoints as he looks like a cheesy Vanisher ripoff and has an everyvillain personality.

Moving back to the events of the issue, all of this info is collected by Psylocke while all of X-Force is badly beaten and laying at the feet of the villains....yeah she's a badass and her lessons in badass are proudly displayed throughout the issue. Eventually Wolverine manages to get up and drags Death off of the team so that they can have the same fight Wolverine always has: A battle completely in favor of the enemy but somehow Wolverine manages to survive it out of sheer "badass". Meanwhile, Archangel's in shit shape after Famine got him and Deadpool is the only one around to take of him. Amusingly enough, Deadpool pulls out his only food supply: Pop rocks and Coke, and drowns Warren in it. From there its Nurse Deadpool taking care of Warren which is a survivor story on its own.

The main mover of the plot this issue is concerning Psylocke and Fantomex attempting to get their shit together as they are the only members really around and able. Psylocke takes charge, ordering Fantomex to let her in his mind. Here's how that goes over:

You go, Miss Braddock.

Fantomex listens to Betsy and she immediately begins psychically working on the effects of Famine's drum. Except she's stopped by War slamming her in the face. Ouch. Anyway, Fantomex being left as the only useful member begins illusioning everywhere, taking care of Death and Pestilence while saving Wolverine. He also manages to convince War that he loves Betsy, causing him to bring her into Apocalypse's HQ, and giving her the opening to take him out. While this is great and all, I have to say that Fantomex's little illusions took care of a bit too many of the group's problems and I'm hoping this isn't one of those "fix-all" things throughout the series. Anyway, as the Ship is teleporting out of the moon, kid Apocalypse whose busy with his toys receives a visitor: Betsy coming in with a katana. End issue.

Perfect ending. Obviously it's mostly for the fact that it's Psylocke who's just doing a lot of "take charge" things, but this is so much better than my worries about her just being the useless token female of the group. Also, I was pleased to hear [this news] from Remender on a recent X-Position concerning returning Betsy to her British roots.

Conclusion: Despite my few minor issues, another great issue of Uncanny X-Force with strong writing, fantastic art that I'm still very in awe of, and what seems to be a very bright future for this series.

In other news, here are the results of the last poll concerning which lovely mutant should get repowered:

Unsurprisingly, it seems the biggest chunk of us want to see Jubilee repowered and presumably non-vampire again as it was sad for Marvel to piggyback on the decaying end of a pop culture trend, but to prolong it now is just purely pathetic. Plus I'm sure angsty vampire Jubilee is going to be the stuff of dreams for 2005's emo trend and its desperate hanger-ons, but it'll just likely annoy the hell out of everyone else. I'm thinking we all just want to see Jubes back to her sassy self because.....Baby. She's a firework.

In second place by one vote we have Rictor which also is not surprising as, while Rictor's definitely good for fulfilling fans' desperate need for some well-written homoness, I think we'd all like to see him back to being able to effectively handle himself in super situations.

Winder Dancer coming in third place, however, was surprising as I was not aware she had a much of a fan base, so, um, good on her fans and hopefully she'll pop back into the MU sometime. Anddd besides that, all I have to say is I'm surprised Callisto didn't get more votes and that's pretty much it. That's all for this week and be sure to go vote on the latest one!

The List #46 Part 1

2010-12-17T19:13:00.000-08:00

Fables #100
Writer: Bill Willingham
Artist: Mark Buckingham and [many others]

I know I'm pretty late on commenting on this issue, but things have been nuts over the past few weeks and when they finally let up, I traveled back to my homeland for winter break and died. Luckily, much like Jean Grey, I have risen from the grave, and even though this issue's already been discussed everywhere else, I'd still like to share my thoughts anyway especially because Fables is going to be a new title featured on this blog. Also, I'm not going to be discussing the side stories, only the main one, as they're short so my reactions to each would only be a sentence long. However, I will say that it's pretty damn amazing what Willingham and Co. packed into this 100-page special with the games, celebrity questions, prose story, and even a bonus epilogue with Three Blind Mice, who I enjoy to no end. Anyway, on to the main story.

Basically this is the Frau Totenkinder appreciation issue. Which I respect completely as Frau is my favorite Fables character as she's a badass old witch who's willing to do whatever it takes to get her way. Except she's no longer an old woman which partially ruins the magic for me.

Things open with Frau confronting the Dark Man and beginning the fight. It turns out Frau's got a number of tricks up her sleeves as she's tied a bunch of spells to trigger words, and is shooting them out rapid fire such as a spell that makes fish who form up on the Dark Man and form a shell around him, opening up a pocket dimension, and even a clever candy-based spell that cause the Dark Man to throw up all the teeth he'd collected so far which leaves him without his witherlings.

Of course I'm all for this as it mixes two of my favorite things: clever planning and attacks that require their name being shouted out. As a formerly devout Digimon/Sailor Moon/Inuyasha fan, I have to say every so often I miss the good ol' days of attacks with names. Anyway, back to my girl Frau, basically her attack plan, as noted by Ozma who's viewing the entire battle from afar, is to give the Dark Man no fear to feed his power and to turn the tables by using his own fear. She accomplishes this by using spells that involve boxing in the Dark Man, as it's what he most fears, and just battering him with her raw power when she's done with trickery. And let me just say: Frau's a fucking force with her power.

Eventually, she manages to use the gold from the Dark Man's prison, the gold he's allergic to, and, with the help of Clara, seals him in by melting the gold around him. There's more, but let's pause to discuss what's been going on at the Farm during this battle.

Back at the farm everyone is surrounding the pumpkin Ozma's in and waiting on updates from her as she's the only one there who has a direct link to the events. Including Beast and a very pregnant Beauty who suddenly goes into a violent pregnancy. Beast attempts to get Nurse Spratch to help him immediately in getting Dr. Swineheart, but Spratch rears the worst of her miserable attitude by stopping to address Beast's tone towards her. In the end, Beast hulks out and that ends that. During the pregnancy, Swineheart is his egotistical self and Spratch is being a complete bitch while Beast and Snow White are attempting to question their now-controversial methods which they are right to question considering Boy Blue's death. Eventually, having had it with Spratch, Snow White decides to revisit her bitchy origins and has a chat with Spratch. In the end, she brings her to tears and the fans to cheers as some of us miss the bitchy, pre-housewife Snow White. Anyway, now that we're caught up with the other end of the story, we'll move forward with things.

At the Farm there is much celebration for Totenkinder (who insists on being called Bellflower), and Beast revisits the dangling plot thread of the beastly garment Totenkinder presented Beauty and Beast with when she revealed when they were eventually going to have a child. Beast, confused over this, asks Snow White what to make of it as the child was born normal. Snow just says to him that it could be Frau's wicked sense of humor. Anyway, all seems well for the Fables as they have a victory feast over the defeat of the Dark Man. Except....

The Dark Man breaks out of his gold prison! Which I'm hardly sad about as I happen to enjoy the insane Dark Man as the Big Bad, especially in comparison to complain-y Gepetto. The Dark Man immediately attacks Totenkinder at the celebration without warning, and the battle ends in one of the most crushing moments of the series:

I was very near tears at this part, but I held back on that as I was sitting outside at a bus stop.

With Totenkinder disintegrated, all the Fables immediately evacuate to Haven. Except.....she's still alive! Much like Jean Grey, it's not the first time Frau's been killed, and thrillingly, she comes back to an audience of Ozma, her black cat whose name escapes me, and the guy Frau was with whose name also escapes me. Ozma attempts to convince Frau to rejoin the battle against the Dark Man, but Frau rejects it with one of the worst reasons for an exit I've ever seen:

Do that after the fight to save the world, Frau.

This is a shitty reason for Frau's departure, considering she mentions that we're not going to see her again, and I'm just really not pleased with this little development. Especially considering she's my favorite character.

In the epilogue, after everyone is departed, the Dark Man comes to the Farm only to find Nurse Spratch there in a fit of bitterness. She agrees to help him and give him the location of the other Fables as long as she gets three things: Being made pretty, given a pretty husband, and making all the other pretty Fables ugly. He agrees to these terms and the deal is made. Um. I'm not so fond of this little turn for Spratch. While it makes sense that she'd be tired of being the only unattractive female, human Fable, I still don't like that in the end the only overweight female fable turned into a villain. Just like I don't like that the powerful old witch had to become young to become a true threat and get the full effect of the spotlight. I get the reasoning in terms of Fableland, but I still don't how it looks on the outside.

Also during the epilogue we see that it turns out Beauty and Beast's newborn is actually a bit of a Beast as Totenkinder had predicted. And that's the end of Fables 100, leaving the fate of all Fable kind in the hands of Ozma who, as she says here:

And as much as it pains me to see Frau go, I still am excited to see what Ozma's up to as she's more of risk-taker and seemingly more dark (even though Frau regularly sacrificed newborns). Also she's got a black cat for a sidekick and that's a fact her and I have in common:

Her name's Abbe!

Anyway, in conclusion, besides a few minor complaints, Fables #100 was exactly what a landmark issue should be: a well told story that actually shakes the reader's view on what direction the book is taking. Oh and also filled with other goodies.

X-Factor #212
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
I know this issue was supposed to be a big deal. Thor guest-starring with this arc's already special guest star, Hela, in an Asgard-based story that wows many. Except I failed to be wowwed. Mainly because the only Asgard stories I really liked were the Annuals that year back in the late 80's with the New Mutants being trapped in Asgard. And then there's the other reasons....

To begin, this issue is sort of standard. Standard X-Factor humor which is fairly light and not worth more than a smirk. Standard hero goes to retrieve something from villain deal. Basically, in this issue Thor assists X-Factor in getting Hela to give the troll up. They do....at an unsurprising price that threatens their lives and have to fight zombie Asgardians.

However, that's where the things of note come in. First off, we have Siryn being featured this issue, but it feels like David really wants us to believe that while she's back to being Siryn, she's also now disheartened by the cruel world!! (Well, Banshee, but rather than mix myself up for a temporary codename change, she's gonna stay Siryn on this blog.) No, seriously, it felt forced as f#@% and did not read like natural dialogue.

Something good that finally happened this issue is the revealing of Rahne's true baby daddy:

Yessir, it's finally come out that Rictor is not the father.

Next issue is likely to feature his reaction to this and luckily with my nonexistent ties to Marvel I've managed to pick up unreleased artwork from Rictor's reaction to not being the baby daddy. Here it is:

I think it's safe to say that most of us echo that reaction.

In other news, the issue ended with Multiple Man tricking Hela into coming at him with her death powers and having Darwin step in to absorb the blow. The way he adapts to this is to become Death and sap Hela of her powers leaving her helpless for long enough that X-Factor gets away. Darwin reverts back, but when Madrox asks him if he's ok his response is that he is even though the panel is of skulls in his eyes. As if I didn't already dislike this unimportant, uninteresting character enough, now next issue we have to deal with his bag of angst as he leaves the team, but unfortunately, not the book. And I'm really not in the mood for more boring angst; I want my Ricstar drama!

Conclusion: This issue was the definition of "meh".

Adventures in Shopping

2010-12-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

I love shopping. Specifically sales shopping. I literally have dreams of amazing sales a week before I actually go to one. I firmly believe in the power of retail therapy, but I'm also cheap. My cheapness is actually on my back right now: My black skinny jeans from Hot Topic? $20, normally priced at $40. $40 being a price I have never and likely will never pay for pants. My The Crow shirt? $5, normally priced at $20. If I'm paying full price for a shirt then it had better look that damn good. While I'm good about being frugal during my college existence, I do have my weak points where I need to splurge, and one of those is comics books. A comic book sale? Oh I'm there. And yesterday, I was SO there.

I've mentioned before that I love Coast City Comics because they completely satisfy my need for discount comics with their quarter bins and %50 off used graphic novels. Well, yesterday they had a sale that blew my mind called Comikaze which included, but certainly was not limited to: free comic books, 25% off everything, buy one new comic get one free, 75% off select used trades, and buy one $1 dollar comic get one free. I spent the week reciting these sales to myself; I was that excited.

Also, I need to mention that this past Tuesday was my birthday, December 7th a birthday I share with Jessica Drew [Spider-Woman Origins #1], so I had birthday money to burn on this sale. And oh did I ever. Here's the summary of my treasures that day:

Buy one new comic get one free:
Fables #88, 95-98, and, most importantly, Fables #100 which you will see reviewed here very soon!

Free Comics:
All those first issue for $1 comics that you see at your shop? In this pile with a number of amazing comics (Alias, Birds of Prey, Robin, and so many more). Notable ones I got from this pile include:
Ex Machina #1
Hellstorm #1
I Kill Giants #1
Jack of Fables #1
Madman Comics #1
Planetary #1
Sin City #1
Ultimate X-Men #94
Witchblade #1

$0.25 Comics, a regular feature, but greatly expanded in selection.
In total I got 50 issues from here, remarkable issues including:
American Virgin #1-4
Avengers the Initiative #35
Siege: Young Avengers #1
Super Market #1-2
The Walking Dead #19
LOTS of 90s-era X-Factor
X-Treme X-Men #41

$0.50 Comics or buy one $1 comic get one free:
In total I got 82 issues from here, remarkable issues including:
Alias #16-28
Civil War #1-7
Demo #1
Doom Patrol, 2 issues during Morrison era.
About %75 of The Invisibles.
Sandman #60-63
Thunderbolts #110-120
X-Men #31-32

75% off select used graphic novels:
Freakangels vol. 1 HC

50% off used graphic novels (A normal feature of the store):
Fables: Story Book Love
The Authority: Earth Inferno

The complete total of issues, were I also to add from the trades as well, comes out to 178 issues. How much did I pay? $91.
That's like $0.50 an issue.
If these issues were normally priced at around $2.99, the grand total would have been: $535.
Normally, I would never splurge so hardcore on comics, but as you can see I spent $100 and saved $450. So yeah, I just wanted to tell you all about the massive sale I hit because you are all comic book people as well and I imagine you'd appreciate that amazingness of the sale I hit.
Also, it gets better:

The shop also had a raffle going on for six items. One of them being Sandman: Endless Nights autographed by Neil Gaiman. And I FRIGGING WON IT! I'm going to get it on Wednesday before my last final.

The List #45 Part 2

2010-11-30T19:19:00.000-08:00

Batwoman #0
Writer: J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman
Artist: J.H. Williams III and Amy Reeder
Finally we have the return of Batwoman after months of salivating for the release of her solo book. Unfortunately, this is more of a taste before the official run, but as far as I'm concerned any Batwoman done by Williams or Rucka is a good one.

The issue focuses on Bruce Wayne following Kate around, trying to confirm his suspicions that she is indeed Batwoman. He also dons a number of ridiculous disguises during the process which are worth a smirk. Eventually, he concludes she's good, but not amazing and that's basically the plot of the issue.

The stunning art of J.H. Williams III returns with this issue and oh dear me, it is to die for. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud considering her devoted fanbase, but I feel like my interest in Batwoman loses some of its intensity without Williams on board. But I mean, just look at the image to the right--> It's gorgeous in ways that are rarely seen in comic books (so far as my current knowledge of comics is aware), so I mean it's hard to not be disappointed by anyone else. Which, speaking of, I was with Amy Reeder the artist for the Kate sequences. It's not that her art was anything negative, I would probably have liked it just fine on its own, but it's simply that in comparison to Williams her art just does not do anything for me. I just think using another artist similar to Williams' style would have worked out better.

Conclusion: This is an issue where not much happened, so in terms of plot I would advise against waiting until Batwoman #1 out some time in 2011. However, if you're a devoted Batwoman or Williams fan, do pick this one up.

New Mutants #19
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Things are dark this issue. Like pitch black. It certainly shocked me to see New Mutants, a book that's sort of X-Force-lite, all of a sudden start having some uncomfortable torture scenes. Let's break this shit down, shall we?

For some reason, Dani is singled out as the zesty powerless mutant, and is tortured throughout the issue while Cannonball is made to listen so that his jailer can feed off his anguish. Somehow, being made of pure hardcore, Dani manages to get it together enough to tell Sam to stop feeding the anguish woman, and even tries to distract him by telling him that he's an excellent kisser. All this while she's still being tortured. The woman's a tough bitch, and I salute her.

Pixie's also tortured, but that's really just giving the reader of Uncanny what they've been asking for. Illyana is placed with Sunspot, whose got a mini evil mutant running around in his body, after she's done being tortured, and they have a fairly depressing conversation:

Illyana also lets Sunspot know that Amara does not love him like he does her. So yeah, this is pretty intense considering I wouldn't put it past Wells to actually kill Amara off. I mean, she may be one of, if not THE, most powerful member of the team, but character-wise she's just functions as pretty wallpaper for the most part.

Meanwhile Cypher's still under the control of the mutant who manipulates with words, and Dani and him discuss this -->

Oh yes, Cypher, you are a mighty cliche at this point just not in the way you're thinking, you sad attempt at a dark and emotionless badass.

Concerning Karma, she's pretending to be unconscious most of the issue and attempting to connect to the isolated Inferno mutant whose head is a big laser. Not only is it sad because she's connecting with someone who's painfully isolated and finally getting to express his angst over this, but Karma's also tortured while this is happening as the other mutants try to take her robot leg by cutting above the metal. Into the flesh. Fun. The beam-headed eventually helps her and Illyana tells her she needs to escape alone. In the end, Magik reveals that Karma is the only one important to save for her mission.

Conclusion: This issue's pretty amazing for its tension as it kept me hooked the entire way through. While I still have a dislike for this arc, I do have to say this was a great issue.

Uncanny X-Force #2
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena
This issue opens with a Danger room session that involves Wolverine, Fantomex, Deadpool, and Psylocke dealing with the possible scenario of Archangel turning against them that ends in Betsy taking out Warren. Obviously, when Warren walks in on this he finds this all a bit surprising and shaky for his relationship. And that's not all that's threatening his and Betsy's relationship--->

But what about your dearly beloved Cyclops, Logan? Anyway, this issue gives spotlight to Betsy as we the readers are privvy to her thoughts. Her place on the team and her reasons for joining are examined while she attempts to comfort Warren over the training sessionand are disappointingly what I expected: She's there for Warren. So thrilling that she has her own story. Luckily she's at least still the badass Betsy we all know and love:

Meanwhile with the Apocalypse situation, it seems that the old lady is solely there for young Apocalypse's education and not actually a member of the Horsemen as we end up meeting a number of Apocalypse worshippers this issue that better qualify for the position. Where do we meet them? The moon!

Yes, X-Force goes to the blue part of the moon where Apocalypse is located only to be ambushed by War who damages EVA by blowing a hole in her with his axe. Naturally, this is terrible and is worsened three times as Fantomex feels the pain due to his connection to EVA and Psylocke, being a telepath, also suffers the blow.

In a fight scene that's as bleak as this month's New Mutants, X-Force gets its ass kicked by Apocalypse's followers which include the previously seen War giant, the drummer guy whose likely Famine, a geisha who vomits cockroachers, and Vanisher's ugly brother who rides a flying carpet. Post-defeat, young Apocalypse emerges from his headquarters to go out to take care of X-Force.

Conclusion: Great issue, amazing art job by Jerome Opena yet again, and amazingly well-done fight scene. Definitely pick this one up.

The List #45 Part 1

2010-11-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

Uncanny X-Men #530
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Greg Land
Before we begin, can I ask what is up with all the good/important X-Titles being released this week? Who at Marvel thought this was a good idea? I'm thinking a constant feed of X-Men works much better than just having one week a month where everything comes out.

This issue marks the welcome return of Greg Land to Uncanny which is a big improvement to Portacio awkward rape faces and characters who seem to have perpetually fried hair. Some of you may not be glad to see the return of Land, but let's think of it in the context of Uncanny: So long as Fraction is writing it in any form, it will always be shit and Land, while a horribly controversial artist, produces images that are worth lots of laughs. So if I'm going to be suffering this shit in attempting to keep in the know of what's going on, I at least welcome some unintentional humor along the way. Also, his issues tend to be more colorful.

The opening of this issue starts with Emma going over how important Shaw is for the hundredth time and then telling Fantomex and Shadowcat how she explained their departure to Cyclops. Basically, she used a flimsy shopping excuse that he didn't buy. She'd have had better luck just not telling him. Oh and, because this is Land, she's naked during this conversation with Cyclops. Yeah, Emma Frost, master manipulator and professional liar, really has trouble coming up with convincing explanations for three people's absence. Good heavens it appalls me how little respect Fraction has for female characters, but more on that later.

The big plot of this issue is the big release of HX-N1 disease that's infecting a decent amount of Utopia including, OMG WAIT FOR IT......WOLVERINE!!! OMG WHAT?! I thought his power levels were over 9000?! Yeah, we're doing a deadly mutant virus....again! Which is also a total ripoff of the swine flu hype! I understand there are only so many X-Stories to be told, but do we really have to put up with such obviously recycled crap? Speaking of recycled:

I know we've all seen this basic image before considering it's Copy and Paste Land, but is this really considered a desirable body? Big shoulders with a tiny waist? Is this what macho men want? To look like big pizza slices?

So yeah, there's also something uninteresting deal with the Collective Man as well as the guy whose working with Sublime or whatever and is now making his own faux Original Five X-Men. Nobody really cares and also, how many times do we have to have a group based around being like the Original Five? Again: It's played out now, let's at least move on to emulating the All-New All-Different group. Also, a little panel that popped up during the Faux Five introduction:

Does this panel makes you guys uncomfortable? It certainly makes me uncomfortable, like holy fellatio, how did this get past the censors?

Moving back to the virus issue, Cyclops tries to contain the situation by holding Utopia under quarantine and also calling a press conference, conducted by Archangel and I'm guessing Val Cooper, that basically just scares everyone and makes faint prejudices come out. Did the press really need to be informed? That island's fairly isolated, especially under quarantine, they actually could get away with not telling anyone until it becomes a big deal. Meanwhile, Dazzler and Northstar get the news, Daz being fabulously dressed up like the biggest fag hag this side of the Marvel Universe, and Daz is actually excited to be one of the remaining outside X-Men despite the fact that it means people are ridiculously ill. K, this is where we return to Fraction having no respect for women and I'd include gay men considering Northstar's also involved in this. Here we have Ali acting completely insensitive and stupid and that's pretty much how he's portrayed her and Northstar since he's introduced them: Stupid, superfluous, and shallow, basically as total jokes. What's worse is I feel like he's not aware of this and just thinks he's doing them a favor giving them some page time.

Conclusion: While this issue is definitely drama-filled and sort of fun, there's nothing really new to be found here. Same plotlines and same problems with the creative teams, but definitely a more fun issue than we've seen lately.

X-Men Legacy #242
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Paul Davidson
This issue marks the beginning of the brief Post-Second Coming rebuild arc which is oddly placed considering Second Coming's more or less already forgotten by now. Also, considering the last arc was pretty self-contained and could have easilly just have been moved to be after this one instead of before. That and Utopia and San Fransisco are already being drawn to be fully recovered by all the other artists, so we don't even get the visual need for this rebuild anymore.

The story this time around is basically three things: The rebuilding of Utopia, Omega Sentinel losing control over her systems, and Hellion's angst over losing his hands. Except Hellion's pretty justified in his angst, well, minus the fact that he keeps getting pissed anyone trying to help him. Rogue remedies this by deciding if he's not going to respond to sympathy then he's going to be put to work instead, and really, good on her for choosing that route considering how pissy he is to just everyone. However, he does bring up one good point that's pretty much on everyone's minds:

Um really. Considering the science team operates like magic, just conjuring something up every time there's a need, how hard is it to make convincing looking hands considering it's just really about throwing on some latex or wtfever to those robot claws?

Meanwhile, a team is gathered to rebuild San Fransisco which includes Random, Psylocke, Hope, Colossus, Omega Sentinel, Rogue, and Danger. You may notice that there's a lot of former villains on this list, and if you read the issue, it looks even worse considering how ominous Magneto looks throughout the entire issue with being just white coming out of the shadow of his helmet. Seriously, Mags, way to help people feel comfortable with you.

Another thing of note includes how the Hope baton is passed from Uncanny to Legacy as Carey gets his chance to deal with the mutant messiah. Hellion gets in a tiff with her over her not using her powers to help speed up the reconstruction. Magneto makes a biblical reference when commenting on Hellion's disbelief concerning Hope, speaking about Thomas the Apostle wanting to see Jesus' crucifixion marks to prove he was the messiah. And really, I'm right there with Hellion because since her introduction I haven't bought Hope as some sort of astonishing messiah, and I just don't see myself buying it any time soon. She's just Jean-lite, and really, half the time Jean herself was Jean-lite.

Speaking of characters who act like previously established characters, I'm surprised Carey put Psylocke and Omega Sentinel together considering how similar both their functions are on a team and just generally how they act. I mean, the similarity's not so strong that it's embarrassing, that'd only occur if Carey added Sage to the mix, but it's still an interesting choice. Also, I have to wonder why there wasn't a scene with Psylocke tried to talk to Hellion, maybe it's just me, but I'd be interested to have two TKs address their similarity and all that.

In the end, this issue is hardly spectacular, but it is certainly a good one. While the main plot is hardly worth discussing at length, and as you can see I didn't because I really couldn't, it's still a Carey-quality issue. Also, the art done by Davidson is sort of standard which is sort of disappointing because I really enjoyed his dark work on New Mutants. Conclusion: This is one you should only purchase with your spare change.

The List #44 Part 2

2010-11-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

Chew #15

Writer: John Layman
Artist: Rob Guillory

As we come to the end of the first quarter of the run of this series, we come to meet the alleged last two supporting characters of the series, Toni, Tony's twin who's, uh, really peppy and Olive, Tony's.....daughter. So yeah, things are definitely revealed this issue and we even get to meet the entire Chu clan briefly as Tony goes over for Thanksgiving, much to most of their chagrin of the family (due in to large part to his being an absent father to Olive). One family member in particular I had to note and wish for further development is none other than:

Tony's drag queen younger brother because there will never be a day in my life where I am NOT completely in for a drag queen character. Legit.

Moving on, the majority of the issue was exposition until the big finale as we were introduced to Tony's family, all of it, and their feelings on him. Not a whole lot happens and I can't say there's much in the way of the quirky humor typical of Chew, but it was still a decent issue. We also see Mason Savoy finally do something with Tony's ear, which is eating it, as he discovers the story about Tony's psycho ex. By the way, can I just mention something I've already brought up on my Tumblr, but is too good to not mention?

Mason Savoy is basically the Chew version of Fiddler's Green from Sandman.
Or was, before the whole reveal that he's "up to something".
Whatever, he's so fun that I figure he'll be in Chu's good graces again soon.

Anyway, the issue ends with surprise red lights in the sky which basically changes the series dramatically from what I've read. Conclusion: While this issue doesn't contain the same enthusiastic energy typical of other issues, it's still a good one and seems to be more about setting up future plots than entertaining. Considering it's Chew, I still definitely say pick it up as it's become one of my new favorite ongoings.

Avengers Academy #6
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike McKone
The spotlight of this issue shines down on Reptil this time around as we join him becoming the class leader of the AA and find out more about his powers and the gem that appear to be the source. Also, some depressing news is revealed about him and Finesse:

Errmm he's the second most innocent member of the AA and I just feel like he's being tainted by the irritating character that is Finesse.

During the issue we see the first hurt that comes from his physical relationship with Finesse as she explains to him that she's not his girlfriend, just a fuck buddy. From there she decides to end things, which to her credit is responsible of her, but in, of course, a harsh way. Throughout the issue we see these frustrations as Reptil deals with being team leader and trying to be helpful and the right sort of role model as well as his struggles to fully transform into a dinosaur. Eventually his dreams do come true, but in the sense that he becomes a feral, uncontrollable dinosaur. The conclusion for this lack of control comes from Pym:

Um, first I'd totally take counseling sessions with Moonstone. I mean, I'd have no hope for improvement, but can you imagine how fun she'd be? Second, what about my girl Frost? She's not only a therapist, but also specializes as a sex therapist so she can help Reptil deal with his Finesse problem. However, I can't say I have any problems with who they chose to counsel him in the end:

YAY! I feel like some of her best character work outside of Alias and Pulse has been when she's counseling teenagers....and not playing housewife.

In the end, Reptil finally starts opening up and things are looking up for him and everything's somewhat decent. Conclusion: Decent issue, but these past few issues have lead to me feeling like this series lacks a little bit of direction as all the side plots make things feel a bit messy and complicated.

Avengers The Childrens Crusade #3
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
After last issue's revelation that the Wanda that had been residing in Wundagore Mountain, the one Hawkeye and Beast encountered, was a Doombot, we now finally come to a conclusion on the whereabouts of Wanda as, y'know, only Doom's gonna use Doombots. This issue is basically centered around three characters: Quicksilver, Magneto, and Wiccan and NOT the Young Avengers. Don't get me wrong, I know the Maximoffs need some love from a skilled right now, but I'd also like to see more of the characters I came to this series to read. Plus Magneto and Quicksilver can be frustrating characters. Especially when Magneto's claiming the only person more powerful than Doom is Wanda. Um, Jean Grey, anyone? Killed, like, a solar system full of people? Kind of like God right now?

Anyway, the plan from here is trying to decide how to get to Doom. Wiccan tries to break away to go to try it on his own, but ends up getting caught by Quicksilver and the YA, with Hulkling getting quite pissed about it. While I enjoy the fact that we're openly dealing with Teddy and Billy as a couple now, I'm not real fond of how much strain is being put on their relationship considering most of the romance was dealt with lightly. At least we get this squee-worthy image of them together in bed:

In the end, Wiccan decides to go it alone anyway, ends up finding a manipulated Wanda, and finds out she intends to marry him. And oh yeah, he shows up which spells out real fun times for the lone hero.

Conclusion: Good issue, but we could do with less Pietro and Magneto bitchery as well as a less tense Billy and Teddy considering we've barely seen any of the romance. I'd still say pick this one up.

X-Factor #211
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
This X-Factor suffers from a lack of baby momma drama (I know, it's sad and sorry that I'm addicted to this storyline, but whatever, it influences the future of RicStar!). It's for the most part of a fight issue with Madrox, Shatterstar, and Longshot tackling zombie Asguardians to poor results.

Basically, it ends up looking bleak towards the end, in one of the most forced sounding moves I've heard in awhile Siryn apologizes to Madrox for breaking his finger way back when in issue #40 or near there. Finally, Thor shows up to save the day and we end on him deciding whether or not to help X-Factor against Hela.

Conclusion: Little happens this issue really, but it's not necessarily a bad issue. Just one that I'm not all that excited about. Still good though.

The List #44 Part 1

2010-11-01T13:01:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, I'm back from my extended absence that was due to my busy schedule of life-having. So yeah, I'm going to recap what I missed briefly (well, relatively considering my original commentary) in the next two posts because it would kill me not to say a couple things on what's gone by. Let's get started, shall we?

Action Comics #894
Writer: Paul Cornell
Artist: Pete Woods
The much-anticipated return of the extremely popular Death of the Endless turned out to be a bit overhyped. While her appearance lasted the entire issue and contained much dialogue, in the end there was a loss of that special flair that comes with Death's appearance. Remember how Death's appearance was always a treat because every line she had was pure gold? This not so much. I think this can be partially blamed on the visually uninteresting presentation from the artist which just made the entire event feel very common and unremarkable. Then there's the bland dialogue she's fed that ultimately leaves maybe one memorable moment. It's all very general and with this issue basically rotating around just their discussion it would lead you to think said dialogue would be a bit more entertaining.

In this appearance, Death is essentially supporting Lex's story, whose appeal is beyond me and failed to capture me here, so instead of stealing the spotlight like her return should be she's simply formed around Lex's story. Conclusion: Possibly a problem with who she was placed with, but this appearance of the typically peppy Death turned out to be flat. Hopefully we'll see her again in a better light soon though.

Uncanny X-Men #529
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio with Harvey Tolibao
This issue contains just more of Fraction's poor attempts at writing Emma. Oh and Danger and Box finally become the pioneering couple that inspire confidence to those sex robot enthusiasts who've come into the spotlight of public humiliation as of late. Also, can we talk about how creepy it was when Fantomex walked in on Box who had a projection of Danger and her systems up on his screen? It just had this horrible vibe of a creeper who got a hold of someone's nudes. Whatever, at least they finally went out on a date.

The 'Lights' are dealt with at some points, but I won't really get into it. Nor will I get into Generation Hope #1. Why? Because these new mutants have bland, one-note personalities with unoriginal powers. And I mean one-note as each character seems to be defined by one trait that is constantly played up on. The metal-skin girl? Her academic drive, that's all she sees the world through. African girl with fire and ice powers? All religious/spiritual focused thoughts. And of course, the feral guy's always mate and sometimes fight/flight which is ridiculous especially because you KNOW they would have never written a female feral mutant to have mate on her mind all the time. I could go on and on about how much I dislike this feral mutant's likely gendered presentation, but I'll do it some other time. Which by the way, all of these powers? It's not just that we've seen them before; it's that we've seen them so many times that it's aggravating to see the same old powers used for the new generation. One would think that the writers would jump at the opportunity to think up some nifty new powers and complex new characters, but no it would seem. I've heard part of the reason to be sort of like the original five X-Men, butttt don't we go down that route every couple of years with some mini series or origins issue?

The main plot of this issue is yet again dramatizing for no reason. Fantomex all of a sudden becomes involved in the abduct Shaw mission where he only does two things: Hypnotizes Box into going out with Danger and places an EVA in place of Shaw in the prison. Even though Emma's fully capable of convincing Box into peacing out for awhile. Whatever, another opportunity for Fraction to air out his fratboy brand badassery. Oh and also, Kitty's involved. But is she moving around you may ask!? The science club made her a special suit. Yup, yet another example of science being the new magic in this series. And in terms of Emma, she was yet again interpreted through the eyes of a 13 year old as her dialogue was everywhere and just horrid. This being the worst example:

Did Fraction really just attempt to claim that Nightcrawler was Emma's favorite?
Even though they've had maybe two lukewarm scenes together?

Seriously, why does Fraction insist on attempting to qualify crap that has little-to-no previous evidence. Even worse this issue was the presentation of Danger's pondering on whether or not Emma was good or evil. You would think some things would have been made clear by, that she's essentially gray and simply working in a lighter shade these days, but it seems basic ideas elude this series. Conclusion: Standard Fraction crap. Next.

X-Men: To Serve and Protect #1
Writer: James Asmus
Artist: Jon Buran

For this issue I'll only be covering the Emma story considering the others are about Fantomex, Cypher, and Rockslide who are obviously not my favs. Also, I'm going to touch on her Young Allies appearance.

So the story is that a massage parlor gets attacked by Mandrill while Emma's getting a massage there. He uses his pheromone powers to control the women there and make them fall in love with him, but Emma remains immune in her diamond form. Emma and Mandrill discuss why he thinks he deserves these women and why he believes it's ok to manipulate them with this questionable line:

While I adore this calling out of men's absurd expectations, there's a few things wrong here with Emma being the one to say this. Considering she's someone who's gotten plastic surgery to conform to the ideal image of women and has hooked up with some of the worst womanizers, I think she's hardly in a great position to speak on this especially because she's still with an immature manchild. Some of you may say 'Who better than her,' and I can see that, but I would at least have liked her to address that she's previously conformed to these ridiculous notions. I'm all for Emma Frost having some sort of feminist angle, but one that at least makes sense to her character.

Concerning Young Allies #6, her appearance was basically what's common of her recent spotlight. She steps in with difficult to belive altruistic motives (in this case wanting to bring Firestar to Utopia), but the writers try to cover it up by having her be pointlessly bitchy in ways that make no sense to her character and really just serve to insult her intelligence (the whole ordering coffee then acting insulted by it when someone tries to serve her it). And the resolution of this coming to Utopia issue ended with a very fanfic-y "I don't want to live by any labels" speech from Firestar which left Emma 'touched'. Do I even need to explain how I feel about that? Also, this inability to correctly execute Emma's voice by most writers makes it sadly hilarious that Kelly Thompson of She Has No Head! said today, "A lot of writers really seem to “get” Emma’s voice as Grant Morrison, Joss Whedon, Warren Ellis, Scott Lobdell, Kathryn Immonen and several other significant writers have all nailed her voice in recent years..." [Source]. While, yes, all of these writers have besides Immonen have, but still, all the rest generally disappoint in a big way and miss her voice and characterization by quite a bit. Anyway, onwards to the most recent poll:

Telekinesis and Telepathy tied for #1! And then Flight, Shape-shifting, and Super Strength all came in 3rd, 4th, and 5th way behind the first two. Thanks for voting and be sure to vote one the next one! Also, be sure to look out for the next post which hopefully will be in a couple days where I review the lastest Avengers Academy, Avengers the Childrens Crusade, and Chew.

The List #43

2010-10-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

New Mutants #18
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
The plot thickens this issue as we discover that the Limbo mutant team of superpricks are actually the Inferno babies that the government took over care for. Well, it would seem they've done a fabulous job of raising them as now they're all kinda gross and messed up. Definitely points go to Wells for a nice use of New Mutants continuity that makes it so that knowledge of NM history heightens the drama of the story, but isn't essential to enjoy it.

This issue is basically a fight scene with New Mutants vs. the Inferno babies, and proving, like I've said before, that the New Mutants are a poor team power-wise. All of them get their asses handed to them, even Magma whose likely the group's most powerful member. The unfortunate thing is that these other mutants have odds and ends powers like our heroes (the power of language, invulnerable jet blasts), but theirs are definitely a step above. Except one problem:

Not quite as sexy indeed.

Yeah, these mutants, while actually modified by the gov to be this way, definitely look more like the part of 'mutants' than the NM. Notable brawls this issue included Dani's fight with the sadistic nut who insisted on really giving shit to Dani due to her powerless status. The climax of this is while holding Dani's arm behind her back the evil bitch ends up snapping something. On the other end of the spectrum, Cypher proved to be completely useless as he attempts to stop the battle by talking it out. He then easily gets overtaken by the Inferno mutant who can speak backwards to manipulate people. I'm so not excited for inevitable 'I used the powers of language to turn it back on her!' scene with obligatory 'badass' undertones. Why did Cypher have to resurrected, WHY?

Conclusion: This issue is a decent one in an overall mediocre arc. That's pretty much it.

X-Factor #210
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Valentine De Landro
If you hate Rahne, you'll really hate her this issue. She spends most of the issue picking at Rictor for his relationship with Shatterstar despite being the intruding bitch who's lying about her pregnancy. Also, her and Rictor are sort of together this issue, holding hands and whatnot, and it's just really disgusting how she's completely ok with stomping all over Rictor's relationship with Shatterstar and even going so far as to expect Rictor to be with her on ignoring it. One scene in particular is where she comments on how she never sees Rictor laugh, and then needles him by saying:

Um yeah, bitch and, as the unwanted baby mama, who the fuck are you to be jealous?

Meanwhile this issue Monet shares the spotlight with Rahtor by having a case with a woman who claims to need help erasing her PTSD from having been in Iraq. Despite her instincts saying 'Bitch, something's up', Monet agrees to do it and at the end of the issue it turns out she unlocked this woman's guiltlessness so she can kill as the unheard of villain Ballistique. Too bad I've already seen this episode play out in the Charmed episode 'Primrose Empath'. Sorry Monet, someday you'll do something actually interesting.

Back to the baby mama drama, Rahtor pay a visit to Dr. Castillo who you may remember from the first arc of X-Factor (so very long agoooo) who specializes in superhero anything it seems. While attempting to perform an ultrasound it turns out Rahne's stomach is impenetrable which Dr. Castillo determines to be a mystical block. Uh-oh, shit comes out then, and Rictor turns to Rahne asking her what's up as the issue ends. Yup. That Rahne's a bitchmonster.

Literally.

Conclusion: Pretty good issue, kind of low key, but definitely within the same sort of quality that we've been seeing lately. I'd definitely recommend everyone get in on this melodrama.

The List #42

2010-10-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

New Avengers #5
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This week was all about re-asserting how Wolverine is the MOST POWERFUL SUPERHERO IN THE ENTIRE MARVEL UNIVERSE. Sorcerer Supreme? That ain't SHIT next to 9-inch metal claws. The power of the Phoenix? Bitch, have you seen his healing factor? Galactus? Fuck no, Wolvie's fighting training spans centuries, he can kick G-Dawg's ASS!

No seriously. I get pandering to Wolverine fans makes it so that people want to buy the issue, but holy shit, does he always have to be the MOST POWERFUL, BIGGEST THREAT, and RIDICULOUSLY BADASS? The writers do realize that there are people reading who aren't fans of Logan and just can't suspend their disbelief in the face of this ridiculously assertion of Wolverine's importance to everything.

Anyway, besides the ridiculous part at the end where Wolverine is decided to be the best vessel for the combined powers of all everyone there, this arc provided an image of just how ridiculous this book's current cast is (I'd post it, but my blog post's width is too narrow...I'm not even kidding) with 12 characters being involved. Plus Hawkeye for two minutes to tell us he wasn't actually on the team which just read like BMB threw this in the script last second just to make the fanboys aware of the roster. But yeah, the amount of characters involved in this arc is ridiculous, and we were already working with a large cast in the first place.

Oh also at one point the ridiculous amount of chatter was lampshaded through the use of one of the villain-figures commenting on it. K......BMB? Just because you joked it off doesn't make it any less annoying that 12 characters are all talking at the same time with none of it being of any use to the story or just for the purpose of updating the other characters on things that the reader already knows.

X-Men #4
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
This entire book is one big fucking cliche. First, there's vampire cliches where we have Wolverine toting the Vampire cause by trying to persuade the X-Men that it's cool to be vampin' with the most typical dialogue of 'vampire-to-human-persuasion' you could have ever thought up. Also, there was the now really familiar scene of a band playing while there's a fight scene going on around them and people assuming that it's just part of the show. Second, there's the X-Men cliches with the second assertion this week that Wolverine IS THE MOST VALUABLE X-MAN. Then there's the whole cliche possessed person dialogue where the characters try reasoning with the possessed person even though they know that character is not themself. Honestly, X-Men thus far is a really big piece of fanfic, and it's really failing to justify why it's existence is necessary. Now onto the poll:

This past poll turned out some good results especially with the option for multiple answers. It seems you guys fucking hate Darwin considering he was the consistent leader of this poll. This probably the only way he'd ever get that much attention. The next person on our collective shit-list is that bitch Rahne and I have to say at that point it thrills me to know we're all on the same page here. Longshot and Strong Guy then followed which I have to say are strong choices. Then it followed with Shatterstar, Monet, and Multiple Man at the bottom of the voted-for list. Most surprisingly, despite the option to choose the entire cast if one so chose, it seems no votes went out to Rictor, Siryn, or Layla Miller. Anyway, thanks to everyone who voted on this poll, very fun results, and please do go vote on the next one.

The List #41

2010-10-06T18:27:00.000-07:00

Avengers Academy #5
Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Jorge Molina
Striker receives the spotlight this issue and let me just say he is so much more interesting than that f#@%ing Mettle. Also, it's important to note that the artist for this issue was fucking hilarious and just added that much more to the joy, laughter, and fun of this issue.

Basically, Striker's the arrogant famewhore of the team, and this issue we learn where this all stems from....as he tells it to Jocasta. Who's in sleep mode. But could wake up at any time and listen in on all his secrets that he's spilling to her. Yeah, that's important later...

Striker's past rotates around his mother, who's had her 15 minutes of fame after being the other woman in a political sex scandal, who attempts to take the defibrillators to what she's already lost by making her son a child actor. This leads her to choosing a creeper agent who manages to get Striker and his mother parts. And also tries to molest Striker which triggers his powers....yeah, what a disturbing way to discover superpowers. From there he eventually finds himself with Osborn and then the A.A.

Back in the details of his past week, Striker recounts how he hit on Finesse and Veil. <---And here's the face he uses to seduce the girls. Surprisingly, they managed to turn down that sexy expression. Also, he, like many men, fails to realize his own over-inflated ego is functioning as a complete cockblock. Later on during that week Hank Pym takes the whole group out to see Wicked for a thinly veiled lesson about good deeds done by evil people and all that crap. He manages to get everyone in by shrinking both Mettle and Hazmat so that they don't cause a stir and also neglects to tell the other students they were there as well until after the show. All of the students react with surprise, but Veil's definitely wins the prize for most obnoxious/hilarious reaction. Seriously, this is my favorite face of the issue-->

After this, Whirlwind shows up to battle Pym which leads to the students joining the fight, and finally leads to the public outing of the Avengers Academy to the media. The outing goes over better than expected, and Veil goes to tell Justice, her teacher crush, all about it and ends up walking in on this:

This moment was so uncomfortable for so many reasons. One of them being that this looks more like Justice is drinking from a coconut with a wig on it than making out with a girl.
And here's Veil's reaction:

Crying over her crooked eyes.

Later on, "over" her crush on Justice, she goes to Striker's room, kisses him, and asks if he wants to hook up. He says sure and then that leads to this face--->

No, I'm kidding, that's just the look on his face that he gets from calling his mom.....no legit, pick up the issue, it's true. Anyway, Striker turns into a sudden gentleman and follows his sure with a claim that he's too tired and insists on just talking. Which is great because I'd rather not have my adorkable Veil tarnished by Striker and his insecure ego.

Following this he goes to call his mom. It turns out that the outing of the A.A. was all a plan devised by him and his mother, and the evidence of his evil plotting is revealed by the shadow mustache he gets while discussing this. Seriously, facial hair=how you know if someone's evil or not. Oh and also, keep in mind all this goes before Jocasta's seemingly vacant eyes. So yeah, Striker's finally got his famewhore wishes fulfilled by manipulation and luckily it makes for a good issue. I still think he's a carbon copy of New X-Men's Hellion though.

Uncanny X-Force #1
Writer: Rick Remender
Artist: Jerome Opena
So Uncanny X-Force has finally released and it's quite possibly the most 'badass' book with the most 'badass' team in the entire Marvel universe. And that's exactly why I feel ambivalently towards it.

Deadpool's the same as always in this book: Chattering away like a coke addict, grasping desperately for a joke that's actually funny. And then there's Fantomex who's playing the whole, "I'm quirky, lucid insane!" angle and also grasping desperately for jokes that are actually funny. And these two are a badass pair and Wolverine makes it EXTRA badass and the really dark Archangel makes this unbelievably DARKLY BADASS. I'd make a joke on this Testosterfest except Deadpool and Fantomex have basically fished that lake dry with their constant attempts at humor.

Concerning the only team member I really give a damn about, Psylocke, she's so far confirmed my fears about her role. Basically my concern was that with her being the token female of the group that her story would mostly be about serving the other men's stories as well as being the token female being fought over. Which really just, y'know, empowers her. So far I'm right on both counts, Fantomex has already expressed interest in her even though she's back with Warren. And concerning her resurrected relationship, it seems that she's using her psychic powers to help Warren deal with his Death persona. I mean, yes, as he was previously consistently on a team book he's already got a storyline that's in progress while Betsy's is sort of muddled with great writers taking stabs at it but never really keeping her long enough to really get something going with her. Still, I hope this sort of thing is simply for the opening issues and doesn't continue on from there.

Moving on, the art of this book is absolutely amazing and big draw for the book. I imagine those of you who've seen the preview know this already and I will just continue to say it's consistently amazing throughout the issue.

Anyway, I'm not going to run through the play-by-play of the issue because it's a lengthy first issue, but basically it has to do with X-Force trying to thwart the resurrection of Apocalypse and battling his horsemen and not really getting him and all that and oh yeah, now he's a kid. Yeah, strange. Also, his Horsemen look so much better this time around:

Conclusion: The art and events of this book so far are top-notch and worthy of the hype while the male team members leave something to be desired (but keep in mind I always think of them that way). And Betsy's role right now is iffy. But anyway, in the end I say pick up this book because it's looking to be joining X-Men Legacy in being one of the better X-Books.

The List #40

2010-09-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Before we begin, apologies again for the my delayed and brief posts for this past month, I've probably already mentioned that it's due to my college workload at the moment and yeah, it's still going strong right now. Also, maybe it's just me, but this month's releases were overall bland and I found myself without much to say on half of my regular titles. Anyway, all of this will probably be resolved very soon, so please just bear with me.

Astonishing X-Men: Xenogenesis #3
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Kaare Andrews
Despite the good omen of this issue's fabulous cover, this issue had little of the joy, laughter, and fun of previous issues to offer this time around. Basically the events of the issue were this: Captain Crocodile who popped in at the end of the last issue attempted to explain his motivation for wanting to kill the babies as they sometimes blow up. Then there was a hunt for a guy on the run named James Jasper clone or something who has to do with the Warpies business (Not sure the significance and I refuse to read Excalibur to find out). He was killed and then this leads to an opening of a Ghost Box with tons of soldiers from another dimension coming though.

Overall, it was underwhelming as Captain Crocodile and the silent hunt for James Jasper ate up a lot of page time. There was a moment of pure joy where Emma was given her due respect though [which can be viewed here], and of course this thrilled me to no end as it's always a good day when my Queen is treated like the Queen she is. Speaking of her being an absolute queen, unfortunately there was only one moment this issue where she was funny and it was really just commentary on her odd way of patching into other people's brains last issue. Still, Emma goodness is Emma goodness:

Conclusion: I'm sad to say this issue was a disappointment as it was an issue I had heavy anticipation for and also, Astonishing is one of the few titles where I can see Emma written correctly (as you will see emphasized when we get to Uncanny).

Gotham City Sirens #16
Writer: Peter Calloway
Artist: Andres Guinaldo
This arc begins fresh without the absolute bore that is Tony Bedard's writing. It's difficult to judge whether or not this writer will work this series as the results of this issue were mixed: The cast's personalities are still being flatly written with everyone's dialogue sounding mediocre and like the discount store version of how they usually speak. However, a big plus of this issue was the special guest appearances of other Gotham City Sirens such as Zatanna, Talia Al Ghul, and Oracle which is a big plus considering this is supposed to be a female-centered series.

On the other hand, the big conflict of this arc has to do with Selina's connection with Bruce Wayne and villains discovering his secret identity. Definitely a minus to have an arc rotating around a man attached to one of these characters, even though it's been the focus of most of the arcs so far, because it just seems to present this idea that these female characters have no stories of their own without the men in their lives.

The artist, who's been with us since at least last arc but I've yet to really comment on, is also a subject of mixed results as he's absolutely terrible, but he also seems to produce hilarious results as can be seen here with Selina:

Either Selina's been secretly working to be a body builder or this guy has difficulty drawing outside of male physiques.

Also did Dick Grayson get thrown in some sort of aging machine in order to be an adequate replacement for Batman? Because this guy's take on Dick is absolutely scary. Like I think he's using former Batman Adam West as a reference. And I mean the Adam West of now.

Conclusion: While I'm thrilled for GCS to finally have a new writer, I can't say he's doing anything that different from the last one. However, there are a couple spots that I found to be encouraging so there may be hope for this series yet.

Uncanny X-Men #528
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
Fraction needs to stop writing Emma Frost. For some reason he thinks he can, so he spent half the issue focusing on her and her new plan to kill Sebastian Shaw so no one ever finds out she's keeping him prisoner and all this just sounds like fucking grasping for storylines. More importantly, it's further ruining her character because obviously he's still writing her with the most fucked-up dialogue I've ever read.

Also, I'm so done with these new kids' storylines. It's the same thing every issue: There's conflict with the new power, X-Men arrive to help but they can't do much, and in the end it's only Hope who helps them and for some idiotic reason they agree to go with the X-Strangers. In the end, here's Storm's breasts to sum up how I feel about this issue.

I'll grow up someday.

X-Men Legacy #240
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Despite this being one of the best X-men series as well as a currently serving up a great arc with the much-anticipated return of the Children of the Vault, I find myself having little to actually say about it. It's through no fault of this book that I find myself in this position, hopefully if you read you can see why, but I just couldn't find any point in particular this issue that I found noteworthy on its own.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book as one of the strongest X-Books of the past year and also this specific arc as its got the charming work of Clay Mann with Carey providing a great story and using a unique cast of X-Men that really works for this arc.

X-Men Vs. Vampires #1
Writers + Artists: [Find Out Here]
X-Vignette mini-series tend to be a hit or miss with me with the miss being the general leaning. This one so far seems to be fine despite it being part of the horrible vampire-polooza bullshit. Here's a quick rundown of what was went down in this one:

Husk shows her loyalty to her BFF Jubes and goes out hunting for information about where she is. When she encounters vampires we get a show of how badass she is as she shakes off a vampire bites by just husking, turns into a wooden form with tons of stakes, isn't phased by being set on fire, and barely reacts to getting chopped in half with an axe. Why isn't she on a team again?

The next story is a Dazzler story where we get the whole "We're people too!" vampire story. Which would be fine if that was even close to the main focus of this vampire event. Instead, it's a story in a vignette series which means a whimper in the terrible roar of this event. Not only do I not care, but True Blood's already got this covered and does it so much better.

Following that is what seems to be a Rogue story where she meets a vampire who believes she's the reincarnated form of his past lover due to her spirit seeming the same. Instead it turns out to be none other than No-Girl possessing Rogue. At first she's torn about this as he promises her love and a body, but in the end she just kills him. Also, Ernst appears and is fabulous in appearance, but fails to sound like her creepy self (is it really that had to write a creepy voice? Seriously?). Basically a mediocre story involving two great characters.

And the last story is a Magneto one which I didn't even bother to read. I'm sorry, I don't care if this turns out to be the greatest vignette story ever, I'm so fucking sick of Magneto right now I just want Logan to decapitate him this frigging instant. And now for the news:

This double-panel from Namor: The First Douchebag #2 served to tick me off. I'd take it less seriously had Emma reacted as if this was sarcasm or denial, but it seems she thinks him serious. To this I say: Really, Namor? You're the pathetic stalker here, bud. Remember [this]?
Apologies for my lack of inclusion of Avengers Academy #4, but it was fucking dull due to spotlighting Mettle as well as having to no suspense considering A. Osborn wouldn't bite it in a junior book B. We already saw the end result of this issue in Thunderbolts.
The results of our last poll reveal Wolverine and Rahne's Hellspawn in a tie for most likely to be declared Omega-level which is exactly as it should be. Narcissistic asshat Cypher followed in second and Fantomex came in a far behind third. Qwerty and Sage tied for fourth which is too bad because I was rooting for Claremont's super-pet. Oh and Longshot didn't get a single vote, so how's that for lucky? Thanks everyone for voting and don't forget to vote on the new multiple choice question where you choose who gets kicked out of X-Factor. And by multiple choice I mean you can pick as many members as you want. Hell, kick out the whole team if you want.

The List #39

2010-09-19T12:03:00.001-07:00

Morning Glories #2
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artist: Joe Eisma
Considering how quickly the first two issues keep selling out and my eternal reverence for Nick Spencer after Forgetless, I feel pressured to like this book more than I actually do. Don't get me wrong, it's a good book, but so far I don't see what makes it so amazing.

I'm also not sure how to take this book. I assumed it would start out with introductions to the characters as the string of weird, ominous occurences weaved themselves into the story. Instead, the school has been obnoxiously upfront about how they're up to something. This issue we've got Casey's parents killed because they wouldn't cooperate with the school, attempted stabbing, cults, and near-drowning of the students just so Casey would answer a pop quiz question. While I see why Spencer would avoid the traditional, build-it-up route, I feel like the story suffers because of it.

These life-or-death, tense situations these characters have been through already don't affect me as much as the should because I don't really care about any of these characters yet. I also have to reiterate that Spencer's comparison of this series to Runaways makes me think that this series' is also having a rough start just to get the basics out of the way before smooth storytelling can happen. In the end, I'm not sure how to feel about this series besides it's good, I'm just not sure where it's going.

New Mutants #17
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
So far I'm really not feeling this Magik-centered arc. First off, I'm really sick of this ongoing story of restoring Magik to her former self as well as visit Limbo every two minutes for barely minimal development just so that no one can deem the entire mini-series/arc completely useless. This has lasted way too long, and really just needs to go away now. Magik's not cool or interesting enough to hold up so many arcs/mini-series and this is made even worse by the fact that it's not even Magik, it's 'Darkchylde'. A summarized version of my response to this drawn out Magik story is perfectly encapsulated in [this].

On the other hand, [this] conversation found in the previews is classic prelude to a drunken makeout. Seriously, I've had this conversation, everyone I know has had that conversation, and I even saw it happen this weekend. Oh the joys of watching people trying to come up with an excuse to kiss each other. Anyway, Wells did this part....well (heh) but in the end I have to say this current arc should be avoided.

Thunderbolts #148
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Declan Shalvey
My thoughts on Thunderbolts are a bit funny. When I think of it after not reading it for awhile I tend to regard it as mediocre, but as soon as I read another issue I remember that it's actually a good book. I think the problem is that this book doesn't really wow me at any point, it's just this continuous serving of good with no real variation.

This issue there's a new artist on board who's an improvement over Kev Walker, but still similar enough so that the change isn't jarring. The scene with the Thunderbolts dealing with the normal prisoners was definitely one of interest, but besides that it was sort of a standard issue. I'd say if you have some pocket change to spare, pick this book up, but otherwise, this book is pretty forgettable.

X-Factor #209
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela Lupacchino
This series is the only one this week that really got me excited to know more as well as gave me something comment on (for better or for worse).

The Rahne/Rictor drama, despite my loathing of Rahne, is really what is keeping this book exciting as it was moved along minimally this time around so that the reverbations of what's going on can be fully felt. This issue, Jamie went up to see Rahne and it was revealed that he knows about her involvement with X-Force. There was also a questioning moment where everyone wondered if one of Jamie's dupes got Rahne pregnant. Even though I wish Rahne dead, her presence brings back a familiarity of the X-Factor book when it was really fun and remarkable.

The events of the Hela story are less than interesting, but we did finally see Longshot do something this issue and he was even somewhat likable then. The two most notable things this issue are notable for two completely differents reasons and they are:

[This] comment made by Guido is the last straw with me. Previously, I've thought of Guido as a somewhat likable, but ultimately superfluous character that David keeps around because Guido's someone developed specifically under his hand. Now I'm just so sick of Strong Guy's what seems to be feigned 'tolerance' ('tolerant' attitudes already being an issue with me) as he makes these homophobic comments. Especially since I've heard all these comments before, they're intended to seem like 'jokes' so that partially serious feelings can be vented and no one can call them out on it as it's supposed to be a 'joke'. No, seriously, this bro-y version of homophobia needs to stop because it wasn't funny the first few times, but now this latest comment really takes the shitcake. I am not amused.

On a lighter note, Shatterstar's need to fight everyone he sees this issue seems to be evidence that he's bothered by Rictor's baby daddy issues. Which is good considering my previous thoughts on how he didn't seem committed to the relationship. In the end, I want to see these two together, and so I find this a positive development as the main concern I had for 'Star's wanting to fuck around was that he wasn't as invested in the relationship as Rictor was.

Conclusion: X-Factor really is much-improved to the point where I'd say it's back to the quality it was at around the 'Isolationist' arc which is something we haven't seen in awhile. While it is indeed a bit overdramatic with the soap opera of Ric/Rahne, it's still an addicting storyline. Definitely pick up X-Factor as it is the best book released this week.

Comic Book Releases Briefly: 9/1/10 and 9/9/10

2010-09-11T12:11:00.000-07:00

Apologies for being absent for the past two weeks, but I just started college again so my life has been a bit hectic lately. If you find yourself going through bitchy withdrawls, just know that I've also got a [Tumblr] that you can go to for second helpings of snarkery.

Anyway, it seems my absence couldn't be more perfectly timed as it seems not a lot happened in comic book land while I was gone. Here's a brief look at what I thought of the books I would normally have reviewed:

Avengers: The Childrens Crusade #2
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
The only book that I was really looking forward to reviewing, but in the end it's fine because I had little to say about it anyway. Not as good as the first issue, but still amazingly satisfying for me. Seriously, if this book needs to be on a bi-monthly schedule in order to produce a quality product like it has then I'm all for it.

One thing I found shocking was that they actually had Quicksilver and Speed meet up. I've always thought of Speed as the massive ripoff in the room, and I assumed that Quicksilver and him could never meet just because Speed is nearly identical to him. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Heinberg's YA, but let's be honest: Speed is basically a young Quicksilver and was probably just hastily created so that the Scarlet Witch plotline could be introduced. Anyway, this was definitely the best release of the past two weeks and I recommend you all pick it up.

Scarlet #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
One word summary: Mediocre.
Scarlet's view on the world, despite being justified by her experience, still sounds like Hot Topic brand whining about how 'the world is full of shit'. And it's this attitude plus her overconfidence in what she 'knows' about the world despite being 17 that turned me off from this issue.

However, as dull and whiny as it was, I thought [this fucking bullshit] with the shop owner ripping up an issue of Scarlet was ridiculous. Seriously, guy? Thanks for helping along the stereotype that comic book fans are emotionally stunted adults. It's not even that bad of a fucking book, and even if it were, it's not connected to any other books or drawing from any other continuity. Scarlet's not even set in any real universe that matters! This book couldn't be easier to avoid if you don't like it.
I just find this to be such an obnoxious, childish act of disrespect, and that's coming from someone who writes bitchy comic book reviews for the hell of it.

X-Men #3
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
Despite the pressure to do something remarkable considering the current state of vampire fatigue, this series so far has decided to reuse all the typical vampire dialogue/plot moves/everything. Also, despite the pressure of being a new X-Book with no established difference from Uncanny, this series has decided to reuse all the same X-Men dialogue/plot moves/everything. Seriously, using one of Wolverine's sidekicks to lure him into a situation? And worst of all, deeming Wolverine 'the most powerful X-Man' and having him converted to their side. Isn't that the subject of every other X-Related story? Also, what the fuck on Wolverine being the most powerful/useful X-Man? Yeah, because claws and a healing factor are so much more useful than top-tier psychic powers, full control of the elements, or a control of ice that makes the user nearly unkillable. This is the sort of shit logic that happens when you let obssessive fanboys write the books. Anyway, don't waste your spare bucks on this regurgitated storyline.

New Avengers #4
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is pretty unremarkable. At least Daimon Hellstrom still has no idea what a shirt is.

Batgirl #14
Writer: Bryan Q Miller
Artist: Lee Garbett
I was so bored I couldn't even finish it, and it's rare that I put down anything that I started reading, least of all a comic book. I think this issue marks the end for me and Batgirl, especially since my favorite character, Oracle, is now getting pushed out of the series.

Lastly, poll results time!
Unsurprisingly, Psylocke and Archangel won this poll with 15 votes which is expected considering they're the only couple on this list that now has confirmation to be pairing up officially. Also, it's Psylocke and I know that a lot of you here love her.

Namor and Emma came in second place with 12 votes.....yeah, wasn't expecting that. It seems we see things a little different, my readers, considering I loathe the idea of Emma being with another manchild, but it's ok, we can love each other for our differences. Anyway, moving onto my favorite couple...

Danger and Box came in third with 6 votes, one of them being mine, and I'm surprised they didn't at least get second considering how magnetic a pairing they are. Yes, I know, cheesy robot puns, I'll stop. Lastly, everyone else got one vote. And that's the poll, thanks for voting and please do go vote on the newest one.

The List #38 Part 2

2010-08-27T14:37:00.002-07:00

X-Factor #208
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Emanuela lupacchino
This issue opens with Monet filling in for the voice of the reader, and questioning Layla on what her deal is considering her hanging out with Dr. Doom. Layla sort-of answers and Monet ends up fainting before anything else can be found out. I'd not mention this, but this also features the return of creepy, cryptic Layla so that's a big plus in helping restore my love for her. Meanwhile....

Rahne is a total bitch. Look at what she interrupted when her and the monstrosity in her stomach came bursting through the door--->

Pants were unzipped! People's comic book homo-quotas could have been filled for three years if they'd have been allowed to go further! But no, Rahne yet again gives me more fuel as to why she's the one of the X-Characters I hate the most.

Then she goes on a 'high and mighty' rant with her finger vertical and waggling in the air and proceeds to accuse Shatterstar of brainwashing Rictor into this. Then she has a big fight scene with him. If you don't hate her yet, you will by the end of this issue.

Meanwhile, Longshot picks up some hoes and Darwin comments that he's tired of fighting when they come upon the Rahne/Star fight. Possibly a hint that he's that X-Factor team member leaving soon? Here's hoping, he contributes next to nothing to this series. And with Siryn and Madrox, it turns out they were duped into handing over the guy who used to be Hela's jester back to her, and that sets up the Vegas Trip for next issue.

The fight scene between Rahne/Star finally ends with Rictor explaining that he's genuinely with Shatterstar. She's hurt by this and says the most horrible thing:

At this point, I've had enough of Rahne Sinclair. Seriously, go die in a fire, bitch.

At first I thought she was lying on purpose to get Rictor back with her, but then I dug up my Necrosha issues of X-Force and turns out she really does have no idea that it's Hrimharri's. Whatever, she's still a bitch. What's worse is a rumor I've heard is that Miss Homo-Cockblocks is not just guest-starring, she's back on the team for good now. I'm not kidding about wanting her dead; I want her dead more than I wanted Cable dead. Seriously, she's like the Angelina of this series (Jersey Shore reference). No one wants you here, bitch! Oh and one last thing: Hela, who's getting an X-Factor visit soon, was involved in righting Rahne's pregnancy problems, so that may be something touched upon next issue. One good thing came of this devastating reveal:

Layla's onto you, Rahne!
And that's another push towards me loving Layla again. I'm so glad she's back to playing the weird girl who knows what's up. However, one thing I'm not glad to see is her ta-ta's hanging out. Girl, put those away, you were 13 two year ago, and we're just not ready for this.

Conclusion: Not as good an issue as the previous one, but still a great issue that makes X-Factor feel like it's getting revitalized after that dreadful, dragging FF crossover/Second Coming tie-in arc.

X-Men Legacy
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Continuing from last issue, the X-Men take on the sentinels sent after the blonde girl with ease with Loa showing off her wonderful powers (here). I adore her powers, if I were an X-Man I would totally have her use her powers at every chance she had.

Turns out the blonde girl's name is Luisa and she's got a neat power:

Yes, she sounds like a modified Dazzler, but still, I think in a more awesome way here. Maybe because it has no connection to disco or other music scenes that have extremely soon expiration dates.

Paras' father has issue with taking her in, and Paras tries to calm him down while also revealing to the X-Misc. that he's getting married to his brother's fiance. Speaking of things that are weird, wasn't he determined to be the youngest New X-Man (14 then) right before it ended? What age is he now if he's able to enter a marriage in India?

Looks to be 16 by way of Taylor Lautner.

Obv. the transition from Scottie Young to another artist makes a difference (Pixie having suffered this the worst), but something about him strikes me as odd. I dunno, muscle-y 16 year olds just strike me as odd in general.

Everyone reacts to the news of engagement differently, Luisa having the most interesting reaction as she paints a picture on this:

No doubts about how she feels about Paras there. Later on we find out that for her this is subtlety. Exactly what's her idea of obnoxious? Rape?

Later on Magneto and Rogue have a talk about Luisa and how they can get her to tell them where she comes from as thus far she's been lying. Here's what Rogue's wearing during this little brainstorming sesh--->

...I haven't seen tops like those since the late '90's, and I haven't missed them. Ugh, just poor sartorial choices done by Rogue during this arc, seriously poor. During the discussion, Magneto also questions Rogue's choice in clothing. Her reaction?

Actually, he suggests to her that she should just siphon off the information from Luisa against her will with her powers, and she takes offense when he mentions that she's done it before.

In another room, Luisa tries to convince Paras to ditch his fiance, who we find out is boring and obedient, by using her lips. He shakes her off, and then comes the bright light of detail reveal as it turns out Luisa is Luz....and that she's one of the Childen of the Vault as they return (Serafina included) to collect her. Conclusion: Good issue, just not a whole lot else to say about that.

The List #38 Part 1

2010-08-26T13:46:00.000-07:00

Astonishing X-Men #35
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez and Andy Lanning
Picking up where we left off last issue with the X-Men in the zombie workshop, Cyclops decides to torch the place and escape through a tight exit. Beast voices his doubts about this and Cyclops replies along with a reference to Emma in the bedroom [Here]. Like a proper lady, she acts like she has no idea what he's talking about....mainly because it's her job to embarrass him with references to their sex life.

As the X-Men are trying to escape the inferno they caused their also met with the approaching guards of the place, so Cyke decides to cut a hole in the jet since it was probably doomed anyway. This leads to one of my great loves of Astonishing: Group shot time!!

You'll notice Emma's NOT in diamond form for a battle scene for once. This is probably because Ellis does not mention her as an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH, so he doesn't have to deal with the problem of having a severely overpowered character in a fight scene. Speaking of which, according to [this article] Psylocke is now also an OMEGA LEVEL TELEPATH which I'm sure delights Psylocke fans, but with every addition to this category comes the diminishing of its specialness or meaning like how people use 'love' all the time instead of 'like'. How so? Because Jean Grey, Quentin Quire, Emma Frost, Professor Xavier, Psylocke, the Stepford Cuckoos, and very possibly No-Girl are all Omega-Level Telepaths. What's the problem? Who of the X-Community is a telepath and not Omega Level? All I can think of is Monet and in the end I'm sure it's a shorter list than the one above. As I mentioned before, [Omega level is just an entrance to pure suck] and I just hope that this trend dies off quickly (Psylocke fans, I'm not hating on Betsy, just the Omega Level classification).

Moving on, Ellis reveals that Emma still takes a special interest in her students:

From there Emma discovers the problem is two levels up which Cyclops immediately blasts with Wolverine leading the charge there. The reveal of this arc's villain is most....unexpected (and leads to one of the best group shots I've seen in a long time!):

Can I get that as a poster? Seriously.

Also, holy crap I forgot Abby Brand was still in this arc. Isn't she with the Secret Avengers now? Well, anyway, I feel like she's never been far away with her cousin Vicky Hand around (complete speculation/just-for-lols, but would you be surprised?).

Back to the story, the villain of. this arc. is............Yoanna! *Cue Free For All!* Actually no, but that would've been an improvement compared to what was finally revealed: A mutant. But angry message boarders hold those vile comments, it's not a mutant to further mangle the 198 rule, apparently it's a man whose mother survived Hiroshima so he's a technical mutant (as in one who could exist in real life). As if he's the ghost of Morrison's forgotten ugly mutants' past, he proceeds to criticise the X-Men for not being true freaks even Beast being generally likable to the eyes (this guy's frail, and gross-looking, also so weak he has to use a motorized wheelchair).

Note that Emma's almost looking to the 4th wall with a face that's totally, 'Yeah, so?'

It's basically Ellis commenting on how ridiculous it is that the X-Men are outcasts when they're all attractive and would probably be accepted as celebrities in the real world. Anyway, it turns out this guy's sole motivation for zombie-fest with the desecrating of Paradigm and Wallflower's bodies is just because these mutants are pretty so he feels he has no community with them so

he lashes out. Think it's anti-climatic and ridiculous? So does Emma as Ellis has her lampshade this moment by having her tell him he could've just written a nasty letter. 'Mutant' guy stands by his decision to try and kill them, so Cyclops goes and is about to kill him much to the horror of Storm and Beast who just told him off for this behavior. Instead Cyclops decides to let Abby Brand have him as her prisoner, and also instead of giving this guy his death wish, the X-Men are going to see to it that he's kept alive. From there the guy almost puts the building on self-destruct, but Hisako thwarts him. In the end, Wolverine smacks him in the face just in case he tries anything. Also much to the horror of his teammates. Here's his defense and a moment that makes me glad Wolverine's on the team (which is a rare feeling for me):

Oh honey, don't worry, you're as kind as a plague, and as mature as a fart joke, and for these reasons I love you!

This issue ends with Cyclops asking Brand if the bomb can still be detonated, she replies yes, and he says good because he was thinking about having Wolverine over it when it detonated. Which is a funny way to end it, but......that's it? That's really how this arc ends? As much as I appreciate Ellis saying everyone's too pretty to be believed because it's true, this felt anti-climatic and lazy.

Conclusion: As part of an arc, this issue is mediocre, but as an issue on its own, and being judged by how entertaining the characters were, it was great fun and I recommend you buy it ASAP. As I've said before, I still think Astonishing is one of the best, if not the best, X-Book, and I recommend it to anyone who wants the real X-Men. Also, a message to Warren Ellis, I'd like you to know that for writing Emma Frost 100% true to her Morrison/Whedon characterization despite other's horrible attempts and also your earlier fumbles, I offer you free sexual favors of gratitude which you can collect any time (you know, in the spirit of the diamond queen herself). But seriously, Ellis has Emma dead-on these days without missing a single beat, and I LOVE him for it. And I've critcized nearly every writers attempts at characterizing Emma, so for me to have no complaints is Haley's Comet rare.

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants- Storm + Gambit #1
Writer: Chuck Kim
Artist: Chris Bachalo
This book follows up the decision made in X-Men #2 to resurrect Dracula with the X-Men sending Storm and Gambit to be the ones to retrieve it as the vampires have put up shields to block from teleporting into their island base.

Rather than explain the plot, I'll just say the necessary: They're successful in the end. Also, this one-shot focuses more on Storm and her development with Gambit functioning as sidekick. I'd take more issue with this, but the lack of focus also means Gambit gets to just be the fun, charismatic thief that people love as opposed to the irksome attempts at developing his character further with his endless struggle with the uninteresting 'Death' persona.

Kim's Storm is a smart balance between a current regal Queen and a former warrior/thief returning to her old talents. Kim also takes an opportunity to have Storm wrestle with her feelings on killing that she's had to recently examine with the reveal of X-Force with the discovery that the shield blocking teleporting that needs to be taken down is powered by people being drained. A great conflict is brought in as time is of the essence with the vampires discovering Storm and Gambit's presence, but the only way she knows how to take care of the shield quickly is to bring it down with her powers and kill the human hosts (who are begging for her help). In the end she does bring down the shield, but is clearly wracked with severe guilt over what she's just done. It's the perfect move to put the task of killing (even if it's pretty much mercy killing) in the face of the Number 1 person opposed to the X-Men's recent kill-or-be-killed stance.

Kim's skillful handling of character even extended to ones who only played a minor role in this issue including Emma who sounded pitch-perfect when she was complaining about how ineffective Dazzler was in battle. It also continues a pre-existing rivalry between the Queen and the Cameo Queens, so good on Kim even though I believe Northstar and Emma could be divalicious as friends.

Bachalo's return to an X-Men-related comic is probably one of the most eagerly anticipated aspects of this one-shot, and he really was a welcome return, there's really nothing quite like his style. There was some fumbling with the fight scenes as things tended to get crowded and confusing to follow, which isn't an unheard of complaint on Bachalo's work, but for the most part everything was well-done.

Conclusion: This one-shot will probably be the best part of this event that piggybacks onto the current vampire trend, and it's simply a well-done story on its own. Bachalo and Kim were definitely welcome talents to the X-Men universe, and I for one would enjoy them gracing us with their presence again sometime soon.

Uncanny X-Men #527 Review

2010-08-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

Uncanny X-Men #527
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
This cover is such a source of irritation for me it's ridiculous. It's absurd that Emma is all, "Oh mah lands, he's about to kiss me!" plus the use of 'soft' colors for this cover. Instead this cover should be her reacting to Namor's advances with a playfully mischievous smile as if she were thinking it over (and in control as opposed to this cover). Yet again why I resent Dodson on anything besides a teen series.

On the actual contents of this issue, this issue is mainly about Emma going through the gallery of her notable former fucks, and I am just itchy thinking about it. I'm not saying Emma has crabs. I'm saying noted womanizers Sebastian Shaw, Namor, and Iron Man probably do. While I love Miss Frost, her choice in bed partners is disgusting especially since it's almost completely populated by manchildren. She needs to discover the joys of sexy, charismatic men like Gambit....I'd ship that. During Emma's first station of the cross, her meeting with Tony Stark, something caught my eye:

Emma totally looks like Lord Fanny here.
Emma's definitely had other moments where she resembled my favorite Invisible, and she definitely spoke exactly like her during Morrison's New X-Men, but I'll elaborate on that another time (probs in a comparison post).

Anyway, Emma basically meets up with Tony Stark to just establish that they're cool now considering their last meeting. Fraction takes this opportunity to try and mimic Morrison's take on how Emma speaks to verbose results (link). This issue you'll notice that word has made it to Fraction that we're tired of defanged Emma, so he attempts to write this by having her bitch at everyone. It's like watching a 16-year old blow a melodramatic hissy fit; it's painfully embarrassing to witness.

Emma next visits Sebastian Shaw and Danger gets in her face about her being worried that someone will find about her keeping him prisoner. Which after X-Force's big reveal it's not that big of a deal especially considering it's Emma Frost. Instead Emma explodes into a hissy fit and Box shows up to inform her that Colossus is looking for her. When she leaves, the real romance of this issue sets in:

*Insert robot love joke here*

Meanwhile Scott and Logan are in Japan going over how much longer they can keep their secret love for each other under wraps....what? It's right there in the subtext. Wolverine doubts Cyclops' ability to lead without the presence of a war, I doubt his ability to lead period, and then there's this little gem:

That really is the most f#@%ing ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And if all this tension in the relationship leads up to an engagement ring, then I'm boycotting Uncanny (which I probably should've done a long time ago). Meanwhile, Emma begrudgingly arrives to help Kitty and Peter. Here's her entrance:

This A. Makes me miss Fanny B. Makes me miss the day when Emma's development had little to do with a serious relationship with a man.

Kitty and Peter are asking for Emma because no one else can get into Kitty's mind right now and they simply want to communicate. Emma pitches another appalling fit at this, but I mean it's almost understandable considering this is the face Peter approaches Emma with (he's actually begging her for help in this panel).

That's a face only a mother could love.
Luckily she's dead so she's saved the futile effort of trying.

Emma finally reads Kitty's mind and it's 'revealed' that Kitty loves Pete. Really? That's what they were harping on Emma for? Kitty can't just make that dreadful heart hand symbol?

Let's take a pause on this to talk about the new mutant. He's the vibrating one in the teasers and apparently this one also is all about the tests and grades. Here's how the team coming to help him enters-->

Seriously Cece? First off, his family's freaking out enough concerning his being a vibrate-y mutant, is that really the only greeting you can think of? What's even more appalling is that the family accepts them rather than is like, "Uh, fuckoff strangers, go steal kids somewhere else,"

Everything is resolved once Hope arrives since now she's all of a sudden the perfect person to help ease new mutants into their new lives. I know I know, she's the 'messiah,' but if you're reading Uncanny then tell exactly what she's doing special that more experienced members can't? As evidenced by Emma, telepaths can take care of controlling the power levels of mutants, so why not send Xavier with Hope at least? Help restore his reputation? Anyway, everything turns out all right and the guy can live to test another day.

Back in the Atlantean column of Utopia, Emma has sushi with Namor has he tries to seduce her unsuccessfully. He asks the million dollar question during this scene:

Really Emma, when are you going to knock this shit off?

Anyway, it's all role-reversal this scene as we recreate someone trying to break up a Cyclops relationship, but with Emma this time being on the side of the tempted. Except Namor sucks at seduction and is just a prick the entire time. Back in the old days, Emma at least tried to act like she cared what Cyclops thought when she was seducing him (up until he went onto how he was possessed), and the entirety of her conversations with him weren't about badmouthing Jean (just partially).

This issue ends with Emma walking down to see the seemingly unconscious Shaw and telling him to 'sleep tight, you bastard' to which he smiles when her back turns. Conclusion: Someone needs to alert Fraction that he's not allowed to write Emma anymore. Also, someone needs to tell him the only romance we need to see more of is the blossoming romance of Danger and Box.

Apologies for being so late on this one, my Saturday was devoted to discovering Warren Ellis' free webcomic Freakangels. I completely recommend it to anyone who likes comics period.

The List 37

2010-08-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

New Avengers #3
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This. Issue. Is. So. Chatty.
To open, this issue the dimension of the world tears and all sorts of demons are let out. The New Avengers engage them in battle and from there it is a complete and total chat-fest. We learn crucial information about our heroes such as Ms. Marvel has never seen Ghostbusters. Normally casual dialogue during a fight scene would have been welcome, even entertaining, but considering the amount of it and who it was between made it excessive. Who was it between you now may wonder? Spider-Man and The Thing. I understand it's part of Spider-Man's 'thing' to yak like my Aunt Louise, but Bendis was beating us over the head with it this time. And of course, everything The Thing says annoys the piss out of me.

Meanwhile, Jessica had a solo battle scene as she attempted to get to the Avengers Mansion, and that was decent for what it was. Except she was going to get her fricking child who needs to make like Wanda's kids and disappear until its needed for a teen series. Also, in the end she got overwhelmed by the demons, but was saved by the timely arrival of Vicky Hand...

...And a massive fucking gun!!

Seriously, who'd she steal this thing off of, Cable in the 90's? Anyway, she's starting to prove she's actually useful to the team, and that's all well and good. Meanwhile, Iron Fist is trapped in a dimension of whiteout with two disembodied voices bickering over what they need to do to get the Eye of Agamotto from him. It's finally revealed that the person trying to get to the Eye as well as this arc's main villain is none other than Dr. Strange's former master/teacher/magic trainer guy. Oh noes!

Also during this issue the magic guys are in perpetual state of bitchery with each other over what needs to be done. They can't even get their shit together to quickly leave the fight scene to discuss what needs to be done. It seriously took so many word bubbles before they left, I can't believe one of the Avengers didn't turn around and bitch at them to knock it off. At the very least Daimon Hellstrom remained shirtless and in tight leather pants the whole time, so it wasn't a total waste of page time. Ohhhh just look at him pose all sexy-like.

Hey now, stop playing with your nipples while Dr. Strange is talking!

...On second thought, keep going. At least it's something new considering once the magic guys finally left they ended up having a conversation that only repeated what was gone on. It's like I said: This issue is CHATTY.

Conclusion: This issue was one of my 'more-fun-to-make-fun-of' issues. It was good in some parts...like the Daimon Hellstrom ones. He's just bucking to be my new comic book boyfriend considering my former boyfriend Warpath is now exiled to the terrifying void of character limbo. But seriously, this issue's excessive chatter will probably grate on your nerves, so beware.

Avengers Academy #3
Writer: Christos Gaga
Artist: Mike McKone
This issue opens by expanding on Hazmat's past and how her powers ruined her near-perfect life and how Osborn continued to screw it up. Which is foreshadowing of things to come.

Reptil finally got his kiss from Finesse this issue. It was weird, mainly because the way Finesse is so robotic about it makes her seem like she's doing it for money...ya know? And of course after that Stryker makes a comment on how there are a few things he hasn't tried, but luckily, Finesse is not interested.

The A.A. instructors (which I'm sure for a few of them works both ways) are having a themed week of having the students work with superheroes like Iron Fist and Valkyrie. The one to actually care about is Valkyrie's appearance talking to the girls because with it we get this revelation--->

Tygra's a feminist? Seriously? So now I have to take her seriously instead of just comparing her to Tyra Banks? Dammit. Oh well, I'm sure I'll have a problem with her brand of feminism, I already dislike that she's bringing up her status as a feminist as a nuisance. For f@#$'s sake, Ty-Ty, don't play to that 'annoying feminist' crap, half the people who are tired of it barely have a f$%ing clue what it's about. Someone who's got their shit right though is Valkyrie:

I love her for this!

I know, I'm male, I shouldn't side with female supremacy, but I'm a big supporter of women saying, 'I'll do it my goddamned self, useless male!' especially with that mindf#@% Twilight being as popular as it is. Anyway, might actually tune into the Valkyrie one-shot coming up next week if there's more independent woman-loving goodness in it.

Meanwhile it turns out there's a big 'Scared Straight' thing going on soon with the students visiting The Raft that houses the Thunderbolts as well as many supervillans including Normy Norm. With this, Hazmat is planning to go fuck Osborn's day up when they get to The Raft, and manages to get Veil and Mettle in on it. Also it seems we're going to be having 'A Very Special Avengers Academy' soon as it seems Speedball is still cutting to feel.

The A.A.'s tour of The Raft is sketchy to start off with. And by sketchy I mean it's lucky that the cell doors have no holes in them because it would've been Silence of the Lambs all over again. Ugh. Ghost and Juggernaut are brought in individually to talk to the students, and Ghost goes off ranting about 'THE MAN' and just serving to reinforce my dislike for those types (as a college goer I encounter them and their Che Guevara shirts frequently). Juggernaut is oddly straightforward and helpful which is surprising since I thought he was still in "IM EVIL AGAIN!" mode. Oh well, guess that means his power levels are all of a sudden reduced again as well....

From there she recognizes he's using his angsty Penance energy signature rather than his Speedball one. And with that another point goes to Dr. Karla Sofen.

It seems Moonstone was called in to evaluate the kids as a group through observation. She's less than helpful, but at least she gets a massive dig in at Speedball. I don't actually have anything against Robbie, I just bitches being bitchy. From there Hazmat causes a blackout where her, Mettle, and Veil sneak off to go visit Osborn, and that pretty much leads to the events of the connecting issue of Thunderbolts.

Conclusion, this issue is a bit of a letdown considering the previous issues, but it's still a decent one, especially the Valkyrie part.

Thunderbolts #147
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
Did sales really plummet during Dark Reign or something? Because it seems there's a big push to get the Thunderbolts to mix it up with all the newer series as well as the latest crossover. I mean let's look at is: There's this issue with the A.A., the next two issues tie-in to Shadowland, and after that is a crossover between them and the Avengers. I know that even before Ellis' run, Thunderbolts has been a book that usually connects to other events going on in the MU (Civil War, Secret Invasion), but they generally stuck to one for at least an arc those times.

Returning to the cliffhanger of four Thunderbolts left to take on the creatures in the cave, it seems even in reduced numbers they can make short work of the creatures. A point of interest is Man-Thing saving Moonstone from one of the things with her saying, "I'll be staying on your good side." Yeah, and hoping Man-Thing doesn't remember that you were there when Ares chopped him in half I bet. (Speaking of my favorite god besides Jean, apparently Ares is getting resurrected soon! Yay comic book deaths!)

From there we get a brief look at the aftermath and then the next scene is directly after the blackout happens with the prisoners getting out. Songbird encounters trouble with this and Moonstone does the right thing:

Unfortunately, instead of Songbird and her bad haircut getting violently murdered by the overwhelming number of prisoners attacking her, the Troll girl they picked up last issue ends up helping her and saving the day. As if I didn't already dislike this 'raised-in-the-wild!!' character as it was, now she's just adding fuel to the hate fire by helping the ever-annoying Songbird. You can bet Moonstone and I were less than thrilled by those results (Moonstone's reaction being actually on-panel, but you can bet I was reacting the same off-panel). Meanwhile, you'll never guess who gets out (not kidding):

Purple Man!
This is some serious shit because if you haven't read Alias, let me inform you Purple Man is a seriously sick fuck and he messed with Jessica in one of the worst ways possible.

Cage then responds by taking on every guy who Purple Man is controlling with Purple Man afterwards simply telling Cage that he can just take him over. However, it seems Cage has nanites in him specifically designed to block him out, and then he fucking headbutts that asshole! Jessica married a good man *sniff*.

U.S. Agent is also having trouble with prisoners, especially with them thinking nothing of him as he's now without two limbs. In response the man gets out of his wheelchair and personally fucks up the day of every one of those assholes. This would be his victory pose-->

Meanwhile we get more reformed Juggernaut crap as it seems he helps two prisoners break out, but it's revealed he just led them to the jellyfish defenses. In the end, everything's recovered, no one dies which means Hazmat doesn't end up killing Osborn next issue like she had planned (not much of a spoiler there).

Conclusion: Definitely an improvement from last issue, but Songbird not dying was definitely a minus. Someday Moonstone and I will have our wishes come true, but until then Melissa lives to annoy another day.

The List #36 + News

2010-08-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

X-Men #2
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
This issue opens with Colossus and Wolverine duking it out with a vamp with the two of them having battle chit-chat. Colossus definitely says something interest-->

Not a statement I'd agree with considering almost all my male friends drink beer and maybe less 1/4 of my female friends do. I mean, I do appreciate his enthusiasm for hard liquor, it's got a soft spot in my heart too, but let's lay off the whole "Ugh, that's girly and girly's bad" crap.

The guy manage to get the vampire out into daylight to unexpected results. It seems the vampire has a gem on him that can take care of the effects of daylight. Wolverine and Colossus chase it until it leads them to a den of other ubervamps, but have no fear, Blade shows up to save the day.

Meanwhile, it turns out the vampires have focused in on turning Jubilee so that they can lure 'him' and turn him, who'll be the one to turn the rest. I'm assuming they mean Wolverine considering Jubes is his ex-sidekick, and my response is this: For Christ's sake, does everything have to revolve around him? Ugh, I hope I'm wrong.

The X-Men review the situation which is that all the vampires are now united, Dracula's dead, and there's a fuck-ton of them about [This many]. The X-Men are thinking they're fucked until a very special someone brings this up:

Cyclops understands what Emma's suggesting and tells everyone of the plan: Resurrect Dracula.

Considering he's dead thanks to the currently ruling assholes, it'd throw a massive monkey wrench in their Vamp U.N. to have the Vamp King Dracula return. It's a great plan and the only thing that I didn't 100% expect this issue. And let me add that it's EMMA'S plan because I know reviewers are going to fuck it up and be like, "Cyclops proves he's a tactical leader this issue by coming up with the controversial 'Resurrect Dracula' plan." Uh, no assholes, that was Emma. Cyclops just interpreted what she was suggesting.

[Edit] Apparently everyone hates the plan, but I'm not sure why (explanations haven't been provided just yet). While Dracula is not going to come back and side with the X-Men (which so far is what people seem to think is the intention and possibly why they hate the plan), I doubt Dracula can completely push aside his anger over being killed by the Vamp U.N. and would probably create conflict in the ranks especially with those loyal to him. He would basically ruin the main problem (they're organized now) by being there. At least that's what I think so far. Agree or disagree? Feel free to explain why in the comments (be sure to be civil though).

OH and the issue ends with Jubilee lured out to the vampire lair and her getting bitten [Here]. You'll note that two out of three of the 'surprise' moments this issue also have a matching link to a teaser promoting it. That's actually my biggest complaint: Like last issue, these teasers being released are giving away the majority of the interesting things happening during the issue. They're not teasers at this point; they're spoilers, and they're damn hard to avoid because everyone reblogs these teasers.

Conclusion: This issue is an improvement over the last one, but Marvel needs to chill out on the 'teasers' so something in this series can be genuinely unexpected.

Morning Glories #1
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artist: Joe Eisma
Definitely the book I was most excited for this week especially considering it's written by Nick Spencer who did the amazing Forgetless (if you haven't read it yet, do it now).

We are introduced to the Academy with the opening consisting of an attempted breakout by two of the students who go to extreme measures to get out (by using science!). So we follow the guy as he kicks ass out of his way until he's ultimately stopped by the mandatory creepy villain a guy who looks like Nitro with a lesser version of Tildie Soames' powers. By the way, here's how Morning Glory Academy deals with students who attempt to make a run for it:

How very soft serve of them, no wonder why the students are so disobedient.
The faculties reaction to this is mostly indifferent considering this guy's not 'one of them'.

And as a side note, if you've read the interviews on this series then you know Jun, a character who also can kick ass, knows more about what's going in the academy than the others. My guess, considering the resemblance between the two (which is more apparent when he's not doing his Bloody Mary impression), is that the guy above was Jun's brother.

From there we get two-pages intros of each of the characters and the over-quoted comparison Spencer gave of this series to a cross between Lost and Runaways is now given evidence. How? Well, truth be told these intros are a bit weak, having to do with the character and shallow interactions with their parents, and I remember that's how Runaways also opened (its first arc was honestly somewhat weak).

The most notable of the introductions are: Hunter is awesome because he reads Morrison, specifically The Invisibles (oh how I miss Fanny!). However, good luck to the kid in understanding it considering I read it this summer and had trouble grasping the entire concept (I'm 20). The other ones were either meh or strange like apparently 'the emo girl' has a crush on one of her teachers [Here]. The one with the rebel kid, Ike, was just flat-out ridiculous and I had to un-suspend my disbelief for that one [Here].

Anyway, the next scene is of them all getting driven to the Academy by the a driver from the Academy, and to remind us that this is a sketchy place, they all get gassed to sleep (so they can't figure out how to get out). They wake up when they arrive at the school and figure it was a normal nap. They're all brought together for the first time with an opening presentation of Morning Glory Academy with a speech the involves mentioning that they need to discard their previous lives and a slideshow that involves a goat with it's throat getting slit. By now it's hard to believe the kids wouldn't be like, "What the fuck, seriously?" especially since Academy seems to be barely concerned with concealing the fact that they're up to something.

Following this they all go to their dorms, with the 3 boys rooming all together and the 3 girls rooming all together as well. An interesting exchange occurs in the boys room:

Ike follows this comment by saying "It's brokeback bunkbeds!"

And I have to say one can only hope because every teen series needs some homosexuality even though they're probs all straight. Meanwhile with the girls, Zoe's doing her best Cordelia of BtVS impression and Jade is having a meltdown. Why? She called her father and he's claiming he doesn't know her and that he's never had a daughter. Also, this is on her birthday, May 4th,....and it turns out it's all five of the other new students' birthday. Casey, the blonde braniac who takes charge, decides to approach her ever-annoying RA about both of these issues. In between her baby talk way of saying Casey's name (Casey-Spacey and worse), Pamela reveals it's 'encouraged' for the parents to do this and that the birthdays thing was all part of how they were chosen (it's also Pamela's birthday). Not catching on to the creepy spiral staircase their on, Casey follows Pamela downward claiming her parents would never participate in the forget tactic. Pam says she knows and reveals behind a door at the bottom of the stairs, Casey's parents chained, bloodied, and unconscious hanging on the wall. End issue.

So apparently this series isn't leaving any time for suspenseful buildup as revealed by the issue's end, so I guess we're just jumping in to the action then. I wish Spencer would have been a bit more subtle about revealing the sketchy factor of this school because really these is no break from being overtly reminded that this school is one fucked up place. In the end, I thought the issue was good, but could have been better especially with how the characters are introduced because so far only Hunter and Casey are remotely likable. However, one thing that stops me from giving any real judgement over this issue is the comparison to Runaways as that series also started out iffy, but quickly became one of the greatest comic book series I've ever read. Conclusion: you should definitely pick this issue up, I think great things will come out of this series.

And now for the news:

Poll results are in and it seems people are most looking forward to Uncanny X-Force with it receiving 17 votes which is basically half of the votes. X-Men Legacy followed with 6, then came X-Men with 4, New Mutants with 3, Uncanny X-Men with 2, and X-23 with 1. Fortunately no one voted for Wolverine, so that's good for me because I also had this poll to see which books I should be paying attention to for this blog. And that's it for the poll, be sure to vote on the new one.

This month's Batgirl was one of the lamest things I've read in awhile which would be why it's not being reviewed here. [Preview]

There's going to be a Thunderbolts/Avengers crossover soon. The only thing I'm really excited for is the battle between Moonstone and Spider-Woman in the token female vs. token female faceoff. [Source]

Another week, another Psylocke costume change request. Here's the latest one:

"There were honestly too many folks asking after Psylocke's costume, so I went with psycwave's specific wording with "Hey Axel, are the covers for Uncanny X-Force temporary as most seem to be just recolored outfits, namely Psylocke's? It just seems like the character is cursed to wear the thong outfit for all eternity never to be updated or the like, especially when many of the X-men go through costume revamps on a regular basis."

Alonso: They are not temporary. Pyslocke is sporting her regulation X-Force silver-and-black tho - I mean, uniform. With it's streamlined aerodynamic design, and splatterproof material, it's the perfect outfit for bringing the fight to the doorstep of anyone who'd mess with mutants."

They also pretty much said Rachel Grey isn't going to be around for awhile which is good news to me considering I can't stand her and her constant angst-ridden "Mom!" crap. [Source]

The List #35 Part 2

2010-07-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

X-Men Legacy #238
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Clay Mann
Come in, sit down, and fix yourself a drink, we've got a lot to snark about. Not so much on Legacy, but trust me, once we get to Uncanny there will be some bitchery. Before we begin let's discuss this cover.

There was this article I went over for my class in Women and Gender Studies two semesters ago about how boys and girls are depicted in greetings cards congradulating parents on their newborn. Boys were usually shown to be playing with toys and generally active with expressive faces while girls were usually shown to be sleeping or passive (in their mothers arms) with little to no emotion on their faces, and this all connected to unconscious perceived value. Well, let's look at this cover. Magneto's alert, and looking to do something about the threat at hand, and he's got his hands 'protectively' *cough*possessively*cough* on Rogue. On the otherhand, Rogue's not mentally there at all and there's no sign that she's looking to act. Even though it's her series right now.

My irritation with the cover aside, so far is Legacy is the only book so far to bounce back on its feet after the crossover. While the other books so far have stumbled as they work themselves back into place, Legacy glides right back to where it was. Also, Clay Mann is back and he's better than ever with his pencils significantly adding to the quality of this issue.

We open this issue with Rogue finding out she needs to bring back Indra to India as his parents have asked for him due to his brother falling into a coma. She chooses to bring Anole, Loa, and Magneto with her, though she does offer a place to someone else -->

Finally Hellion has a believable reaction to the loss of his hands. I knew Carey would be the one to do it too, and I'm glad at least he sees even someone that arrogant is going to be hurting after something like this. Anyway, Hellion decides not to come, but he will be dealt with by Carey soon enough so we're just slapping a bookmark in his story.

Once the team gets to Mumbai it's revealed that Indra's parents intend for him to cease life with the X-Men and marry his brother's fiance since they don't know if he'll come out of it. Also if you were wondering, if you were wondering where Indra's prick gene comes from, I can tell you now that it's totally from his dad. And here I thought it was from him mimicking Nezhno's personality (seriously, they're a bit too similar these days).

Meanwhile the other X-Men are off on a shopping adventure with Magneto on a sidequest to figure out what's up with the weird fluctuations in the E.M. fields. Rogue's outfit choice for this outing only adds more evidence to the comparison of her to Sookie Stackhouse of True Blood (as they were both portrayed with Anna Paquin in the live adaptations and they're very similar roles in these adaptations). See for yourself:

We still love you, Rogue. On the other hand, I still dislike you, Sookeh.

At this point I need to explain what most of this issue was about since I've been dancing around it because it's all connected so you have to put it out in one chunk. Basically, the disturbances in the E.M. field is what brought Magneto to Mumbai and it's causing storms that put people in comas (like Indra's brother). The source of this is some ship floating on above with a crew that's all siblings I guess, and one of them's not going along with it. She decides to make a break for it, and lands down when one of the storm strikes with the X-Men there as well defending against it. Oh and also, the girl's siblings have sentinels and decide to sic them on her. And that's pretty much what happened. Also, Carey has a great handle of Magneto:

I've always seen him as snippy and irritated by others even when he wasn't 'evil'.

Anyway, X-Men Legacy definitely switched gears seamlessly while the other books are more like someone's first time with a stick shift. Do pick this one up if you're looking for a decent X-Book.

Uncanny X-Men #526
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Whilce Portacio
Freshen up your drink, this one's going to be an all-out snarkfest of joy. While Uncanny stumbled like New Mutants this issue, it still had plenty of things about it to make fun of, mostly due to Whilce Portacio and his rape faces.

This issue opens with a focus on the first of the new mutants the X-Men are looking to recruit. She's having a particularly difficult transition, and Angel's totally not helping (bottom right panel). Oh Warren, save it for your grouchy teen band, Angel of Death or Horseman of the Apocalypse or whatever you call it.

Meanwhile other people are planning on adventures such as Hope who's looking to find out about her roots in Alaska and what happened to her parents. Emma's also on a mission, but that's to go wine and dine with Pervy Stark. Also, remember my request to keep Fraction away from the Internet for fear of copy and pasting another 'hip' or 'now' thing in his stories?

It wasn't heard.
Of course he'd reference unfunny bro shit, we always reference what we know.

Anyway, during Hope's journey she takes Dr. Nemesis, Rogue, and Cypher with her. They find out that Hope's mother is confirmed as dead. They also review how many people died because Hope was born:

But not with facial proportions this world typically sees.
Seriously, I know of one person on this planet with a jaw like that and it's noticeable. I even used to refer to him as 'Jaws' since it was his one defining feature.

So Hope finds out a lot of people died the day she was born and she's bum city about it. Rogue moves her hand to comfort her except it's not a hand that belongs to a human. No, it's a hand that belongs to one of those weird vomit guys from that fucking Tool video that every alternative kid lost their shit for back in the day (@2:08). Ugh, I can't stand that video, especially since it seems to be a birthing ground for pointlessly pretentious college 'artists' who haphazardly throw paint at a sheet of paper and call it deep, existential, nihilistic, and whatever other words 'deep' people use. You know the type.

Back to the issue, while resting for the night in a motel Cypher goes over the details of Hope's mother like her name and Dr. Nemesis chastises him for coming off as insensitive. Which is a big deal since Nemesis seems to drink Mountain Douche. It also makes no sense because isn't Cypher our new fix-it-all, know-it-all? I mean if he can figure out the language of viruses, can't he figure out the basic language of social etiquette?

Hope ends up visiting her mother's grave only to encounter her grandmother. Obviously Grams doesn't know who Hope is since Hope should still be a baby considering Marvel's sliding timescale, but this doesn't stop Grams from inviting the total stranger over. From there she tells Hope about her mother who was a firefighter...because of course her mother's occupation had to do with fire. Did she also adopt birds, specifically birds of prey that rose again? Hope tells her of her loss with Cable gone and Grams' sympathy is creepy:

What a rape face. And who the hell smiles when they're expressing their sympathies?
Also, she should sue whoever did her walls, it looks like a 6 year old attacked it with a set of black crayons.

Back with the Science team and Colossus and Kitty, it seems Kitty can't unphase because her body doesn't remember how. Truly tragic. I really do miss her irritating me and threatening to kill my favorite character. Another thing, did anyone else notice that Colossus has a total shelf for an ass? Omigosh, at least Portacio neglected the easy-access hole for this issue or I would've been like, "Kitty, he's using you as a fucking beard." Anyway, back to things that lasted longer than two pages:

The emerging mutant girls has had it. Her hair's falling out, her skins changing color, Portacio's having his way uglying up her face...it's just not her day. Apparently we're meant to know that she's really smart as it's emphasized with every other line she says with things like her SAT scores (1590? Hope that's not counting all three portions or that's hardly impressive. Although seems to me the writing portion is newish). Hope appears and she's like, "Chill, sis," but this girl's had it and jumps. Hope follows her and when she gets a hold of Laurie, the new girl, she causes her to fully mutate, making her the android-ish one who can fly. Afterward Hope guides her back to the rooftop and Laurie decides all of a sudden she's over being angsty about her being a mutant even though it turns her whole life upside down. But hey, it's just like losing a limb according to everyone except Carey, it's totally whatev. And she willingly joins up with the X-Men. End issue.

Conclusion: Obviously this issue is flawed. However, these flaws are fucking hilarious, and I have to say I have found a new favorite artist to pick on and his name is Whilce Portacio. Seriously, I'm so excited for the material he's going to give me next issue. Buy it if you have a sense of snarky humor about this whole 'Five Lights' thing.

Side Story
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Olivier Coipel
This side story is meant to connect the dots between Magneto being on Utopia not knowing about his maybe-grandsons to showing up at the end of Childrens Crusade #1. It turns out Dr. Nemesis informs Mags about the YA and the possible connection between him and Tommy and Billy. He decides to go ask Cyclops about it who's busy with Colossus and Psylocke rebuilding Utopia. Cyclops is doubtful, and Wolverine steps in to say the Avengers will not allow him near them at all. Cyclops is not unsympathetic to Magneto's desire to meet them, but he tries to be rational with him about it. That's pretty much it for the side story, but I will say Heinberg's Magneto and Cyclops are excellently characterized. Cyclops in particular since Heinberg's version is not a fucking unreasonable douchebag, and acts more like a leader by being rational and sympathetic, even to Magneto. One more thing of note besides that: Who wears short-shorts?

'
Colossus!

Coipel is just forking over material for my new favorite tag "616 colossus might also be gay."
I can't believe Coipel actually thinks that grown, muscular men wear crap like that, especially since I've seen him do it before with Hawkeye. That's more of a look for skinny, twink-y gay guys. I mean, sure, back when they did it in the 80's it almost made sense, but now it's embarrassing. Especially since you know one of Peter's balls of steel is bound to pop out at one point or another. But yeah, that's it for me, hope you all had as much fun with these issues as I did.

The List #35 Part 1 + News

2010-07-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Gotham City Sirens #14
Writer: Tony Bedard
Artist: Andres Guinaldo
Turning away from the bland Maggie Kyle story, we return to my favorite Bat-villain, Poison Ivy. This issue it's revealed that one of her reasons for working at S.T.A.R. labs was because she'd heard about a "re-foliant" that could restore the rain forest in a way that's beyond her powers. It's revealed that this technology has problems, and comes from a guy who's "dead" but kept in the labs. From there Ivy learns he's actually a plant from a planet where plants ruled. How she learns this is through communing with a leaf on his body, and what follows this is:

Yet another possession.
That's 2 within 3 issues of your run, Bedard.

Ivy ends up being possessed into helping restore the alien guy, and they end up going on a rampage. She also turns purple and gets total man-hands. That's the issue.

Despite this being an issue centered around Ivy, it carried none of her voice or style, and just turned into a "meh" story. Also, if you remember the original solicits had GCS 12 being about Ivy and her new 'boyfriend' before Bedard took over as writer and changed it to the Kyle sister's story. Well, it seems this is the recycled idea of what was supposed to happen with Dini, and I have to say I think Dini would've done it a lot better. Also, did Ivy really need to be possessed to think that plants taking over the world is a good idea? All the alien guy needed to say was, "I'll help you out," and she would've gone for his plan. Yet again, one of the flaws of this series is that the writers seem to forget that these women were villains, and should still be.

Conclusion: This series was already having it's issues before Bedard came along, and now it seems this series is getting turned into bland city under his hand. Leave it on the shelves until Hurricane Bedard's passed.

X-Factor #207
Writer: Peter David
Artist: Sebastian Fiumara
It's been awhile since I've discussed X-Factor here due to it having been pretty mundane during that time. However, X-Factor is bouncing back...or at least giving me what I want to read.

This issue opens with Hela in disguise asking for Madrox's help in finding a pendant, and she has a picture of the guy who did it. Madrox finds him and it turns out this guy was using the pendant to glamour himself into looking human as he is a....leprechaun? Something along those lines. The best part of this search being the return of:

"Banshee's" Siren Song!
It's definitely one of the cooler aspects of her powers.

And of course I'm just thrilled to see Siryn back in action (fuck the name change, according to this blog she's Siryn). Another thing that happens this issue is Monet resolves her plot line that's been going on in a very clever way. I'd explain it, but I'd also have to explain what went on during the past few issues and I don't know what happened because I haven't read in awhile. Moving on to the reason why I'm back with X-Factor: Rictor and Shatterstar!!

Finally they get some real page time as a couple; I've been waiting for this since they kissed. While at a shooting range, Ric is trying to teach Shatterstar how to shoot a gun with Star finding it a waste of time (especially since when he does he has perfect accuracy). Rictor asks if he's a waste of time too, and finally, the issue of Star's kissing everyone is addressed. Basically, Star is finally discovering the magical wonder of different sorts of emotional relationships as well as sexual, and he wants Rictor to be there with him through it. Despite Star wanting to sleep everyone, he wants Rictor with him to experience this (so there might be threesomes in the future??) Anyway, this panel helps elaborate plus there's Ric/Star kisses:

You better believe I squeed at this.

The next time we see them they're getting to bed, resolving to work through this together, and possibly about to get it on when guess who walks in the door: Rahne. What a cockblock, and as if I needed another reason as to why she's #1 on my who-I-want-dead list.

In the end, this explanation of Star's behavior is the best executed I could've hoped for besides erasing the idea it ever happened. Plus, the fact that they finally got some meaningful time as a couple thrills me to no end. I'm still about as much of a fan of Star's issue as Rictor, but whatever, I can deal if they're still trying to be a serious couple. Anyway, it seems Ricstar are going to be the focus of part of this arc, so definitely go out, buy this issue, and get back on board with X-Factor. Plus I heard one of them leaves at the end of this arc, and I'm so crossing my fingers for it to be Longshot or Darwin. And now for the news:

(Some of this is a little old due to the hectic week I had last post time)

This beautiful poster done by Marco Djurdjevic and revealed during Comic-Con. Seems to me it'll be split up and used as variants for the X-Books. For a better look, go [Here]

As last weekend was Comic-Con, it's generally agreed that one of the best parts of it was when the full cast of the upcoming Avengers movie getting up on stage. [Source]

Also among the Comic-Con news was this: "Next, a woman said, "Matt Fraction, thanks for giving Cyclops his balls back." Seriously, lady? WTF. [Source]

For those of you who've enjoyed my Comparison posts, reader X-23 has made a post comparing Dr. Nemesis and Emma Frost and I recommend you go check it out. [Here]

Also, if you really like comparisons, I found an entire site devoted to just that. [Here]

Nick Spencer, who wrote the amazing Forgetless, is coming out with a new ongoing series soon called "Morning Glories". Expect to see rave reviews about it on here, I can't wait for it! [Source]

The List #34

2010-07-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

New Mutants #15
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Leonard Kirk
Sorry about the delay, things have been insane lately so the news and last week's X-Factor will get added o
not this week's post because I think there's like one new thing coming out for my pull list. Anyway, let the reviewing begin.

In my mind this issue is titled "The Drunk Issue" considering that's what most of it centers around. What happens is Cannonball approaches Cyclops and whines that he "broke the team" and no longer deserves to be leader. Cyclops, not to be outdone in the angst dept., tells Sam that he doesn't have time for this angsty shit when he could be devoting time to his own, and orders Sam to take the team out for some R+R.

So they do and Sam decides to make it extra special because they R+R:

Of course you bring beer, Sam.
Gross. I think me and Illyana are going to go sneak out to the local Hannaford for some vodka.

So the team drinks and they slowly start going over what happened during SC. Then they start swapping funny stories with Dani recounting what happened during the battle with Hodgo. Don't think it was that funny of an issue? Me neither. Seriously, not to say that you don't obnoxiously point to the elephant in the room when drunk, but if you're going to tell funny stories at least tell stories that are actually funny. Like Wells, you couldn't make something up?

Another point I don't believe is that this is the second time where Karma and Hellion have been portrayed as indifferent to their losing their body parts. I mean I don't want them angsting up the panels until the series ends, but seriously, at least have a couple issues with them dealing with their feelings over it. I'm not sold on them being ok with it, but I suppose minor characters are expected to dela with whatever blows their given and get over it. Something this issue I was totally sold on was this:

Ohhhh drunken makeout sessions. Brings back memories of last semester. Anyway, that much was convincing although I wish Wells had gone further to the one-night stand that would've resulted had they not been interrupted. Not because I'm a Dani/Sam shipper, but because I'm always in for awkward drunk one-night stands as long as they're not my own. Anyway, you'll notice we don't see much of Warlock this issue because....

He can't hold his beer.

Nah, apparently he's purging because he's got eater's remorse. We're planning on a very special True Life for him very soon actually. Actually he's bummed out over taking human life and releasing the energy he gained from eating the people. Most of the issue he's not seen because he's out moping over it.

The rest of the issue has to do with the ongoing Magik/Pixie tensions. They only get worse as the demon-y army guys from issue #9 appear this issue and are out for Illyana's blood since they spent 20 years in Limbo and half of them are part-demon now because of having to try and survive there. In their search for Illyana they end up finding Pixie and beating her ass for her soul dagger. And this makes for yet another reason to add to Pixie's list of why Illyana Rasputin is a bitch.

And besides Illyana being alerted to the danger nearby by having her soulsword come out of her and also cockblock Sam and Dani, that's the issue. Conclusion: Despite it's glaring flaws, this issue was pretty decent and I'm just thrilled to see New Mutants finally out of crossover hell.

New Avengers #2
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is basically a game of "Who's got the Eye of Agamotto?" with everyone trying to keep it away from the possessed Luke Cage. Except the demon possessing Luke Cage is willing to play dirty to get the Eye:

Ohhhh gurl. Evil means business when it resorts to pulling on your hair.

This issue Jessica Jones dropped her typical mother role....to pick up the typical wife role. There were a couple moments where she was cool, but for the most part she was portrayed as the idiot wife who doesn't understand what possession means.

In the end, everyone's un-possessed while Iron Fist ,who's got the Eye, is possessed, and the Sorcerer guys including Dr. Voodoo reunite to say the world is fucked. Conclusion: This issue was ok, nothing was really bad about it but there was also nothing particularly great about it either.

Thunderbolts #146
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
So last week we ended with the introduction of this new girl named Troll with me already rolling my eyes in annoyance to yet another "child-raised-in-the-wild!" story because I hate those stories. Seriously, when Claremont tried going that route with X-23 with the fangs and the growling I was like, "Diva you did not!" Luckily this issue they just knock her out and throw her story on the backburner which is whatev. Also, Songbird had like two panels this issue, so that was a plus.

The main mission this issue is the team going to find out what happened to the SHIELD team sent to investigate and verify if there were a new vein of terrigen crystals in some cave. Results: The SHIELD team's dead and there's definitely terrigen crystals in the cave. So much so that it reminds me of Aladdin with the room that was filled with gold in the Cave of Wonders. Also, there's a ton of misshapen creatures lurking about trying to kill the team.

In other news, this whole fake "reformed Moonstone" act has gone from decent to stinks like shit.

Seriously, Parker, how dumb do you think she is?

WTF, I'm pretty sure Ellis built her up differently and he's the reason I and I'm sure a lot of people started paying attention to this series. Basically, he had her be sex-positive, manipulative, and had her be a rough girl masquerading as classy even though we knew better. From there Bendis' Dark Reign had her be sleep with everyone and had her called a slut for it, kind of trashy, and still manipulative but all the other team members were too so her game plan just got lost in all that (especially with fucking Daken since we're all supposed to believe he matters or something). Parker so far as made her all-out trashy, no sleeping around but she's hinted to it, but his worst sin is he thinks that she's stupid. This is probably because people automatically assume women who are unashamed of their sexuality are "sluts" and must be stupid to not be ashamed. ...She has an MD in Psych, how stupid can she be when it comes to manipulation? Especially when she's been doing it for quite awhile. Anyway, I don't buy Moonstone would try to shove her "reformed" crap in everyone's faces like that because she's a manipulator; she knows that doesn't work like that.

Back to the story, the rest of the issue consists of another extended fight scene which is, once again, a good thing because I'm all in for a good team battle. Especially since it seems half the X-Books fail to understand what a decent team fight scene looks like. The issue ends with Man-Thing, Crossbones, and Mach-IV or V or VIIX as the only Thunderbolts left standing against the creatures. Conclusion: This issue would be between good and ok which seems to be a "thing" for Parker as I remember feeling the same about most of his Exiles run.

Opening Thoughts: Avengers Academy

2010-07-19T22:44:00.001-07:00

Writer: Christos Gage
Artist: Mike McKone
Today I was flipping through a Wizard magazine I got back in 2006, and I started to reminisce about the amazing comics that came out that year. One of the features of that issue was a review of all the X-Books which happened to have New X-Men in it, and it hit me how much I really miss those characters. In general I just miss having a teen comic book in my pull list because they're usually well-done and with Childrens Crusade being bi-monthly I need something more frequent.

Well, my wishes were answered when I remembered a comment reader Mtti had left about trying out Avengers Academy, and I also remembered that so far it seems to have impressed people even getting a recommendation from The Buy Pile. I admit I was initially hesitant about this title because I'm already in love with the Young Avengers, so I feel like I'm cheating on them if I turn to another teen Avengers book. However, I decided to try it out, and my conclusion is I'm 100% on board with this book especially since it seems it has answered my cry for the return of New X-Men in a way....we'll get to that in just a sec.

The Avengers Academy begins with the idea that these students have been chosen as the young superhumans with the most potential to become tomorrow's Avengers. However, at the end of the first issue it is revealed that this is actually a lie made up by the senior staff to give these students a break as the truth is they're really considered to be the young superhumans who are either the most dangerous or at greatest risk of becoming villains. This is also due to the fact that all of these character had interaction with Osborn during Dark Reign and in some cases he screwed them up in a terrible way.

The senior staff generally have checkered pasts themselves (though I'm not familiar with all of them). Remember when I bitched that the current Avengers team have no variation and need to explain all the character in Limbo? Here be the dumping grounds for the excess. Leading them is the ever-redeeming founding Avenger, Hank Pym, who is your out-of-touch dad figure. When Finesse approaches him about her concerns about not fitting in, he decides to have her watch a video on Quicksilver alone and then follows up afterwards asking what she thought about it. How middle-aged, no-idea-how-to-talk-to-kids is that? No complaints here, I totally laughed when he did that, and I'm looking forward to the day he warns the kids of the "life-damaging effects" of marijuana. Anyway, let's meet the rest of the staff:

It seems Speedball has now done his penance for what went on in Stamford, CT during Civil War (ohhh the punning). Anyway, he's done ripping off costume ideas from Soul Calibur's Voldo and back to wearing his old costume while still sporting the fragile psyche of his recent appearances. He's hardly bouncing off the walls like he used to, but at least he's not cutting himself to feel anymore.

There's also Tigra who I am now calling Tygra (as in Tyra Banks) due to her looking even more model-esque in this series especially with the hair. Also, I'd like to mention the my spell check corrects me when I put in Tigra, but not when I put in Tygra. Obviously it's a sign from Jean. By the way, if any of the brats are sent home she'd better be the one to send them. In an exaggerated. over-emphasized. way. Seriously, it'd be a crime if she didn't; I'd simply believe there is no Jean Grey. Also on staff is Quicksilver who, like his dad, is good again, and is now snarky on such a level that I have trouble buying his heterosexuality. Like this is some drag queen-level snark. Oh and the last staff member is Justice who I don't know. Moving on, let's chat about the students:

Now remember how I said my New X-Men wishes were answered? It's because these characters bear an interesting similarity to the New X-Men. Someone else actually saw this too [Here], but I believe my version is better because A. I got the whole New X-Men team besides Dust (who can just be added on to Veil's) and B. it's my idea. Realize these comparisons are just for fun, I'm not criticizing Gage or calling him unoriginal because I'm certain these characters will be expanded on to be very different. I'm just noting an enjoyable initial similarity. Moving on, introducing the students of the Avengers Academy:

Veil a.k.a. Madeline Berry
Which New X-Man is she? Mercury (and partially Dust)

Why? An awkward redheaded teenage girl who as a crush on an unattainable guy and whose power includes transforming from solid to another state of matter. And for Dust, they both have powers that turn them into flowing particles and also have been tampered with so that they'll kill them eventually (thought Dust's problem was sort of resolved).

The first issue is through Maddy's perspective in all her awkwardness, and immediately I find her adorkable. While characters like Cessily have been simply social awkward, Maddy on the other hand is a total nerd and a lovable one at that. She's got a total innocent, notebook-doodling crush on her teacher, Justice, and compares him to Rob Pattinson. While typically any reference to Twilight would tick me off, Gage does it in a way that endears Maddy to the reader. Also, she's physically awkward as well as socially, and it makes her so much more relatable. In this case it's because she's flat-chested which I LOVE because I have a lot of female friends (who all talk about their breasts at one point or another) and they generally fall into two types: either well-endowed to the point where they've considered surgery or in the A-Cup range and pissed about it. Also, a flat-chested superhero is more believable because there is no way the many well-endowed women of the Marvel universe could have breasts that big and not have severe back problems especially considering their line of work. Anyway, Maddy is an awkward, lovable mess and my current favorite.

Hazmat a.k.a. Jennifer Takeda
Which New X-Man is she? Surge

Why? An asian teenager with a bad attitude and superpower that requires her to wear something or she'll cause harm to the people around her.
So far Hazmat's panel time has been limited so it's hard to figure out how I feel about her. So far it's in the "meh" area though considering her attitude.

Reptil a.k.a. Humberto Lopez
Which New X-Man is he? Elixir

Why? So far appears to be generally good guy whose wrestling with dark things that he's both experienced.
Glad to see someone from the previous series Avengers: The Initiative being used. Not because I read it, but because character Limbo sucks. So far he hasn't been worked with much in the series since he's already had some spotlight and apparently just recently had it in Enter the Heroic Age #1. However, he did have a moment last issue where it was revealed he hasn't kissed a girl yet, and it lead to an entertaining moment with Finesse. I'm sure his romantic inexperience and following awkwardness is going to play a part in his story again somewhere down the road, and I'm so in for that.

Striker
Which New X-Man is he? Hellion

Why? An arrogant showoff with a desperate need to be the center of attention.
The similarity here is so strong it's ridiculous. Actually, you know how in Christianity, Eve was created by God taking one of Adam's ribs and making her out of it? In this case Striker was created by Jean Grey taking Hellion's hands and making him out of it.
So far his being an egomaniac has served to irritate me, but he's also proven to be smart enough to recognize the students need to play along even though they've found out the truth about their purpose. He reasons that in the Heroic Age, rejects like them are less tolerable, and it becomes a more glaring problem for them to either prove themselves as heroes or be considered a villain. Which totally makes sense to me.

Mettle a.k.a. Ken Mack
Which New X-Man is he? Rockslide

Why? A teenager with a power that gives him a weird appearance and makes him physically numb.
While Rockslide changed his rock form every five seconds without seeming to give a shit, Mettle is aware of and insecure about his appearance which is a much more believable take. He also seems to be more intelligent than Rockslide considering when Speedball's appearance was met by uncertainty from his classmates he noticed that Speedball was the perfect person to be teaching them. His reasoning was that considering Robbie's been through redeeming himself after a dark period it makes for a relatable topic considering the team has all been manipulated by Osborn.

Finesse a.k.a. Jeanne Foucault
Which New X-Man is she? X-23

Why? Team badass who's the most likely to turn evil, and also has severe difficulty interacting with others due to her trouble with emotions. Intelligent and able to recite information word-for-word from memory.
The second issue is told more from Finesse's perspective and you'll probably find yourself having ambivalent feelings about her like I do. Her skill is that she's a "polymath" which I've just translated to team know-it-all. And of course, know-it-alls can be extremely annoying especially their insensitivity and that crap. The thing is I feel like the readers are supposed to dislike her initially, and then realize they love her later on when she's redeemed. She's not altogether terrible; so far she's called Striker out for his manly posturing and has had some honest moments about her being frustrated over not understanding people to the point where she wonders if she has Asberger's syndrome. Which is perfect for a comic book because odds are a decent amount of us are intelligent but have difficulty fitting in or just understanding how people interact. It definitely speaks to me in a very big way. Anyway, last issue she also had a good moment where she tried to interact with Pym by using what she's learned of student-teacher interactions by watching Maddy and Justice and accidentally ended up hitting on Pym. It was an awkwardly good time. Oh and now she's blackmailing Quicksilver into mentoring her on what he learned while in The Brotherhood. By the way, if you don't see the similarity between her and Laura, here's some additional evidence with Finesse's old costume being revealed to pretty much be Laura's old New X-Men costume.

Avengers Academy is only two issues into its run right now with the second issue having just released last Wednesday so if this post has given you an interest in trying out this series then know that it's still a great time to get on board.

The Dos and Don't of Resurrecting Jean Grey

2010-07-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

As you may have noticed with last week's finale to Second Coming we've been teased yet again with Hope displaying the Phoenix symbol which may mean Mrs. Grey-Summers is not far behind. Or is it just Miss Grey now? I know 'til death do us part, but does that mean if her and Cyclops were still together she'd have to get remarried every time she came back? Anyway, last week's "revelation" got me thinking about how I'd like to see Jean return, and here's my list of thoughts on how I think resurrecting the X-Jesus should be done:

Do use the best and brightest talent.
This is the much-anticipated resurrection of the first X-Woman, and it should be a massive celebration. The level of talent should reflect how big of a deal this return is. For this past crossover, standard to mediocre talent was used (exceptions: Mike Choi and Mike Carey). That was fine; the villains were all recycled and nearly identical, the main people featured have usually been dull as hell, and not a whole lot changed. And while Jean Grey coming back would only be one thing, it could definitely affect a lot of things, but more on that later. Anyway, it'd be a slap in the face to use Dodson who's meant to be on a Teen book or Land who's meant to be running a sleezy superhero porn site. And Fraction the terrible needs to keep his paws away from the X-Goddess. The type of talent that should be used are people like Mike Deodato (he did the Jean on the left) and Mike Carey who could definitely handle bringing Jean back with grace and dignity.

Don't keep her powers at Omega level.
Most of you have read by now that I resent the hell out of the Omega level classification. Basically, it's meant to say this character's power levels are over 9000 or something. Fraction has decided to do this with Emma and Xavier even though it's all right if they're simply skilled and powerful telepaths. The Omega classification has been explained to me as almost godlike levels of power, and it just sounds ridiculous because it overpowers the character and makes them 'perfect'. Which can easily make them dull. Plus, Omega means either they win every battle or a really lame excuse is made up as to why they didn't (Remember The Sentry?). I think Jean should just have the same power levels as she did in the first arc of Morrison's New X-Men before the Phoenix issue got involved. Or even just keeping her powers that same without mentioning the O-word because it just leads to horrible explanations of why a character didn't win this or that.

Do make her changed because of her experiences in the White Hot Room.
Remember that awful No-Girl vs. Quentin Quire story in Nation X #2 where Quentin says he's over being a higher being and just spends that story seeming more juvenile than he ever did in "Riot at Xavier's"? I do. Most of my review of that issue was spent bitching about how much he did not make sense that issue [It's here]. Anyway, I refuse to believe that someone could enter the biz of running reality as we know it and not come back with a different perspective on life. Jean's already a mature character, but what I'm suggesting is that she come back more sage than we previously knew her to be. Even if she doesn't remember exactly what happened she should be somewhat disoriented with things similar to BtVS when Buffy came back the second time (but less dramatic in this case).

Don't start off with a Dark Phoenix story.
Last time we saw Jean for any real amount of time was with X-Men: Phoenix- Endsong. Which was a fun story, but in the end, all she did was be Dark Phoenix all over again up until the last couple pages. Before that was Morrison's Here Comes Tomorrow where she was also crazy Phoenix again, and before that his arcs generally touched towards her being Dark Phoenix again. To summarize, we just saw Dark Phoenix and I for one am fine with waiting a good long while before we see her again. But that's also because I think that a lot of writers are excited to use the cool, powerful characters, but not all of them are careful enough to write these characters well.

Do install her into a position of power.
<--Said by Xavier during Morrison's "Planet X" arc, and I seriously believe that title should transfer to Jean as soon as she's back and ready for it. I've found Jean's shining moments have been when she's been in charge like in "Germ-Free Generation" or "Eve of Destruction". I also find her so much more level-headed than Cyclops will ever be considering he's constantly off on some angst parade. Also, considering how leadership has gone from X-Men as teams to a school to the entire mutant population it'd be interesting to see her as the voice of the people. She's done it before with amazing results and I think now she'd shine so much more as the official voice of mutantkind rather than subbing in for Xavier.

Don't make her a cameo queen.
Cameo queens can be fun, but at the end of the day they're really just false advertising. They're used to have the fanbases of a character purchase titles they appear in just to find out these character have only had all of one line over the course of an entire issue. Now you may doubt that they'd sideline Jean to cameo queen after her return, but look at Kitty right now. They brought her back to sideline her right off the bat even though it would have been all right to simply push her return back to when it could be dealt with in more depth. Odds are Kitty will be a cameo queen for some time too considering she can't talk as she's stuck as a ghost right now. Anyway, it'd be a real shitty thing of the X-Creative team to bring Jean back only to have her just be on the sidelines saying, "Okayyy......I'm here.....what do I do?"

Do have Jean and Scott in conflict.
Remember how we had like 3 years where the storylines rotated around what a "bad guy" Xavier had been, and how shitty he was? Remember how he was practically banished from the X-Men; the X-Men which he created? I'm thinking Cyclops has Xavier beat by now for shitty leader award, and who better to A. Defend Xavier's honor B. Tell Cyclops off than the star pupil/ex-wife? And now with X-Force being exposed to the rest of the X-Men and the senior members finding themselves somewhat divided on the subject with Storm going on about what Jean would do wouldn't it be interesting to actually see that? And combine this with Jean taking over as headmistress, it could lead to an X-House divided with X-Men having to choose to side with Cyclops or Jean. Those siding with Cyclops choosing a more militaristic, morally ambiguous philosophy while those siding with Jean would be standing for traditional X-Men values. And the cherry on top would be that Jean would likely have a bunch of senior members on her side who haven't been in the thick of it in awhile while Scott would have a gang of ex-villains.

Don't have Jean fighting with Emma.
First off, you'll recall at the conclusion of "Here Comes Tomorrow" that it was Jean who pushed Cyclops to accept Emma's offer to reopen the school as well as begin a relationship with her. Which is partially why I call theirs a false love. That and two people desperate for individual attention do not make a perfect relationship like some would think. These people tend to need someone who's fine without all the attention being on them and perfectly happy to give it to someone else. Anyway, by now Jean would have worked out her feelings over the Emma/Scott situation, and even if she hasn't, she's not a character who's prone to cattyness. Besides during the discovery of the affair and minor remarks here and there, Jean is above fighting with Emma and I just think she's above fighting with Emma. However, I don't believe Emma's above picking a fight. Hell no. Emma's so bitchy she'd pick a fight with God even if he threatened to smite her. Anyway, in the end it'd make Jean look bad to participate in fights with Emma.

Do have Jean and Logan get together.
Jean and Logan's sexual tension has been something that's been going on for quite awhile now, and I am surprised it hasn't been explored in a more in-depth way yet. Seems to me the reason given was that there was a mutual understanding that they both wouldn't work out because he's a killer and she's an angel. Except she's also a genocidal goddess sometimes and her kill count will always be higher than his.....but anyway, I think they deserve to have a go now that Scott's off with yet another woman who is selling herself short considering she's with him. It's just an issue of making the interactions tasteful, and it would need someone like Allan Heinberg who's great at being sensitive to what works in a scene with a lot of emotional undertones. Also, I have to say it: The sex would be phenomenal. You know it's true: the combined forces of fiery passion incarnate and animalistic lust. Plus he's got a hundred plus years of experience and she's been a goddess with access to all sorts of knowledge. Whew, the only thing that would be generating more heat than the two of them is the sun which Jean will probably decide to go eat during the afterglow. Anyway, moving on, Jean and Logan would total make an awesome couple with the two of them trying to work against their darker sides. Also, if my idea of the X-Men dividing were to happen with Jean representing the traditional views, can you imagine what a mighty monkey wrench her having a relationship (probs a secret one too) with the almighty X-Killer would be? The possibilities are endlessly delicious, and I would definitely bring my appetite for something like that.

Don't saddle her with Hope.
I understand that to some degree Hope and Jean have to have some sort of connection. Seems to me one of the writers mentioned that Hope signifies the beginning of Jean coming back, and we've seen hints of that give evidence to that. It's all understandable, but what I'm saying is after Hope's served her part just put her back in her plot-progressor box and have that be the extent of her interaction with Jean. Why? Rachel Summers. When you think of her what do you think of? The very first thing that comes to my mind is an angst-ridden word balloon exclaiming "Mom!" There's a reason why I'm only concerned about Polaris returning from space, and that's because Rachel annoys me to no end with her whining about Jean. I really don't want to see that again with Hope, and in any case, Jean as any sort of maternal figure ages her more than she needs to be.

X-Men: Second Coming #2 Review + News

2010-07-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

X-Men: Second Coming #2
Chapter 1:
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Ibraim Roberson
Finally the last installment of Second Coming is here. This has been an event that was unnecessarily drawn out like nothing I've ever seen before. And while yes, some points were good, laughs were had, and snark was made, in the end there were some totally unnecessary chapters. Like the entire middle installment. Anyway, finally this too-long event has concluded.

This issue is split into four chapters with each one getting their own Second Coming creative team. We open where we left off with Hope floating with the rest of the X-Men surrounding her. It appears done as homage to the end of Messiah Complex when everyone surrounded Xavier when he had been shot in the head:

It's neat to see who's here now and who's absent from last time, the most positive aspect being Rogue and Psylocke being in attendance this time.

From there Hope ends up passing out for a day and finds herself in the med bay. This opens with Beast putting Colossus' fucked up arm in place in a painful way. From there it's basically a look at everyone who suffered injuries with Karma getting her robot leg thing that we'll see more of in next week's New Mutants. We also see Hellion for the first time since losing his hands, and it's sort of a painful sight. Even though his character hasn't changed, he's still a prick. What's more painful is the lack of explanation as to why Elixir isn't around, and fixing this crap like it's nothing. The other part of this issue is Magneto being creepy next to Hope going, "Sometimes it's ok to be feared, as an on-again off-again villain I should know. Just wait, next month I'll be the 'most feared' again." Anyway, it was a pretty weak part.

Chapter 2:
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Esad Ribic
This opens with yet another flashback that does nothing except say Hope was afraid of losing Cable. Absolutely shocking, I had no idea! Then we move onto his funeral scene with many of his former X-Force team showing up as well as Deadpool and even Omega Sentinel. Oddly enough Bling! is shown. But that's not really what's odd about her being there:
It's that she looks like a spooked deer.

Maybe she realized that she's a character of little importance and will probably meet a similar crossover death fate like this except she'll be one of the opening deaths? Or that her powers were shown incorrectly coincidentally during one of Land's issues? Nah. Probably just saw her reflection in a mirror and realized what she's wearing.

Anyway, during the funeral Cyclops mangsts appropriately by crying over Cable's grave before he can even get his eulogy out. Instead Hope takes over and says he got an honorable death, and that no one need shed tears for him. While she starts to cry.

Then this deal takes a massive detour as Cyclops attempts to recover his dignity by being a prick to Rogue. In the end he says her being a "loose cannon" during the previous battles were the last straw and that she's removed from the combat roster.

Chapter 3:
Writers: Chris Yost and Craig Kyle
Artist: Greg Land
This part takes place with Storm and Wolverine having a conversation over X-Force, and she criticizes the killing deal. He tells her that she's not in any place to judge considering she's not around often. Wolverine says if could do it again, he'd kill more, and Storm responds that in that case this may be their last conversation together. It's a very powerful moment to say the least.

From there Logan goes to X-23 telling her she's off the team, and that now Marvel feels she could sell her own book. Apparently this series is going to rotate around her figuring out what she does with her life without orders of someone else. From there Wolverine goes to set up the next X-Men series premiering soon by going to have a conversation with Cyclops. In another powerful moment done by Yost and Kyle we find out how all the older X-Men are reacting to the news of X-Force:

Ohhhh damn, Storm brought in WWJGD.

And really, what would Jean Grey do? Be like, "Bitch, my kill count is in the billions, SUCK ON THAT!" All the while Storm would be appalled and shocked until someone tosses Marrow's first heart at her. What? I'm just saying.

This all ends with Cyclops saying X-Force is done for all the reasons stated plus if the Avengers found out then there might be a conflict. In the end Wolverine goes off talking to an unseen group about how X-Force now has to be totally secret. Who's he talking to?

The new X-Force.
Really Land? Everyone needed a gun? Especially a Liefeld-esque gun?

So remember that poll where I thought someone was Deadpool and someone was like it's probs Fantomex and I was like probs. Turns out we were both right. Yeah. I don't know if I can handle that combined hyper-douchebag, uber-cliched force of Fantomex, Deadpool, and Wolverine. But I'll at least give this "Uncanny X-Force" a shot. ( I can't believe that's really what we're calling it.)

Chapter 4:
Writer: Matt Fraction
Artist: Terry Dodson
We open this part this Iceman talking to Cyclops while he's trying to write a condolence letter to Amanda Sefton (I think) concerning Kurt's death. And from there something creepy about Kurt is revealed (to me at least):

....Interesting.

Anyway, Beast gets bitched out by Namor about turning his back on his people because, for Namor, only just recently having his people's back is like having had their back all along. From there a bonfire is made in attempt to cheer everyone up. Emma's there and in diamond form because:

Not only that but the kids wised up and started locking their medicine cabinets so now she can't abuse their ADD meds. I think we need to have an very special episode of Intervention our very own Miss Frost.

While this is going on she spots Hope making a the sign of the Phoenix with the fire while flashing a mischievous smile towards her. Done by Dodson this is basically the same look you get when your 6-year old cousins is trying to act like they're up to something. I love how juvenile Dodson makes everything look, really I just love it. Emma freaks and runs to Scott and attempts to inform him of the situation, but he's like, "QUIET WOMAN!" as he gazes up at the five new mutants signatures registering on Cerebra. Yay, mutants are back, the Decimation is over, and hopefully I don't have to read an explanation about what happened during HoM ever again. From here we're going to start the "Five Lights' arc that's been [announced] with 4 of the 5 new characters either meant to look like "Badass on the edge" or "Sexy-face teen girl". And that's it, here's to the conclusion of Second Coming! Now for some news:

The poll results are in and apparently half of you miss Ariel. *Sniff* Me too, my dears, me too. Following that it seems people miss Kurt lots too. I have to say I was surprised Karma and Hellion didn't get more votes considering how scarring their limb-losing scenes were. What's worse is Toad's finger totally got one more vote than Karma's leg which totally gives me a giggle. Also, be sure to vote on the new poll with the new question of "What post-SC book (new or returning) are you looking forward to the most?"

Death of the Motherfucking Endless of Sandman fame is going to appear in Action Comics! As someone who is a decent-sized fan of Vertigo's very own peppy goth I have to just tell you all I almost died of delight when I heard this. Look for a detour to the Superman universe when this comes out. [Source]

The people have spoken again and they still want Psylocke's fanny-floss costume gone [Source]. Which I agree with. Except that unless you've been living in total comic book ignorance for the past month, you are probably aware that fans are having a shit fit over Wonder Woman's new costume. And now the one for the Green Lantern movie. So Betsy receiving a costume change right now sounds a bit unlikely. And....I don't like Wondy's new costume either, but I think that the level of bitching from comic fans recently has added weight to a stereotype of us being like grumpy old people who just bitch no matter what. So it's not good, but I was thinking about it and I think the perfect solution would have been a bit more audience participation. And that has spawned a post idea. So stay tuned Psylocke fans, I'll need your input very soon!

Oh and before I go, I'd just like to announce that I've made a tumblr specifically for comic books. It's not meant to replace this blog; it's more for briefer posts whenever I'm not whipping up a longer post. Feel free to follow it if you're interested [Here].

The List #33 Part 2

2010-07-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

Scarlet #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
The basic idea of this series is it's a girl-who-kicks-ass tale about her fighting against a world of corrupt authority. Seen that one before? Yeah, me too, and it's why I almost didn't pick it up. The reason I did give it a chance though was because it's done by Bendis and Maleev who had not too long ago produced the gorgeous Spider-Woman limited series. To say the least, I don't regret it.

We meet Scarlet as she's killing a plainclothes cop. Obviously it raises some questions, but not to worry, she's ready to answer them directly afterwards. So direct that she breaks the fourth wall, and does so for the majority of the rest of the issue. I tend to be weary of this tool after having seen Deadpool constantly break the 4th wall to crack lukewarm jokes, but Bendis uses it well.

Anyway, Scarlet explains that the cop was hardly a saint; although whether or not he deserved to die is questionable. As she goes through explaining her views on the world she also ends up beating the balls out of a guy trying to steal a bike. Basically, she thinks the world is corrupt, and she's decided to take it upon herself to right it by kicking or killing the shit out of anyone she thinks is part of the corruption. From there we see her life explained in important moments:

Then we get the story of what set her off on this path, and it's definitely a tragic story. It's a story that I'm sure anyone who's been considered "different" in their life has been paranoid at one point about it happening to them. What happens is while she's hanging out in public with friends and the man of her dreams a crooked cop approaches them. He's a messed-up addict, and for no reason he starts insisting on searching Scarlet and company. Scarlet's guy ends up smacking the cop, grabbing Scarlet, and running. From there they quickly realize they're fucked in a serious way, and right in the middle of their dilemma, the cop catches up to them and shoots the guy dead. He also shoots Scarlet, but she eventually recovers to find out the entire situation has been blamed on her guy. And this is where we end off, with the explanation for what's got her motivated to kill those she perceives as corrupt. The issue ends with her saying that she's going to do something about it and that we the readers are going to help.

Conclusion: Totally worth the $3.95, not just because it's 40 pages, but because the story's intensely good with Maleev giving art that's just as beautiful as it was on Spider-Woman. Definitely pick this one up.

Avengers: The Children's Crusade #1
Writer: Allan Heinberg
Artist: Jim Cheung
Before we begin, I just have to raise a few wth's about the cover. First, what's with Ms. Marvel being all awkward over the letters in tiny form? Another thing is what's going on with Spider-Man being shown looking like he's with the Young Avengers? Anyway, things that struck me as odd, so yeah, let's jump into this because we have got A LOT to talk about.

First off, I have to express my intense feelings of gratitude towards Heinberg and Cheung for coming back to the project. They really are irreplaceable to the project, and it's not YA without them. Some have said that other writers did a great, seamless job maintaining the YA with the one-shots and mini-series we had in between Heinberg's stints, but uh, NO. The thing is none of those writers ever did anything more than mediocre with them, and while Heinberg's grip on the characters was tight and thought-out, these other writers just seemed to have a basic understanding of the personalities and just packed the rest with typical ideas of what teenagers are like.

This issue opens with our heroes battling it out with the Serpent Society, who just are prejudiced against life itself, and we're given re-introductions. Hulkling has some trouble with one is specific who's spewing his Bible quotations, so Hulkling decides to just make him all out lose his shit. How?

Not the same sex kiss you were hoping for, right?

So anyway, the homophobe completely divas out like men trying to reassert their heterosexuality do. Not helping his day is the appearance of Iron Man, Capt. America, and Ms. Marvel which really sets him off. So much so that he decides to hold Teddy as hostage and threaten to set off the nuclear bomb he has on him. In reaction, Wiccan's totally not having any of that shit, and magics it away as well as knocks out the SS.

This is hardly a joyous occasion for the 3 Avengers as this means to them that Billy might be another Scarlet Witch. They explain their concern and wanting to keep him with them until they can figure out his limitations. They also explain what happened with the Scarlet Witch which also reminds us that Wanda's antics before she disappered aren't public knowledge in the MU. Something said that struck me as completely wrong:

Hardly. Aren't we forgetting the character who Wanda's breakdown was based on?

And at least her body count stayed dead.

Old tensions come out as Ms. Marvel explains that the Scarlet Witch was a killer, and throughout this talk Carol's kind of a hardass about the situation. Frustrated, Wiccan then asks what would happen if it turns out that he is the grandson of Magneto which is met with no answer from the Avengers. He storms out and the YA follow him. They start to try and talk about what happened with him, but considering they're sounding like they're on the side of the Avengers, he takes off on them as well. Now usually, I'd say these pissy storming outs are irritating, but Heinberg does it convincingly, I can see why Wiccan would feel betrayed by his teammates by their not automatically taking his side. And while he's pissed, he's not running off crying or throwing a massive fit; he's frustrated by being singled out and he wants someone to have his back.

Wiccan decides to go home to get away from the issue, but instead finds Captain America talking to his parents telling them that he would need to take Wiccan back to do some tests. How Cap planned to get back was definitely amusing:

Can you imagine being the cab driver who picks them up?

Instead Wiccan flies them there which I think totally spoiled an awesome scene that probably would've looked like the McDonalds trip in Bedazzled. During the flight Teddy shows up saying that Billy's not doing this alone. Cap says it's ok and has Jarvis set up a room for them. And the rest is just too much for me to handle talking about so here it is:

SO. CLOSE.

But then Speed cockblocks them by running in to tell them that him and the rest of the YA are breaking them out. They do and from there the team decides that the best way to deal with this is to find the Scarlet Witch. And at the shocking last second, someone appears that agrees with them: MAGNETO.

Conclusion: This issue was everything I ever dreamed of and more the only problem is that I have to wait two months until the next issue. Besides that, it's just heaven. Also if anyone's disappointed about the non-kiss deal, the thing is I'm pretty sure Heinberg knows we want it to happen really bad, so he's probably going to save it to capitalize on a dramatic moment. Anyway, buy this issue.

The List #33 Part 1

2010-07-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

X-Force #28
Writers: Craig Kyle & Chris Yost
Artist: Mike Choi
This issue opens where we left off last time, with Cable letting the T/O virus take him over so he can get through the time portal. From there it allows for X-Force to just barely get in behind him and return to the present. They're all in rough shape, but none as rough as Cable considering he follows his grand entrance with a grand exit with only a moment between the two. Yes, Cable is Second Coming's big finale death as he explodes into pieces after he smiles one last time to Hope; only leaving behind his metal arm.

Meanwhile, Bastion's frustrated that his plan has failed and decides to turn Lang and Creed into sentinels and then rushes out to take care of the X-Men. Back on the bridge there's mourning with "heart-touching" flashbacks to Hope and Cable that seem excessive and sentimental. Cyclops attempts to comfort Hope, but she tells him for the millionth time that she hates him or wants him dead. This is probably the first time I've considered her angst parade reasonable.

This is interrupted by Bastion sending down a laser beam that splits the bridge in half and causes the X-Men to either fall into the water below or just be knocked back from Hope. Bastion floats on down to tell Hope that he's had it with her and that she needs to be eliminated. Hope decides to fight back and her powers finally manifest. What they are confuses me, I'm thinking she's a mimic? At first it seems the "glow" around her is Armor's power, then she fires optic beams like Cyclops, and later her hand seems to turn to metal which would be Colossus. All this time Bastion is speechifying and it's nothing new, useful, or interesting. Note to X-Creators: Please make the next villain mute if it in any way resembles this unimpressive character.

The fight continues, with Hope having the upper hand by shooting off eye beams followed by then seeming to do something all too familiar. She manifests the bird we all associate with fire incarnate. Yes, it seems she's got some Phoenix in her indeed, and from there you can just see Cyclops' thoughts in his visor:

From there Cyclops goes to Hope with Emma protesting. Wolverine stops her and tells her to stay back because there's nothing she can do. She looks down and says, "I know," in defeat as Wolverine follows Cyclops. Yeah. So it seems the idiot with a healing factor and claws is more useful than the mega-telepath with diamond form. How logical.

Cyclops and Wolverine join the fight, there's a, "THIS IS FOR KURRTTTTT!!" moment from Wolverine, and in the end Hope blows up Bastion and destroys the bubble. The issue ends with the X-Men gathered around Hope who's floating and just looks like Jean.

Conclusion: This issue in general was half convincingly intense that made for genuine excitement with the other half being overly sentimental and forced. Cable's death was definitely one of the moments done well, and despite my dislike for the character, I still could appreciate the way he was sent off.

X-Men #1
Writer: Victor Gischler
Artist: Paco Medina
If you've seen the previews for this issue then you've just about read the issue [Here] and [Here]. Why? Because that's almost every page of this issue. Not only that, but it's really not the most exciting book anyway.

This issue opens with Jubilee and Pixie hanging out in San Fransisco with Pixie having been sent to keep tabs on Jubs. From there a vampire shows up and explodes with his blood getting on the surrounding people which includes Jubilee.

A lot of the rest of the issue is Dr. Rao, Cyclops, and Dr. Nemesis keeping Jubilee on Utopia because they know she's probs going to turn into a vampire. There's also vampires invading San Fran, and them calling out to the people infected by the blood. It's standard vampire shit that calls into question why anyone thought a vampire storyline was good to have as the first arc consider it really has nothing new to offer.

The rest of the issue is Wolverine, Pixie, and Angel finding the vamps and invading one of their bases to find people strapped upside down and being drained of their blood. Two other things of note: Storm wanted to help considering her history with Dracula, but they said she's maxed out her page time for the month considering she's still married and therefore "useless". Should she consider a divorce, they'll reconsider. Kidding, that was just the subtext of what was said. Oh and also, Dr. Nemesis was needlessly prickly again. The thing is writers are probably thinking of the television character House when they do this, but I'm sure House's prick factor is much better executed. In the case of Nemesis, he's likely supposed to come off as having a disregard for oversensitive feelings, but all he sounds like is an immature teenager trying to come off like he doesn't care even though you know he's dying for your disapproval which he translates to self-approval. In the end he just comes off as pathetic.

Conclusion: It's definitely the weakest out of this week's bunch, and considering the cover you'd expect more X-Men to have been involved especially for a first issue. Instead we get Cyclops, Wolverine, Pixie, Jubilee, Dr. Rao, Dr. Nemesis, and two seconds worth of Storm and Angel. That's hardly an all-star cast.

Top 10 X-Men Characters Who Have Been Fucked Over

2010-07-04T16:03:00.000-07:00

Writers wield much power when it comes to control over the direction of characters. As with anything, some things turn out fine and some things turn to total shit. Now, this list may seem similar to the last one I made, but in this case it's not an issue of attention so much as something that's happened to the character that makes it so that creators seem weary of using them or it simply puts the character in a bad light.

10. Storm
What happened? She got married.
Now some of you may disagree with this. Some of you may think the Black Panther and her are perfect for each other. The problem with the marriage is: We never see Storm anymore. Sure, she's on the Astonishing team, but it's not exactly a regular book. And yes, she does guest star every so often in Uncanny or a mini-series here or there, but what does she do besides throw a few lightning bolts and summon raging winds? And in terms of Black Panther, does that book even run anymore?
The worst part of this marriage seems to be that Storm, who formerly was the X-Leader who was more prone to violence (Marrow and Callisto, anyone?), is now all of sudden the most anti-death penalty of the X-Men. The roles have now been reversed between Cyclops and Storm in a way that displeases me at the very least. And I blame her getting married because at Marvel it seems women lose their unique pizass when they get married. Here's hoping someone throws a wrench in the marriage soon, remember how great Jean got while her marriage was falling apart?

9. Forge

What happened? He went crazy, tried to kill the X-Men, and maybe died doing it.
As some of you may recall, Ellis' first arc on Astonishing, "Ghost Box," featured a Forge gone crazy after the events of Messiah Complex where he got shot and suffered head trauma. From here, Forge tried to send the X-Men through the Ghost Box to a hostile universe, failed, and then ended up staying in his complex when it got blasted by a fricking laser.
Now, normally going insane and death are the two easy things to reverse in the X-Men universe. But let's look at the picture to the right--->
Forge isn't exactly a beloved character, he's definitely not a stylish character (last time we saw him he was wearing a metal thong), and I'm not even sure that he has fans. If Forge is going to recover from this hit to his character then it's probably going to take awhile or it's going to be in a ridiculous Easy-Fix Marvel Style that pisses off a lot of fans.

8. Jean Grey
What happened? She died, came back for five minutes, then died again and her resurrection has been teased ever since.
At this point in time, Jean fans may very well start holding Marvel writers at gun point until they write the return of Jean Grey. Her fans have been teased with Jean's return every few months for the past couple of years in the hopes that at least they'll buy these generally lame arcs. And now with Hope being connected to Jean and Second Coming being about Hope, it seems Jean's return is coming soon. Why is this a bad thing?
Because with all the teasing, fans are expecting a lot. Jean is also White Phoenix of the Crown now, so that just adds on to how much we expect out of her return. Now let's look at what we have: Odds are Fraction will be doing this book because Uncanny is the flagship book and he's got to have every X-Men character worth having on his book. And by now, you know how I feel about Fraction. Worse is Hope herself because these days she's everything about being a teenager we cringe about even though most of us probably acted like too. Still cringe-inducing. Right now Jean's return seems to be on hold because it seems writers know it needs to be such a production.

7. Dust

What happened? Young X-Men.
Dust was by far the most messed with character in Young X-Men. Within the first arc, Magma turns her to glass and afterwards she gets shattered. From there she gets put back together, but as we find out later, it's not holding up very well. In Young X-Men's final arc, Dust dies, but is saved by the deus ex machina of the series, Ink, with his Phoenix tattoo. This then results in her coming back "wrong" as demonstrated by the flash forwards over the course of the arc showing Dust killing the remaining mutants. How was this resolved? It wasn't. Young X-Men finished with issue #12 having done nothing to derail Dust's future homicidal tendencies.

And now the New X-Men find themselves in a place where they're getting chosen individually, so you can imagine how much panel time Dust's gotten since that mess screwed with her future. To what degree her character has been messed with has yet to be determined, she could very well bounce back with no one ever speaking of that arc ever again, but for now creators don't seem as willing to work with her as they had before.

6. Cassandra Nova
What happened? Astonishing X-Men's "Torn"
During Morrison's New X-Men, this villain was defeated by trapping her in the shapeshifting body of an alien referred to as Stuff. Later on a curious character named Ernst appeared and during the "Here Comes Tomorrow" arc we learn that Ernst was Cassandra Nova. Yet it seems all other writers missed that moment.
Austen the Awful attempted to use her for a future arc of his, but then he departed. Then Whedon actually did use her, and ended up contradicting the Ernst situation by presenting Cassie still stuck in Stuff's original form in the basement of the X-Mansion. And after that arc concluded we were left with no answers as to what happened with her.
Whedon basically fucked Cassandra over because any writer who wants to work with her now is going to have to sort through that mess. Which is too bad because A. Cassie's my favorite X-villain B. I loved the Ernst/Cassandra connection.

5. Xorn

What happened? Every shitty retcon known to man.
During Morrison's New X-Men, the refreshing new character Xorn was revealed to be Magneto. Then he was killed except it turns out thanks to shit retcons that it was Xorn pretending to be Magneto pretending to be Xorn on drugs. Then it turns out he's got a twin brother who's exactly like him except he disappears five minutes after his introduction. Then it's suggested that the Scarlet Witch actually was part of these shenanigans. Then Xorn's somehow involved in this bullshit Collective crap to make things worse. [Read it here]
The problem is people liked Xorn. He was something strange and exciting to the stale, normal X-Men who had previously been boring the masses. And the retcons for him were the most half-assed ideas I've heard in awhile. Here's what should have happened: They should have let Magneto appear alive and well in Excalibur like he did, and then slowly reveal what happened with an explanation that actually appears to be thought out. The one presented in HoM sounds the best, and really, it's better to have Xorn have been a facade than to have him be a fun character ruined by a lack of creativity on the part of writers who had to "fix" this "mess".

4. Sage
What happened? She was absorbed by the Crystal Palace.
As far as I'm concerned, this character will forever be Psylocke 2.0. As one of Claremont's pets, she's generally been given an extremely similar personality to Psylocke and tends to be used whenever Betsy's not available.
Unfortunately for her, this makes her pretty replaceable and ultimately, disposable. While Psylocke got out of the Exiles biz in time, Sage was with the rest of the team when they were absorbed by the Crystal Palace. Now she's stuck within a building with no real oppurtunity for an exit as Exiles was cancelled almost a year ago.
A factor in how I ranked this list included how likely the characters are going to bounce back from these situations. In most cases, putting a character in a limbo that also includes some problem barring them from returning is a tricky situation. With Sage it's almost impossible. She's essentially a Claremont pet; I don't know of anyone else who's ever used her. Only time will tell whether or not she can escape the terrors of Exiles limbo.

3. Bishop

What happened? Messiah Complex.

I fucking hate time travel stories. Time travellers, clones (besides X-23 and a few others), space operas, and resurrections rank high on my dislike list. So you can imagine that I never really liked Bishop. The thing is though that I'd never have wished this on him. On Cable? Totally, I've always hated that fucker. But Bishop was always the more likable of the two 90's time travellers.
And what happened? Well, during Messiah Complex his characterization did a 180 as Bishop all of a sudden became a psychotic nut claiming that Hope was the cause of his horrible future. From there, he chased Cable through time to kill Hope, and he went to measures so drastic that I still don't believe that it's Bishop that did that. In the end he was stranded alone in some burnt out version of the future he helped burn out.
He's so fucked I don't even know where to begin. As I said before, insanity and death are quick fixes and that goes double for being stuck in time. But not when they last as long as this, and with fans getting fatigued of this new version of Bishop before MC was even over. If Bishop is ever to be redeemed, it'll be awhile before we see him escaping the shadow of this dark time for his characterzation.

2. Chamber
What happened? Being transformed into looking like a younger Apocalypse.
The 3 dead members of Generation X have more of a chance of simultaneously being ressurected than Chamber does of having this crap reversed.
Chamber's first problem is that he appeared in New Excalibur. Betsy's only just recovering from the damages she sustained thanks to that crap series. Sage may never. Dazzler's trying to act like it didn't happen. Rachel's still stuck out in space. Simply put, an appearance in New Excalibur means that sometime soon you're going to get fucked over.
In Chamber's case, it was revealed that he's a descendant of Apocalypse and now he gets to look like him. Then he got shipped off to New Warriors which had a readership of about 30. And now he's Diva knows where. It'll probably be awhile before Jono's returns back to the angsty mouth flamer he used to be.

1. The Stepford Cuckoos

What happened? Phoenix Warsong.
True, these girls probably have and will continue to get more page time than the entirety of this list combined, but when do you think the next time their backstories will be explored?
The Cuckoos started off as creepy quintuplets with hive mind powers who spoke in unison (not finishing each other's lines like everyone insists on doing these days). Then Warsong came, revealed that they were actually clones of Emma who were only 2 years old but aged to 15, who were created by Sublime who runs Weapon Plus, and that they have a thousand other sisters. Literally. Then the Phoenix landed itself in them, and in order to keep it in control, the girls decided to seal the Phoenix in their hearts, rending them emotionless. Um, can anyone please show me exactly where emotions are produced in the heart? What's worse is other writers respected this story, well, besides Fraction and Land who made them look like whores or just idiot valley girls. While the diamond hearts situation has been resolved, the fact is their entire pasts are fucked. Clone stories suck, Weapon Plus sucks, and Sublime was the worst of Morrison's villains. I just find it hard to believe so much damage could be done to such amazing characters over the course of one mini-series.

Astonishing X-Men #34 Review + News

2010-07-01T19:04:00.000-07:00

Astonishing X-Men #34
Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Phil Jimenez
Before I begin I just have to say that it's a weird feeling to throw a bookmark in Xenogenesis to return to Exogenetic, an arc I've mostly forgotten about at this point. It's also difficult to state both arcs' names without fucking it up; like seriously Ellis your next arc's title should stay away from the word "Gene" and anything that uses "x", "e", and "o".

This issue opens with Cyclops getting pissy with Beast over keeping notes on what experiments he's tried to restore mutantkind to its former glory because the enemy's managed to get a hold of them. It's pretty weak considering anyone who's just taken Bio in high school knows that scientists fucking LOVE their notes. It's difficult to believe that Cyclops would expect anything other than meticulous note-taking when it comes to Beast's experiments. You'll notice while this is going on that the divide between the team members is shown with Moral McCoy having other currently moral characters behind him and Cyclops having the amoral ones behind him [see it here]. Anyway, from here the fight evolves to Beast fucking giving it to Scott about his current attitude:

And that's the first time I've liked Beast in years. Beast's little rant reminds me of [this post] I made on X-Factor: Nation X about how it seemed like David was just using his characters as his mouthpieces to vent his criticisms on Utopia. Well, it seems like this is another example with Ellis using Beast to criticize how Cyclops is way too much of an asshole these days. Which I support because Cyclops really has been a mega-douche as of late.

Anyway, after this Cyclops and Beast share a smile and what seems like an understanding with Beast proceeding to tell him that he's not a killer and the way he's been acting just isn't him. Which is much better executed than Fraction's Beast who is just constantly drama queening out at Cyclops without ever seeming to try for a real sit-down discussion about what's going on.

Following this there's another monster-from-the-past attack as a genetic mix between Sauron and Brood attacks the team minus Beast and Cyclops who are continuing their heart-to-heart elsewhere. While this is going on Emma asks about Sauron and his abilities with Hisako and Storm letting her know that it's him and that he transforms. From there Emma does the telepath thing that I love so much:

And brings the Sauron/Brood hybrid back to human-ish mode. From there Cyclops and Beast catch up to the team and Cyclops instructs everyone to get off the ship they're currently in to the X-Plane and that him and Emma will be there in a second. That second being used to quickly share a kiss with Emma and then blast out the head of the mutant being used for whatever evil purposes that we saw last issue (he apologizes to it first at least).

Next we have the X-Men in the X-Jet trying to figure out where they are, and it's Storm who tells them they're in a remote part of Japan. She knows this because her being attuned to weather systems makes it so that she recognizes individual differences (and she's been to Japan before so she'd know what it feels like). Definitely an interesting aspect of her powers that I'd never heard before, but it makes sense.

The X-Men then wait in their ship as they watch the enemy's ship go into a mountain headquarters which they follow it into. Inside is a massive zombie workshop and watching the X-Plane enter on a screen is a bald-headed guy in a wheelchair. Yeah, so probably look forward to Xavier clone fight scene next issue?

Conclusion: Despite being a severely late issue to an arc that's almost been forgotten, it was still a great issue of Astonishing joy that beats out the lame crap being served out in most of the other areas of the X-Verse. The art is enjoyable as ever because Jimenez on art for anything is a genius move. Also, Ellis seems to have a great handle on the characters these days, particularly Emma who he spotlighted quite a bit this issue, and I just wish more people would tune into his take on the X-Men because it's way more believable than what's going on in Fraction's universe these days. And now for the news:

X-Men: Curse of the Mutants Saga #1
This isn't technically a review since saga's are just a compilation of previews, info, and interviews. Basically, it's all news. Except for my first comments which is concerning the cover [click here for a bigger version] and Namor on it. Um. If that neckline dropped any further we'd be seeing his sperm whale. Which is not a complaint, it's more like a suggestion. Namor's only asset to the X-Men is his constant state of skimpy dress, and I'm here to say I demand more of it for the rest of '10.

This saga starts with interviews and previews showing us who the major players of this arc are. Remember those "We are the X-Men" promos? Apparently those character are the major players. They're sort of a random, mismatched bunch; the worst being this guy--->

Apparently this marks X-Man joining the X-Men. Yeah, his "meh" face about it pretty much reflects mine. I really don't see his appeal, and now with his robe-like coat and his white streak and his older-looking face I just get a gross Hugh Hefner vibe.

The end of this saga is pages of major players in the X-Universe with biographies written by creators like Carey, David, and Yost. The players covered are Cyclops, Rogue, Gambit, Magneto, Multiple Man, Wolverine, Daken, Emma Frost, and...Karma. Yeah, her inclusion in this confuses me.

I have to say that Emma's page frustrated the fuck out of me [Here!] Done by the writer who did that awful Origins one-shot on Emma and art done by Brooks who I consider on Dodson's level of being too cartoon-y and cutesy to be taken seriously. What's worse is on the other side is Madrox done by Peter David with Pablo Raimondi's art which is as goddamned gorgeous as ever. The worst part is this attempt at redeeming Emma's days teaching the Hellions:

Yeah, she was a real softie when it came to the Hellions:

For heaven's sake, it's ok for her to have been an evil bitch.

It's ok if she's one now. Trying to redeem her further won't make the boards like her or make them stop bitching about her being a homewrecking whore. Just let her be herself, stop trying to make her Jean.

In other Emma-related news, she's been definitely cast now in X-Men First Class with Alice Eve taking the role. A Google search on her has shown that I definitely could believe her playing a nasty ice queen with drag queen flair. [Source]
Concerning the absence of this month's Gotham City Sirens, um, really? They made a last minute change from an Ivy arc with Dini to a Catwoman arc with Bedard for a reason that I'm not aware of, and this arc is completely bland. Bedard's stuff is generally bland really, and I'm just excited to see this arc wrap up as soon as possible.
Remember when I was an ass about the week delay we're having for the next Second Coming chapter? Apparently the delay is due to Mike Choi's grandmother passing, so my bad, apologies to those who were offended by my bitching, I didn't realize.
Be sure to check in next week, there's three books of massive importance coming: X-Force #27, the before last chapter of Second Coming; X-Men #1, the start of vampirepolooza; and most importantly the return of the Young Avengers with Childrens' Crusade.

Comparisons: True Blood's Pam and Ariel

2010-06-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

This post is actually fulfilling a request from Bonez_Giovanni I got not too long ago. He had suggested I make a post on the similarities between these two and at first, I'll admit I didn't see it (but that's mainly because I was still on season 1 of True Blood). However, you'll notice that there are quite a few interesting similarities between these two glamorous ladies.

Appearances/Appearance

The first similarity is that these two would be considered cameo queens. Why Ariel qualifies can be found [here]. In terms of Pam, if she's ever appeared in an episode for than a few minutes then I'd be absolutely shocked. If you watch the show then you know that Pam's appearances are not frequent, and, while amusing, are rarely meaningful which would be the mark of a cameo queen. Also, they both belong to works of superior quality next to a related, more popular work. In Ariel's case, she's the cameo queen for X-Men Legacy which is not the X-Flagship; that would be Uncanny X-Men. However, you'll notice that Legacy is superior in quality to Uncanny, and if you're wondering why I say that, just read my Uncanny reviews which are more like rants facading as reviews. Pam is a part of True Blood which is one of the two major vampire titans of this time. The other being Twilight which is, again, the more popular series, but it also is lesser in quality and also seems to be trying to kick feminism in the teeth.

In terms of look, both these women tend to dress glamorously in bright colors. Now, you'll notice for Pam this is not always the case because you can find her in cliche goth attire. However, you'll notice this is only her work clothes for Fangtasia, and otherwise she's generally wearing something fashionable and pink. Ariel is very much the same way, she's usually got her blazer and has been known to wonder whether or not she should belt something. And as demonstrated in this panel, she does work to keep her friends ahead of the fashion times even though she made Sunspot look like a transvestite.

Also, it's important to note that despite their bright clothing, both these women are not as chipper as their clothes might suggest. Ariel's generally mouthy and Pam's just as deadly as her fellow vampires as she reminds us in this [video].

Jobs

Both of these women used to "work" illegal occupations, while with the Fallen Angels Ariel was a thief and before Pam was turned she was a prostitute (check in the video link above for evidence). Also, they have worked illegally in someone else's name, for Ariel it was as a thief and recruiter for Vanisher and for Pam it was when she was the middle man for Eric by selling the drug V. Also, with their current employment, Pam at Eric's side at Fangtasia and Ariel with the X-Men, they both are found to be lazy but loyal. Both have given lip when they're told to do something, and while never seeming all that invested in the task, they do it because they are asked. In both cases you'll find they get screwed over for it, with Ariel is when she was the teleporter for Alpha team in Second Coming and went boom. In terms of Pam, possible spoiler, but she's about to take the fall for selling V and will be tortured for it [Proof].

Other

Both of these women are non-human, Ariel an extra-terrestrial and Pam a vampire. And as far as I'm concerned, neither of them are heterosexual because as of this past episode Pam is definitely confirmed as non-heterosexual and if Ariel is not a tranny of joy like I've declared, then she's at least a lipstick lesbian. They also both have "betrayed" their own kind, Pam for selling V and Ariel for objecting to the tests her people were committing on mutants. Also, both of them have abilities that allow them to manipulate people. With Pam, while we've never actually seen her do it, it's a given that she can do this as it's part of the default powerset for vampires in this series. With Ariel, she's the first mutant of her people and it's her mutant power to convince people to do what she wants.

And that's why my two favorite sour puss cameo queens, Ariel and True Blood's Pam, are similar. Also, two other people I've found similar to Ariel for different reasons:

This picture of Cyndi Lauper is so Ariel it's ridiculous. I mean she's even got the hair. And who better to compare our cameo queen, who originated and is stuck in the 80's, than to an 80's icon who's fame is mostly stuck in the 80's?

I can't believe I didn't see this one sooner.
Possibly deserving it's own post, MadTV's tacky, overglammed bitch, the Vancome Lady could so have been the inspiration for Ariel's revamp.

Oh and before I go, an update for Ariel is her inclusion in the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A to Z Update #3 that comes out in August [image here]. And that's it, I leave you all with the juvenile joys of True Blood paper dolls and bingo cards.

The List #32

2010-06-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

X-Men Legacy #237
Writer: Mike Carey
Artist: Greg Land
Yeah, that cover looks my fantasies illustrated by Adi Granov. Anyway, this issue opens with X-Force distracting Master Mold while Cable and Cypher get into the processing core so Cypher can talk to it. From there it tries to assimilate him, and a struggle ensues.

Back on the bridge in the present, the battle heats up with Hope and Rogue showing up to save the day; which obviously overjoyed Cyclops. On Utopia, Magneto's young again! Fighting off the Nimrods like it's nothing until....oh wait, he's old again! And from there he's young again as he starts to use pieces of Utopia, made of iron, to attack the Nimrods. After this we get the ugliest collage courtesy of Land:

First off, this does nothing to progress the story. Second, what is with the no legs thing? Land, what is this supposed to do for us? This reminds me of that ugly cover he did for Uncanny X-Men #517 where he was yet again lazy and untalented.

Back with X-Force, Cypher predictably wins. This causes the destruction of Master Mold and all the Nimrods in the present to deactivate. From there we get another WTF Land panel:

Was extending Paige to the 2nd panel really necessary? Does her ass really contribute anything besides apparently disgusting Colossus?

Going back to X-Force, it turns out X-23 tried to go through the time membrane the Nimrods were going through, but nothing organic can go through there. Solution: Cable lets the T/O virus take him over and goes back to the present. Does this mean he's finally going to die? Can he? Please?

In the end we have Bastion with his two unremarkable lackeys at his side; telling them that now he's just got to do it himself. And from there we have to wait two weeks until the next issue. What the fuck are with these extra-week pauses? Is anyone really at the edge of their seats with this crossover? If they were, it's unlikely they are now. Frankly, I'm just excited for this thing to be over with.

Thunderbolts #145
Writer: Jeff Parker
Artist: Kev Walker
One way to summarize the events that followed after last issue's surprise ending with Baron Helmut Zemo coming take control of the Thunderbolts would be: Psych. It turns out it was just an exercise done to demonstrate that the team is under the thumb of their authority. Along the way we learn a few things:

1. Juggernaut's powers are weakened. Again. Because the transition from villain to hero, however reluctant, requires a massive power decrease.

2. When this exercise happened, all the supervisors faked being knocked out; Songbird being among them. Apparently she's done serving her time as ordinary Thunderbolt.

3. Extra nanites in Moonstone's head now make her unable to go intangible because, as Songbird said, having lasers, flying, and strength is enough. The real reason being that if she kept them she'd make Ghost redundant. It's ok though, this issue we discovered she's got a hidden power:

The ability to change footwear at will.
Which is a goddamned useful power, especially as a superhero, because she always needs to be thinking about function so she needs flats. The thing is that they can be ugly, so how useful is it that she can manifest heels as soon as she needs to class it up? (Even though Classy Moonstone is an oxymoron.)

At this point I should probably mention that I've been neglecting to mention the supporting cast of Fixer, Mach-IVWX, and whoever else. That's because I really have no interest in them and will only be mentioning them when it's plot-relevant. And the next bit because following the test run scene is one where we meet the new warden: US Agent. Who's lost an arm? Didn't know that. Anyway, I'm sure he'll do something interesting soon enough.

The rest of the issue consists of the team's "easy" first mission: Go fetch 3 Asguardian trolls using non-lethal measures. And from there the rest of the issue is an enjoyable battle scene with Moonstone starting her bag of bullshit right away:

Girl does not waste time!

And that would be it besides the issue ending with some girl named Troll attacking. Conclusion: Parker delivers another issue of good Thunderbolts fun.

And now for the polls results.
Storm won first place by one vote, thanks to an 11th hour push from her fans, and beat out Emma Frost, who ended up with 2nd place. 3rd place was Rogue; which surprised me a bit since I thought it'd actually be between her and Storm. Professor X, Magneto, and Jean Grey, who've been either former headmasters or groomed to take that position, each received 2 votes and tied for 4th place. And in last place, much to my amusement, Other and Wolverine with 0 votes.

Oh and just an aside for the hell of it, I didn't vote for Emma Frost. I actually voted for Jean of all characters because I think she'd be really interesting as someone who's been the almighty evil and the almighty good in the X-Universe in a role of power we can actually see in action.

That's all, be sure to vote for the latest poll which is, "Which body part lost in Second Coming will you miss the most?"

The List #31 Part 2

2010-06-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

Forgetless #5
Writer: Nick Spencer
Artists: Scott Forbes, Marley Zarcone, and Jorge Coelho
I hate that I only found this series right before the last issue came out because its entire run would have been a great addition to this blog. Still, at least I do get to talk about it because this mini-series is so kickass.

Instead of reviewing this last issue and spoiling everything before any of you have a chance to pick it up, I'll just speak on the series in general. Now, if you're going to understand this review you'll probably need to go to this first preview to get the basic idea of the series and what I'm talking about.

Ok, so the idea of models hired to kill a guy at a club on its last night is not the most interesting idea out there. Here's the thing that first stopped me: The art. You'll notice the artist covering the models' side of the story, Scott Forbes, basically has the style of a poor man's Josh Middleton. Which is A-OK with me, I love Middleton enough to accept watered down version as my artist. Plus the other two artists are equally adept at drawing you in against your will and making you love their work. And the color scheme of the club (and a lot of the moments from the side story) remind me of this episode of MTV's Downtown.

The next part that catches your attention about this series is that it's genuinely hip. Unlike Immomen's run on Runaways that felt awkwardly out-of-touch and Diablo Cody and her constant attempts at hipster speak that just beg for your approval so they can be slapped onto a Hot Topic T-shirt, this series just simply reflects on what is now, like inclusion of the characters' Twitter feeds and the up-to-date fashion like Sara wearing Lady Gaga gloves, without overwhelming us in how socially savvy it is.

Probably the most attractive aspect of this series is it goes there. This series is not afraid to have a guy who dresses up in a koala outfit and goes out responding to the most disgusting Craigslist Personal ads. The humor is my favorite brand: snarky, and it's top notch enough to make me consistently laugh out loud. But I must warn you that this comic could offend the shit out of you. Then again, if you read this blog and all the nasty snark I spew then you're likely all set for this mini-series.

That's not a pie that he's tasting. Definitely not a pie.

A lot of the plot goes on about New York and the horrible things people do to get status there, and from there it goes on about how New York corrupts you. Why is it always New York? Is that the only place in U.S. that impregnates people with the chestbursters of greed, dishonesty, and lust? Whatever, I'm sure that New York's corruption is unique and all, but it's annoying to hear songs, stories, and people saying, "It's only there that people sell their soul for fame!" It makes me determined to go sell my soul in Nebraska and follow it up with a book about the evils of those Nebraskans and their whatever-they're-noted-for's just to spite the over-dramatic corruption of New York. That irritation aside, this book is almost perfect and the best part of it is the side story.

Or back story. Whatever, it's a separate story about trio of teenagers from an uneventful part of Jersey who are fighting to get their ways to the last night of Forgetless. A lot of their motivation is that they already feel that they should be a part of the NYC scene and that where they live fails them as its trashy and unexciting. I. Can. So. Relate. And unless you were lucky enough to be born in a happening area, you probably can too. The character of Darla is genius because most people have had her as a friend before: that impossibly clever and fearless friend of yours that doesn't have a brain cell to her name if it has to do with something legal. And then there's David, the bucket of nerves gay best friend which everyone has except me because I totally am him. Anyway, to close this side story is the best part of Forgetless and is just an amazingly good time.

Conclusion for Forgetless: Buy it. Love it. But pray you don't live it.

New Avengers #1
Writer: Brian Michael Bendies
Artist: Stuart Immomen
This issue is about Luke Cage being given his own Avengers along with the newly rennovated Avengers Mansion to do with as he pleases. As he's going to go move in, he's greeted by Victoria Hand pointing a Cable-sized gun at him and his family. Her motivation? Because even though Steve Rogers gave her a second chance to clean up her act, she's paranoid about the other Avengers beating her ass so she feels the need to have a gun on her. Smart, Vicky. In response, Luke Cage claps his hands and it throws her and her gun on steroids back into a wall.

Later on Hand is confronted by Wolverine and Cage who ask her about why she was working with Osborn and if she understood he was nuts. She responds with all the crap she said in the last Dark Avengers and they all tentatively accept her. All except Miss Jessica Jones who has a problem with people pointing a gun at her toddler...

Don't get me wrong, it's great that she cares whether or not her baby's alive. But I swear to fuck, I do not want her only character moments be about her role as a mother. You'd think as a Poison Ivy fan that I'd be desensitized to hearing, "My baby!" every five minutes, but no, it still irritates the piss out of me. I understand her role as a mother will be a part of her character for ever and ever from now on, but Bendis really needs to bring back some of her Alias-era personality.

Now onto the team roster which is given by a double-page spread of the character around the dinner table. Unfortunately, the diva formerly known as Captain America's only limits on team members was that he couldn't have Thor or Iron Man. Which I'm sure he's kicking himself for now because here's the team roster: Luke Cage, Spider-Man, Mockingbird, Hawkeye, Iron Fist, Jessica Jones, The Thing, Wolverine, and Ms. Marvel. Ok. Half of the New Avengers are also on the adjectiveless Avengers team (Wolverine, Hawkeye, Spider-Man), and starring in 30 other books. Do they really need to be on another team? Like seriously Bendis, would it kill you to pull She-Hulk from pseudo-Limbo?

The worse is part is The Thing, the member of the Fucking Annoying Four that I hate the most. He's catchphrases and cliched statements that just make him as character dated without the people surrounding him seeming to know that he's over. Oh my God. He's Bret Michaels. Anyway, I just wish the Fantastic Four would sacrifice themselves again like they did during Onslaught, but have it stick this time. Other than that Ms. Marvel's fine, I love Jessica Jones, and Mockingbird I barely know but she does have a cool costume.

Moving back to the issue's going-ons, the villain situation is Dark Reign caused a thinning of the barrier between our realm and others. This is causing things from the other side to get in by possession! Seriously, every month there's at least one of my books having something to do with possession. I used to watch Charmed, I've had my fill of possession plots. Anyway, Dr. Strange and Damian Hellstrom,who is shirtless in leather pants the entire time and makes this issue's villain story more bearable, are possessed and go to fight Dr. Voodoo. Allegedly killing him, the Eye of Agamotto, the thing they're after, is tranferred to Luke Cage, so they show up and attack the Avengers. End issue.

Conclusion, this issue was pretty decent. Despite half the roster sucking, the other half is a good lost, so I'm at least in for the first arc.

The List #31 Part 1

2010-06-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

Joker’s Asylum II: Harley Quinn #1
Writer: James Patrick
Artist: Joe Quinones
Here's the basic idea of the story: Harley breaks out of Arkham because it's Valentine's Day and she needs her puddin'. When she arrives at Joker's hideout, it turns out he's been taken by Falcone. From there it's her running from place to place to find Joker, and in the end it turns out Batman caught up to him and put him in Arkham. He says if Harley goes with him back to Arkham she can have dinner with him, so she happily accepts.

This appearance is yet another batch of Harley "cute-isms" without any of the clever quality that came with her animated appearances. What's worse is yet again we're lead to believe that the only reason is Harley's a nut is Joker and past that she's fine. Not only does this go against previously established flashbacks (or at least seems to me), but it holds no appeal. The thing about Harley Quinn is she's this bouncy blonde girl who looks and acts innocent and cheerful, but the violent acts she commits tell us that she's not. It's simply an act, and I like it better when it's just an act because I don't care about some victim of The Joker who runs around being cute all the time when he's not involved. Anyway, at the very least this issue we get to see Harley get her violence on in the name of finding Mistah J.

Now that's a Harley Quinn I want to read.

New Mutants #14
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artists: Ibraim Roberson, Lan Medina, and Nathan Fox
First thing I'd like to call attention to is that there's a couple of artists on board for this issue, one of them being assigned to the scenes taking place in Legion's head. I have to say Thank Frost because Roberson's blandness is irritating me. I don't know what it is with him, but there's just something very mundane about how it all looks.

This issue opens with Cyclops telling the non-X-Men Utopia mutants to join in the fight and that today they are all X-Men. Geez, handing out that status out to anyone these days aintcha, Cyke? Next we have Sunspot, Boom Boom, Avalanche, and Husk fighting Nimrods with Husk running around like a helpless idiot. Yeah, being able to shred her skin to basically be a Colossus of whatever substance is such an unfortunate power.... Anyway, during this time Sunspot has a moment of self awareness:

If you've read the first run of New Mutants, then you know that someone is ALWAYS saying that fucking line. Seriously, it's right next to, "Ah'm only invulnerable when Ah'm blastin'!"

A late development we see here with the Nimrods is that they're adapting to the mutant combatants' powers, which is demonstrated by Colossus' arm getting serious fucked up. Luckily, the X-Men have a solution to this, but first....

This arrogant asshole.

In the future X-Force is all RAWR BATTLE TIME! and Cypher is off doing the whole deus ex machina thing by speaking binary to a machine with a guy in it so that the machine boots him out. Soon enough it'll be established that Cypher can cure the Legacy virus by "speaking its language". Seriously, this character sucks at "dark" and "badass", let's see him go back to something he's actually good at doing. I'll give you a hint: it involves a casket. Anyway, X-Force discovers it has to take down two Master Molds in the end of their side story.

Moving back to the present, Xavier recruits Legion, and he's sent into the fight. His multiple personalities, all armed with different powers, are useful against the Nimrods as whenever one gets adapted to he just switches out to another one. Also notice what the Nimrods say when they detect Legion and Xavier coming:

Notice a plural on that?

No! Because it is A-OK for powerful mutants like Xavier and Emma Frost to be powerful without being OMEGA. Especially since, as it's been explained to me, Omega level means A. You're pretty near-immortal B. Your powers can do about anything C. You're so powerful that it makes it impossible to believe that any fights are a real struggle, nixing the man vs. man conflict and screwing up the story. Over-powered character aren't fun, they're annoying because it turns into The Sentry or Exodus where they're always taken out first to make the rest of the fight believeable. Even though no one should be able to take them out in the first place. Omega level should basically be a Jean-only category because she is essentially the mutant God.

Back on Utopia, that Cockroach Morlock, Scalphunter, Sack, and Random group together to go join the big battle when Toad interrupts them and tells them to back out of it. Sack gets pissy with Toad, and they're interrupted by a Nimrod zapping off Toad's index finger and Sack's head. Which would shock me more except...I totally thought he was dead already. Like I thought he died in X-Men The 198 or during the Leper Queen arc in X-Force but that was Fever Pitch, but whatever, there's too many characters with visible skeletons to keep track of. And to make things more intense, the approaching Nimrod crushes Sack's disembodied head.

And finally, as Utopia itself is getting attacked, Magneto gets up out of bed and decides to switch between his two modes that he's had since his return: Going from old and frail all of a sudden mode to youthful and powerful mode. And with that, expect to see him vigorously fight off the Nimrods in an "epic" battle next issue and in the middle of it, suddenly revert to completely useless. Such is the existence of Magneto post-Uncanny X-Men #500.

Conclusion: This issue was pretty decent despite Roberson's bland art. But I'm ready for this crossover to be done, it has been drawn out way too long. That's it for this issue; I leave you with Sack's disembodied head as a souvenir for all the good times we've had this chapter.